Original subtitles

All right, Mrs. Brown, now think.

Concentrate. Well, I'm trying to, Tim, but I keep hearing this terrible buzzing

sound between my ears.

Is that better, Laura Lee?

Oh, my, yes. Why, it's completely gone.

But how did you do that?

Oh, it's a trade secret.

You were trying to remember what you did with my letter. Oh, yes. Well, I do

remember the postman bringing it this morning, but you weren't home. That's

right. It was from the Geophysical Research and Review News.

Well, I wouldn't know about that, Martin. I never read people's personal

addresses.

I wonder if I could have put it in my sewing basket.

I'll go look.

Boy, that is the worst I've ever seen her.

Yeah. Apparently, she's very excited about something.

I've observed that her attention span shortens in an inverse ratio to the

of her enthusiasm.

Well,

I wouldn't really know what to say about that, except... Oh!

She inversed all right. She forgot to bake these brownies.

Hey,

Uncle Martin. Are you hatching a plot?

Or are you breaking in a new set of wrinkles?

Hold on. I was considering taking a calculated risk. What kind of calculated

risk? I have a supply of concentration pills in my space kit.

If I can induce Laura Lee to take one, then immediately mention the letter, she

will concentrate on that and remember immediately where she put it.

Well, for Pete's sake, what are we waiting for?

If anything goes wrong on the timing, she'll concentrate on whatever first

catches her attention to the exclusion of all else. What could possibly go

wrong? With you right here in complete control. Come on.

What is this, Martin?

A simple little pill, Laura Lee, which can calm your nerves so you can

concentrate. Oh, like an aspirin.

Oh, someone's at the door. Excuse me.

Not ready yet, Laura Lee?

Oh, that's where it is.

Excuse me, Bill.

I'll be right back. I know now where I put the letter.

What was that all about? Well, Uncle Martin just received a very important

letter, and Mrs. Brown can't remember where she put it. Oh, really?

From a creditor, no doubt.

Threatening to sue?

On the contrary, Mr. Brennan.

I have been expecting a modest fee for some material I submitted to an esoteric

periodical. Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Horror Monster Comics magazine.

No, but when you're through with your copy, I should like to see it.

I understand there's an excellent likeness of you on the cover.

I knew where it was all the time, Martin.

I just couldn't think of it.

Thank you.

The minute I saw Bill standing at the door, I remembered.

Well, maybe that's because he reminds you of a reject from the dead letter

office.

Oh, no, silly.

Bill and I are going out this evening, and I knew that you and Martin wouldn't

be home until this evening, so I put the letter in my evening bag.

Oh, that makes sense.

I guess.

Oh.

They're going to give Bill an award of merit for being such a fine policeman

tonight, and I'll be so thrilled and excited. Maybe I better just keep this,

just in case.

That is, if you don't mind, Martin.

Mind? Why should I mind?

Well, you look like you just lost your best pill.

Well, not my best, but certainly my most dangerous, if Laura Lee happens to take

it at the wrong moment.

My goodness, I don't know when I've had such a wonderful evening.

Oh, imagine me, a real honest -to -goodness honorary deputy police

I think it was awfully sweet of your chief to appoint us ladies as deputies.

Only a small token of the esteem in which we all hold American women, it

be. Uncle Martin, I'd feel a lot better if you didn't try to pull off this purse

-satching bit in front of a hundred cops.

I'm not purse -satching.

I'm merely trying to reclaim what is rightfully mine. What's the big hurry?

Can't you wait until there aren't so many witnesses?

There won't be any witnesses.

And as I have already explained, if Laura Lee takes that pill at the

moment, it could well have dire consequences for all of us.

Awarded to William Brennan, Lieutenant of Police, for meritorious service above

and beyond the call of duty.

Oh, Bill, I am so proud and happy.

Thank you, Laura Lee. Bill, it's all been so thrilling.

Your plaque and my badge and everything?

Well, I'm so excited, I don't... Oh, well, of course. Why didn't I think of

before? Think of what, dear?

