Original subtitles

Did you get it? Yeah, I got it.

Well, it's quiet now.

But it was spinning around like crazy before.

Splendid.

Moose musculus or waltzing mouse.

Originally bred in China and known in Japan as the Nanking mouse.

Their dancing propensities are supposedly due to derangement of the

the ear.

A waltzing mouse.

Perfect for my experiment.

Oh, what are you going to do? Teach it how to do the jerk?

I could.

But he'll serve science much better if my molecular reassembler is successful.

Molecular reassembler?

Hey,

hey, hey, come on, Uncle Martin. That's a cat.

And that's a mouse.

And you couldn't put that in human.

It's quite human. But definitely on Martian.

I wouldn't dream of what you're thinking.

But the cat, the cat... Now, you've heard of the drug known as RSD?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the one that changes personality traits, isn't it?

Makes heroes of poltroons and whimpering cowards of brave men.

My molecular reassembler goes one step further.

Naturally. When two subjects of completely different makeup are exposed

laser beam, the entire psyche of each is interchanged.

Attitude, personality, and brain power.

So that the cat becomes the mouse and the mouse becomes the cat?

Inwardly. Their physical appearance remains the same.

Observe.

Voila. Note the subtle change in the cat's attitude.

That's incredible.

Elementary. Now watch the mouse.

What's it for?

The peace of the world, my boy.

With a proper balance, my molecular reassembler will eventually erase all

hostility in mankind.

Well, that is a pretty tall order, Uncle Morton. Not so.

It is written that someday the lion will lie down with the lamb.

Uh -huh. Well?

Well, I'm just going to bet you eight to five that the lion is the only one that

gets up.

Well, okay, Uncle Martin, it works.

Now, how do you change them back?

Simply by shunting the molecular stream and reversing the neutron field.

Oh, nothing at all for you, right?

All it takes is a few grains of carbonaceous mineral known as egolite.

Say, what would happen without that stuff? Well, in a matter of a couple of

hours, the molecules would stabilize and they'd be that way permanently.

Well, that uses up this egolite.

However, I believe I have another vial in the garage.

Here, Mr. McPhee!

Here, Mr. McPhee!

Oh!

Do forgive me for bursting in like this, but the door was open and I thought I

heard Mr. McPhee up here.

Detective Brennan is calling for me and we're going out of the town. How do I

look? Fine, but who is Mr. McPhee? My cat.

You're right.

What does he look like?

Just an ordinary house cat.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Mostly gray with a white nose and... Oh, say, maybe I can find him with this

flashlight.

No, no.

Uncle Martin, watch out for the light.

Don't worry.

And he's got a white nose and two white paws.

Here,

kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Why do I feel so strange?

Oh, no.

Uncle Martin.

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin? Uncle

Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin?

Her? She's in a state of suspension.

She'll be oblivious until I can reverse this thing.

Brennan?

No, somebody else.

Open the door and play it cool.

I have a telegram from Mrs. Brown. They told me she might be up here. Thanks.

Keep the change.

Maybe it's from Brennan.

Maybe he can't make it. Don't read that. It might be personal.

Give it to me.

My brother in Washington.

I mean, her brother.

He's arriving here tonight.

What? Can you get this fixed in time? I'm sure I can. Oh, fine. Well, I'm

to get the kit in the garage.

Come here.

You put Mrs. Brown in the other room.

I'll get the kit.

Lord!

Brennan!

Bill!

Bill!

How did you know I was up here?

Well, a messenger boy came with a tele...

A sudden attack.

Nothing serious.

I just came up here to see if I could help.

Fooling around with one of his crazy inventions again, I suppose.

Oh, good evening.

Good evening, Tim. What's the matter with your Uncle Martin?

Well, he isn't exactly himself tonight.

That's an improvement.

Shall we go?

No, wait!

Surely you can take care of him. What is not that?

It's that Mrs. Brown lost her cat. Her cat. Yes, that's it. Her cat. Here,

kitty. Kitty. She's terribly lonely without... No, no, no. The point is, the

hasn't had its dinner yet, has it, Mrs. Brown? Yes, yes. I'm afraid you're

right. I tell you what, Bill.

Why don't you run along and I'll join you later, just as soon as I find him.

Now, Loralee, let's not become the hysterical woman. The cat will come back

soon as he's hungry enough.

I'd better go with him before he starts getting suspicious.

You'll have to bring the stuff to me later.

Coming, Loralee? Oh, yes, Bill.

Tim can take care of everything.

Well, where will you be?

For the next two hours at the Pelican Club. After that, it's anybody's guess.

Rather you set him up.

yourself, Laura Lee?

No.

Oh, these sash weights make my ears feel like a bunch of bananas.

Ah, that feels better.

Distigial trappings remaining from the culture of a savage society.

It doesn't sound like you at all.

No, it doesn't, does it?

What's wrong, Laura Lee? No, no, no, no. I was just wondering if Tim found my

cat. Oh, forget about the cat.

