Original subtitles

Hiya,

Martin.

Hello, Tim.

Oh, wait.

Let me give you a finger with those packages.

Hey, you know something?

It just dawned on me that every time you point your finger, it carries a lot of

weight.

I'll be polite, Tim, and ignore that unfortunate pun.

What's the matter? Aren't you feeling well?

Hmm? The pills. You're taking some pills. Oh, just a memory pill, Tim.

I'm probing Earth's gravitational field for a weak zone through which my

spaceship might escape.

This last pill gives me all there is to know in the field of geo -electronics.

You know, it must be the light in this room or something, but for a moment

I could have sworn that your skin was all covered with green polka dots.

It is.

Great balls of rocket fire, no.

Well, what is it?

Well, apparently I've developed an allergy from taking all those pills.

I dare not even take a medical science pill to learn the cure.

Well, can't you do something? Maybe I could call a doctor. And have him see me

like this?

Well, maybe we could get one that's colorblind.

Oh,

now, come on, Uncle Martin. If you're an ignoramus... What does that make me?

I had to ask.

I'm sorry, Tim. I didn't mean to be insulting.

It's just that we Martians use 100 % of our brain while you use only 10 % of

yours. 10 %?

What happens to the other 90 %?

Or is that just to keep my hairline from joining up with my eyebrows?

I'm afraid so.

Now, how can I get these pills into usable form?

Maybe I could put a sign outside.

Vacancy. One empty head to let.

Exactly. Exactly what? Tim, I'm not being insulting, but you just made a

intelligent observation.

You're empty -headed.

Sitting on those big, broad shoulders of yours is a great, big, beautiful, 90 %

empty head.

Well, thanks a lot. It's a perfect storehouse for all that's in these

You're not going to get me to do it. Now, I may not have much up here, but

I do have is mine. I won't do it.

No, I won't do it.

I knew you wouldn't let me down, Tim.

Since you're going to turn me into a human computer, don't you think it would

a little more accurate to say, Tim, I knew I could count on you?

See? See, your puns are already more intelligent.

Now, this intellectualometer will measure your brain power.

You may go to sleep now, Tim.

But I'm not sleepy.

Tim, once you consume these pills that are in this glass, you will be the most

brilliant, most highly educated man on earth.

Drink more.

More? Mm -hmm.

Ah.

Now, Tim, the most important point.

so that you will still be able to pursue a normal life, I want you to be totally

unaware of how brilliant you are.

Only this signal will switch you to your full powers.

Then the same signal, and instantly your mind goes back to normal.

Open your eyes.

Awaken.

Well, I, uh, I don't feel any smarter.

But I feel fuller here, not here.

Good.

Oh, an electrometer.

A rather crude but mildly effective device for measuring mental

That's... That's enough.

Wow.

What's enough?

Uncle Martin, do you realize that for a minute there, my head

seemed like it was full of all the answers in the world?

And now I can't even think of a question.

I've got the questions.

Now then, Tim, to locate the possible weaknesses in Earth's gravitational

I should know the precise weight of the Earth at the moment of takeoff, June the

5th, 8 p .m., Greenwich time.

It is not weight.

It is mass.

Space is measured in mass.

The precise mass of the Earth at launch time will be six sextillion, five

hundred and eighty -eight quintillion, eight hundred and twenty -one trillion,

thirty -one billion, six hundred and twenty -one million, two hundred and

seventy -four thousand, nine hundred and twenty -one tons.

Fine. Eight hundred and forty -three pounds.

Wonderful, but... Three ounces.

Well, uh... Seven drams. Next question.

Uh, well, that certainly is precise.

Now then, if, uh...

Hello? It's Peaky.

But it's my day off.

Well, I just don't think it's fair.

Well, since you put it that way... All right, well, since Johnny can't make it,

I'll just have to go down to cover for him, I guess.

Yes, I'll be there. I'd be delighted to.

Yes, goodbye.

Well...

Tough luck, Uncle Martin. I have to go down to the airport and interview some

VIP. And since I have grown accustomed to eating regularly, I couldn't refuse.

Well, I guess this will just have to wait.

Don't worry, I'll make a snappy.

Snappy?

Great galaxies.

Perish the thought.

Now, if we can get one more, Manuel.

One more shot.

See if you can get this one.

Manolo, now that you're here in California, do you know where you'll be

appearing?

Yeah, there's Los Angeles, San Francisco.

Well, pardon me, but there's a special flight due with DeWitt and Merrick.

Oh, never mind. Thanks. I see it.

I wonder if we could get an action shot now, you know, a dance step or

something, sort of wrap it up.

All right.

Good, wonderful.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much indeed.

He makes the final decision.

Now, would you say that he's ready to approve the appropriation to try to put

man on the moon?

Not until we're certain the moon's surface is vehicular supporting.

That is to say, we suspect a deep dust has been collecting from outer space for

millions of years.

We wouldn't want a rocket to sink into it.

Beneath a thin layer, the lunar surface is perfectly vehicular supporting?

Yes. I would...

I beg your pardon? The sun heats the surface of the moon to 216 degrees

Fahrenheit, and then the temperatures plunge to 251 degrees below zero during

the lunar night. Now, the expansion from the heat and the contraction from the

cold, 12 times a year, slightly more than two and a half billion years, have

compressed the lunar dust into a very solid pack.

Well, if you're right, then our only remaining problem is weight?

Fuel.

Really? We could double our moon rocket's thrust.

by using a fuel composed of loxotetrabiozine.

Was that a fuel?

It is now. I just invented it.

It is a volatile marriage between liquid oxygen, tetral, bioxide, and benzene.

