Original subtitles

Spring cleaning time already?

Actually, Christine's nesting In the final month of pregnancy, women get an

overpowering biological urge to clean

Well,

that would explain this

They're repairing the floor in the court upstairs, and we get to do all their

cases.

They're repairing the floor?

Yeah. That's funny. I didn't hear anything.

I think I heard something.

I don't care what they're doing upstairs. We can't handle all these

session. Judge?

Yes?

Please, is there any chance I could get out of here by midnight?

Well, that depends.

Mr... Veloric. Ben Veloric. Trust me, I'm a swell, decent, good -hearted guy.

Don't listen to him.

He broke into my house.

That's not the Ben I know.

I didn't break in. I walked in. She just had me arrested so I couldn't talk to

her daughter, Debbie.

There is nothing to talk about, Worm.

She's marrying Derek.

Who's Derek?

I am.

Handsome, isn't he?

I get that a lot.

Try to keep our eyes off you.

Then we're going to try to get everyone out of here just as soon as we can.

He's number 242, sir.

Thursday soon enough?

No, no, he's taking her on a cruise at midnight.

The captain's going to marry us at sea.

Hmm, isn't that romantic?

Sure, as long as no one gets sick all over the bride.

Debbie can't marry him. She loves me.

You're living in a dream world, little man.

She hasn't even heard from you in two years. That's because you sent her to

Europe and intercepted all my letters. I sent her away for her own good.

Judge, I ask you, would you rather spend the next 40 years looking at this or

this?

I would hope I had a third choice.

Look, I'll plead guilty and pay the maximum fine. Can't you just move my

earlier? Not according to the law, he can't.

Tell him, Judge.

She's right.

Mean as a snake, but she's right. But if I don't get out by midnight, I'll never

see Debbie again. I'm sorry. My hands are tied.

Hey, don't worry.

I'll send you pictures from our honeymoon.

I'm mounting a camera on our headboard.

You better go back to the ship.

I'll keep an eye on him and come over before you sail.

I don't know about you, sir, but I'm siding with the kid.

Well, geez, we'd really have to bust our hump to get through those cases before

midnight. We can do it, sir.

What's more important than true love?

I mean, next to finding a cure for seborrhea.

All right, let's give it a shot and hope that everything goes smoothly.

People, this is a very serious charge. I understand your desire to belong and to

wear the colors of your group, but the people of this city have a right to walk

the streets without being harassed. How do you plead?

Guilty! Guilty!

Guilty!

Three, five, seven, nine, $50 is your fine.

If you choose to stay behind, show me yours, I'll show you mine.

The guy in the black dress is mad at us.

Excuse me, sir.

No, she used to be like that just once a month.

How much longer before we get to my case?

Oh, listen, cheeseball. So your girlfriend's getting married.

She'll still be available for nooners.

She's not that kind of girl, I'll tell you. This is true love.

True love is never more than $50 away.

If you were smart, you'd take his advice.

Debbie's getting married and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't

it. I'll stop it. Debbie is going to marry me.

You were all wrong for her.

You have no upbringing, no future, and no chin.

Next case called Saunders and Harrington.

Keep your filthy mind to yourself.

She was asking for it. Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, sir. These three were attending a

psychic fair when Mr. Saunders claims Mr. Harrington made a lewd advance on

wife by telekinetically copying a field.

Telekinetically? Yes, sir. My clients claim they can move things with their

minds. He did it again!

You folks have had the misfortune of coming before a judge who has some

expertise in this field. I know a fake when I see one.

You doubt me?

Then watch.

I will levitate him.

It's not working.

Yes, it is.

You take that back or I'll bust your jaw.

fight dirty, eh? Well, take that!

All right, that's enough.

Look, we needn't bother with the trial. I predict he will find us guilty anyway.

Hardly takes a psychic to figure that out. Guilty as charged.

And I find you... $50.

$49 .95.

Sorry, I couldn't buy your little psychic powers bit, but I really

Yes, Mr. Mitwell was arrested for harassing churchgoers as they were

Patrick's Cathedral.

I would like to request a dismissal in favor of a psychiatric abuser.

Grounds? My client thinks he's God.

That's not true.

Only a lunatic would think that.

I'm running for God.

So, do you plan on lightening up some of those commandments?

Particularly the one about thy neighbor's wife?

Consider it done.

Here's a God we can work with.

I think people are ready for new leadership.

If elected, I promise to lengthen lifespans and cut back on gravity. I

women will appreciate that.

If you want my vote, I think you should give cramps to men.

Do you really think you could replace God, the supreme being? After all, he

created the heavens and earth and life itself.

So? Can he do this?

How are we doing?

Well, I got this nose there that's driving me nuts.

I meant about the cases.

Great news.

Only 197 to go.

Oh, I'll never get out of here. I gotta get a message to Debbie.

Maybe I can help.

Now, we can't arouse suspicion, so I'll rent a biplane, buzz the ship, and drop

leaflets in code that say, every day call N -Bay.

Or I could write a note, and you could take it to her.

Okay, if you want to chance it.

I find you guilty of harassment, and might I add, if you're hungry, go to a

restaurant for criminy's sake.

grocery store, but leave that poor bird alone.

I appreciate your diligence

in tracking down overdue library books, Mrs. Munson, but I'm afraid this time

you crossed the line.

I find you guilty of assault, but I will suspend the sentence if you'll turn in

the weapon and give the gentleman back his library card.

I'm sure I took that back.

You better hope you did.

