Original subtitles

Oh, yoo -hoo, Tim!

Don't forget now, you and Martin promised to attend the ladies' cooking

conversation in Civil Defense League Buffet this afternoon.

We're having a four -star general for lunch.

Oh, baked, fried, or boiled.

Oh, Tim, really? He's our guest, not the main course.

No, well, I just thought, Mrs. Brown, I've been chewed out by so many

I thought I'd like to chew on one for a while.

Uncle Martin, I'm home.

Uncle Martin?

You're... Spare me your power of description, Tim.

I'm fully aware my EWS is turning me on and off.

Your EWS?

My early warning system.

You're kidding.

Hardly. A Martian sense of humor is much too subtle for us to resort to physical

forms of comedy.

Well, look, you mean to tell me that you actually have an early warning system

built inside of you? Well, now, what's so difficult to understand about that?

You earthlings have a much more primitive system that functions along

lines. I believe you call it intuition.

Our sixth sense is naturally much more highly developed.

Well, I mean, I've heard of people...

popping off before, but this is ridiculous.

Sorry. Listen, what do you think it is your EWS is trying to warn you about? I

mean, it couldn't be Mrs. Brown's general, could it?

Or maybe it's the ladies of the Cooking Conversation and Civil Defense League.

I don't know.

The EWS simply makes me aware that something drastic is about to happen.

Hey, Uncle Martin, I wouldn't go down there right now. In your present

condition, that wouldn't be too wise. Don't worry, Tim. I'm through popping.

Whatever I was being warned about has just arrived.

Oh, Alvin, my little brother.

Oh, it's so good to see you again.

Ah, now, now, sis, let's not have any tears, huh? This is a $200 suit, not one

of those drip -dry jobs. Oh, Alvin.

Oh, Martin, Tim, come on down. I want you to meet my brother Alvin. He's

to spend a few days with me.

We'll be right there, Mrs. Brown.

A few days?

With all that luggage, it'll take him that long just to unpack.

Martin, huh?

Well, you must be the inventor Laura Lee is always writing to me about. I'm glad

we finally met. You know, I got a feeling we can do big things together, O

'Hara, with the right idea, knowing how and where to market it. That'll be $8

.75, mister, including the tip that I laid out for you to the red cap back at

the airport. $8 .75, right.

Well, how about that?

I haven't got a dollar in cash on me.

I've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to cash a check.

Uh... One of you fellas have a ten spot until I can write out a check.

Oh.

Well, I... Thanks.

Here we are. There you go, fella. Ten for the meter. The rest is for you.

Well, thanks.

Thank you very much.

Well, now, how about you fellas lending a hand with the luggage?

Sure. Great. You grab those three, Martin. You take the other three.

I'm starved.

Tim, wasn't it Will Rogers who said he never met a man he didn't like?

Mm -hmm. Well, it's a sense he never met Alvin.

Well, I'm glad you asked, General. As a matter of fact, I...

Don't you monopolize the general, Alvin. Thank you, sis.

I'm so glad you ladies could come.

15 ,000 feet.

Oh, you having a good time, boys?

Oh, it's great. Thanks, Mr. Brown. Oh, good.

Well, I see Alvin wasted no time in cornering the visiting brass.

I wonder what kind of a line he's feeding.

I don't know, Tim, but when he's through talking, it wouldn't surprise me if the

generals discovered a new secret weapon.

A new secret weapon?

Mm -hmm.

Alvin. Just point him at the enemy and let him shoot off his big mouth.

Well, I assume you have some important venture brewing out here in Los Angeles,

Mr. Wanamaker? Well, now, General, I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss my

plans at the present time. All I can say is, it's big, really big.

Don't forget our meeting later, O 'Hara.

Isn't that the inventor that Mrs. Brown introduced us to before? Bright guy,

very bright guy.

Oh, so that's it.

You're involved with one of his inventions.

What is it?

Something for private industry or something the government could use? Now,

General, we should not discuss top secret projects at a ladies' luncheon.

Oh, pardon me. I believe my sister's calling me.

That's strange.

I don't seem to recall any top secret project involving an O 'Hara.

Unless it's locked in the Pentagon, sir.

This wouldn't really be big, sir.

This is a fine kettle of fish.

And we don't know anything about it.

You know, Fred, we'll look like a couple of nitwits back in Washington when the

lid comes off of this.

Are you thinking the same thing I am, sir?

Exactly. We've got to cover ourselves and do it fast.

A few words to the press that we've been in on this whole thing right from its

inception should do it.

Yes, sir.

But... But... But, Mr. Benson, I've been on local news all week. Now, how could

I possibly know about any national hush -hush project?

In the family?

My uncle?

Uncle Martin is heading up the project?

But... But, Mr. Benson, I don't know of any.

The Express does.

An exclusive interview with General Rocklin?

He's been in on it from the beginning.

Michael Martin. Not only did Alvin Cummings spell trouble, it's with a

catastrophe.

Yes, sir. Yeah, I'm listening.

But the name of the project.

Jiminy.

No, no, sir. No, no, not Gemini.

