Original subtitles

Hi, Uncle Martin.

Oh, listen, I won't be home for dinner tonight. I have a date with Barbara.

Who

is

that?

My mother.

Your mother?

Well, what's she doing?

Is she planning on staying?

Aren't you going to introduce us?

You're looking at a memory.

I am?

Happily, we Martians are equipped with video recall projection.

You Earth people speak of seeing things in your mind's eye.

We Martians are able to project this image.

Unhappily, it's only an illusion.

A picture in three dimensions.

Really?

Please.

Don't run your hand through my mother. It's disrespectful.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Dear Mom.

This will be the first Mother's Day I won't be home to wish her good health.

Mother's Day?

Oh, come on. That's not even for several months yet. You still might make it.

No, Tim.

Next Wednesday is Mother's Day on Mars.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I wish there was something I could do to help Uncle Martin.

Hey, look.

Look, suppose I break my date tonight and you and I go out and have dinner

together, okay?

Well, thank you, Tim. You're very considerate. But I'm afraid neither one

would enjoy it. You go ahead.

Okay.

Of all the mothers on all the stars, there are no others

like my mother on Mars.

Oh, how I long for the day when I'll make my

way to my one and only mother.

My watch won't be ready until tomorrow night.

Uncle Martin?

Oh, come on now. You've been moving around for two days. You'd think you'd

your last friend.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tim.

I guess I haven't been very good coming lately.

Well, I'm not worried about that.

I'm worried about you.

Look, if you sink any lower, you're going to have the bends trying to get

up again.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll feel better.

It's just that today is Mother's Day back home.

And I feel derelict, not being.

Oh, come along, Cora. If you insist upon making a fool of yourself, do it and be

done with it.

Hey. Tim.

What?

That... That was my mother.

Yeah, I thought she looked familiar. Your mother?

What did you do? Leave your video recall, whatever you call it, turned on?

No. No, it isn't really she.

But the resemblance is uncanny.

They could almost be twins.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, what a relief. For a minute there, I thought we were being invaded by some

little old ladies from Mars.

You can't disappear in the street like that.

Why, did you panic? Oh, excuse me.

Yes, Mr. O 'Hara, was there something else?

No, no, we were just looking around.

Yes.

Now then, what can I do for you, madam?

It's Miss, Miss Cora Darling.

And this is my sister, Miss Dora Darling.

Cora and Dora. Well, how nice.

Now that we've been properly introduced from my fiancé,

they're personal.

They're love letters.

Oh, swell.

Come on, let's get out of here. No, no, Tim, wait.

I've got to do something for her.

Something nice for Mother's Day.

For Mother's Day?

She isn't even a mother. And besides, it's not Mother's Day down here.

You go ahead. You go up and try and give her a present for Mother's Day. She'll

have you locked up as a nut.

Well, it's the least I can do.

She's so much like my own mother. Jonathan wasn't all sweet talk and

phrases, though.

He gave me this, too.

I'm sure it's very valuable.

What's the matter with her?

She thinks Jonathan and the ring are both worthless.

Allow me.

Oh, thank you.

Miss Darling, my professional judgment would indicate that this ring would be

valued somewhere in the neighborhood of, say, five.

You see, a $5 ring, didn't I tell you?

Oh, no, Miss Darling.

Five thousand.

Thank you very much, Mr. Hoskins. I'll take the money.

The money?

I didn't know you intended to sell it.

Jonathan would have wanted it that way.

Jonathan may have, but not Martin O 'Hara.

You did what? When I picked up the ring, I applied a jolt of intense heat.

Enough to rearrange the molecular structure of the stone. For the time

is a genuine diamond.

Uncle Martin, if that weren't even possible, there'd be a law against it.

already is.

The forces of law and order refer to it as grand theft.

Bunko. In 24 hours, the molecules will revert to their original pattern, and

honest merchant there will discover he has paid $5 ,000 for a piece of glass.

Do you really... That's 20 years just sitting around chopping on rocks.

Wait a minute.

You took the ring and you handed it to him.

Suppose he thinks that you and I are involved.

Suppose he thinks that we belong to an international gang of jewel thieves or

something. At the moment, that is of no consequence.

The truly tragic thing would be if Cora learned both Jonathan and his ring were

frauds. Her life would be shattered.

And all because I permitted a bit of personal sentimentality to cloud my

judgment.

Tim, I behaved like an idiot.

Are you sure this is where they live?

Tim, I'm a Martian, remember?

