All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s03e12 Avenue C

I can mark them home.

Well, will you just look at this mess?

Sorry, Tim.

I'll have things ship -shape in a
minute.

Hold on.

Well, my insurance doesn't cover hit
-and -run blackboards.

Uncle Martin? In the flesh, Tim.

Oh, no.

What happened?

But how did it happen? And don't tell me
it's because you're worried a lot.

Worry may age humans, but it doesn't do
a thing to Martians. I have actually

aged 400 Martian years.

However, it's only temporary.

400 years?

It's only temporary?

I'll gradually return to my old, I mean
young self, within 48 hours.

You know...

I have been making a study of old age on
Earth, where the aging process is much

faster than it is on Mars.

Oh, you can say that again.

But to really understand the problems of
old age, Tim, one must experience them.

Come here, Tim.

On Mars, we have a process for aging
cheese.

Now, I distilled some of the essence,
took it undiluted, and it aged me.

Aged you.

Of course, there could be some side
effects.

Yeah, like rigor mortis.

Stop worrying, Tim. I'm fine.

Yeah, but I still don't understand.

Now, you look like an old man, but your
mind, well, it's as sharp as it ever

was. A Martian's mind is alert no matter
how old he gets.

My great -grandfather passed away at the
age of 2 ,000, and we didn't know it.

Because his brain kept right on working
for another hundred years.

You can drop me off if you like.

Drop you off where?

Where are we going?

Well, we're going over to the warehouse
on Avenue C. I've taken a job as night

watchman.

What do you need a job for? So I can be
independent.

The first thing I've learned since I've
aged, Tim...

is that older people don't want to be a
burden to their families.

And you're my family, Tim.

The only family I have on this planet.

You're a grand old man, Uncle Martin.

We interrupt this program for a
newsflash.

The latest in a series of daring
robberies has just been executed.

The famed Raja Sapphire disappeared
tonight from the Allsworth Museum.

We will bring you further developments
as they occur.

You?

Anybody there?

Well, ladies, I too am sorry to meet
under such unusual

circumstances, but there's a law against
breaking and entering.

We only want to pick up a little
something, Mr. O 'Hara. There's a law

that, too?

These are our things.

Then why didn't you come in through the
front door?

Well, you see...

The storage room is under Mr. Philbert's
name. He manages our estate, you know.

And this is it. When Father died, there
wasn't much money left. But there were

all these lovely heirlooms.

And they belonged to us.

Only now we feel so useless with nothing
to do, so we decided to go into

business. Blowing up warehouses?

Yes, of course, no.

We found just the perfect little spot
for a tea room.

But we need the money for the lease and
everything.

Well, some of these things look quite
valuable.

Why don't you ask Mr. Philbert to sell
some of them and give you the money?

Oh, we did. It was terribly nice.

But he said it was an unwise investment
at our age.

Well, perhaps Mr. Filbert feels that you
are not capable of running a business.

It can't be any harder than blowing out
a wall.

Filbert whipped up her own recipe, too.

Didn't you, dear?

One teaspoon of glycerin, half a cup of
TNT, and a quarter stick of butter. The

worst of five.

See, all we really want to do is to take
one thing so we can sell it and use the

money to go into business.

I'm afraid I can't allow that, ladies.

Excuse me.

Watchman here.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Mr. Filbert.

Oh, yes, sir.

The management informed me that you
would be dropping by.

I'll release the door, and you can come
right up, sir.

Hold it, ladies.

But Mr. Philbert mustn't find us here.
He warned us that elderly people who get

into trouble can be ruled incompetent.
Then put away.

Oh, please let us go, Mr. O 'Hara.

Well, you'll bump into him if you leave
now.

Over there.

And face the wall.

Mr. Filbert.

O 'Hara?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sirree.

Martin O 'Hara.

That's me. Good evening, O 'Hara.

I shall be calling from time to time in
the evening.

I'm otherwise engaged during the day.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Anything you say,
sir. Yes, sir.

Very good. Very good. I can see we shall
get along splendidly.

And now, if you'll excuse me.

one of Cellini's better pieces.

And a fitting receptacle.

Raja's sapphire.

Are you finished?

Yes, thank you. Good night, O 'Halloran.

You can turn around now, ladies.

We can't thank you enough, Mr. O 'Hara.

If there's anything we can do... There
is.

You can give up your life of crime and
let someone help you who's equipped to

so. But we haven't anyone.

So happens.

I'm rather close to a very remarkable
person. He can be most persuasive.

Unfortunately, he's not quite himself at
the moment.