Jiminy. J -I -M -I.

But Mr. Benson.

Yeah. You'd like an exclusive?

Yes, sir. Well... Hello?

Well, Uncle Martin, the Express has a front -page story on you.

Mm -hmm.

I know all about it, Tim. Well, what are you going to do?

Tim, why is it you always have the questions and I have to supply the

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin.

Invent something, anything, just so I can give my editor a story.

Tim, one doesn't just invent things off the top of his head.

Besides, it has to be something of great importance if it's to be of any value

to your country.

Oh, all right. How about a crooked scale so they can finally balance the budget?

Look, if you don't invent something pretty soon, anything at all, my writing

career is going to be reduced to sign the back of my unemployment checks.

Let's hope the consequences aren't greater than that.

Oh, brother.

I've been thinking so much about myself that I completely forgot that you might

be in this spot.

But, Uncle Martin, if Uncle Sam ever finds out... You'll be without your job

your Uncle Martin.

Oh, that... That Alvin!

Somebody mention my name.

Oh, Martin, isn't it wonderful?

Oh, I'm so proud of you and Alvin getting involved in the government.

Oh, they're involved, all right.

What part of the government are you boys going to be associated with?

How does the federal penitentiary sound to you?

Alvin, what in heaven's name did you tell the general?

Well, I merely baited the hook. The less they know, the more they want in.

Into what?

Well, any inventions your uncle's got laying around.

Well, I just don't happen to have anything laying around. Well, then

something. Then we are off to the races. We?

Well, I'm the one that got you started.

You're not going to cut your partner out now, are you?

Oh, it was Alvin who got the ball rolling.

Wanamaker O 'Hara, what in heaven's name are you doing standing around gabbing

and wasting time for?

Every second you take off from completing Project Jiminy can alter the

of power in the world. If it hasn't already.

What are you gentlemen talking about?

Take a look at this.

Russia claims leading U .S. on Project Jiminy. But that's impossible.

I mean, we don't have... But there isn't any... How could that be?

Well, world politics makes strange bedfellows.

Or should I say...

Strange inventors.

O 'Hara?

Yes?

Oh, I, uh... I believe that I'm the O 'Hara you're looking for. Good.

I'm McCarthy, Department of Defense.

That's just what we're going to need. It's a good defense.

O 'Hara, we've been through our files. We can't find a blessed thing on Project

Jiminy. However, the important thing is that we have it. We have?

We do have it, don't we?

You haven't sold us out.

Oh, we haven't given it away.

Thank heavens we haven't given anything away.

Excellent. Then you can be in Washington tomorrow to report on the project and

pick up your check. Check.

The House Appropriations Committee is meeting in special session tonight to

the amount for Project Jiminy.

I figure they'll come up with about 50 million.

50 million?

To start.

You're kidding.

Well, perhaps 100 million?

100?

Uncle Martin?

Uh, Mr. McCarthy.

All right, O 'Hara.

If it'll take a blank check to see that we have it first, you'll get it.

Just be sure you're in my office in Washington first thing tomorrow.

Good day, O 'Hara.

Good day, O 'Hara.

Satan's sainted ring.

I had a feeling Alvin spelled trouble.

Oh, Martin.

Alvin had to leave with some gentlemen.

One of the men gave me the flair to give to you.

Thank you, Laura Lee.

Well, what is it? A subpoena to appear before a congressional investigating

committee?

On the contrary, Tim, it's a note intimating more drastic action by Crush.

Crush? You mean that outfit we got mixed up with once before? The same.

Crush. An independent international organization dedicated to no one but

themselves. And their purpose?

To take over the world.

They've got Alvin?

As you'll notice, Alvin is being held as hostage.

until I deliver to Crush all the plans of Project Gemini.

But, Uncle Martin, you don't have any plans to trade for Alvin. True. However,

even if I did, I would never allow myself to be intimidated or blackmailed

Crush. Well, I admire your courage, but we can't let Crush crush Alvin. I have

no intention of letting Crush crush Alvin.

That is a pleasure I am reserving for myself.

I never saw that before. What is it? A Martian centimeter.

Now, there's no time for long explanations if we're to save Alvin.

Yeah, but how's that going to help us? Tim, the letter from Crush instructs me

to leave the supposed plans at the gate to the Lake Dale Cemetery.

Even if I were to show up with phony plans, there's no guarantee that an

like Crush would keep their bargain and have Alvin with them. Now, wait a

minute. That thing is going to help us locate where they're holding Alvin? Yes.

Now, if you'll run downstairs to Mrs. Brown's house and fetch me one of

shoes. One of his shoes?

Preferably one that he's worn for some time. All right.

But that's the first time I've ever heard of using a sole to catch a couple

heels.

Very punny.

Very punny.

That does it.

Do you mean to tell me that that mechanical bloodhound sniffed Alvin's

knows exactly where he is?

Naturally. The process is comparatively simple.

The sensitivity of the smell -o -phone converts the individual scent into

electrical impulses, broadcasts them into the air until it matches the same

human scent and bounces back like a sonar beam.

