Original subtitles

Well, you're out of bright and early this morning.

Well, early to bed and early to rise makes a Martian healthy, wealthy, and

furcle.

Furcle? It's a Martian quality. You wouldn't understand.

Cute, but the flashlight's already been invented. Careful with that. In the

wrong hands, this could be a terrible weapon.

Well, it looks innocent enough.

Vesuvius was just a pile of rocks until Mother Nature put together the right

ingredients and blew its top.

What is that thing?

You remember my Martian benevolence bulb?

The one that backfired on Earth men and made everyone hate each other?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was the greatest boon to mankind since the Black Plague.

Let's not get sarcastic.

Anyhow, I figured out what went wrong.

Oh? You mean this one will work on, uh, pardon the expression, us humans?

Well, there may be a few little bugs in it yet.

But if you aim this at someone and push this little button, that person is going

to become the sweetest, friendliest person this side of me.

Of course, I haven't tested it yet. Yeah, well, I don't know, Uncle Martin.

mean, your inventions always seem to work all right under Martian conditions,

but here on Earth, they all turn to glue.

Well, can I help it if even the atmosphere on Earth is backward?

Lennon! The one headache no aspirin can cure.

Good morning, O 'Hara.

Good morning, O 'Hara.

There's an echo in here.

I'm looking for Loralee. Have you seen her?

Ooh, another one of your crackpot inventions.

Brennan, why can't your mind be as open as your mouth always is?

A grown man playing with gadgets. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I've been reading some of your stories in the paper.

Really? Where'd you study journalism?

In a garage?

Good old Brennan always starts the day with a nice kind word.

But why don't you try being nice?

But I am nice. If I were any nicer, I'd make myself sick.

Well, Morley and I will be having coffee outside.

Oh, I hope you won't spoil it by coming out where we can see you. I have a very

delicate stomach.

No, no, no, don't.

Can't even make a flashlight work. Some invention.

There she is now.

Well, don't think it hasn't been charming, because it hasn't.

Well, it didn't work.

There's another great idea gone to pot.

You're wrong, Kemp. I should have warned you not to use it.

Now Vernon's in real trouble.

You promise?

Well, I said it might have a bug in it.

Well, I suspect it has a whole herd. Or a flock.

Or whatever it is that bugs come in. But it obviously didn't work.

Oh, it worked all right.

But you held it on too long. You broke it.

Oh. Well.

What about Brennan?

I mean, he's still the same old obnoxious person that we know and

well. He is for the moment.

But that's because of your highly inefficient and primitive earthly

makeup. It takes a little time to operate.

About... 24 hours. Do you mean that tomorrow at this time, he is going to

a human being?

It'll hit him like a bolt of lightning.

That I'll have to see.

It may not be pretty.

Pretty? It'll be beautiful.

Not necessarily.

Especially for a policeman.

Now, they can't always be lovable when they do their jobs.

Can you imagine a policeman who isn't suspicious?

Not Brennan.

Tim, you don't seem to realize how serious this could be.

Imagine Brennan trying to control a criminal or making an important arrest.

And right in the middle of it, he starts overflowing with brotherly love.

Well, I see your point, but it probably won't happen. Well, we've got a

responsibility to make sure that it doesn't happen. Oh, how?

We can't just hang around his neck waiting to see.

My Futuramic camera.

Oh, you mean the one that takes tomorrow's pictures today?

Right.

We'll just take a series of pictures covering the period in which he'll be

bubbling over with brotherly love. And if any of the pictures show Brennan in

awkward position, we can take steps to remedy the situation.

Well, personally, I think if you get Brennan acting like a reasonably

human being, you ought to take steps to keep him that way. That would be

disastrous. A pleasant Brennan wouldn't last half an hour. Take my word for it.

All right, all right. But just suppose we see trouble in his future.

Now, the benevolence bulb is broken.

Can you do anything to change him back?

I don't know.

I'll have to go to work on that problem. Yeah, and I have to go to work on

Brennan. You know, somehow, I think you've got the best part of this deal.

