Original subtitles

Good evening, Tim.

Is that an arrow in the wall?

Oh, I just ran a test with my cathode ray centrifugal time breakoscope and

up in 1750.

1750? Yes, the dial slipped. And believe me, Tim, there's nothing more

aggravating to an Indian than interrupting his war dance.

Well, if you can go back to 1750, I guess you've got it licked, huh? I guess

you'll be going home pretty soon.

Well, I'm afraid it's not so easy.

You see, to get back to the exact moment before my crash so I can prevent it

from happening, well, time is curved.

Oh, Einstein's simplified field theory.

Yes, I simplified it for him.

At any rate, the curve between now and 1963 when I crashed is so slight my

can't manage it. The nearest I can get is 1945.

Oh, well, that's too bad.

Well, I certainly don't mind your staying. I know, Tim. Thank you.

Well, I see my old friends are writing to me again.

The gas company, the electric company, the phone company.

And here's a copy of TV Illustrated to help me forget the gas company, the

electric company, and the phone company.

No,

no, no.

As if things weren't difficult enough.

May I?

Silent Pick, tonight, Veil in the Desert, starring Mark Lamartin.

Tim, they mustn't show that film on TV tonight.

Why not?

Because in 1925, a certain Martian was on an exploratory flight and

landed here in Hollywood.

I am Mark Lamartin.

What were you doing in a movie studio?

Oh, just visiting. But the sight of that incompetent passing himself off as an

actor, I just couldn't resist saying what I thought of him. No, and I know

rest. They couldn't resist you.

And a star was born.

Exactly.

And how can I explain it to Laura Lee, the milkman, the grocer, anyone who sees

me in those films without answering some very incriminating questions?

I don't know what to tell you, Uncle Martin.

I mean, how can you fight history?

With a time machine.

Thank you, Tim.

Oh, you're welcome.

But for what?

The picture has already been made.

With my CCTVs, I can go back to 1925, visit the studio, walk past the set, and

no matter how horrible that man's performance is, I won't say a word.

Then he won't be fired, I won't be hired, and tonight, when Brennan sees

veil in the desert...

He'll see it with its original no -talent star.

Now, wait a minute.

Do you mean that you're going back to Hollywood, 1925, right now?

Immediately.

10 a .m., June the 21st, 1925.

Locator, Gower, Gauch, Hollywood.

Well, Uncle Martin, are you going... Now,

take over the hand.

Sehr gut. Now, take her in your arms, Irving.

That's right.

Now kiss her.

I said kiss her.

This is a love scene, not a wrestling match.

You better shoot it before he kills her.

Camera. Action!

This is it, all right.

He's about to make the same scene.

Oh, so are you, remember. No comments.

Wait here, and don't worry.

If there's one thing a Martian's got, it's willpower.

Action!

Now, Irving, you have just ridden a thousand miles across the burning

sands to reach her.

Now, reach!

Who?

Omar. You.

Scheherazade. My life.

Now, Irving, make it with the eyebrows.

I won't look and I won't say it.

Omar. My Omar.

Sweep me in your arms and take me away with you.

Then I go to fight the rifts.

I mustn't say it.

But I want to be at your side.

No. Cut.

Stop.

Irving. Feeling.

I want more feeling.

Like this.

You see?

Don't tell me how to act.

It's all the fan mail around here. The director of the star.

But I want to be at your side.

No.

Yes. No.

Yes.

No!

No. Uncle Martin. No, no, no. It's beyond human endurance. No, no, no, no.

You're even worse than the last time I saw you. Stop.

Stop the camera. Stop everything.

Who is spotting in here with the no, no, no?

You're acting, sir.

is about as thrilling an experience as watching paint dry.

You emote with as much feeling as a double dose of Novocaine. In short, you,

sir, are the least talented actor that I have ever seen.

You're much more attractive that way, my dear.

You are absolutely right.

You are right.

Absolutely. Yeah, maybe he thinks he can do it better.

Sir, I could play a love scene better than that and eat a hot... pastrami

sandwich at the same time.

Never go again.

I can understand your blurting out how you felt and then showing the director

how a good actor would do it.

But Uncle Martin, signing a contract?

I had to sign until I find someone to replace me.

Once he saw my brilliant performance, Tim, he said that without me, he

make Vale in the Desert at all.

And truthfully, who can blame you? But suppose you don't find a replacement.

I have to.

So, all you have to do now is find an actor that's better than yourself.

Well, lots of luck. Not an actor.

Too much ego.

No, no, no, no. I'm looking for a very special person.

Someone with no ego at all.

In Hollywood?

Your soup. Oh.

Your... Wait a minute.

Your soup, gentlemen.

I'm very sorry.