Martin's pill. It's supposed to calm you down.

Ah, you got it.

Don't look now, but somebody punched a hole in your concentration pill.

That is not my concentration pill. It's a candy mint.

It must have the same specific gravity as the pill. Oh?

But it's good, though.

I just remembered something.

Oh.

Something wrong.

There most certainly is.

Where's your citation book?

My citation book? That little pad you carry around when you give tickets to

people. We aren't required to carry them off duty.

But... Ever since I was a little lad, I have followed the Boy Scout motto,

be prepared.

Thank you.

Holy,

that's police property. You can't ride on that. Oh, yes, I can. I'm writing you

a ticket.

You are writing me a ticket?

That's right.

You parked your car in a bus zone when we got here tonight.

I saw you, so don't try to deny it.

How about that?

He's the Boy Scout, and she's doing the good turn.

Don't laugh, Tim. This could be pure disaster.

Oh, I don't see how.

I mean, a little solid concentration never hurt anybody.

Except Detective Brennan.

If it isn't Detective Brennan, I'm worried about him.

There you are, Bill. Pay it in good health. But, Laura, you can't do that.

have absolutely no... Ah, ah, ah. Never argue with a police officer, Bill. You

told me that yourself.

Ah, one, two.

Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. What are you doing now?

Oh,

you see that little sign over there?

It says it's illegal for more than 300 persons to occupy the room at the same

time. If they're more than that, we'll have to give everybody a ticket.

Holy! Even if that were true, it isn't their responsibility.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

Oh, I hope you brought an extra citation book. We may need it.

You know all the way?

I think she'd do it.

Of course she would.

Her powers of concentration are now focused exclusively on law enforcement.

And Tim, that is not infrequently a very dangerous occupation.

Shame on you, Tim. A litterbug.

Oh, well, Mr. Brown, I just got home. I decided I wanted a piece of gum, and

I... What are you doing?

Writing you a ticket for litterbugging. It's against the law.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I just... I... I'll pick it up.

Look, see? There, there it is. I picked it up, see? Too late.

Now, Mrs. Brown, uh, Mrs. Brown, this isn't fair. I mean, I work hard all day,

and then I come home, and I certainly don't expect... What are you doing now?

Writing you another ticket.

Your registration isn't in plain sight.

Well, it certainly is. It's right there in the steering post.

Yes, but you very negligently let it slide around so that it is no longer in

plain sight. Now, the law clearly states that it should be in plain sight at all

times.

There you are.

Now, Mrs. Brown, I think you've carried this just a little bit too far. I have

no intention of standing here while you write me... What did I do now?

What are you doing? Why am I getting another ticket?

You were resisting an arrest by an officer of the law.

Well, I, uh, I am very terribly sorry, officer,

and it won't...

It won't happen again.

Well, I should certainly hope not. Why, you could get in trouble.

May I, uh... May I go now, officer?

Why, of course, Tim. Don't let me stop you.

Thank you very much.

Yoo -hoo, mister!

You're jaywalking. That's against the law.

I'm right behind you.

Oh, there you are.

Well, where were you when I got these?

Three tickets. Mrs. Brown gave me three tickets right out of my own driveway.

Yes, I know.

Laura Lee has been spreading tickets the length and breadth of Maple Street all

day long.

It's practically a disaster area.

Well, do something.

Don't just stand there.

Do something.

Well, unfortunately, I can't.

The concentration pill is like aspirin in one respect.

The effects wear off.

Eventually. Eventually.

How eventual is eventually?

Well, in this case, I don't know.

Oh.

Well, that's great.

That is just great.

That is just Jim Dandy.

How long do you think it's going to be before the cops, and I mean the real

cops, come over here to find out why she is passing out phony tickets?

Strictly speaking, they aren't phony. Well, I don't care if they're phony.

Did you say they're not?

They're not phony.

Do you mean that they're real?

Technically, yes.

Anyone can make a citizen's arrest.

In effect, these constitute a citizen's arrest.

