All language subtitles for Night Court s05e08 No Hard Feelings

Darn.

Double darn.

I love it when she talks dirty.

Mind if I try?

I'm good at spacial relationships.

Oh, no, I've really screwed it up.

Is it just me, or is the resemblance
uncanny?

slinky shoes in years.

I was six when I got my first pair.

Seven when we bought the new ceiling.

Boy, you seem awfully chipper today,
sir.

Well, it's hard to deny the spring in my
step, ain't it, Mac Muffin?

What'd you do? Win the lottery?

Better. Mel Torme finally signed your
adoption paper?

Those bean counters in accounting have
seen fit to grant my request for a

personal assistant.

Now you can have help with your stuff.

Right. Someone to handle the filing and
the correspondence. Somebody to do the

case research.

Someone to scrape the scum off your sea
monkey bones.

Hey, there are no small jobs, only small
people.

Hello.

As if by example.

Problem, Dan?

Women.

So who was it last night? The Soviet
gymnast? The farmer's daughter?

One of those rubber -jointed ladies from
the freak shows who like to be

handcuffed and twirled around by their
ponytails screaming for mercy till they

black out?

What?

I'll have you know I spent last evening
in the company of a lady.

What's the matter? Her owner whiffle
for?

Rita was perfect, intelligent, bright, a
wonderful conversationalist. So what's

the problem?

Damn!

Let's face it, Harry.

I'm all washed up.

Come on, Dan.

So you... Say it.

You... Come on, man. Say it.

You had a little trouble launching the
old love boat.

You're talking stuck in dry dock, Harry.

Have you seen a doctor?

Yeah, on my way in, he ran some tests.

He said it was probably tension.

I have been worrying about that job
interview lately.

Well, yeah, I forgot about that. Have
you heard back from those people?

night, I'm supposed to have dinner with
one of the senior partners.

Well, that's probably it. Come on, Dan.

You can't let this get to you.

Come on. Every red -blooded American
male has had to face this problem at one

time or another in his life.

Has it ever happened to you? Hell no.

You guys ready to do it?

Some more than others.

You know, I'm really glad that my
personal life is now everybody's

Hey, don't get testy with me just
because your Dow Jones average hit us

Dan, you know, there are several books
written on this subject that might be of

some help to you.

Such as?

Well, The Little Engine That Could.

Happens to every guy sooner or later.
Has it ever happened to you? Hell no!

Excuse me.

Hell no!

Pardon me, sir. Your new assistant is
here.

Oh!

Am I in yet?

Harry, she's blind.

Ooh, who's the genius who figured that
out?

Like cane, glasses.

I think we got a real...

This thing got a head on it?

Hey, that's funny.

Hi, I'm Judge Harry Stone. I've really
been looking forward to meeting you.

Don't get out much, do you?

Hi, I'm Christine Sullivan, and I think
it's inspiring to see someone overcome a

physical challenge.

Ooh, who's this? The missing Osmond?

Risley on a moped is physically
challenged.

Lady. I'm blind!

Want to know what it's like to live in
the dark?

There. How do you like it?

Please, no more.

Okay.

Now listen up, because I'm only going to
say this once.

My name is Joy Buscaglia. I touch type
60 words a minute, take dictation from

transcription, and I'm fast as... in the
building at the Xerox machine.

I don't have to close the lid.

Now we're going to have a few ground
rules around here. One, we don't move

furniture around.

Two, no sneaking up on me.

And three, I don't like chit -chat. Do
not ask how I am. I'm blind!

That's how I am.

Oh, I'm also hungry.

So if anybody wants me, I'll be on my
break. Mac!

Take me to the cafeteria.

I want to sniff some entrees.

She seems nice.

Another senseless, flinky, shoe -related
accident.

Sir, may I ask you a question about Joy?

Sure. Can I kill her?

I know she's a little abrasive, but...
She felt up my lunch, Harry.

She what? She wanted to know if the
corned beef was lean, so she pawed it.

Nobody gropes my Reuben.

You're on Love Talk with Dr.

Lucy. Who's this?

Hello, Dr. Lucy. This is Seymour from
Queens.

Yeah, I have a question.

About impotency?

Uh -oh.

Gotta go, Dr. Lucy.

Sir, do you think Dan's going to be all
right?

Well, he's getting advice from the
finest medical experts in the field.

him on his chest.