Thank you very much.

Kim, someday you'll be able to say you were served dinner by one of the biggest

stars in Hollywood.

Him?

Well, what's with that hair? He looks like a premature beetle.

Yes, he's perfect. But, uh, can he act?

Let me see.

Ah, physical fitness.

Ah, here we are.

Self -expression films.

Hmm. And my last one.

Yes, but will that make him an actor? Didn't you ever hear the saying, all the

world's a stage?

On Mars, we believe it. And we're all superb.

With this pill, he'll be endowed with voice lessons, diction, carriage, body

work, fencing, and that sixth sense I once gave to a promising young thespian

named David Garrick, stage presence.

Waiter!

Waiter! Yes,

sir.

Here.

Taste this soup.

The soup?

There's something wrong with the soup? Taste it.

I'll bring you another bowl.

I don't want another bowl. I want you to taste this soup. Yes, sir.

It

tastes

very nice.

Like minestrone.

Once made Rome great.

That filled the bellies of conquering legions.

That is no ordinary bowl

of soup.

You have said before you a veritable soup of soups. A

soup, the bowls of which shaped the hungry world.

Fifty -nine seconds, exactly.

And now, young man, I would like to introduce you to your new motion picture

agent, Mr. O 'Hara.

Me?

To be or not to be.

That is the question.

Ah, von Rheinbein's almost ready to see you.

I'd better make myself scarce. I don't want a chance, any comparisons.

Me?

An agent?

Just talk fast, say yes to everything, and call everyone baby.

Meet me outside the restaurant in an hour, ready to go. And remember,

everything's depending on you.

Mr. Von Reinbein will see you now.

Thank you, chicky baby.

Mr.

Von Reinbein, baby.

You are looking at the greatest future star since Francis X. Bushman. And, baby

sir, if you want to sell tickets.

Silence.

What do you think, darling?

Like him better than that Lamartine?

I think he's adorable.

Yes. Oh, yes.

Wunderbar. He's a genius.

Another from Rheinbein discovery.

Me? You have brought me a great talent here.

But you're making a large error.

Oh, what fire, what eyes.

But, Miss Normandy, baby, I... Did you call me baby?

Oh, what feeling. We'll be fantastic on the screen together.

But I've never acted before. Don't you want to be a movie star?

Well, I... Don't you want to be my leading man?

Well, come to think of it, I did have the lead once in my class play.

You see? He has background.

He's a real actor.

Come to think of it, I was pretty good.

You'll be a sensation.

We'll be a sensation.

Actor!

Report for a screen test immediately.

Yeah, but I think... I said immediately!

But I have to be honest.

My great new star. I love him and the best part, my whole life's crazy about

him.

There he is coming.

My new great star.

Rin Tin Tin?

Wait till you see him.

Timothy!

Oh, no.

Not oh, no. Oh, hell no.

Mark, old boy, you'll never guess what's happened to me.

You've been chosen queen for a day.

Now listen to me. Isn't he just it?

Yes, but the question is what?

Don't listen to him, my sweet little patootie. Then, Mark, you be careful or

will let you ride my Dusenberg after I get the new leopard seat cover.

W .W., listen.

I thought you were going to do something about my dressing room.

But you have the biggest dressing room on the lot.

Fairbanks had it before he left.

Well, I don't blame him for leaving it. It only has one mirror.

Tim. Hmm? Tim. Excuse me, please.

Tim, you can't be serious about this.

Why not?

Why should I accept the hand -me -down dressing room?

You know what I'm referring to.

Now, will you stop this farce with those dark glasses and that manicured

mongrel? Oh, come on, Uncle Martin.

I was just kidding around, that's all. I just want to enjoy the moment.

Well, sure.

After all...

A small mansion, an indoor swimming pool, a yacht, and the love of a

sweet lady who earns as much as I do.

Ah, isn't she the cat's meow?

Well, I'll tell you what I'll do, W .W. I think perhaps I'll stay in the same

dressing room. After all, I don't want anyone to think that I'm getting a

swelled head.

Just make sure you put a larger star in my dressing room.

That boy needs help.

He's gone so Hollywood that unless I can do something, I may never get him out

of 1925.

Oh, but Mr. Lamar, it's no use. I'm no actor.

I'm just a big nothing who's gonna be a waiter all his life.

Maybe you'd like to try the veal scallopini.

That I understand.

Now, how could they possibly overlook you and pick Tim?

Of course.

Joe, would you make me a nice salad?

Oh, sure.

I forgot this is 1925.

I won't forget.

This is the year I didn't become an actor. You're not going to become just

actor, Joe.

You're going to be a star.

Oh, yeah.

A big star.