Four years ill?

Perhaps you could make him some of your
lovely chicken soup.

Nevertheless, I promise you he'll see
your Mr. Filbert and talk up a storm.

But suppose Mr.

Filbert still says no.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to
it.

Now, come along, ladies.

I'm late for my rounds.

Come on.

Just in case the chicken soup doesn't
work.

Ah, here's Mr. Filbert's office.

What do you want me to do?

Well, I thought that if we both talked
to him, we might be able to persuade him

that the Harvey sisters would be better
off if they were doing something useful.

Oh, I don't know. I think busting into
warehouses is sort of a nice pastime.

Keeps me out of the pool hall.

Something the matter?

I don't know yet.

I'm getting vibration.

What is that?

It's me.

When you get to be 850 years old, you
tend to creak a little.

Eight, nine, five thousand.

Jeez, ain't you gonna give me no more
than that, Mr. Filbert?

Benny, you are without doubt the worst
cutthroat it has ever been, my

to meet.

Me? I ain't never done nothing like
that, Mr. Filbert. I'm strictly a high

-class jewel thief.

I was referring to your merciless
slaughter of your mother town.

Okay, if you say so, Mr. Filbert.

But it's like this. I seen in the paper
where... Benny, you saw in the paper.

Yeah, I seen it in the paper where this
here sapphire kite for you is worth

maybe a hundred grand.

Look, I know where we could fence the
rock for 50 Gs easy.

As I have explained to you before,
Benny, I am not interested in fencing

various items you acquire for me.

I prefer to keep them for my own
personal enjoyment.

Mr. Philbert, you're some kind of a nut.
Do you know that? I mean, you're some

kind of a nut.

That's a nut.

to discuss my personal idiosyncrasies
with you, of all people.

I didn't mean nothing, Mr. Filbert.

I just got a big mouth.

I see you admire the Ptolemy dagger.

So -called because it was used in the
assassination of Ptolemy the Lesser.

He was stabbed with it in the trachea,
thereby rendering him unable to talk and

causing him to expire slowly.

and in excruciating pain.

Jeez.

I bet that'll eat.

He's some kind of a nut.

Boy, if that's the case, then we're on
to something really... Ladies, you

promised you'd stop breaking and
entering.

Oh, just this once, Mr. O 'Hara. It was
important.

That must be the young man that's going
to help us.

Oh. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Tim, these are the ladies that I told
you about.

I do hope you're feeling better. I
brought you some chicken soup.

Thank you.

I think.

What was so important that you had to
come here?

We're terribly embarrassed.

Especially after you were so kind to us
last night.

Go ahead, dear.

Well, after hearing the news report on
the radio, it seems we have acquired

What did you call it, dear?

A hot rock?

Excuse us, lady.

I have a plan. Well, I hope it's not a
20 -year one. You know, that's what we

could get for being caught with that
thing.

Don't worry.

I... What'd you do that for?

I didn't.

I'm afraid this is one of the side
effects I mentioned to him.

I'm slightly magnetized.

Wow. Determination is one thing, but
that kind of stick -to -itiveness, we

need right now.

We'll just have to chance it. Now,
listen.

We phone Mr. Filbert tonight and tell
him we're fronting for the Avenue C

The Avenue Seymour? That's us.

We'll tell him we'll put the snatch on
the sapphire, but it's too hot to

We'll ransom it back to him for $10
,000.

You think he'll fall for it? Of course.

He'll go to any lengths to recover it.

He has what amounts to a psychotic
fixation for precious gems of historical

interest. Hey, Uncle Martin, have you
been doing a little moonlighting as a

psychiatrist?

The first thing he'll do is go to the
warehouse to make sure the sapphire is

gone. And that's where we nab him, red
-handed. Well, how are we going to nab

him red -handed when we have the Rajah
Sapphire? Simple.

We give it back to him.

Right on schedule.

Mr. O 'Hara, Matilda and I talked it
over, and we don't think you should come

any further into this caper. It's much
too dangerous.

What? What am I?

A cream puff?

Of course not. It's just that if we get
caught, we are rather old. And if they

give us life in prison, it won't matter
much.

But you're young. You have your whole
life ahead of you. We don't want to

it. I appreciate your concern, but...
Well, I can't let you senior citizens

all the risks.

Someone's coming.

All right.

Now, you ladies wait here.

I'll go see if that's Uncle Martin.

Don't be frightened.

Uncle Martin, is that you?

Yes.

Everything's all set.

Filbert's in the storage room, checking
the cabinet.

Hey, hey, just a minute.