Okay, who ordered the two dozen raw
oysters?

Thanks for keeping this under your hats.

At least we've got something under ours.

Oh, Joy.

Judge Stone.

Just the man I was groping for.

This chunk has got to go if I'm going to
be working here.

Are you referring to my trinkets? I'm
referring to your crap.

Your phone messages.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, excuse me, these are in Braille.

Your father wants to know why you're
avoiding them.

Your singles club canceled the hayride
because everybody else thought it was

stupid.

And some twerp named Rod phoned and said
he can't wait to see his lamby cakes

for some smoochy pies.

Gee, thanks.

Yeah, your doctor phoned and said your
tests came out negative.

Are you sure?

Hey, it's a poor musician who blames his
instrument.

Come on, Porcupine. We got more sunshine
to spread.

Porcupine!

The blind leading the blank.

Hello?

Corbin.

From Corbin, Fulton, and Nordoff, you
applied for a job with us.

Oh, yeah.

Hi. That wasn't your fault. You never
know when you're going to get a bad one.

Bad oyster.

Bad, bad, bad oyster.

Ah, well.

I picked a very nice restaurant nearby
here for the interview.

Actually, I'd rather conduct the
interview at my office.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure. No problem.
Whatever.

I've already had dinner.

I can't wait to show you my list of
references.

That won't be necessary.

Not necessary? Am I still being
considered for the position?

Oh, I'd say you're being considered for
several positions.

Are you all right?

Oh, fine.

Oh, the silly goose that I am.

It sounded sort of like you were making
a sexual proposition.

You're a quick study fielding.

I are?

That's a point in your favor.

Meet me here in 20 minutes.

And be ready to show me some class
action.

He's a psychologist.

Is that corned beef?

Everybody just keep your damn heads off
my sandwich.

It's been a tough day for Roz and her
lunch meat.

Doc, I want to talk to you about this
blind girl. Now, I'm afraid I've got to

fire her.

I hate to do it, but, hell, keeping her
on, that'd be like burning my face with

a huge disfiguring blowtorch and
pretending it don't hurt.

To paraphrase Freud, we all feel just
horrible about it. Yay!

I fixed the funky shoes!

I fixed the funky shoes!

You must be very proud.

Look, Harry, didn't she do a nice job?

Thanks, Miss Sullivan.

Did you talk to Joy's former supervisors
yet?

Yes. And?

Well, so far, Joy's the girl most likely
to be offered in a hostage swap.

Oh, also, I found out... something
interesting. She's only been blind for

years. Some sort of accident.

Aha.

Aha.

Aha what?

Sounds like a classic case of displaced
anger.

I mean, this bitterness could just be a
symptom that she hasn't worked through

the trauma of being robbed of her sight.

Well, how's she going to react to being
fired?

Oh, that depends on several factors.

Does she own a gun?

would do to have an office like this?

Well, let's find out, shall we?

Dealey Dan.

Look, a fireplace.

That's great.

And a refrigerator.

Keeps the hot side hot and the cold side
cold.

Why aren't you over here on the hot
side?

Believe me, most of me wants to be.

What do you think?

I think... I can see the Faranzano
Bridge from here.

You know, that is the longest single
span in the world.

Dan, come.

I want you to make windows rattle in New
Jersey.

Okay, be back in an hour.

Dan! Wait, wait, hold it. Look.

I can't explain it now, but...

There's something about me that's a
little off.

Say, you aren't one of those sickos you
hear on the radio call -in shows.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Not me.

It's just that I would really like to
discuss the job.

And I'd like to discuss that story I
heard about you and the stewardesses on

baggage carousel.

Oh, that was just a little...

My resume.

You want to talk resumes. Others are
much more qualified than you.

I know that, but... Wait a minute.

Who's more qualified than I am?

Everybody.

Hold it a second. Wait a... You're
telling me that my skills as an attorney

nothing to do with me being here?

Yes.

Now help me get this thing off. Whoa,
whoa, whoa. Put it back in neutral a

second, sister.

You know what?

You want to call me in here, play your
little bedroom games, take shots at my

manhood?

That's fine.

I get that all the time.

All right, listen, I will admit that I
couldn't afford some snooty Ivy League

education.

You know, but when you get your degree
from the Bayou Academy of Law and

Agriculture, you'll learn something
more.

A fighting sow belly.