Either somebody's a wise guy or it's raining olive oil in this restaurant.

Oh, my hair.

Oh, it was the only thing I had left.

No, no, no, no, no, Joe.

It looks fine.

Oh, some movie star.

I look like the back of Tom Mix's horse.

On the contrary.

Slick down hair is going to be the rage of the 1920s. The latest style for

leading men.

But since when?

Since just now.

That was fear, W .W.

Now Joe will show us how he registers passion.

Passion, Joe.

Brilliant. A genius.

Naturally. He studied under the greatest actor in the world. And compared to

him, that amateur Timothy O 'Hara is... Yeah, yeah.

But the question is, does he have sex appeal?

A good question.

He's great.

Sensational.

Stupendous. I am?

My name's Starr.

Another from Rheinbein Discovery.

I sign him. Good.

For my next picture.

Your next picture? But what about the veil in the desert?

Oh, we have to use O 'Hara.

Viola won't stand for any other leading man.

Anyhow, I have an ironclad contract with him.

You think I want to get sued?

And undoubtedly you would.

But, Ken, we must have a new name for.

We are going to make this nice fellow into a great big movie star.

Yes. But now how do I make a great big movie star into a nice fellow?

I'm sorry. If you don't mind waiting, perhaps on the way out. Love you all.

you.

Well, I hope this won't take too long.

I have the most beautiful creature in the world waiting for me outside in just

few minutes.

Don't you think you'd better take off those dark glasses?

We're not expecting our next solar eclipse until March 1932.

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin.

You can't bug me.

I keep forgetting that expression won't be good for another 40 years.

Precisely. And that brings us to the reason I asked you to meet me, Tim.

The time for your life is 40 years from now.

Oh? Well, then how come I'm having the time of my life right now?

Look, I'm a beautiful girl.

A career.

My name up in lights.

Tim, you're not even supposed to be here.

All right. So I'm a decade crasher. One moment, Tim.

I've got to show you something.

Something that may make you think twice.

Oh, I'll think twice, all right. But I'll think the same thing both times.

We'll see.

Would you mind looking into your plate?

Even though it's not a mirror.

Photo telepathy. The time is a moment after we left to come here. The place,

motion picture home for retired actors.

Who's the cast of characters?

The old guy looks familiar.

He should. His name is Tim O 'Hara.

That's me?

Remember, it's over 40 years from now.

You decided to stay behind.

Have there been any messages from me?

Did Mr. DeMille call yet?

Has there been any word from my fan club?

I'm sorry.

That's me.

That silly old egotist.

But what am I doing in the motion picture home?

I'm a big star.

You are now, Tim.

But this is 1925.

In 1928, something unforeseen is going to happen.

You mean... Exactly.

You didn't make it into talkies.

Well, I guess it's not so bad being a newspaper man and eating Mrs. Brown's

chocolate broccoli pies.

That's right, Cam.

You see, the only way people can really be happy is to be themselves.

Yeah.

But what I really hate to give up is Viola.

I know.

But things have a way of working out.

Time returned to moment of origin.

Place, Tim O 'Hara's apartment, Hollywood.

Do you mean we're going back right now?

Just a second, I'll come right in. Here comes Viola.

Do you think I could just... Well, I've got to do something.

Couldn't I just say goodbye?

Tim, sometimes a goodbye can make it even more difficult to say goodbye.

Especially when it's someone to whom you should have never said hello.

And that was just a preview scene from tonight's silent pick, W .W. von

Rheinbein's A Veil in the Desert, starring Viola Normandy and Valentin

Valentin Rodolfo. They made Joe change his name.

But Rodolfo was one of the greatest lovers of silent pictures.

Viola had to find someone to help her forget about you.

Well, at least one of us was able to forget.

Tim, I realize you're still thinking of her.

But I know you'll meet someone who will make you forget all about her.

Well, it'll take a hypnotist.

Try not to be so hopeless.

Now what? It's a young reporter your editor sent over for some assistance.

Just what I need right now.

You know, it's probably some young, fresh kid just out of journalism school.

probably has a difficult... Hello, Mr. O 'Hara?

Biola?

How did you get... How did you know my name?

Won't you come in?

I'm Tim's uncle.

I hope you'll forgive him. I'm afraid you resemble someone he thinks he knows.

Gee, that's funny. It's usually older folks say I remind them of my

Your grandmother?

She was a silent movie star, people say.

See, I don't want to take up too much of your time.

Mr. Carter said that you wouldn't mind checking over these stories.

I'm not sure that my construction's right.

Oh, take my word.

It's great.

I mean, shall we go to work?

Did you know about this?

Well, let's put it this way, Tim.

Who do you think coined the phrase...

History repeats itself.