Original subtitles

Hey, Tim.

Tim, I got a surprise for dinner.

The one earthly delicacy I'll miss when I get back to Mars.

Hot corned beef.

Tim?

Tim! Tim, where are you?

Oh, Tim.

What? Where were you?

Oh, I was doing a little research.

I smell smoke.

Where? Where?

Right here.

Tim, you were using my cathode ray centrifugal time breakerscope.

Well, all right, so I did a little snooping into history.

It's not like peeking into the next car to drive in movies.

But that machine is not for frivolous purposes.

Frivolous purposes?

This is my first book, an historical novel.

Well, that's fine, but was it necessary to use my time machine for research?

Well, do you think it's being sneaky to, uh...

To write from actual experience?

Don't you realize that when you go back in time, one wrong move and you can

change the destiny of people today?

Do you mean if I played my cards right 300 years ago, today I could be Richard

Burton?

Your sense of humor leaves something to be desired.

A sense of humor.

Dr. Martin, will you please relax?

Now, why don't you watch an early movie or something?

Believe me, my only contribution to history was a C -plus in college.

And we're happy to report that there were clear skies and balmy breezes from

end of the United States to the other, from the sunny shores of California to

the grass -green coast of New Jersey.

Yes, the entire nation was basking in beautiful weather.

And... Sam, did you hear that?

Well, sure.

We're going to have clear weather from coast to coast for a change.

What's the matter? Is our smog made you allergic to fresh air? I'm referring to

his description of the United States. It starts at California and stops at New

Jersey. Well, that's ridiculous.

It goes clear to New York.

Doesn't it? It used to.

It's supposed to.

Where did you go with that time machine?

Well, I was just doing a little research on the sale of Manhattan. You see, my

novel... Never mind the novel. You went back to 1626 in the New Netherlands,

right? Well, yeah. You see, the Indians were selling Manhattan to the Dutch for

$24.

Actually, it was 60 guilders. Obviously, through something you said or did, you

prevented that sale from ever being consummated.

Tim, New York doesn't belong to the United States.

Thanks to you.

If you don't tell anybody, you think they'll notice?

But I was so careful, Uncle Martin. I didn't even take off my hat because I

thought, well, some pilgrim might get thrown by my contemporary haircut.

There weren't any pilgrims there.

But obviously you threw something.

A monkey wrench into history.

Well, since you apparently don't remember what you did, we'll have to

deeper. In the closet?

Into your subconscious.

Sit down, please.

Well, uh... What... What's that for?

I feel like a Los Angeles ram wired for sound.

Not just sound, Tim.

Sound and pictures.

I'm going to give you a painless subliminal current that will allow you

and hear your forgotten experience on the set here. My subconscious on

television?

I hope it's closed circuit.

Now, when I give you the signal, concentrate on only one thing. Manhattan

Island. The year is 1626.

Peter Minuit is about to make his trade with the Indians.

Now.

You may open your eyes now, Tim, and see what actually happened.

And so.

I, Peter Minuit, Director General of the Province of New Netherland, return for

these goods valued at 60 guilders to hereby accept the deed of this territory

known as the Island of Rock.

And me, Chief Great Buffalo, leader of tribe, say yes.

We make smart bargain, huh?

Well, to be perfectly honest about it, I've heard of take me to your leader.

This is one time I think the leader's being took.

What do you mean?

Well, 60 guilters.

I just say it's a real steal.

Steal?

You tried to steal, Island?

Gee, wait.

I think you're getting a completely wrong idea.

You see now how a little thing can change history?

That wasn't a little thing. That was a big thing.

My mouth.

Why didn't I feel awful?

Not as awful, I'm sure, as the residents of Manhattan will feel if this isn't

rectified immediately. Tim, we've got to make a fast trip.

To New York?

Correct. But then it was known as New Netherlands.

Time, 1626.

Place, Peter Minowitz Meeting House.

You mean we have to return to the scene of my crime?

That was a fast answer. The machine needs adjustment. We're five minutes

That means trouble. You hide. Here, I'll see what's going on in there.

Chief, the Crown needs this territory.

Me no care what Crown needs.

Me trust you.

You tried to cheat me. What to cheat? No, Chief.

We no longer friends.

You forget my invitation to come my teepee next moon for barbecue frog

Chief! Chief! Great Buffalo!

Great Buffalo, you have been misunderstood!

Chief!

What do I do now?

We were counting on this territory!

We even had a name for it!

New Amsterdam!

All said and done weren't good. Come along, Tim.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He might recognize you.

How would you like a little Dutch goatee? How about a little Dutch girl

Good. Let's go.

Well,

I wouldn't say good, but let's go.

Come in.

Mr. Minuit, we're merchants. Just arrived on the latest boat.

That's the one I'll be taking home, sure.

The crown recalls me to Holland, and my wife will start making my life miserable

again.

Her nose is sensitive to flowers.

And everywhere you look, tulips!

Well, perhaps we could be of assistance if it's a problem in trade.

Well, business is our business.

No, it's too late yet. I had this territory purchased when some idiot

nose in... You look familiar.

Did I ever see you before?

I don't think so.