Morally, I've been looking forward to this moment for a long while.

Ever since the first day I met you.

Oh, there's the cigarette, girl. Would you mind, Bill?

Again? I bought you nine packs already.

Miss.

Just empty the tray on the table, Bill.

Thank you.

Well, now, why did you do that?

Because I don't want any more interruption.

Morley, I have something very important to say to you.

Well, don't you think we ought to order dinner?

No, I don't.

Really?

I'm sorry, but every time I get ready to say what's on my mind, you create a

diversion. It does seem that way, doesn't it?

Loralee, I'm on the verge of asking you to do something that will change both

our lives.

I could use a change right now.

I know I'm not a very romantic man, and I may be rather clumsy about the way I

propose. Mrs. Brown?

Mrs. Brown?

Oh, that's me.

Yes, madame.

There's a telepathy call for you in the booth.

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin is calling you, Aunt Laura Lee.

Did you find the Egalite? Yeah, I got the bottle right here. Good work. But

empty. Good night.

If I only had some time, I could improvise something. Well, right now you

less than an hour. Now, come on, let's get out of here. Wait.

The earrings.

Earrings? How can you think of those at a time like this? I must get them.

Diamonds. Don't you see, Tim?

The mineral is almost the same as Egalite.

Corundum. High carbon component.

Oh. Where are they?

On the table. Wait here for me. If I'm not back in 30 seconds, come and get me.

Uh, it was Tim. He still hasn't been able to find my cat. I can't imagine

he got to.

Loralee, I've been thinking and I've reached a conclusion.

Oh, I knew you would. Of course, you're a detective.

Loralee. Where is he?

Where's who?

Mr. McPhee.

Who's Mr. McPhee? My cat. Where is he? How do I know where he is?

Well, I thought you said you had a clue. I said I've come to a conclusion.

Your behavior is obvious.

You're in love with somebody else than O 'Hara.

That Tim O 'Hara, you didn't send for him, did you?

Well, of course not. Now, why would I do that?

I don't know.

You've done a number of strange things this evening.

What's the

matter?

Why can't you get out of here?

Because you've got the tenacity of a bulldog without its compensating beauty.

You can just put up your antennas and disappear. No, I can't. They're on the

other body.

Oh, I've got to do something drastic. He's coming.

Grab my arm.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh, my ankle. I twisted it.

Oh!

An ice pack.

Oh, we'll get the cigarette girl to take you to the ladies' room.

Oh, no, I couldn't do that. No, she should see a doctor.

You'll do nothing in the car.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Pelican Club and 40 minutes of quality

entertainment.

40 minutes. Do you think your molecules can hold out?

No chance.

I've got to go to the whip.

The world's most celebrated magician, Monsieur Flamin.

Just a bird in a cage.

Watch.

The mystery of the empty phone.

Now for the illusions of the battle of millions.

I will need the assistance, however, of some lady or gentleman from the

audience. You, sir, would you mind assisting with this?

Madam? I never could understand how a person could be so imbecilic as to

volunteer to... What?

What?

How about you, sir?

I merely lock you in the trunk, cause you to vanish, and you'll reappear right

back here in your chair.

I'll be very happy to oblige.

What got into him?

Hypnosis. Only way out.

Oh.

What are we waiting for? Just a little insurance.

He's getting in the trunk now.

Just step right in the trunk.

Down at this end.

Sit down, if you will, pleaser. Just sit down.

Fine.

Right down in it.

The key, sir?

Just want to make sure he doesn't get out of that trunk before I get out of

body.

Let's go.

Bring her in here.

Boy, I think she's getting heavier. How you coming?

Almost done.

If my theory is correct, the carbon component in the diamond will refract

laser beam.

If your theory is correct, Uncle Martin, aren't you sure?

We'll know in a minute.

There. Well, now what?

Turn it on, Tim.

Okay, Uncle Martin. Now, just say something.

Nuts. Now, that's just great.

Do you realize you have exactly 30 minutes before you become Mrs. Brown

I should have known.

Paste. Paste?

Paste.

Imitation of phony diamond. No wonder it didn't work.

We've got to get a hold of a real diamond somewhere.

Well, now I know whether a girl's best friend.

Got it.

Brennan was about to propose. He must have a ring.

Has? That's just marvelous.

You just gave him the brush.

Take care of her until I come back.

Where are you going?

Back to the Pelican Club to get engaged.

Jack! All right, get back, get back. I'll do it myself.

Don't, don't, don't. You'll ruin the trunk.

Come on, sir. Are you all right?

Easy, sir. I'm all over here. The magician came to us. Highly recommended,

Just sit down. Easy.

Sir.

William, look at me.

As I was saying, a man would be an utter imbecile to let himself be locked up in

a trunk.

Unless he didn't know what he was doing.

Oh, I, uh, I sent him home. He was interfering with our, uh, with our

Oh, you chain.

Not yet, but I'm working on it.