Do you mean I might have to pay these... But don't worry about it, Tim. Under

the circumstances, I'm sure the judge will be lenient.

My one big concern is Loralee. I don't want anything to happen to her.

Well, would you mind...

Being a little concerned about bees?

Suppose the judge decides not to be lenient. We could be reduced to eating

and hot dogs for the rest of our natural lives.

How can you be concerned about food at a time like this?

Laura Lee went out this afternoon and bought herself a shortwave radio.

Now you are beginning to sound like her.

What do beans and hot dogs have to do with shortwave radio? She bought the

to monitor police calls.

I'm just afraid that in her present zealous state, she may answer one of

and become involved in something really dangerous.

Oh.

If something happened to her, I'd never forgive myself.

You're just going to bed?

Good night, Tim.

No, come on. It's not good night.

It's good morning.

Morning?

So it is.

I must have dozed off.

What are you doing sitting by the window?

I was keeping an eye on Laura Lee by mental telepathy.

She was tuned in on the police calls, and I was afraid she'd go out on one.

Well, she's probably asleep by now.

No. I'd better check.

Well, I'll go heat the coffee.

Tim.

She's gone. She must have answered one of the police calls after I fell asleep.

I wish I hadn't gotten up this morning.

But where did she go?

I haven't the vaguest idea.

Well, you're a Martian. You're supposed to know those things. Tim, even a

Martian can't just pick up information out of thin air.

Well, you could try, couldn't you?

Of course.

You're absolutely right.

Well, what do they say?

I can try.

It's going to require more concentration than I expected. I'd better sit down.

What are you trying to do?

As you know, Tim, sound is merely a physiological sensation received by the

It is caused by a vibrating source and transmitted as a longitudinal pressure

wave motion through a material medium such as air.

Oh, sure. Everybody knows that.

Those sound waves are virtually indestructible.

Now, if I can pinpoint the ones emitted by the police radio and recall them

through my audio sensory reactor, we may get a clue as to Loralee's present

whereabouts. Yeah, but Uncle Martin...

Those sound waves are thousands of miles out in space by now.

Which is precisely why I shall need absolute quiet.

Now I suggest you go and get dressed. We may have to leave in a very big hurry.

That's a good idea.

What

was

that?

I overshot the mark a little. That was a shortwave broadcast of the 1964

Olympics from Tokyo.

If you'll excuse me, I'll zero in on the police band.

Proceed to the corner of 5th and Oak Streets on a 415.

Unit 38, code 1, please.

Unit 38, investigate a 459 at 2727 Westport Avenue.

Unit 12.

Attention, Unit 12.

Proceed to nearest call box for QT on Code 5.

Unit 12, acknowledge.

Code 1.

Attention all units in vicinity of 24th and Maple Parkway.

24th and Maple Parkway? That's just down the street. Repeat.

All units in vicinity of 24th and Maple Parkway.

Officers on scene request assistance.

Armed and dangerous suspect holding off officers in -house.

Proceed with extreme caution.

Code 6, Charles.

Armed and dangerous.

Hey, do you think Mrs. Brown is there? I'm sure of it.

That call was for all units in the vicinity.

And Laura Lee definitely considers herself an enforcement unit. Oh, yeah. A

one. I'll get my hat and coat.

You're completely surrounded, Carson.

Well,

this must be the place.

I have every right to be here, Bill. I'm a police officer.

It says so right here on my badge.

Loralee, the first duty of a good police officer is to obey orders from a

superior. Now, I am ordering you to leave this area immediately.

What? I don't think that's very nice for you to say.

Just because you're a lieutenant and I'm only a deputy, I don't see how that

makes you so superior.

Thoroughly, for my sake, go before the captain sees you and breaks me down to a

rookie. Don't do that while you're a fine police officer.

And if he doesn't believe it, you can show him your plaque.

Think she'll listen to Phyllis Fosdick there?

I doubt it very much.

Well, maybe we better...

Mr. Martin?

Hey, Mr. Martin!

Hey, wait for me!

Where do you think you're going?

