Original subtitles

Hi, guys.

Hey, buddy.

My goodness, don't you look sharp.

Oh, well, I've had this for years.

There was a time I thought I was the Duke of Windsor's rumba coach.

But it turns out it's perfect for my new job.

You got a job? Where?

Fish and chips place around the corner.

The schooner?

Neato. It's one of the few places you can go at two in the morning for a good

bucket of carp.

Right. I'm the new fry captain.

I thought this uniform would impress my boss, Commander Ricky.

Did it work?

He wasn't even there. His class was taking a field trip.

Well, congratulations, matey. What do you landlubbers say we start session,

Wait a minute. Where's Dan?

Oh, you might check the paramedic station. The CPR dummy's just arrived.

So?

The new ones have tongues.

Your husband's home!

I'm lost!

It's four o 'clock!

They're ready to start session!

What? Right out loud?

You're supposed to wake me up two hours ago!

Sorry. I got dragged to Penn Station by a street sweeper.

I didn't sleep all night.

Cleaning proof kept me up. You know, when I did sleep, I had this horrible

that I was being chased by a big fat woman with a floor buffer.

Why don't you lodge a complaint?

Let me explain it to you one more time.

I don't want anybody to know I'm living in my office!

It's embarrassing enough that I lost my shirt and a land deal, not to mention my

apartment and my car.

Now... I've been reduced to washing out my shorts in the drinking fountain.

It's the kind of failure I can only dream about.

At least I've still got my pride.

Oh, hey,

boss. Don't you want to freshen up before court?

Yeah, right. Hit me.

All right, Mackey, let the good times roll. Yes, sir. Call People vs.

Randolph, assault with a motor vehicle.

Lich people, they think they can get away with anything.

Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, sir.

Mr. Poblinski operates a chestnut cart at Columbus Circle. Mr. Randolph's

limousine failed to negotiate a turn, jumped the curb, and scattered Mr.

Poblinski's nuts all over Broadway.

It's not so bad.

He could always adopt.

Excuse me, Your Honor. It was really all my fault.

And you are?

Amanda Caswell.

I was late for a charity event, and I asked Devin if he would please go a

faster. Not often you hear that from a woman, huh?

Now, I'm perfectly happy to pay for everything.

Would $5 ,000 be sufficient?

Well, that's fine with me if the plaintiff is willing to forget about the

accident.

What accident?

Looks like you're off the hook, lady. Case dismissed.

Thank you, Judge.

Dan?

Did you sleep all right last night?

Why wouldn't I?

I don't know. You seem a little stiff.

Oh, my own fault.

Last time I dated synchronized swimmers, you know?

You know, Dan, I can get rid of those kinks.

All you have to know is the proper pressure point. Oh, that's fine, thanks.

take... Of course, if you miss this spot by a quarter inch either way, you can

render a man blind or impotent.

Oh, my God, Dan, are you all right?

I can see.

Sorry, Buffy.

Yes, please extend my apologies to the committee.

Thank you, Buffy.

Dear, what a day.

Problems?

Well, yes.

I'm going to miss my charity event.

Oh, I know how you feel. I once missed an entire decade.

If you'd like to sit down, these are the best seats in the house.

Really? You must come here often.

You bet. To see my son, Judge Stone.

Oh, he's your son?

Oh, you must be very proud.

Proud as a pigeon.

You know, my late husband was a yachtsman.

How big is your boat?

The schooner?

Well, to give you an idea, we can seat 140 for lunch.

Oh, my word.

Come on down sometime. I'll give you the grand tour.

Oh, thank you. But whenever I'm near a boat, I get a little queasy.

Oh, we get that problem a lot. That's why I carry these things. Oh, seasick

pills. No, finger puppets.

Nothing like a little Rumpelstiltskin to take your mind off your trouble.

Well, I'll remember that.

My name is Amanda.

Everybody calls me Buddy.

Oh, what's your real name?

Buddy.

The car is ready.

Oh, thank you, Devin. And thank you, Buddy, for cheering me up.

We'll have to meet again sometime.

How about tomorrow at 8?

The seal pond in Central Park is especially nice in the morning.

You must be daft. You're not the first to say so.

All right, why not? The seal pond it is. Great.

Goodbye. Bye.

Like what you've done to the place, Dan.

You've caught me right in the middle of a workout.

Oh, it burns. Oh, make it burn.

So,

what can I do for you? I'm busy.

I ran into Mr.

Crumrine, the building manager. Yeah. He said there's a rumor somebody's living

in their office.

If I see anything, I'll let you know. But, excuse me. Sorry about this, boss.

I guess the lights got mixed in with your red devil suit.

Oops.

Max.

I am not the nigger of my life.