Uh, why don't we leave this place and, uh, spend the rest of the evening at my

house?

Inconsistency, thy name is Wolf.

Something? Very.

You like some wine?

Thank you.

Soft lights, sweet music, wine.

Outburst of affection.

Uh, you were about to tell me something at the Pelican Club.

I certainly was.

You kept putting me off.

Well, it was too noisy in there.

It's possible I was too presumptuous and overbearing, but...

I don't have much experience in these matters. Well, now, don't think about

Bill. Just tell me what's on your mind.

Laura Lee.

Yes? No.

I can't ask you. It wouldn't be right. Oh, it would, it would.

Ask me.

You sure you won't switch again? Don't say that.

I mean, well, say what you have to say and say it fast.

I thought women didn't like whirlwind courtships.

Believe me, I'm not an ordinary woman.

In a few weeks. A few weeks?

Oh, in ten minutes I'll be a gone goose.

I said, are you a man or a moose?

Yes. Well, say it already.

Will you... Yes, yes. Will you... Yes.

Will you accept this ring as a sign of my affection?

It's a real diamond.

Of course it's real. Do you suppose I'd have the gall to ask you to become my

wife and then hand you a phony?

Don't move. Stay right where you are. I have to show this to Tim.

Wait.

Did you get it?

It was repulsive work, but I got it.

Where's Mrs. Brown?

Oh, I put her in the bedroom. Bring her in. I have to fix the reassembly.

Is Mrs. Brown here? I'm her brother, just in from Washington.

Oh, come in, come in.

I'm Detective Brennan.

Oh, you must be the chap she's been writing about.

She's very fond of you. I should hope so. She's got to be my wife.

No.

Well,

let's have a drink on that, shall we?

You all set?

Ready. Hit the switch and keep your fingers crossed.

Okay.

Woo!

That was cutting it pretty fine.

Oh, thank heaven.

Is she going to be okay?

Yes. And when I bring her out of it, she'll have no recollection of any

of the evening.

Take the ring out of the reassembler.

Oh, yeah.

And two white paws.

I named him Mr. McKee after the gentleman who used to rent this

Where's the flashlight?

Oh, there it is.

Bob, I don't think you have to worry about your cat, Mrs. Brown. I'm sure it

will show up safe and sound. Isn't that right, Uncle Martin? Of course. I'll see

to it myself.

Oh, thank you.

Well, I'd better hurry downstairs.

Detective Brennan should be here any minute.

Really? How dare you?

I mean, really.

Friendship is friendship, but there's such a thing as carrying friendship too

far.

What's come over you?

And if you were any kind of a brother, well, you'd put him in his place.

But he told me that you were engaged to be married.

Engaged? Well, I think somebody should consult me about that.

I don't understand.

Five minutes ago, you were the most loving. Five minutes ago?

Now, Bill, I haven't seen you all day.

Loralee, are you saying that I didn't just give you a diamond ring?

Now, wait a minute.

Are you accusing my sister of something?

How are you going to square that?

Loralee, you can't be serious.

Do you deny that we spent two hours at the Pelican Club this evening?

I certainly do. I have not left this apartment since I came up here to look

my cat.

Isn't that right, Tim?

That's right, Detective Brennan.

Mrs. Brown has not left this house. Do you mean that I didn't bring you to your

house a little while ago? You did not.

He was in your house when I got there, Laura Lee. We had a drink together.

That's when he told me you were engaged.

Well, I'm afraid he's had too many drinks.

Come on, Leroy, I've had enough of this.

Oh, please accept my apologies for this gentleman's behavior.

Laura Lee, look, I beg you, please try to remember.

The ring.

When I gave it to you, you put a shot glass in your eye and examined the stone

to see if it was real.

But I... But she... Mr. Brennan, it's just possible you thought you gave Mrs.

Brown the ring.

Look in your pocket.

I must be

losing my mind.

Well, as the saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have

loved at all.

Hiya, Martin.

Hey, have you got anything in your Martian kit that'll make a button stay

lost another one.

Yes, a very complicated device.

It's called a needle and thread.

Hysterical.

Seen Mrs. Brown?

Yeah, Brennan offered her the ring again.

Well?

She took it.

Then she gave it back again.

No.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'm afraid that romance is over.

At least for a while. Mrs. Brown says she needs some more time.

She doesn't believe that a woman should have a whirlwind courtship.

That's too bad.

Yeah, well, I think he'll offer it to her again, though.

Just as soon as she gets back.

From his rest cure.

All shook up, eh? Oh, boy, wouldn't you be?

Well, I don't feel so hot myself, you know.

Well, my advice to you is, get rid of that machine.

No, no, no, Tim. I've just about reached the perfect balance.

Well, I hope so.

Mrs. Brown is still looking for her cat.

He's about ready to go home.

Look.

How did you do that?

Ingenuity. A step towards peace on Earth.

Uncle Martin, you are a great man.

No, if you could only sew.