Were you ever in Rotterdam?

Utrecht.

Oh, you wouldn't know him.

He's from a town far from there.

Very far.

There, very far.

I think that the sale was set.

The land was ours.

That's the only reason I came here, to build colonies.

Why else would a man be insane enough to travel with the waves and seasickness

and... Just because some dumb skull couldn't keep its mouth shut.

Go out and post a reward.

Ten guilders for catching him. Dead or alive.

Yes.

That's not going to help.

Perhaps if we spoke to Great Buffalo. No!

He's a stubborn man.

Well, I can be just as stubborn.

I wouldn't take this stupid island now even if he gave it to me. Who needs it?

It's all rock.

The climate's terrible.

But of course, we can go west.

The Indians can have it.

No, no, no, no, no, they can't. Who says so?

What can you grow from rock?

Arrowheads! But you see, that isn't the point. Are you sure I didn't meet you in

Dordra? Nine!

But, Mr. Minuit, this is not a useless piece of land.

It's a place that can be the start of a great nation. A nation?

A nation of people?

All you can get here is seagulls. But you're not using your imagination and

thinking ahead.

Fifty, a hundred, three hundred years from now, visualize it.

A teeming metropolis that is the commercial hub of a vast country.

A small portion of land with the greatest concentration of wealth in the

Providing homes and jobs for millions of people.

I can see it.

I can see it.

What did you see there?

Nothing, nothing.

If I told you, you wouldn't believe it.

Well, you're such a good salesman, I'll let you talk to the great Buffalo.

But he's only got till sundown. If he doesn't come to me by then, ready to

the sale, forget it.

We'll go and see the great chief immediately.

And let's hope we succeed for the future of all concerned.

You are positive?

You never were in Rotterdam?

Oh, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine.

Nine, nine.

Why are you so stubborn?

I no sell island to that cheater Minuit.

Now I have great dowry here for some young brave who going to make you his

I not marry just anybody.

Why not?

Anybody is somebody.

You no papoose no more.

Moon's passing pretty fast.

I am princess.

Pretty soon you'd just be old Indian maid.

I wait for brave who is handsome.

Courageous.

Strong.

You're just going to wait.

Can I get rid of this now?

Greetings,

Ray Buffalo.

Greetings. I do not wish to intrude on the great chief, but I come to have a

short powwow.

Not bad.

We have powwow. You sit.

I get right.

Like great buffalo, we can speak in your native tongue.

You know language of my people?

You not only know language, you got dialect perfect.

Well, I'm a little rusty on the bowels. Only man who know ways of my people is

brave of my tribe or blood brother.

As a matter of fact, I am a blood brother.

I became one about 50 years moons ago.

No. Oh, this sure small world.

Thank you.

You like?

Yes, yes. Just what I've always wanted.

Let's see if maybe I don't have a little something for you.

Great buffalo like you.

Enough to listen to some advice?

I would be fool not to listen.

And me, no fool.

No brave in his right scalp could think that.

No, Great Buffalo.

You are a great chief.

And that's why it's my advice that you keep your word to Peter Minuit.

Minuit?

Him bad.

Him try cheat, Great Buffalo.

No, no. He did not try to cheat you. It was just a misunderstanding.

He's an honorable man.

Well, you wise.

You say he good man, but be not sure if he good man.

Let your feather act like princess.

Me give him beads.

Him give me this.

You gave her that?

Well, it's just a keychain.

Tim, when she put that around your neck... She was proposing, and when you

her a gift in return, you accepted.

But... Me give you fine buffalo skins for dowry. But I...

You get own special teepee with running creek.

Can't accept.

And that not all best part of dowry.

Your special own hunting ground just for you. Oh, lucky me to sell.

Now island belong to son -in -law.

Welcome to tribe.

How did I get into this? No, no, no. Let me rephrase the question.

How can I get out of it?

Well, at this moment, I'm more concerned about the historical ramifications of

the situation than about your personal problem. The world already has plenty of

history, but there's only one me.

For which the world may be duly thankful.

I'm sorry. I goofed, and I'm sorry about it, but New York is just one little

state. There's going to be 49 more.

So couldn't we just take the time machine and go home and forget the whole

thing? No, not at all.

The Indians would doubtless massacre the settlers in reprisal for your jilting

their princess. It would be disaster.

Oh? What are you going to call it if I have to marry Littlefeather? An

historical error, which we cannot permit to happen.

We must prevent the wedding and consummate the sale of Manhattan to

before sundown. Oh, that's a great idea.

Especially the part about preventing the wedding.

I wonder if Little Feather ever did find a bridegroom.

Assuming it wasn't you. What do you mean?

I mean, let's take a look into the future.

Who's that?

His name is Young Deer. He will marry Little Feather. He will become a great

chief. He is courageous.

He is wise in counsel.

Then why does he want to marry a little feather? He is also nearsighted.

Hey, I guess that lets me off the hook then.

She can't marry me. She's going to marry him. Unless, of course, she is a widow.

A what?

Historically, he isn't due here for six months.

Anything could happen in that length of time.

Oh, come on. You've got to do something.

I'm too young to die.

I haven't even been born yet.

