Original subtitles

Trick or treat!

Well, what have we here?

It's a bunch of scary witches and hobgoblins from the Children's Center.

yeah, they're pretty spooky. I better give them my best stuff.

Hope you guys like vegetables.

I guess it's going to have to be candy.

But the management assumes no responsibility for a cavity.

You have a rib roast in your body.

I picked that up at the slaughterhouse.

They gave the kids cutlets.

Okay, gang, let's hustle.

The corner's got bit of honey.

Yay!

Look at them. Aren't they the cutest?

Yeah, that's what I love about Halloween. It brings out the kid in all

Some of us more than others.

What, you're saying I'm obsessive about Halloween?

You carved the Marx Brothers.

Hurry, hurry. What do you say, huh? Let's get this judicial show on the

okay? Hurry, Dan. You got a party tonight?

More like a seminar of sin.

Everyone's showing up dressed as a sexual legend, you know?

Casanova, Cleopatra. I, of course, will be going as myself.

She's a candy little girl?

Oh. No, thank you, sir. My teeth are my temple.

Come on. It's Halloween.

Oh, all right.

Oh, you got me that time, sir. Will that be all?

That's it?

We're trying not to encourage you this year.

Oh, well, if that's your attitude, then I guess there's no point in showing you

this.

Oh, eek, eek, a spooky spider.

I knew I should have gotten that spitting skull.

The stuff you wanted, Your Honor.

Tastes pretty good. What is it?

Dried bugs.

It's a snack for my new pet bat, Tito.

Oh, wow.

An invisible bat.

He's not there.

How can you tell?

He's not invisible.

He escaped. Whoa.

No, no, it's all right, Art. It's all right. As long as we find him before...

Come on now, Roz.

I know that bats make some people queasy, but you haven't met my Tito.

cute little fella.

He's a rat with wings.

Don't worry, Rana. We'll find him. Right. Now, when you think you're in

vicinity, you just blow on this high -frequency whistle like this.

Boy, I sure hope you didn't pay much for that.

All right. He missed a sound that only an animal can hear.

What's up, Paul?

I don't know.

Suddenly I started salivating and had an overpowering urge to run in this

direction.

Let's be grateful these house broke.

Here's another piece of gum for you, Mr. Shannon.

this for me, will you, Timmy? We'll go for the world record later.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hi, sir.

The kids' bus was late, so is it okay if they hang out here for a while?

Fine, as long as you behave yourselves.

Remember, a courtroom is a very solemn and serious place.

Oh,

real good, sir. Why don't you just decapitate Big Bird for them?

The kids love that scary stuff.

Maybe so, but you just made Davy Crockett wet his buckskins.

I'll go scout out a spare pair of pants.

Hey, mister, trick or treat?

Grow up.

So, what have you got for me, Mac? Well, we have a real Halloween treat, sir.

Disturbing the peace. People versus Rochelle Gumberg.

Also known as the affordable exorcist?

You got a spirit, I'll disappear it.

Yes, sir. Mrs. Gomberg was dining at Leo's Bagel Bistro when she disrupted

business by claiming her soup was haunted.

A ghost on Halloween. I knew you'd come through for me, Mac.

That's what I live for, sir.

Your Honor, Mrs. Gomberg is a mother of five. She has no priors, and she merely

exhibits a very strong belief in the occult.

Is this a smart one?

Pretty, too.

Although, sweetheart, you could go easy on the mascara.

We'll speed things up here, make a ruling on the demented yenta here, sir.

Demented? I got occult power. I found a poltergeist in a matzo ball.

Same little R &R at the hoo -hoo hotel. Maybe an autograph.

Mrs. Gomberg, to be on the safe side, I am going to ask you to speak to the good

folks at Bellevue, but I want to thank you for bringing a little bit of that

Halloween spirit into the court tonight. We do what we can.

Next case.

We have a slight delay, sir.

Apparently, the guys in booking are bobbing for apples.

No. Yeah. That is so unprofessional.

And they didn't invite me.

I've got to knock off the Bat Patrol and get home.

I hate to leave my home alone on Halloween.

That's a fine sentiment, Art. She's getting a little spacey. Last year, she

a trick -or -treat as clothespins.

See if your heart's in the right place.

I can never tell when you're in a shape like mine.

How about you, Roz? How you doing with that bat whistle?

Well, I got eight rats, six mice, and bull showed up again.

You know, here's something that sometimes works for me. I say, Tito,

Here, boy.