I did rock bottom, man.

But I just need a little time.

Two more paychecks, I'm out of here. Oh, it'll be sooner than that.

Mr. Crumline's checking every office, and when he sees this, you'll be out of

here faster than grape nuts through a goose.

Well, thank you so much for your tasteful and compassion.

Gee, uh, boss, you're always welcome to move in with me.

That has always been a dream of mine, to live in a bus station locker.

Quarter a night, you can't beat it.

That's funny.

I have not been able to reach Buddy for over two days.

Well, maybe he's working overtime at the schooner.

Aren't they introducing their new seafood slurpee?

Hiya,

Harry. You remember Mrs. Caswell, don't you?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

Your father... taught me into taking a mambo class at the Y.

We worked up quite a sweat, didn't we, Captain?

Nothing that a run through the fountain at Lincoln Center couldn't cure.

Harry, we got busted.

Oh, Mrs. Caswell, if my father's getting you in some kind of trouble... He is.

And I'm loving every minute of it.

Buddy is the first man I ever met who didn't need to squander a lot of money

order to have a good time.

You've obviously never met the men I date.

Now, where do I pay these silly trespassing fines?

That's on the third floor, but I do insist on paying my father's. Oh,

I know he's good for it.

My late husband was the same way about cash.

The more money he made, the less he carried.

Let me dance you to the elevator.

Tango mi amore, out the door.

So my dad's dating.

Ain't that great?

Great? Sir, maybe it's none of my business, but that woman obviously

your father's some kind of tycoon.

Oh, come on. They're just a couple of friends having fun. What possible harm

could there be in that?

Harry, I forgot to tell you. We're getting married.

What? Well, now, don't worry.

It's not because we have to.

Of course, we'd like you to marry us, Harry.

Buddy, when exactly were you expecting this wedding to take place?

Well, of course, these things take time to organize, so, uh... How's tomorrow

sound?

Tomorrow?

Isn't that a little sudden?

Terrific! But sudden.

Yeah, don't you think you two ought to spend some time getting to know each

other better?

No.

Once you've ridden a wild mouse with a woman, you know all you need to know.

Hi, yeah, I'm calling about the apartment.

Uh -huh. It's still for rent?

Right. And you rent month to month?

Let me ask you a question.

How's the neighborhood?

Wait till I see it.

Come on.

Fielding! It's Plum Ryan. Open up! Oh, my God.

Well, what have we got here? No, wait. Don't touch anything.

This is all evidence from our big burglary case.

Oatmeal? This particular gang strikes at dawn.

They're desperate, hungry men.

I haven't had time to tag at all. You know how it is. No, here's how it is. If

you don't get your crap out of here by six o 'clock tomorrow, your new office

will be between the boiler room and the morgue.

You wouldn't dare.

Hey, it's not so bad. The smell of the formaldehyde will take your mind off the

heat.

It's got to get better.

I mean, it's bound to get better.

Sir, if they're going to get married, Amanda should know that Buddy is more

just a man with an active imagination.

Oh, I know.

I haven't seen Buddy this happy since the Brady Bunch Christmas special.

Well, how's Buddy going to feel if she finds out and leaves him?

You're right. I should tell her, but I wouldn't even know where to start.

How about the six years he thought he was an Apache?

Hi, kids.

Amanda. I just thought I'd drop off a copy of our vows.

Now, you don't think anybody will be offended if we say to love, honor, and

mumbo?

I'll just leave you two to work out the details.

Amanda, would you take a seat, please?

Thank you.

Is that a rose?

Yes, Buddy cut it out of a magazine for me.

He says they last longer, and frankly, he prefers the fragrance.

Honestly, where does he get these ideas?

They're all his own.

Amanda, since you did drop by,

There's something about the wedding that's been bothering me.

Oh, Harry, I think I know exactly what's on your mind. You do? Oh, of course.

This has all happened so fast.

For all you know, I could be a gold digger or a drunk or, worse yet, some

lunatic.

No, I never thought that.

Oh, I'm glad. Now, what is your concern?

Well, um...

Amanda, this is very difficult.

Did Buddy ever happen to mention the time that he spent in the hospital?

As a matter of fact, he did.

He did?

Mm -hmm.

And you're okay with that?

Well, he's fine now, and as far as I'm concerned, that's ancient history.

Exactly. I feel exactly the same way. I don't even know why I brought it up. Oh,

good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet the captain. He's down at the

ice rink auditioning an organist.

Hey, Dan, I've been looking all over for you.

Nice studs. Marty Allen have a garage sale?

Don't I wish.

Anyway, it occurred to me that since I'm going to be moving into Amanda's

apartment after the ceremony, I might have something that you could use.

What?