I hesitate to tamper with history.

However, under those circumstances, perhaps I'd better.

I'll try to find young dear and bring him back here in time.

Stall the wedding as long as possible.

I will.

I will.

Goodbye,

Tim.

Eat, my future husband.

What is it? I cook myself.

Lizard neck.

No scorpion's tongue?

Oh, that's my best dish.

Oh, we have happy marriage.

I really get live one.

Greetings, my son -in -law. You get up. Leave him alone.

Now we make you ready for a wedding ceremony. Oh, it'll be a long time

I'm ready, Chief.

Oh, no. You'll be ready pretty quick.

She work very fast.

Yeah, but is she good? You wouldn't want me to show up for my own wedding with a

messy paint job, would you? Do not worry. She put on wedding paint just

for ceremony.

That's very important.

It is?

Um... Wolf! Wolf! Look!

Wolf!

Oh, Wolf now comes so close to camp. There, maybe. But no, Wolf!

You fix face right!

Me already fixed face.

Then you do better if you want to keep job.

Ah.

Oh.

I hate to tell you this, Chief, but the

bonnet is too loose.

Me fix.

She fix.

Ah, enough.

You're choking my forehead.

Now fit good and tight.

Thanks for the headache.

You're welcome.

Now we're ready. No, wait, Chief, wait.

Don't you think we ought to just wait and see if someone doesn't show from my

side of the family?

Me think me never see this day.

Wedding soon.

When drums stop.

When drums stop?

Wedding. Begin.

Would you excuse me for a second?

Say, that's a pretty mean beat, Hiawatha. Do you mind if I sit in?

Thank you.

Wedding ceremony to begin.

But I have another number. I didn't know you wanted to cut in.

Fellas.

Wait,

almighty chief.

I've brought another guest.

A mighty warrior from the north.

Am I glad to see you.

Sorry I'm late, but young dear was on a hunting expedition and we had to stop to

kill three mountain lions.

You're beautiful.

Me?

Oh, you real live one.

Me love you.

Never love anybody else.

You marry me?

Me not even want dowry.

Oh, this my day.

But I can't marry you if... Oh, no ifs about it. Come on, boys.

Let's start the drums.

I'm sure that you and young dear will have many years of happiness, not to

mention Tim.

Now, we can also take care of one other matter before sundown. Stop!

Tribal law say when two braves want same princess, must do battle.

Now, wedding more fun, we have big fight to see who win hand of little feather.

I take either one.

Oh, you're darned.

Well, this is just great.

If he wins, I get killed. If I win, I get her.

Either way, I lose.

Remember the old adage, Tim. Where there's life, there's hope.

Hope? Do you know what the odds are against me, against him? Roughly 9 ,827

,421. Well, let's face it. I can't handle him alone.

I know, but that's going to be a problem.

Minuit is leaving at sundown, which will be in 15 minutes.

White?

Look, I'm getting angry. I don't want to have to unleash my strength.

I wish I knew how I did that.

You'll get wedding paint. We fix son -in -law again.

Mighty warriors over.

Both equal.

Nobody win.

That must mean I'm still alive. Yeah, well, that made the owner temporary.

Tribal law say little feather have only one husband.

Still do not know which warrior get hurt or which one get burned in fire.

Maybe the great warrior spirit can influence the decision.

Yeah. Huh? Who? The great warrior spirit.

Me.

Oh, no. Come on, Uncle Morty. You can't leave me alone.

I'm out of the frying pan.

But I'm still on the fire.

Oh, hear me, mighty chief.

Great Buffalo, hear me and obey.

Who speak?

Who say Great Buffalo's name?

It is I, Great Warrior Spirit, giver of wisdom, speaker of truth.

You, Great Warrior Spirit?

You're supposed to talk on wind.

How come you make personal appearances?

Too important decision for mortal Indian to make without help.

I, great warrior spirit, command little feather marry young deer.

I thank you, great spirit.

Now you release courageous young man who fights so bravely.

Oh, thank you, uncle, uh, uh, great spirit.

It shall be done.

One more thing.

You go to Minuit's house right now.

Fast. Before sundown.

Sell him Island of Rock.

Minuit?

No. Him cheat. No.

Does Chief Great Buffalo defy great warrior spirit?

No.

Don't stand there. Give me dowry.

Peter Minuit, Director General, do hereby accept this deed of the territory

known as the Island of Rock.

Well, I guess congratulations are in order. It's finally been sold.

Yeah. Yeah, and congratulations to you, too, Chief. You finally got your 60

guilders. And I finally got me.

Oh, and also congratulations to you, too, Mr. Minuit.

You got yourself a real steal.

Thank you.

I almost didn't because of... Tim,

the time machine!

Next time I take a trip, I think I'll check with my travel agent.

Ah, there we agree.

Yeah, the next time I write a novel, I can tell you one thing.

It is not going to be historical.

Well, I don't like to discourage creativity, but there we agree again.

No, I'm true with history.

As a matter of fact, the next novel I write, I think I'll write about the

future. Yeah, why not? Uncle Martin, if I could just... Well, like they say,

what's wrong with the present?

Thank you.