Delicious coffee, Laurel, and these rolls.

If you don't mind, I think I'll have another one.

Oh, it's such a pleasure seeing a man enjoying his food.

Not just any food, my dear.

Your food.

Did you click, my dear?

Did I what?

Click. My goodness, I hope not.

Larry is shaving. No problem there.

At his office, nothing there.

Yeah, he's still scowling. I guess he hasn't made the change yet.

Walking downtown.

Still scowling.

Going into a building? He looks unhappy.

Yeah, that's normal.

Hey, I recognize the building. It's the First National Bank.

Uh -oh.

Oh, no.

Look at that smile on his face.

He's obviously made the change.

And that's only part of it. I recognize the man that he's with.

Nasty looking, isn't he?

He's not just nasty looking. He's nasty through and through. That's Frank

Tolbert, the bank robber. The police have been after him for months.

Really, Uncle Martin, this is very serious trouble.

What can we do about it?

Well, obviously, Brennan is in no shape to deal with a man like that.

I've got to change him back.

Brennan could get himself killed, and it's all my fault.

I know what I can do.

I can build a belt.

I can build a belt incorporating the necessary magnetic coils.

Wear it around my waist with a control box with three switches. No, no, no, no,

no. I can do it with two switches.

The problem is, we'll have to wait until precisely the right moment.

Now, those photos showed Brennan scowling outside the bank and positively

beaming inside the bank, right?

Right. Now, this device that I'm thinking of will alter whatever existing

personality is predominant. Bad to good, good to bad.

Ergo, as Brennan will undergo his personality change sometime between

photos, the time to get him is after he enters the bank. Not before.

Certainly not later.

We can't do it now.

It'll take me 12 hours or so to build a device.

Anyhow, it won't take effect until his personality changes.

That means that we'll have to be at the bank when he enters.

Hey, if Tolbert is going to be there to rob the bank...

That means I'll be right on the spot to get the story.

I can see the headlines now.

Reporter helps stop bank robbery.

Captures desperate criminal.

How about son reporter shot by bandit.

Condition critical.

That's point.

Well, you better go on to the office.

I'm going to need a lot of peace and quiet if I'm to get this belt finished

time. Oh, by the way, I don't suppose you have a spare belt I could use? No.

about a pair of suspenders?

Go.

How's it coming?

That's it, huh?

Finished.

Now, if it only works.

Ah, don't do that. She said it was finished.

This has two atomic power cells in it. And if I don't throw the switches in

exactly the right order, the full power will surge through my body.

Do you mean you could get electrocuted? That's dangerous.

Your perception is astonishing.

No, no, no, I would not be electrocuted. The effect is that of an extremely

powerful tranquilizer.

I'd be out on my feet for a day or so. How about when you use it tomorrow?

Well, all I have to do is throw this switch first and then this one.

And then concentrate the force field right through my left hand and grab

with it. It's not dangerous at all.

Did I happen to leave my pipe when I was here this morning? I don't think so.

Well, if I did, I can always boil it out.

I see you're having trouble keeping your pants up, O 'Hara.

I guarantee you that you did not leave your pipe here, because if you had, I

would have smelled it.

That's a stupid -looking arrangement. What's this for?

Well, find the pipe. Give it along.

Uncle Martin, are you all right?

It's wonderful.

It's wonderful.

Uncle Martin, you've got to step out of it. Come on, Uncle Martin. I'm sleepy.

Here's a nice pillow. I'll sleep right here.

No, no, no. You can't go to sleep. Now listen to me.

Temporary effect.

Wear off tomorrow night.

Now listen to me.

Just listen to me for one minute.

Here. Put it down.

Now listen to me.

Uncle Martin, listen to me.

Now look, you've got to be wide awake by tomorrow morning. You just got to be.

It's impossible.

Good night.

Look,

Mrs.

Brown is coming up with some more coffee. Nice lady.

We don't have much time.

You have to be at the bank when it opens.

Wake up!

Okay, I'm awake.

How is he? No, Jane.

Oh, dear.

Well, you shouldn't have let him take those sleeping pills. A man of his age.