A Martian may not always be right, but we're never wrong.

Determining the address was extremely simple.

Oh, of course, you read their minds.

On the contrary, I had no opportunity to read anyone's mind.

Well, then how can you be so positive that this is the place?

I looked it up in the phone book.

Now, if you'll stop with your questions, there's one I'd like answered.

Just what Cora intends to do with that money.

Maybe...

Gina. Oh, what a sweet kitty.

Oh, dear.

There's that feeling they're at it again.

Well, we'll be able to put a stop to that very shortly now.

You know, I think I'm going to miss those little things when we get the

fixed up.

The termites.

Oh, they're such little dickenses.

Well, I never.

Really, Cora, you're much too sentimental.

for a girl of your age.

Oh, I suppose I am.

In a way, I feel just terrible about selling Jonathan's ring.

Oh, stop sniveling. Just be grateful it wasn't as worthless as he was.

He was not worthless. He was a fine, upstanding gentleman.

And his ring meant a great deal to me.

Have it your own way. But I never considered the man other than a fortune

hunter. Dora, you must not say...

You know what we'd have done if Jonathan's ring hadn't been so valuable?

You heard the nice man from the building and safety department. He said he'd

have to condemn our house if we didn't fix it up.

The Acme AAA building contractors.

Reconstruction and remodeling is our specialty. Let's try that one.

building contractors.

Reconstruction and remodeling is our specialty.

Yes. We intend to make some rather extensive repairs to our home.

We shall be pleased to assist you, madam.

One moment, please.

I've lifted much heavier weights with it than those bags of sawdust.

Oh, yes. Well, I realize I'm just a mere earthling, and I don't have your

Martian know -how, but would you mind telling me just how you intend to repair

the darling's house? With sawdust?

Well, not being in a financial position to afford the lumber we needed, I'm

merely following an old Martian adage.

Necessity is the Martian of invention.

I thought it was mother.

My mother is a Martian.

Regina, hurry up.

Time is of the essence.

What are they wearing?

Nails.

Regina and her friends were gracious enough to allow themselves to be

magnetized. Then they simply paraded through all the back alleys of the

neighborhood, picking up all the discarded nails along the route.

Oh. Oh.

You know, come to think of it, you better not let Detective Brennan catch

with that hubcap that cat is wearing. You know, he already thinks that you are

juvenile delinquent.

Well, intention of returning it to its rightful owner as soon as possible.

Now, would you mind sorting the nails?

Sorting the nails?

How do I do that?

Oh, well, uh, first I'll demagnetize the cats.

Now, I suggest that you put all the eight pennies in one pile, the roofing

in another, and so on.

You mean by hand?

I'm afraid so.

There are... Certain things an earthling can do equally as well as a marshal.

One of them is sorting nails by hand.

Makes a fellow sort of proud, doesn't it?

as a matter of idle curiosity.

What happens when that 2x4 reverts back into sawdust? Does Dora and Cora's house

come tumbling down?

It won't revert.

This is an entirely different process from the glass to diamond mutation.

That was tampering with natural molecular structure.

This is restoration of original structure.

The lumber will be as good as new.

We don't have a complete day.

In something less than eight hours, that diamond will again become glass.

One hope may be that Mr. Hoskins will not have the occasion to look at that

before we can finish.

But it's going to be close, Tim.

It's going to be very, very close.

Well, I have every confidence in you, Uncle Martin.

Play on!

Busy, busy, busy, don't we, Doris?

I expected to see a much larger crew.

Oh, well, you should have been here a few minutes ago.

You would have seen plenty.

Next section, please.

Huh?

Are you sure that part of the subfloor is all right?

your judgment, Regina.

I just want you to double check.

Thank you.

Jupiter, deliver us from temperamental cats.

Well, what's she doing on the floor anyway?

Saving me a great deal of precious time by inspecting the subfloor.

Thank you, Regina. Thank you. Next section, please.

She is also happily...

A veritable fount of information about the Darlings and Jonathan Miller.

You mean she's a gossip?

That's so loud.

She'll hear you.

Well, what about the Darlings and Jonathan Miller?

Apparently, he was a ne 'er -do -well and, as Dora said, a fortune hunter.

He absconded to South America with Cora's dowry, promising to invest it,

fortune, then come back and marry her.

Why, that dirty... Agreed, agreed.

However, Cora has been spared disillusionment.

It may be a false memory, but so long as it brings her happiness, who are we to

destroy it?