That's what I'm supposed to say to you, mister.

Huh? Oh, oh, no, I wasn't talking to you. You see, I'm a reporter for the

Sun. I'm sorry, Laura Lee, I must insist.

Well, what I can't understand is why you don't go in there and arrest that man.

He broke the law.

Because he is armed and dangerous.

Oh, pooh.

Bratton! Yes, Captain?

Who is that woman?

Well, she's a friend of mine, Captain. I would like her to be... Where is she?

She went in that house, you idiot!

Brandon,

come back here! You want to get killed?

Oh, I'll have your badge for this.

You hear me, Brandon? I'll have your badge for this!

What is it? They both went in the house with the killer.

Just because I can't be seen doesn't mean I can't see.

Yeah, but what are you going to do about it?

Only thing I can do, go in and rescue them. Wait a minute, I'll go with you.

Uncle Martin?

What are you doing?

Nothing, sir. I was just leaving.

Well, do it.

Yes, sir.

Don't you know there's a dangerous criminal in this house? Well, it's no

dangerous than if my editor finds out that I was here and I didn't get a first

-hand account.

Don't you, sir? I'm a friendly reporter.

You're a what?

A cowardly newspaper reporter.

What is this? Next thing, they'll be sending up a caterer.

I thought it might be interesting for my readers to find out what it's like to

be trapped, to be fighting for your life.

You mean you come up here to interview me while I shoot it out with the cops?

Hey, that might be a pretty good yarn at that.

You know, I know something about newspapers.

I was editor of the San Quentin Gazette for 10 to 20. I got sprung early,

though. You know, the guy they got up there now wouldn't know a good story

a hot rock.

Well, maybe they'd be glad to give you your old job back.

Not if I can help it.

Now, get on in there. Keep them hands up.

All right, over there.

Come on, sit down.

Well, let's see.

What we need is a good, strong lead. You know, something with drama, with flair.

Oh, yes, sir. Well, how about I spent the day in a dingy bedroom with a

desperate armed man? No, no, no, no.

Now, that's the one thing I demanded of my reporters in the pen.

Honesty.

This room ain't dingy.

It's a nice, comfortable, middle -class place, right?

Right! Well, then, uh...

How about something like, today, I sat in a desperate bedroom with a dingy

man. That's worse than the first one.

What you need is style and excitement in your lead.

Supposing we start off with something like this.

Mr. Carson, I am placing you under arrest.

Aren't you the clumsy one?

Now, you just lie right there while I write you out a ticket.

You all right, Loralee? Oh, yes.

I'm just... Oh, dear.

I've forgotten which one of you boys I wrote this for.

I'll take that. And this, too, if you don't mind.

Oh, well, maybe you'd better.

I'm just so excited about everything that's happened. Well, I don't know what

I'm doing.

Oh, dear. Do you suppose your Uncle Martin has any of those pills left?

Oh, I don't think so, Mrs. Brown. No, that was the last one, I hope.

I certainly could use one now.

Coming, Loralee.

What?

Did I miss anything?

Did you miss?

What do you mean, did you miss anything?

Well, I was downstairs, and I heard all this commotion up here, and then I saw

Brennan taking out Carson.

What happened? What happened?

Well, what do you mean, what happened? Now, you were right here when Carson

flipped over.

Well, you were.

Weren't you?

Was I?

Oh, come on, I don't want to know. You're putting me on.

Would I do a thing like that to you?

I hope so.

I sincerely hope so.

Hey, Uncle Martin.

Hmm? You have any more of those concentration pills?

What do you want one of those for?

Well, I'm doing a follow -up on the Carson story, and... Well, I guess there

just so much excitement, I can't seem to remember everything.

I have a better idea.

Now, let's see.

What we need is a good, strong lead. Something with drama and flair, you

Uh, yes, sir. Uh, how about, today, I sat in a dingy bedroom with a desperate,

armed man who... No, no, no, hold on.

Not so fast.

No, no, no, no.

That's one thing I always demanded of my

reporters in the pen.

Honesty.