All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s03e24 When You Get Back Home

Please. I'm trying to concentrate two
ways at one time.

Ah.

Jim.

Well, you can't win them both.

What is it you wanted to tell me?
Nothing, nothing.

It's just that I heard on my car radio
that an unidentified flying object was

just spotted.

Every time some child's toy balloon
floats away, you earthlings insist

being invaded by creatures from another
planet.

Uncle Martin? Yeah?

That toy balloon?

It was traveling 25 ,000 miles an hour.

25 ,000 miles an hour?

Are you sure?

Well, at least that's what the Air Force
released to all the press services.

25 ,000 miles an hour.

Well, what's this Martian gizmo? This is
a microkinetic infraradar scope.

I built it quite some time ago to check
on any spacecraft that might come

looking for me.

After a while, I began thinking they
gave up on me, so I gave up with it.

It's a spacecraft, all right.

No toy balloon, that.

Tim, there's no doubt about it.

You mean... Do you mean that that's a
spaceship?

From another planet?

Not just another spaceship, Tim.

This one is from Mars.

The ship should be right around here.

Yeah, well, shouldn't the Air Force know
that too?

Well, your Air Force equipment can only
ascertain the general area the ship came

down in.

It'll take them a while to pinpoint the
exact spot.

Wow.

And I thought women drivers were bad.

I must admit, the pilot did seem to lack
landing experience.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Don't you think you ought to find out
if, well, whoever's in there is friendly

before you open it up? Tim, this is a
Martian ship.

It is?

Well, how do you know? It doesn't look
anything like yours.

Well, undoubtedly an advanced style. But
a Martian ship, nevertheless, and all

Martians are friendly. Take my word for
it. Well, I just hope those aren't

famous last words.

I don't believe it.

What's the matter?

The pilot.

Well, you know him?

That is quite an understatement. I know
him only too well.

That is my 11 -year -old nephew,
Andromeda.

I got some clothes for him, so I won't
have to wear that space suit around. I

hope they fit.

He's still out, huh?

Yeah, well, at the rate of speed he was
traveling, hitting Earth wasn't like

receiving a gentle tap on the forehead.

Fortunately, he was protected by a force
field in the cockpit.

At the speed he was traveling, it's
lucky he hit the brakes. He could have

clear through to China.

You see, isn't Andromeda a funny name
for a boy?

He was born in the constellation
Andromeda.

Oh.

Wasn't that named after a Greek goddess?

Well, my sister and brother -in -law
were expecting a little girl.

Well,

it's nice to know that there are some
things that Martians can't control.

Uncle

Exigius!

Andromeda!

Boy, it's sure good to see you again.

I feel the same way. I haven't seen you
since... since you were about that high.

How did you find me? More important
right now, how did you get here?

Well, uh, I borrowed Dad's ship to take
out for a little spin, and the next

thing I knew, I got caught in this
cosmic storm.

Which threw you out of orbit. Uh -huh.

I didn't have enough fuel left to climb
back through it, so I headed for Earth,

figuring you could get me and Dad's ship
back to... Uh -oh.

Dad's ship.

How is it?

Completely destroyed, except for what
you had in the cockpit.

I disintegrated what pieces were left of
the wreckage.

Oh, boy.

Am I going to get it when I get back
home to Mars?

Uncle Martin.

Who's he?

Oh, forgive me, Tim.

Andromeda, I want you to meet Tim O
'Hara.

He is my host and my friend here on
Earth.

Hi.

Hi.

he called you Uncle Martin?

Well, that's my name on this planet.

What's wrong with Exigius 12 and a half?

Well, it's not very euphonious with O
'Hara.

What Tim is trying to say is, well, uh,
things here on Earth aren't all they're

cracked up to be.

You mean you're not a big hero?

Didn't they give you a big parade and
everything when you came down?

Well, uh, not exactly.

You see, actually, Tim is the only one
who knows that I'm down here.

How come?

Well, your uncle thought it would be
best to keep it a secret.

Why?

After all, Uncle Exigius, it's just... I
think you'd better get in the habit of

calling me Uncle Martin.

You gone Earth?

You ashamed you're a Martian?

No.

No, of course not.

It's just that most Earthmen don't
accept interplanetary visitors that

That's why, as long as you're down here,
you will have to behave and dress like

an earthling.

In fact, I think we should shorten your
name to Andy.

Andy? Yuck!

Not a Venusian's chance.

My name's Andromeda, and I'm not wearing
any earthling's clothes.

Now, Andy, I think you should listen to
your Uncle Martin.

His name's Exigius, and mine's
Andromeda, not Andy.

You are going to have to put those
clothes on.

Uh -uh.

He's only got one antenna.

Yes, he lost his baby antenna.

So far, only one of his adult antenna
has grown in.

Andy, you come back here this instant.

Uh -uh.

I'm getting out of this room until you
do as I say. You've got to catch me

first.

There he is.

Don't waste your time, Tim. You'll never
catch him that way.

Oh, there you are.