What he wants.

Can't be afraid to get your snout dirty.

You know what? I live the law every day.

The courthouses and the jails of New
York City.

I may have barf in my cups when I get
home at night.

But that's the way I like it.

That's why I have the highest conviction
rate of any DA in this city. And that's

why I have the lowest percentage of
overturned cases.

And that's why you can say whatever you
want to about my manhood.

But nobody, lady, nobody can touch Dan
Fielding in a court of law.

Or for that matter, anywhere else.

You mean... I mean, hold on to your
Dixie cups, babe. The salt shall rise

You know what really gnaws at my gut,
Miss Sullivan?

What's that, sir?

How am I going to fire Joy without just
completely crushing her?

Oh, I think she can handle it, sir. All
right, she's a little crusty, but that

doesn't mean that she doesn't have
feelings.

I just heard the greatest bus crash
outside.

You're right, sir. She is a sensitive
soul.

Is that your cologne?

Or are you delivering soap cakes to the
urinals?

Good luck, sir.

So? Uh, Joy, here, have a seat.

Joy, I've got something to say to you,
and I'm afraid it's not going to be

Well, spit it out.

I'm afraid I've got to let you go.

You what?

Now, I want you to know that your office
skills are terrific.

I mean, the couple of days that you've
been here, you've really gotten the

organized.

My correspondence is all up to date, my
files look great, and boy, I could bring

down a charging rhino with one of these
pencils.

So I did a good job, and now you're
going to fire me?

It's not the job, Joy. It's your
attitude.

Now, I know you've had a rough time of
it. In fact, I've talked to a

psychologist friend, and he's willing to
try to get you into his encounter

group. If that's a burden on you
financially, I'll help you out of my own

pocket. My point is that even though
this didn't work out, if there's

can do for you, I'm here.

I trashed your armadillo.

What? You heard me? That armored rat of
yours is now sucking swill in the bottom

of a dumpster.

Clarence? He's in a dumpster?

And he can take your encounter group and
roll it into a ball and stick it in

your mail chute.

Clarence!

Pencil neck geek!

Hello, Judge Stone.

I'm Cooper from Personnel.

Well, if it isn't the polyester
Pimpernel.

My, aren't we cheery today.

I have Miss Buscali's transfer papers.

Hey, I'd love to stay and schmooze, but
I can tell you two civic giants want to

be alone.

Maybe you can rub your skulls together
and come up with a thought or something.

You know,

it's too bad we don't burn people at the
stake anymore.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe none of us can
really understand how that accident

affected Joy emotionally.

Actually, it's made a big improvement.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, before the accident, she was really
obnoxious.

She's improved quite a bit.

How so?

Well, she stopped biting, for one.

Wait a minute. You're telling me that
that woman was born nasty?

I got rid...

I've got... I've got... Who could ask
for anything

more?

That was... That was... Volcanic.

We aim to please.

Toss me my other shoe.

Do you believe it now?

Yep, dinner break's over. Got places to
go. People to jail.

It's going to be fabulous having you
around.

If the furniture holds up.

Alas, we will never know.

What do you mean?

What I mean is... Good luck in finding a
new attorney.

Ciao, baby.

You're turning down a six -figure salary
and a boss who's willing to work with

you?

Pro bono.

Well, you see, the point is, I didn't
spend eight years in the DA's office

to become somebody's high -priced office
gigolo.

Oh, and, um... When you think of this
night, and you

will... suffer.

Laughter.

little piece of rice?

Or a silly little maggot?

Definitely not Uncle Ben.

Sir? Yeah?

Is Joy... dead?

No, Roz. I had her reassigned.

Hey, Dan.

Did you get the job?

Nope.

All the same, it would have been a shame
to lose you.

Thank you, Harry.

What happened?

The desks were cramped.

You know those disgusting animalistic
urges I

used to torment you with?

Yes. They're back.

I'm taking Joy down to personnel.

Okay, well... I, uh... I know there's
been some problems these past few days.

And there's been some misunderstandings.
But just to leave on the right note...

How do I do it?

So, Curly, dinner tomorrow?

My place?

You bet. What should I wear?

I'm blind, remember?

Wear a car cover for all I care.

Are you dating Joy?

Uh -huh.

Well, I don't mean to be a Budinsky, but
are you sure it's not just pity?

No.

I think she really likes me.