2 ,000 years old.

Just did my part.

Oh, my dear. The poor man, he's raving.

Isn't there anything else we can do?

Well, I think we should call a doctor and have his stomach pumped out. Oh, no.

That won't be necessary, Mrs. Brown. You see, he's had this before.

Well,

it wears off. Well, then why don't you put the poor thing to bed?

We can't.

I mean, I can't. I can't because we have an important appointment.

Oh, I see. Well, now, you drink deeply of this, Martin. It'll make you feel

wonderful.

There you go. Come on, Uncle Martin. We don't have much time.

Good. Then I'll take a nap.

Here we go.

Oh, well, now you're hurting my feelings.

Don't you like my coffee?

Well, I don't exactly think that's it, Mrs. Brown.

You see, I made him drink two pots of my coffee before you brought that up.

Oh, my goodness, the poor boy must be gurgling.

What am I going to do?

Well, I don't know what you're going to do, but he's obviously going to take a

nap. Oh, Mrs. Brown, you've been a great help.

I guess we'll just... I have to struggle along.

Well, I still think all he needs is a good night's rest.

He had a good night's sleep.

Then let him have another. My goodness, he's just exhausted.

He's exhausted?

I've been marching him around that living room since dawn.

Well, then you need a good night's sleep, too.

I think I can handle this.

myself, Mrs. Brown, now, and thank you very much for your help. You've been

absolutely charming.

Bye.

Uncle Martin.

Come on, Uncle Martin.

What do you Martians weigh a lot?

You should see me on Saturn. I weigh 14 tons.

On the moon, I only weigh 30 pounds.

But you're not on the moon.

You're right here on Earth, and in about an hour or so, Brennan is going to

march into a bank and face about the most desperate public enemy that this

country has.

Good old Brennan.

I hope you realize that the only thing he's going to have going for him is an

awful lot of brotherly love.

Uncle Martin, will you please just try to locate him? Maybe, just maybe, his

personality will change before he gets to the bank.

Oh, my.

Have you located him?

No.

Located that pretty movie actress.

One with the red hair.

I'm on her.

Brennan. Oh, yeah.

Want to hear what the Premier of Russia is thinking about? Brennan.

The Premier of Russia is more interesting.

Brennan.

Ah.

Brennan.

Where is he?

Shaving. Yeah.

Staring at the mirror.

Yeah.

Brennan, you are not as handsome as Gregory Peck.

Going to the bank.

Thinking of going to the bank. All right. Okay. Then we'll have to go to

bank. And I guess we'll just have to hope that you can handle the situation.

How about a little nap? Oh, no. No, buddy.

We'll take our chances.

Okay, let's go.

All right,

now you just stay there, and I'll see if Brendan and Tom are here yet, okay?

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

We're in time, we're in time.

You're not going to be able to tell one person from another.

Hey, look, I'll tell you what.

I will give you a cue.

Do you hear me? A cue. All right.

Now, here's what I'll do.

You turn on the switches and grab a hold of Brennan when I say now.

Now.

That's right. When I say now.

But you said now.

Oh, boy, are you... Will you just listen to me for one minute? I'll try and get

it straight for you this time.

You wait for my signal.

Then you throw the switches and grab a hold of Brennan. Got it? Okay.

Switches.

Grab signal.

Throw Brennan.

That'll have to do.

wide awake.

You know, I don't know how much longer we can just stand around here without

getting picked up for loitering.

Uh -oh, the guard.

He's getting suspicious.

Now, here he comes. Will you look natural?

Morning, sir.

Having trouble?

Trouble? Oh, he's no trouble. He's my uncle. I mean the deposit slip. You've

been struggling with it for 15 minutes.

Oh, the deposit slip. Yes, well, I was planning on making a large deposit.

What's the matter with your uncle?

What's the matter with him? Why?

Something the matter with him?

You've got bloodshot eyes.

with that thing. You can't hang around here all day. Yes, sir.

It's Uncle Martin.

Hey, Uncle Martin.

Listen. He's an officer. He's got a gun. He could help us.