Sorry, Regina.

Saturn's sainted rings.

Did I misjudge the time?

On what?

I wonder if I miscalculated the atmospheric pressure.

No matter. Our honest jeweler is driving up to the house with a detective from

the Bunko Squad, and I want you to keep him off balance.

Mr. Hoskins, what a surprise.

Oh, O 'Hara.

Well, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? You were in

the shop yesterday when those two women robbed me.

Robbed you?

Why, Mr. Hoskins, what are you talking about?

Well, I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

Do you see this?

That is a piece of glass. I paid $5 ,000 for a piece of glass.

You must be very fond of glass.

I do not like glass. I bought a diamond, and somehow, someone switched the real

article on me after I paid for it. I can't believe it.

The Darling Sisters seem so... so sincere.

They're the worst kind.

I want that!

How long can you keep them chasing you? Not very long.

I've got to find a more permanent solution.

There it goes. There it goes. Get it. Get it. Get it.

Get it.

Get it.

Get it.

Get it.

Get it. Get it. Get it.

Get it. Get it. Get it. Get it. Get it. Get it.

Get it.

Get it. Get it. Get it.

Get it. Get it. Get it. Get it.

Get it. Get it.

Get it. Get it. Get it.

Get it.

Later, Regina.

Wait a minute. I told you I'd get you the fish.

Wait a minute.

Regina.

How would you like two frozen fish dinners instead of one? There it is.

In the fireplace.

Forget it.

I've got it.

Out of my way.

Where is it? Where is it?

disturb me. I wish my knitting.

Oh, well, perhaps I could get it for you.

Young man, are you trying to hide something from me? Oh, no, no. It's just

uh, uh, well, maybe I better pee. Make sure it's safe.

Uncle Martin Company.

finished with all these interruptions. Uncle Martin, Miss Darling, won't you

come in?

I thought you might like a nice cup of hot tea and some cookies to give you

energy. Well, that's very kind of you, Miss Darling.

All done, inside and out.

Yeah, and just in time, too. I am exhausted from watching you.

May we come in?

Oh, please do.

Oh.

Oh, it's just beautiful.

I don't see how you did the whole house so fast.

I strongly suspect it's all on the surface.

And I suggest that we withhold payment until we can thoroughly examine the

And we will do no such thing.

The trouble with you, Dora, is you have no faith in people.

Well, you never had any faith in Jonathan. And if it hadn't been for him,

don't know what we'd have done. And neither do you. You try looking for the

in people, Dora, instead of the worst.

And believe me, you'll be a much happier woman.

You tell him, Mom.

Wasn't she magnificent?

Wasn't she absolutely magnificent?

My own mother would have said it in just that way.

Well, I hate to bring up a tender moment, but what about Mr. Hoskins and

detective? Mr.

Hoskins and that detective are a very small problem, Tim.

Well, can't you reach her yet?

How can I reach her? If I go up any higher on this, the down spot will

Mr. Hoskins.

Mr. Hoskins, I happen to have a great deal of faith in the Darling Sisters.

sure this whole thing was a great misunderstanding.

Would you be willing to return the ring for exactly what you paid for it?

It's a deal.

Thank you very much, Mr. Hoskins.

Regina!

Well, like I said, Uncle Martin, if you ever have any really big problems, maybe

I can help.

Say, Uncle Martin, how come you didn't give Cora back the ring?

When a person knowingly makes a sacrifice to him, it ill behooves an

make that sacrifice unnecessary.

It becomes, then, only a hollow gesture.

Well, I hadn't thought of it that way.

I guess that makes sense.

You know, when I start to think about it, every time Cora looks at the house,

she's going to think of Jonathan.

Matter of fact, she's surrounded by Jonathan.

And I'm sure Jonathan would have wanted it that way.

Hey, what are you going to do with the ring?

Give it to my mother.

Next Mother's Day, I hope.

Oh, well, she'll be thrilled.

I mean, here's a $5 ,000 piece of glass.

She couldn't honk it for a buck.

I would say closer to $10 ,000.

What do you mean, $10 ,000? Not dollars, dracolines. That's the Martian

equivalent of your dollar.

This ring will be worth about, oh, $10 ,000 dracolines.

What? Of course.

Diamonds are so plentiful on Mars, they're almost worthless.

But glass, genuine glass, is almost impossible to obtain.

Do you mean to tell me that that ring is worth $10 ,000?

What a pity.

That would have made you a millionaire on Mars, Tim.