Wow. Well, with one of those, you'd never have to worry about getting stuck

a mismatched pair of socks.

Well, there it is.

There is what? The telephone booth.

Crush headquarters.

I located them with my vibrational scanner.

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin. I've heard of a man having his office in a phone

booth. A crush is bigger than that.

The booth is only the entrance to Crush headquarters.

Now hurry.

Locate Alvin's exact whereabouts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

What are

you

doing? I'm merely setting up my intercerebral telemontering system.

Now look into my glasses and tell me what you see.

How about a couple of eyeballs?

And bloodshot, too.

Nonsense. My telemonitoring system is in color. Watch closely.

Shades of coaxial cables.

Look at that reception.

And with an indoor antenna.

Never mind the editorial.

Just keep an eye on what's happening.

Well, Mr. Wanamaker, for your sake, I hope Mr. O 'Hara gets here soon.

so that we can complete our little transaction.

Boy, you fellas sure have a peculiar way of doing business.

I assure you, our ways and means are most effective.

Crush, my dear fellow, is an organization comprised of the finest

and the most destructive weapons known to mankind.

Observe.

The laser pistol, which can cut through any object, regardless of its strength

or thickness.

That, along with many others, and Project Jiminy.

Now, look, buddy, I know there's been a lot of talk about that thing, but...

But?

If it isn't delivered to us by the prescribed time, there'll be one less to

about it.

Yes?

Boy, is Alvin on the spot.

And we'd better get to him before the spot is removed.

Just as I suspected.

There's an electric eye alarm at the other end of the corridor.

What are you going to do, Uncle Martin?

I'll have to get our friends out of there long enough for us to free Albert.

Well, now, wait a second.

Albert, we can get out of here.

Oh, no, you don't. Now, you can disappear, but me, me, they're going to

Sorry.

I forget at times how limited earthlings can be.

Hey, hey, hey.

There, that's it. keep you out of trouble?

Yeah, unless there's some low -flying eagles around.

Hurry up.

questions. Time is of the essence.

All right, now, come on.

For heaven's sake, Alvin, come on. Hey, wait a minute. Take a look at what these

guys have here.

With your know -how, Harold, we can copy some of these things and make a

fortune.

Well, gentlemen, you should have known better than to try to outsmart Crush.

What annoys me most is the lost time and inconvenience you've caused me.

Now, Vincent and I must dispatch ourselves to your residence to find the

And we will, if we have to take everything apart piece by piece.

Uncle Martin, if they go to the house... They won't find any plans for Gemini.

But they will find my spaceship and the rest of my Martian equipment.

Not only is my identity at stake, Tim, but my equipment in the hands of Crush

could help them take over the world.

What can you do?

To alter one of my quotations, the finger is mightier than the sword.

As soon as I have your plans, I'll be back to show you the plans I have.

For you.

I'm afraid you're too late.

You've already been exposed to my hallucinary gas.

Hallucinary gas?

Your what?

I have to have some excuse for what Alvin and these gentlemen are about to

experience.

I released it from my wristwatch ejector moments ago.

It should take effect any moment.

Don't show them how it works, O 'Hara. If it's any good, they'll steal it. I'm

sorry, Alvin, but you'll have to suffer through it with them. Only Tim and I

took the antidote.

Pay no attention to them.

It's a trick. On the contrary, this is the trick.

I'm seeing things.

Get us down or I'll shoot. But, sir, it's all in your mind.

See?

I don't believe it.

Of course, it's all in the way you look at it.

Where are we going now?

Don't worry, Alvin. The effects of the gas will wear off now that you can

breathe fresh air again.

Well, Uncle Martin, you saved the day.

It's not today I'm worried about.

Tomorrow.

Malcolm Martin, I don't understand.

What have you got in the box?

Your fee, just as soon as the Russian attaché arrives.

Whatever it is.

Letting the Russians in on it?

Now, you listen to me, McCarthy.

If you think that you can intimidate my country with your Project Jiminy over

our Project Jiminy... Nobody's intimidating anybody, Vladimir.

The whole thing is this O 'Hara's idea. I don't like it either, but he's in

charge of the project.

Nevertheless... Ours is better than yours.

Oh, is that so?

Now, we'll see about that.

Okay, O 'Hara, show him.

Are you sure that you want to let him see it?

Him? Project Gemini is a project I intend to demonstrate for the peace of

world.

Peace is not the sole property of any one nation, but of all nations.

This gentleman...

It's what you have been fighting about.

Well, it's an empty box.

Duh. And besides, there is nothing in it.

Exactly.

Nothing. That's just what you gentlemen have been fighting about.

Oh, it's true, nations do have points of disagreement with other nations.

But most of the time, the Cold Wars and threats are based solely on accusations

over nothing, really.

They'd only take the lid off the box.

Shall we go, Tim?

He's crazy, no?

Maybe.

Maybe not so crazy as we think.

Now, listen.

You fellas ought to see his hallucinatory gas.

One whiff of it and things fly around the room. People get caught up on walls.

I tell you. But he's crazy.

Yes. Some people never learn.