With those eyes?

Come on.

Officer.

Yes?

What?

Would you believe me if I told you this bank was about to be held up?

Are you trying to be funny?

Oh, no, sir. This isn't funny.

How do you know?

Well, I just know.

You know what I think?

I think you're one of those crockpots who goes around spreading false alarms.

No, I'm serious.

A man is going to walk in here at any minute and hold up this bank.

I figured your friend was hitting the bottle the minute I saw him.

But I guess you hold your liquor better.

It could be happening at any minute. A man is going to come in here and try...

It could happen right now.

Now. Now.

No!

Going to rob our little bank, is he?

Well, there's plenty of money to go around.

Maybe I can help him carry the money out.

Huh? How come?

Look what you've done to him.

How could you do that?

But you said now.

You told me when you said now to grab the switch and grab them. That's what

told me when you said now.

Okay.

Camel is right.

Brennan should be walking in that door in a minute.

Camel is always right.

Brennan will be here.

Time for a little nap, dear. Oh, no, no. Come on, now. You've got to stay on

your toes. I'm very uncomfortable.

Hey, here he is. Get ready.

Gosh, it's good to see you again.

It is?

Hey, I'll bet you're here to rob the bank. Oh, I came on you, Frank. That's

antisocial.

All right, now be careful, Uncle Martin.

And wait for my signal. What are you trying to pull, Brennan?

Gee, Frank, I'm disappointed in you.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, you mustn't rob banks.

You know something? You're crazy.

That's it. You flipped.

You come with me, Brennan. I'm going to rob this bank, and you're going with me

as my shield. You understand?

Anything you say, Frank. If it'll make you happy.

Grab Brennan and change him back now.

Not him.

Brennan.

William, what a pleasant surprise finding you here.

For me, too.

Hello, O 'Hara.

Oh, there you are. Say, have you met my friend Frank Talbot? Frank, this is my

very dear friend, Martin O 'Hara.

How do you do, Mr. O 'Hara? It's a pleasure to know you. Any friend of

certainly a friend of mine.

William, it's such fun getting together again. It's been ages since we've had a

good talk. You know, I was thinking the same thing just the other day.

Frank, is that really a gun you have there in your pocket?

A gun?

It is a gun.

Gosh, that's a nice gun, fellas.

Isn't it, though?

Say, Frank, could I see it for just a minute?

Why, of course, William. Anything I have is yours.

By the way, William, do you still have your office in the 12th Precinct house?

I sure do.

You know something?

That's the nicest jail in town.

Oh, you say that to all the cops. No, I've always said so. That's so kind of

you, Frank.

Say, look, why don't we go down there and have a talk about the good old days?

I would love to.

Would you fellows like to come along?

Well, thanks, but I have to stay here and guard the bank.

From what?

We have something else that we have to do, too.

Oh, that's a shame, because I would like to get to know you better.

Well, maybe some other time.

Shall we, Bill?

Let's go, Fry.

Oh, come on, that's wonderful.

You grabbed the wrong guy. It all worked out fine.

I'll go on.

You're sure you're all right now? Of course I am.

Well, that's good, because Brennan isn't. Take a look.

Oh, Frank, you've got a great sense of humor.

Hi, fellas.

It won't do you any good, Tim.

I'll tell you again, I am not leaving my old friend here in this cell. As long

as he stays here, I stay.

Now is the hour.

Brennan, you're going to pay for this.

What happened? You got caught in the act.

I think.

I got you when you were... Well, I was... You were... What's the

You've robbed your last bank.

What are the two of you doing here?

We were invited to sound. Don't you remember, Brennan?

Tim is going to write the story for his paper.

Oh?

Oh, yes, Tim.

You'd better get the fact straight or you'll wish you were in this cell

of him.

He.

is back to normal.

I still hate him.

Hey, buddy.

Would you mind telling me how I happened to get in here?

Friend, you were washed in here on a great sea of brotherly love.

Unfortunately, the tide has turned.

I don't understand.

Well, don't try to, pal.

You just get a headache.