Andy. Put down that chair.

Uh -uh. Andy.

Now, listen, Andy. You have to do just
as your uncle says.

Now, you let go.

Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin.

Tim. Hmm?

If you want to be of help, don't help.
Just do one thing for me.

What's that? Move your left foot. You're
standing on my hand.

Oh, sorry about that.

Here, let me help you out with that.

I'm going to wear those clothes and
change my name. I won't do it. I won't.

Andy, you pop right back on.

I won't do it.

I won't.

Yoo -hoo, Mark and Tim, it's me, Laura
Lee.

Tim, Tim, help me get him in the bedroom
quickly. Be right with you, Laura Lee.

Tim,

goodness gracious, what's going on up
here? All that noise.

Noise?

We were moving furniture.

Out of the apartment with the rest of
your belongings, I hope.

Brennan, his ability to make quick,
positive identifications is fantastic.

But what did you move?

Well, everything seems to be where it
always was.

Yes. Well, we changed it.

And then we changed it back.

Hard that simply moving some furniture
around should make one's face such a

of guilt.

Oh, now, Bill, what should Tim feel
guilty about?

Exactly what I'd like to know. As
Shakespeare said, the thief doth fear

bush and officer.

I believe that quote began, Suspicion
always haunts the guilty mind, Brennan.

Oh, well.

Now, whom do we have here?

Good afternoon, Laura Lee.

This is my nephew, Andy.

Andy, this is Mrs. Brown and Detective
Brennan. It's nice to meet you, Andy.

The name's Andromeda.

Andromeda. It's a nickname, Mrs. Brown.
Where are you from, son?

Mars.

Mars? Mars!

Ohio. It's a small town. Not too many
people know about it.

That's not true.

Andy's very proud of his hometown, and
he thinks it's better known than it

really is.

Of course he is. I would be, too, if I
knew where it was.

What about his mother and father?

Oh, they're up there.

Up there. Oh, the poor child.

Well, we'll make sure that you have a
real good home right away, won't we?

Now, just a moment, Loralee. I'm not at
all sure the O 'Haras can provide the

proper parental background for the boy.

What?

say a thing like that?

No, it's easy.

When you have a big mouth.

As a law enforcement officer, O 'Hara, I
have a duty to the community at large,

including waifs, orphans, and
foundlings.

I'm not a waif or an orphan, and I'm not
lost, so I can't be a foundling.

I'm a Martian from the planet Mars.

Just watch me if you don't believe me.

Did you hear that?

O 'Hara's already infected the lad with
that lunatic imagination.

Oh, Bill, he's just playing.

I am not.

Just look at me disappear.

I'm sorry, Loralee, but I feel it is my
duty to call in a social worker. You'll

do no such thing, Bill Brennan. But,
Loralee... Martin and Tim have every

to raise their own kin.

And besides, I'll be right here every
minute to help them.

Oh, well, Loralee, maybe we won't need
you every minute.

Well, I suppose there isn't too much
harm in trying it.

But the moment I find that boy isn't
getting the proper food, keeping good

hours, going to school, I'm calling in
the social services.

Shall we go, Laura?

I'm sure you'll be a real little angel.

I'm not an angel. I'm a Martian. I'm a
Martian.

Say, you know something, Uncle Martin?

When you get to know him...

Andy's really a pretty nice boy.

He is a nice boy, but he's still a boy,
even though he's 97 years old.

97 years old?

Oh, come on, you're putting me on. I
distinctly remember you telling me he

11. 11 Martian years.

97 Earth years.

Well, he's 97 years old.

Why does he act the way he does?

Martians don't reach full maturity until
their 150th birthday.

Scientifically, Andy is well in advance
of any Earth man.

But emotionally, he's still a child.

Now, Andy, pouting isn't going to help.

I realize it's difficult for you to
understand, but you're just going to

trust your Uncle Mark.

Sure. You'll like school, Andy. It's a
lot of fun.

You just have to take my word for it.

I've already graduated magna cum laude
from four universities.

Oh.

Well, a little extra education never
hurt anyone.

Andy, believe me, I'm just as proud of
being a Martian as you are.

But this isn't the right time to tell
anybody.

And until that right time comes, you are
just going to have to cooperate.

Now, what do you say?

Well, if you say so.

Okay. Good night, Andy.

Good night, Andy.

Good night. And don't worry.

I'll do whatever you say.

Well, good morning. I'm back.

Andy give you any trouble?

He couldn't be better. Look, he's all
enrolled, and when I left the school,

couldn't have seen a happier or more
cooperative child in the classroom. He's

regular ray of sunshine.

Oh, well.

As the Arabs used to say, too much
sunshine can turn a garden into a

Aren't you being just a little
mistrustful of your own nephew's

Tim. Children the universe over can
rationalize away any promise they make

simply standing on a crack and saying it
doesn't count. Or hundreds of other

ways. I just want to check and make
sure.

I'm getting some sort of interference.

Well, don't tell me the old mind reader
is slipping.