Come here.

Great Gallop and Gallop system. This is
no way to treat a man of my advanced

years. That's the point.

You've stopped advancing. You're
retreating. You're getting younger.

Tim, it wasn't supposed to happen for
another 12 hours.

What went wrong?

I don't know.

Maybe you ate the wrong kind of cheese.

I can't stop to worry about it now.

And I certainly can't let Tessie and
Matilda see me like this.

That's a coincidence.

That's what I was going to say.

Tim, you're going to have to carry the
ball.

Oh, yeah?

It's a $100 ,000 ball, so be careful.

Yeah, well, you too. But just remember
one thing.

You have to intercept the pass to
Filbert.

So, don't drop the ball, because we
could lose the ball game.

Fifty years to nothing.

Come with me.

Here's where I want you to bring the
ladies.

Tell them that they're to be lookouts.

That'll keep them out of harm, but still
feeling useful.

That's good thinking.

The minute you hand Filbert the
sapphire, I'll take over.

Wrap him up in a nice, neat bundle.

Then you and the ladies turn him over to
the police. Check.

I'll be right behind you every step of
the way, so don't worry.

I'll be fearless.

I'm still magnetized.

All right, if you insist.

Come on, but just don't get in the way.

But I don't understand, Tim. Where is
Mr. O 'Hara?

Well, you see, what we intend to do,
ladies, is to surround him. Now, the

is for you two to wait in here as
reinforcements.

Come on, ladies. Filbert's not going to
wait forever. All right.

All right, Uncle Martin.

Let's go get him.

Do you know what I think, Matilda?

Do you think the same thing I do? That
we're being left out again. I think so,

too. I also think we're not going to
stand for it.

There's someone out there.

It's the elder Mr. O 'Hara. Oh, no, no.
It's a much younger man.

Oh, dear.

It must be one of Mr. Filbert's
accomplices.

Poor Tim is out there alone with them.
That makes two against one. We must do

something, Matilda.

How did you do that?

I don't know.

Maybe it ricocheted.

Let's see what else we can do to help.

Look, Jim.

That pea shooter isn't going to do you
any good.

I'm fearless.

I got protection.

Don't mind. I'll hold on to it. I get a
terrible feeling of inadequacy without

it. Well, suit yourself.

And now, the Rajah Sapphire, if you
please.

I am warning you, Filbert.

You'll be sorry.

Don't do that. Don't do that. That's a
priceless gem, not a toy.

Okay, catch.

Behold its pure, pristine beauty.

Enjoy it a moment, my friend.

Yours and mine are the last eyes that
will see it in this lifetime.

Oh, I wouldn't count on that.

Okay, Uncle Martin.

He's all yours.

Uncle Martin.

I don't mind.

What are you doing?

I think a fearless man has just become a
devout coward.

I just became fearless again. I would
like you to meet the brains behind the

Avenue C mob.

Here's one trick I'll bet you can't do.

You can't really want to do this.

This is inhuman. On the contrary, my
dear friend.

I can't stand the sight of blood when I
shoot someone.

Now, close, please.

Thank you.

Now, get inside.

Put your hands up.

In case you're not familiar with the
history of warfare, it was bullets that

made those tin suits obsolete.

I'm over here.

Who's your friend?

A nosy knight, and never mind.

As soon as I'm gone, you can release the
ladies, and I'll meet you back at the

apartment. Oh?

Well, what'll I tell the police?

Just what we planned.

The ladies came to you for help.

You suspected Philbert was a crook. You
had no proof.

But being an intrepid newspaper man, you
laid a trap, and he fell in it.

Oh.

But they'll talk about you, Uncle
Martin. I mean, after all, you're a hero

them. I suppose I am, rather.

Well, you just tell them that like all
heroes, Tim, I prefer anonymity. They'll

accept that.

Uh -oh.

The minions of the law are prompt.

Okay, come on if you're coming.

My uncle.

The knight.

Say, did you know there was a $500
reward for Benny's capture, too?

Well, I don't imagine Tessie and Matilda
will have to sell any of their

heirlooms now to open the tea shop.

Not with the reward money they got for
recovering the jewels.

They want me to share in it, but I said
this was enough for me. I didn't need

any money.

Sometimes I'm an awful liar.

Be of good cheer, my boy. At least I got
my research finished and my conclusions

drawn. Like what?

That old age, Tim, is a state of mind.

Martian or human.

We stay young as long as we continue to
contribute to life.

It's not sad to acquire years and grow
old, Tim.

It's only sad if the years aren't you.