But can you combine tetral and bioxide and live to talk about it?

You can if you use creon as a catalyst.

Well, of course!

Right, fellas.

Where did that idea come from?

Sir?

Where did the idea come from?

Me?

Get a picture of him and the fourth of them together.

Stop! Now, no pictures, no stories.

Everything you've just heard is as of this moment classified information.

What did you say your name was?

Tim O 'Hara. Would you raise your right hand, O 'Hara?

Do you solemnly swear to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of

United States of America?

I do. Greetings, O 'Hara. You've just been drafted.

Tim, where are you?

I regret to say, Uncle Martin, that my presence and whereabouts is classified.

Air Force One.

You're in the President's personal jet, aren't you?

Headed for Washington.

I'm sorry, but I can neither confirm nor deny that question.

Tim, you don't sound like yourself. You sound like... Oh, no.

Tim. Tim, I want you to listen closely.

Yes. You have my complete attention.

It didn't work. He's jammed on.

Tim, thank you for calling. I'm glad everything's all right and that you're

feeling fine.

I'm glad one of us is.

They should ask him just one question about Mars.

Hello. Flight reservations, please.

Yes. Yes, I'd like space on the next flight for Washington, D .C.

The name is, uh, Taylor.

That's right.

T as in trouble.

What is M over 6 with a centrifugal energy impedance of 9?

3 .7421 salt, please.

He's incredible.

Physics, chemistry, medicine. He knows everything.

Now, I take it that you're as impressed as I was with O 'Hara's brilliance, and

we can go ahead with our plans as scheduled.

Now, in precisely 10 minutes at 5 o 'clock, Arthur Nelson will be here from

White House to confirm O 'Hara's appointment.

as chief of our new space research program.

Now, I might tell you that I believe Mr. Nelson will want to use this computing

machine and ask O 'Hara that one vital question that's been stymieing us all.

Project Galileo. Well, after all, if we're in the business of exploring

who could tell us more about Mars?

Yes, even my home address, including zip code. And only ten minutes.

but I guess I can live with it until 5 o 'clock.

Lucky he didn't get out the door.

Would you mind not playing patty cake with my pockets? I've done nothing.

Being a spy is nothing, huh?

Spy? Oh, come on, give it up. We know who you are.

Leopold Dollar, the spy.

I had to pick somebody who came in out of the cold.

How could he?

He's in the bed.

Come on, we'll head him off with the main duck.

It's going to be a close shave. Two ways.

Mr.

O 'Hara?

Mr. Nelson.

How do you do?

Mr. O 'Hara, even though we've never met, I want you to know I've already

discussed you with the president.

You see, I know all about you. That's all right. I know all about you, too.

name is Arthur Nelson. You were born October 17, 1906. I played center field

your high school baseball team.

Fantastic. Not really.

You only batted .281.

He's a star.

Mr. and Mrs. Redmond, if you please.

Now, O 'Hara, at this moment, Our government must make a tremendous

What that machine is being programmed to ask you may change our entire space

effort from the moon to Mars.

Did you say that?

Well, we don't expect the impossible now. We realize the time is a long way

before we make contact with an actual Martian.

I don't know how you got loose, but you're not going to do it again.

Now, Mr. O 'Hara, what has been fed into the computer is all that we know about

the atmosphere surrounding Mars. That basically is our problem. Mars happens

be one of my favorite subjects.

If you're curious as to why the pictures in your last Mars probe did not point

out specific details, one.

Something's wrong.

I don't know.

you, and I'd have been the one all right.

Tim, for the good of all concerned, I'm going to have to undo what I've done,

and quickly.

May I ask why I must wear this red... Go to sleep, Tim.

I'm sorry to take away your bond, but the world is not ready for the

that you possess.

Now, when you awaken, Tim, all that information will be gone.

You see, in order to be used properly, knowledge must be gained step by step,

not given.

I'm going to have to step up the machine all the way.

The computer's back to normal.

He must have fixed it. And then he took a nap. Now, that's amazing.

Before something else goes wrong, the question... Please, I'm ashamed.

Mr. O 'Hara, the question.

This is a great moment in history.

Uh, Mr. O 'Hara, what is it you're trying to say?

Horsey!

Did you say...

Horsey.

Good

heavens.

I took away everything.

Mr. O 'Hara? Tim's uncle? I am. Is something wrong?

He doesn't appear to know me.

A tragedy.

A genius who burned brightly for one shining moment.

The strain must have been too much for him.

Tim, this is your uncle.

This is your home.

Home? Home.

Coffee.

I spoke to our psychiatrist with some rest and proper care. Tim has a very

chance of regaining most of his former self.

Of course, he'll never be the way he was.

The world has lost a genius.

I'd rather think it's gaining a reporter.

Now, I know that you can't understand me, but for your one contribution for

helping us with our rocket fuel on behalf of our government, thank you.

You're welcome.

Goodbye, Mr. O 'Hara. Goodbye, son.

We'll have you back to normal in a moment. If you'll just sit down.

Now, I want you to swallow this.

It's a Tim O 'Hara pill, just for Timmy.

It's going to make you exactly the same smart young man you once were, which

will be just smart enough.

Yeah?

I want a balloon.

All right.

After you take this pill.

What am I doing sitting here?

Is that your only question?

Well, yeah.

Except that you've been dry cleaned or something. All your spots are gone. Yes,

my allergy has faded, which means that I can continue my calculations.

If you will excuse me now.

You know, Uncle Martin, just watching you work on some of these formulas and,

well, some of the things that you do, you really make me feel...

Sometimes it's sort of like a child.