Original subtitles

Boy, it is a beautiful day out, Uncle Martin. Hey, listen, what say you and I

to the beach, huh?

Huh? What do we not shoot an iron pig, Mr. Pete? Us sheepherders ain't aiming

make no trouble. Nope, nope, yep, nope.

Tim, this is no time for levity.

You are looking at the first model of the UMMS, the Ultrasonic Microcosmic

Molecular Separator.

Hmm.

Okay, I'm impressed.

What am I impressed about?

As you know, all matter is composed of molecules held together by physical

attraction. With my U -M -M -S, I can tear the molecules away from each other.

With that pea shooter?

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin. Are you sure you haven't been walking around in the

smog too long?

Tim, may I borrow your watch?

just changed to a molecular state.

As you know, a molecule is much too small to be seen with the naked eye.

But that's absolutely the most unbelievable thing that I've ever... My

I still have three payments due on it.

Stop worrying.

This tabulating dial registers the number of molecules as they separate.

Now, all I have to do is make sure the same number is within range.

Now... Throw the separator into reverse and voila.

That's just fine.

What do I do now?

Walk around with a sundial strapped to my wrist?

that will teach you not to refer to my ultrasonic microcosmic molecular

separator as a pea shooter again.

Why doesn't it come back for me like it did for you? Because microsonic waves

increase in geometric proportion to distance.

When they hit that wall, they had enough force to blow the molecules all the way

to West Covina.

I hope this will teach you not to fool around with things you don't understand.

They got to send Mrs. Brown a bill for

improving her property?

Let's hope she doesn't send us one for the unsolicited job of air conditioning.

Tim, I'd just as soon not try to explain this, so get rid of the evidence,

quick.

What? Detective Brennan, how nice of you to whip up a batch of brownies for me.

I did not whip them up for you or for anyone else. Mrs. Brown asked me to

them up. I hope you didn't misappropriate any.

I'll check the count with Floralee later. Good day, Detective Brennan.

the big rush for, O 'Hara?

Does it make you feel uneasy having an officer of the law around?

On the contrary, sir.

As Simonides said, go tell the Spartans.

And I say the same to you and your fellow officers.

Thou who passest by, that here obedient to their laws we lie.

Perhaps. But then again, Emerson, if I may return the quote, said, The louder

talked of honor, the faster we counted the spoons.

He thinks thou dost protest too much.

Now, just one second, Detective Brennan. You cannot make insinuations about my

uncle. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, Harold, don't be so sensitive.

Your uncle and I have something in common.

A mutual distrust of one another.

That's a novel way to hang a picture.

Detective Brennan, if you don't mind, we spent hours getting it at the exact

angle to express the mood of the artist.

Why don't you admit it, old man?

Despite all your big talk about being a mechanical genius, you can't even hang a

picture straight.

The latest brainstorm.

What is it, a new kind of corn, Papa? Don't tell me. Let me guess.

The corn and butter go in here, and then you pull this lever here. Brennan, no.

Go on.

He molecule himself.

Fortunately enough, he was close to the ray, so his molecules are still within

range. You Earth people, you see a lever and you have to pull it. Why, on Mars,

even a three -year -old child... Maybe he can hear us.

Impossible. He's in a state of suspended animation.

Tim, watch what you're doing.

You're scattering Brennan's molecules all over the place.

Hurry up and learn about how we can put the pieces all back together again when

we can't even see them.

Well, I'm quite sure I can adapt the magnetic polarizer of my spaceship for

retreating purposes.

You'd better come with me. I don't want you kicking poor Brennan's molecules all

around.

It's a good thing we're around to help Brennan in his hour of need.

Did it ever occur to you that he wouldn't be in need if it weren't for

Well, don't worry. In a few moments, we'll have him back good as new.

Oh, hello, boy.

I'll bet you're surprised to see me.

I'd say stunned is a more accurate word. Or even petrified.

I noticed yesterday this room needed a good cleaning.

Now, don't you dare thank me. It's rather difficult, but I'll restrain

It's nice to know one's good deeds are appreciated.

Oh, by the way, Martin, Mr. Brennan did deliver my brownies, didn't he?

That's funny. He left without saying goodbye.

He didn't say goodbye to us either.

Why, Martin, you actually sound hurt.

Now, come on, admit it. You're beginning to like him.

Orally, I can truthfully say I've never felt closer to Detective Brennan than I

am right now.

Well, I'm sure he feels the same way about you.

Oh, by the way, I do like the way you've hung that picture. It's so abstract, so

new -wave -ish.

Bye. I'll take that for you, Miss Brown. Oh, thank you.

Bye.

Oh, my vacuum cleaner.

Oh, how clumsy.

Are you going to let her just walk out of here with a bag full of Brennan?

I didn't want to arouse her suspicions by asking her to leave it right after

she'd cleaned the place.

When she leaves it on the service porch, we, uh, just borrow it. Oh.

Oh, this is my lucky day.

Oh, sir, would you mind dumping this?

All right, I'll tell you what. We'll give Mrs. Brown five minutes, and then

we'll sneak downstairs.

Uncle Martin, come here, quick.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, just give me elbow room.

Boy, if we had to make someone disappear, why could we have picked a

Do you think you've got them all?

No, no, there's still a few left.

Hmm, 12 o 'clock. I had no idea it was this late.