Maybe it's time you got a steady girlfriend.

Sir, would you happen to have a spare tissue in your drawer? Oh, I don't know.

Let's see.

trick and you fell for it. Oh, we got you good, didn't we?

That was your idea, Ms. Sullivan?

Well, a couple of us kicked around the idea.

Okay, I bought the snakes.

I've never been so proud of you.

Hey, hey, what's this?

It's an old case file.

From 1939.

It must have been behind that drawer for 50 years.

Ray Heston, charged with vandalism.

There's no verdict.

This is weird. Check this out, would you, Matt?

Do I have to?

Humor me, Matt.

Lately, that's become my job description.

Sorry it took me so long, sir. I had to get Davey a spare pair of my pants.

kid gonna have nightmares tonight?

Okay, kids, your bus is here.

Now remember, on the ride home, if you think you're gonna get sick, make sure

take your masks off first.

Hi, Dan.

That is some costume.

Did you make that yourself?

Yes. Does it make you think of Egypt?

Certainly the pyramids.

You're coming to the party, aren't you, Dan? Oh, yes.

Yes, I'll meet you under the coats in the master bedroom.

Oh, better hurry, or I'll have to find a new galley slave.

Hurry! What do you say we call it a night, huh?

How come?

It's Halloween.

I can go get lucky. You can go make caramel apples.

Here it is.

Ray Heston was brought to trial 50 years ago tonight.

A verdict wasn't reached because he died in this very courtroom.

What up, boredom?

Hey, that was a good trick.

How did you do that?

That wasn't mine.

That was no trick.

You've awakened a spirit from the other side.

It's him, I tell you, it's him.

It's who?

The yutz who kicked the bucket.

Ray Heston?

You know what? I think for the safety of all concerned, we should go to our

respective parties right now.

If I'm going to be possessed, I want it to be by somebody in a halter top, okay?

Dan, as much as I would like to believe that we have a spiritual visitor here, I

can't have the record show that we adjourned court on account of a

Sir, we're ready for the next case. Okay, then let's do it.

Fine. Ignore the phantom.

But don't come crying to me when the walls start dripping.

People versus Dumphy and Mancuso.

Wild guess.

Food fight?

Actually, assault with a deadly sausage.

Anyway, sir, the munchies in question here were attending a loft party on

Street.

Hear that?

Heston Street.

ghost in there, do you? Oh, yeah? When was the last time you saw an indoor

tornado? What kind of freak of nature? Something harmless, like that hole in

ozone thing.

Your Honor?

Aha, there he is. Good old dependable Mac.

Solid as a rock. Mac, go ahead. You tell him that everything is back to normal

in there.

It's weird.

The lights are on everywhere except in our courtroom.

A fluke, just a fluke.

And the temperature has dropped 20 degrees just in there.

A cold flu?

Judge, sweetheart.

For 80 bucks, I can rid that room of evil. Three rooms, 129 .50, huh?

Well, if I'll take custody of Mrs. Gombert, maybe we can use a little

advice.

You expect to get expert advice from the swap -meet -Swami here?

No expert, huh?

Then how would I know that as a child you were called Potato Face?

How do you know that?

Who told you that?

I have no idea what she's talking about.

Mrs. Gomber, do you really think that you could conjure up the spirit of Ray

Heston? Piece of cake. How about my seance exorcism combo?

Hey, come on, come on, let's sit around the table.

good at this. I tried a Ouija board once to find out the name of a boy who liked

me. The answer came out bliff.

All right, now quickly, quickly. We need darkness. Darkness, we got.

Now, everyone hold hands and not a peep.

It is Halloween, the night where the veil is thin.

between this world and the next.

Trick! It's a trick.

It's just my trick.

What?

I forgot. See, I rigged it so that it would pop up when somebody kicked the

table leg. I'm sorry.

Tell that to my bladder.

Silence!

I feel a presence.

An entity who dwells where the dead walk.

Must work at the DMV.

Spirit of discontent, let us know of your travail.

Is it the

ghost? Oh, please let him be like Casper.

Adam or Shel?

Is Ray Heston here?

Yes, I am.

Woo! That ghost needs a throat lozenge.

Hey, Ray.

What brings you around?

I want... I want...

What is it? What does he want?

Just ice?

Just ice.

Is that it, babe? So we can't get you a blend, a little margarita mix?

Wait a minute.

That's not just ice. Justice.

Of course Ray wants justice.

Why couldn't he want blood or revenge? Something that wouldn't take so damn

long.