He's using some newly developed
technique that I can't cope with.

It just goes to show you how much you
can miss when you're gone for a couple

years.

What are you looking for?

Andy's space suit.

You check the bedroom while I look
around out here.

No,

it's not in there.

And not in here.

There's only one place it can be.

You mean he wore it to school?

Now, I realize you're new in this
school, Andy, but you can't wear your

clothes to class.

They're not my play clothes.

They're my regular clothes.

Back home, I wear them all the time.

Well, how your parents let you dress
around the house is their concern.

But here, you'll have to dress just like
all the other children. But I'm not one

of the other children.

I'm a Martian.

Class, children, settle down.

Now, Andy, I'm not one to stifle a
fertile imagination, but there is a time

place. That's what my uncle said, but
he's ashamed to admit he's a Martian,

I'm not.

Class. Okay, you're all so smart.

I'll prove it to you. Don't believe I'm
a Martian, huh?

Andy.

You think that's something? Watch me
rearrange the molecular structure of

desk.

He is a Martian. You bet I am. I can
even disappear.

Pardon me, I'm looking for my nephew,
Andy.

Hi, Uncle Adjutius.

You better run up to the old antenna and
get Andy out of here. I'll take care of

her. An excellent suggestion.

Oh, no.

Don't just stand there drooping. Beat
it.

They ran away.

They were afraid of me.

I tried to warn you that this would
happen.

But you wouldn't listen.

Tell him to come back.

Tell him we're friendly.

We know that we are. But I doubt if you
can convince them of that right now.

We'll meet you in the car, Tim.

Oh, Hera of the Daily Sun. They went out
that window. And the teacher, you

better take care of her.

She's pretty shook up.

Oh, that's the old ball game.

They got the place surrounded.

Yeah, and discovered my spaceship,
eliminating our only means of escape.

Can't we freeze them temporarily while
we grab the ship?

No, not until we know what steps Tim's
government has taken to ensure our

apprehension. We've got to get into the
apartment and to the TV set so that I

can monitor them. Oh, come on. You can't
go out looking like that.

They'll think you're so full of holes
they'll have to send you back to Mars in

loose -leaf notebook.

Nothing's going to disappear.

Can you at all? I'm afraid not.

But I can.

You two slip into the house while I
distract them.

Andy, no, no, come back here.

Hey, bet you can't catch me.

I'm getting too old for this sort of
thing.

Hey, open up, will you?

Okay,

you can close the door now.

Two years of this, and I still can't get
used to it.

I don't know how good of a reception
I'll get with only one antenna.

But here goes.

We'll try the Air Force bases first.

They're putting everything up that can
fly.

I'm afraid that eliminates an aerial
escape. Let's see what they're doing

the ground forces.

I'm sorry, Uncle Exit... Uncle Martin.

I'm afraid we're past the name -calling
stage now, Andy. I'm glad you can say

that again.

I'm afraid we've had it this time.

Tim.

Tim, that's it.

Time, the one barrier we can escape
through.

Setting the dial to the time machine
just before Andy left for school.

All this will never have happened.

One false move and I'd appreciate it, O
'Hara. Or should I say Martian?

Bill Brennan, you put that gun down this
instant.

You know children shouldn't be exposed
to violence.

Loralee, for goodness sake, that child
is a Martian and so is O 'Hara. Or

whatever his Martian name is.

Exigius 12 and a half.

Oh, Martians, Martians. What difference
does it make as long as they're decent,

respectable people?

They've probably come down here to take
over our world.

In the state it's in, who'd want it?

I'll get to you later, Benedict O 'Hara.

What is that thing you're holding?

Believe it or not, Brennan, it is a time
machine.

You mean a time bomb.

Hand it over and make it fast. Get out
of here, Loralee, before it blows up.

Bill, don't be silly.

Martin wouldn't blow anything up. He's
too orderly a person.

O 'Hara, hand me that bomb or I'll fire.

You'll do no such thing, Bill Brennan.

Loralee.

Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Brown.
We'll talk to you later.

Uncle Martin, you did it. We're back in
time.

Time. That reminds me, you'd better
hurry or you're going to be late for

first day at school.

I think I'd better leave this here at
home, Uncle Martin.

With all due respect, Cousin Tim, your
people here are very insecure.

Gosh, Uncle Martin, home and places and
people we know seem so far away.

True, Andy.

But that's only because what we see up
there is familiar to us.

To people on Earth, the night sky is
strange and mysterious.

And most Earthlings fear anything or
anybody that appears strange and

from themselves.

And they don't even have to be from
another planet.

When will the time come when we can tell
them we're Martians?

I'm afraid even our most advanced
computers couldn't pinpoint the exact

But we're getting there. We're getting
there slowly, slowly but surely.

Time for bed.

Okay. Good night, Uncle Martin.

Cousin Tim.

Good night, Andy.

Well, I guess Andy learned one lesson
here on Earth.

His first. But he's got many more to
learn.

In the interim, let's hope we don't all
flunk the course.