You'll give me your rent -controlled Park Avenue apartment?

Actually, I was thinking of my corn holders, but since you seem to prefer

apartment, why don't you take them both?

I brought the key by after the ceremony.

All right.

You hear that? Park Avenue.

Say, boss, you think I could borrow those corn holders?

I don't like to touch most of the stuff I eat.

Friends of the bride, right this way.

Bull, it's going to be a small wedding. You don't have to pack the men so tight.

Okay.

You folks can start a new row.

Oh, I really had to push the floors to get these boutonnieres done in time.

Here you go, Bull.

Smells pretty fragrant. What is it?

Broccoli.

It was Buddy's idea.

I skipped lunch.

You got anything in there with meat?

Okay, buddy.

In just a few minutes, your rowdy bachelor days are over.

Are you maybe just a little nervous about the honeymoon night?

Oh, no.

It's just like riding a bicycle.

As long as you wear reflectors, nobody gets hurt.

You look like a blushing bride of 20. Thank you for lying, dear.

I just hope that this dress doesn't clash with that bouquet.

I wouldn't worry. Everything goes with kelp.

Buddy, isn't he a nut?

Yes, he is.

But we love him. That's why we were so happy to hear that his time in the

hospital wasn't an issue for you. Oh, goodness, dear. Lots of people have

tonsils out.

Wish me luck.

get through a good gator's wall.

Friends, we are gathered here on a most joyous and sacred occasion.

You're back. She isn't goofy yet.

Gee, Dan, it's not often I see you this sentimental.

I've got my sensitive side. I've also got a moving truck waiting outside. Soon

as these two yahoos tie the knot, I'm moving to punk ever do.

And so if anyone here has any reason why these two should not be joined in

marriage... I do.

What? Ignore the woman? She's bitter because she doesn't have a husband?

That's not true.

Sir, he told her he was in the hospital to have his tonsils out.

That's all, buddy?

Well, yeah.

I had the warts burned off in a medivan.

Harry, Harry, what are we wasting time for? It's always missing a little

These knuckleheads were made for each other.

Amanda, buddy, I'd like to talk to you in my office.

If this is going to take a while, I could go for another boutonniere.

I'm sorry that I interrupted you. the ceremony, but I couldn't go through with

that charade.

Harry, don't tell me you're not a judge.

Buddy, isn't there something you should tell Amanda that might affect your

marriage?

Well, there is a secret I have been keeping.

Come on, buddy. She should know.

Amanda?

I want a dog.

No, buddy.

Tell Amanda about the other hospital.

Oh, that?

Sure.

I spent 25 years in and out of a wacko ward.

I see.

Buddy's not a wealthy yachtsman, Amanda.

He works in a fish and chips restaurant.

That salty sea breeze he loves so much comes from the vent over the deep fat

fryer.

Boy, that's for sure. You get too close, it'll suck your hat off.

I'm sorry.

I just want you two to be happy.

But I didn't think it was right to start a marriage without all your cards being

on the table.

Gee, Amanda.

I would have mentioned the hospital thing earlier if I thought it would have

made a difference.

It doesn't, Captain.

It doesn't?

Well, it's not like it's a total surprise.

I had my suspicions when he said the America's Cup comes in both 8 and 12

sizes.

Confidentially, the smaller one's a better deal.

And frankly...

I didn't want to ask Buddy about his past for fear it might ruin all the fun

were having.

You see, Harry, my late husband was very rich and very

powerful and the coldest man you'd ever want to meet.

And they called him sane.

Sure, Lewis gave me a comfortable living, but Buddy can give me a life.

I love your father very much.

He would have liked you, too.

Harry, I will give him my tonsils. Would you just get them back out here,

please?

Well, you heard the man. They have folks out there waiting to see a wedding.

Thank you, Harry.

Okay,

Harry, what's the verdict?

Do I get the dog or not?

Dear, what happened to Rumpelstiltskin?

Uh -oh.

I thought that rose was a little chewy.

I'm real happy for you, buddy. I hope you and Amanda have many wonderful years

together. Thanks, Harry.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, guys. Hi, Norby.

Congratulations, buddy.

You got yourself a beautiful bride there.

No, no, no. This is my son.

Sorry you guys missed the wedding. Yeah, we are, too.

The dodgeball game went into overtime.

Nobody could hit Stumpy.

So, Daniel, you have an apartment on Park Avenue?

Mm -hmm.

Why don't you drop by around 11? By then, I should have unpacked the party

supplies.

Sounds interesting.

You're not allergic to scented oils, are you? We'll find out, won't we?

Dan? Not now, buddy.

I know you're busy, but I thought you might like to meet your new roomies.

Roomies?

Welcome aboard.

You're it.