Don't you guys get it? If we want to reclaim our court, if we want to get rid

the ghost, we've got to reopen that trial.

We're going to try a ghost?

Next Halloween, I'm calling in sick.

Come on. What do you say?

Okay. But if I see anything that resembles pea soup or mucus, I'm out of

Bye, Russ.

You should be able to come up here and get a bite to eat.

Don't say a word. Don't move a muscle.

There's the B -A -T.

The bath?

Ah,

we're all ready, sir.

Did you find enough information in the record vault? Oh, yeah, it was a jolly

frolic through the dust balls of time.

Then let's go.

Yeah.

What are we waiting for?

What's that smell?

It's foul.

It's unholy.

It's me.

It's garlic.

I'm not a superstitious guy, but I like to cover my butt just in case.

Hi, sir.

I got all the kid plate for you to tuck your way in the butt.

Good.

We think there's a ghost in the courtroom.

Wow, he smells just like a pizza.

I don't know where this ghost comes from, but I wish I had this breeze in my

apartment.

There's a bit chilly in here.

Not to me.

And you laugh about my sweater.

Call the case, Mac.

Yes, sir.

People versus the late Ray Heston.

Mr. Prosecutor.

Yes, sir.

Mr.

Heston is charged with vandalism. On Halloween night, 1939, he set fire to

entranceway of a local grocer's.

Your Honor, the fire was a Halloween trick.

It was nothing more than a burning bag of... stuff.

Stuff? It was a sack of doggy donuts.

Any serious damage, in light of which, Your Honor, I ask that you consider it a

harmless prank and dismiss the charges.

Oh, man, you mean this guy's been agonizing 50 years over a pile of puppy

Ray, get an afterlife.

The offense is not the issue here. It's justice. And justice transcends

all bounds of time and space.

Even the astral plane.

I rode one of those at a carnival once.

Blew my lunch all over the sideshow.

In light of this evidence, I believe we can dismiss the charges and relieve the

spirit of his guilt.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone.

If I have to suffer an evening of Cleopatra interruptus for this farce,

going to do it right.

Ray Hefton had a list of priors a mile long.

He had 20 arrests between 1934 and 1938.

He soaked entire skyscrapers. He called Mayor LaGuardia hundreds of times asking

him if he had Prince Albert in a can.

In 1938, he tried to TP the Brooklyn Bridge.

Ray Hefton was a menace to society.

But a real fun guy.

Ray Heston, I gotta say, you got more Halloween spirit than the rest of these

stiffs put together.

But this court has no choice but to find you guilty as charged.

Fine will be $50.

which in 1939 terms comes to about $2 .50.

I think he bought it, sir.

It's just I fell on my hammer.

Jesus, I was stuck in there for hours. Didn't anybody hear me yelling?

All right, what in the world were you doing up in the ceiling?

I was leaving when I saw that stupid bat flying to the air vent, so I crawled in

after it and I got stuck.

Did you by any chance do a lot of pounding?

What, are you kidding? I was practically playing Babaloo on those pipes.

I think I even short -circuited the lights.

All right.

Could that have affected the air conditioning?

You know it.

The cold air for this entire floor is being forced in here, not to mention up

pants.

I got goosebumps in places I never even knew I had.

So, I guess this whole thing was just a manifestation of our collective self

-induced paranoia.

Well, I didn't buy it for a minute.

Hey, Dan.

Harry! I just wanted to thank you for ruining yet another Halloween for me.

Oh, you're not going to the party, huh?

Ah, no, it's too late.

By now, the only sexual legend left will be Oscar Wilde.

Tito's all safe and tucked in, sir.

That's well, Ross. How'd you do it?

He slowed down after nibbling some food in the cafeteria.

He's in his cage, hunched over his water dish.

Sir. Yes, Mac? I thought you'd like to know Rochelle's son and daughter came

picked her up. Oh, that's good.

It was nice of you to release her into their custody.

Well, Mac, she's no more crazy than... Than you are?

I'm not crazy, Mac. I'm just a little disappointed.

Seems like ghosts only appear to guys who live in swamps or trailer parks in

Indiana.

I think maybe just once a ghost would appear to a judge.

Well, it's always next Halloween.

Night, sir. Night, Matt.

Ah, what the hell.

I still believe in you, Ray.

Guess it's something left over from my childhood.

I never stopped believing in possibilities.

And you know, I think the world might be a sweeter place if we all believed.

A little.

The fine was $2 .50, Ray.