Mr. Osiransky, your doctor evidently did a competent job on your operation. You

can't withhold payment from him just because you don't like his age.

Case dismissed.

Oh, boy, do I get to go back to surgery now? Do I? Do I?

Yes, you do, Loogie.

You mind tossing that back up here?

Gals on girders. Would you close? Get back to work.

You don't have any authority over us.

We're in a higher court.

Yeah? Higher court.

Those guys are really beginning to tick me off.

They printed my letter.

about Christine.

I think this nesting of hers is beginning to get out of hand.

Why do you say that?

Hey, Ben!

Surprise!

I guess I did a little better than just delivering the message, huh?

That's not Debbie.

It's not?

Gee, you were right.

Sorry. Please return to your wedding and live happily ever after.

Give it up, you twit.

Tomorrow, Debbie will be sharing a stateroom with her new husband, Derek.

And you'll be darning a tank top for a convict named Gus.

Sir, we've got to speed things up so we can get out of here and stop that

wedding. Hey, there's only so much we can do.

Oh, come on, Harry. Look how pathetic he is.

Feeling rejected, unloved?

Yeah. You must know what that feels like.

I mean, we all have someone in our past, someone we've loved and lost.

Yeah.

Sue Freitas.

In the third grade, she used to eat my paste.

Boy, we do all have stories, huh?

I was 17.

I met her on summer vacation.

As I look back, it was the most spiritual and significant relationship

life. Then all of a sudden,

Just like that, she was gone forever.

What happened? The light changed?

I told you this before?

Oh, come on. Sir, we have a chance to make Ben's life worth living again.

All right, let's do it.

We may fail, but we're going to go down trying.

Lay on, McMuffin. All right. Next, we have a mutual assault case. People

McCullough and Abraham.

I take it those two are not for real?

Well, these two certainly are.

All my look -alikes are top -notch.

Look -alikes. I see they work for your talent agency.

No, sir. They work for his massage parlor.

You mean these girls are... The closest thing you can get to having an actual

star oil up your cheeks.

So this is a simple assault case. Mr. Abraham's business is irrelevant.

That's not true.

The fight started because Mr. McCullough was unhappy with his... attendant.

They promised to fulfill my wildest fantasies with a movie star. And look

they gave me.

Your Honor, before you pass sentence, my client would like to make a statement.

Okay, I did it.

But you gotta understand, she drove me to it. I told her the risks, and she

laughed at me. She laughed and said I was weak.

She made me do it, do you hear me? She made me!

Okay,

guilty of littering, $10 fine.

I'm afraid you'll just have to go the traditional route. No matter how well

trained he is, the subway can't take all -seeing -eye pets.

Your Honor, Mr. Talbot had no excuse for trashing that restaurant. They told him

before they hired him they had a policy of not allowing facial hair.

This kind of behavior is not acceptable anywhere.

But I would think as New Yorkers you would have more respect for our city's

culture than to start a food fight at the Metropolitan Opera.

You know, I once had a girlfriend that could hit those kind of notes.

Of course, it took me about 20 minutes to get her there.

All right, I'll let you go if you promise not to do this again.

She must apologize.

No way, he's telling lies.

Then I won't go.

It's 11 o 'clock, and by my count, they still have 43 cases to go before yours.

I guess we won't need to save you a piece of wedding cake.

Mrs. Rollins, I hope you don't mind me saying, but... Oh, excuse me.

A little lint.

I think your daughter could do a lot worse than a guy like Ben.

I didn't send my daughter to Europe for two years so she could marry a loser and

end up pregnant working in some dead -end job like, well, like you.

Sir, I say we take the bitch down.

moment. Yes, sir.

Call Thompson and Murphy solicitation.

What can I say?

I'm from Idaho.

Guilty.

Not guilty.

Hell over.

Yes, ma 'am.

Killed him?

It's after midnight. The boat's sailed.

No. Yeah. Oh, it's over.

I've lost Debbie forever.

Ben, I know you feel bad now, but believe me, someday you'll forget her.

Yes, I'll forget her.

When the world has stopped revolving and my bones have rotted away.

I can't believe you're here.

We were just about to set sail when this strange man came to my stateroom.

I swam to the ship, climbed over the rail, and told security I was with the

band.

He said you wanted to see me. Yes, to tell you that I still love you.

You do?

Ben, I love you, too.

So you want me back?

Yes.

You're too late, Mrs. Rollins.

Debbie is going back to Ben.

You're what?

I love him.

Young lady, if you don't come with me right now, I'm cutting off your trust

fund.

I don't care.

What these kids have is beautiful. It can't be measured in dollars. You'll

see a dime of that $12 million.

Sorry, Ben.

What? We've been back together for three seconds and you're leaving me?

I know it seems flaky, but $12 million is a lot of money.

But, Debbie, what about Ben?

What about the way you feel about it? What about your plans?

What about the fact that I have 14 million?

What?

Yeah, my dad invented the beer hat.

People bought 14 million dollars worth of those dorky things?

Just think what we'll do now that Eastern Europe has opened up.

Why didn't you tell us about this before?

I guess I just wanted to find out if she loved me for myself.

Now I guess you know all she cares about is money.

Yeah.

So, Debbie, are we back on?

You mean you don't care that I'm shallow and materialistic?

Hey, no. Just as long as you don't chunk up.

After everything we've been through... I don't believe those two. This is

ridiculous.

What they have...

So beautiful.

Your Honor, they fixed that hole in the ceiling. Great. I don't suppose they

bothered to clean up my courtroom.

They didn't have to.

Christine took care of that.

Christine?