Uncle Martin, how can you think of lunch at a time like this? I was thinking of

something far more important.

In less than an hour, the ionic charge in the molecules will become

I'd never forgive myself.

Hmm, this is a scientific miracle.

We managed to find every one of them. Well, I wish you'd hurry up. You've got

this room so hot, you could poach an egg in here. I'm sorry, but after their

exposure to the outside air, I thought it best to restore the molecules to your

body temperature.

Oh, Martin!

Tim! Detective Brennan is missing!

His car is still outside, and they've checked his home, and they've checked

friends, and they've even checked the receiving hospital.

Morley, who are they who have been busy checking these things?

The police department.

The lieutenant says he's four hours late, and he's never been late before

without calling in.

Maybe he's in no condition to dial the phone.

You may well say that. The lieutenant says there's all kinds of criminals who

are out to get even with police officers.

Oh, I'm so worried.

After what you just told us, I am too.

When I told him we'd seen Mr. Brennan this morning, he said he'd send a man

to investigate.

He's on his way over right now.

Oh, my goodness, it's close in here. You boys will suffocate.

Brennan. Brennan.

47 more of Mr. Brennan's molecules.

Where'd you find them? On the eucalyptus tree next door.

I almost got a whole board in my hand.

That woodpecker thought I was trying to steal his lunch.

A harmless preparation to keep me apprised of the condition of particles.

As long as that glow persists and we hear that electronic vibration, it's an

indication that the molecules are still active and healthy.

Oh, well, let's not worry about their health. Start thinking about ours. Do

realize that the cops are going to be snooping around here any minute?

Before we put him together, we have to make sure he's all there.

Let's see. With the 47 I just added, we have a grand total of 18 ,079 ,427.

I'm afraid we're still...

Two molecules short.

Ah, we're in luck.

There's one in this chair.

Who's that?

I'm getting vibrations of suspicion and hostility.

Nice to meet you, Detective Collins, but we're rather busy at the moment. Would

you mind coming back later?

Climb all those stairs again?

Why don't I ever get a case where everybody lives on the ground floor?

Every night, Francis says to me, Harry... Harry... That's my

wife, Francis.

Why don't we ever go out like other people?

All I ever do is sit home and watch you soak your feet.

Well, have you ever tried hot Epsom salts? Because I understand that they're

just... The only thing that'll help me is a new pair of feet, period.

Let me see now what I come in here for.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I understand that you two were the last to see Brennan before

he... disappeared.

I wish you wouldn't use that air of finality. I prefer to think he's still

us.

And say where he was going when he left here.

No, no. As a matter of fact, he left rather suddenly.

Yeah, he was just here one second and then gone.

No, Brennan.

You must have liked him. How could anyone help liking such a lovable chap?

That's funny.

Because according to the boys down at the station, his dislike for you was

exceeded by your dislike for him.

Nice painting.

Very nice painting.

Yes.

But I don't know anything about art.

But Frances does.

That's my wife.

Oh, yeah. Why don't you look down in this corner? The brushwork is very

interesting. Very interesting. But I don't know anything about art.

But I do know something about fresh

plaster.

How'd that get there?

Well, I don't know, but let's just suppose.

Let's just suppose that somebody fired this weapon right at that wall.

A projectile might make a hole just like that.

Weapon?

That's not a weapon.

It's a scientific invention of mine that, that... Well, I don't want to bore

with a lot of scientific talk.

Well, that checks out.

Your landlady tells me you got a workshop in the garage.

Look, I don't want to have to go up and down those stairs a dozen times. Why

don't you fellas be nice? Don't you want to change your story?

Story?

You mean you think we had something to do with Brennan's disappearance?

Well, it's got nothing to do with Brennan, really. I mean, I hardly even

him. But it's my job to find out what happened to him.

And if it's my job, I'm going to do it.

I think I'll start by looking in that workshop of yours.

Do you mind if I take a look?

Not at all. Oh, uh... My goodness, I seem to have lost the key.

Oh, the key to the garage.

Well, yeah, yes, I had one in my pants.

The ones I sent to the cleaners.

No problem. I'll break the lock.

Oh. You don't want to do that.

That lock means a great deal to me.

A gift from an aged aunt.

Why can't people be nice? Now I'm going to have to go to all the trouble of

getting a search warrant.

Oh, uh, if you fellas think of anything you want to tell me, I'll be around.

Uh, there is something I'd like to tell you, Detective Collins.

Uh, you have a lot of plaster on the back here.

Oh, you got it, huh?

I'm afraid they're becoming devitalized.

We've got to find that last one in a hurry. Are you kidding? With a noose

our necks? Look, Brendan's not going to miss one little molecule among all those

billions. Tim, every molecule in the body is there for a purpose.

Suppose that missing one is from the heart valve or from his brain.

Well, with his brain, what difference does it make?

Okay, okay.

If I were a molecule, where would I go?

Lieutenant, what's holding up that search warrant?

Oh, now, look, never mind, never mind. The clerk from Judge Pemberton's office

is here right now.

Thank you.

Uncle Martin, they're conking out on us. How can you be so stubborn? If that

detective ever finds out that you're a Martian because he's stooping around so

much all the time... Sam, the fact that I am a Martian makes it imperative that

I bring Brennan back in a perfect state. Well, I don't get that.

Someday our two planets are going to be accessible to each other. And already

there are enough misconceptions about Martians being warlike monsters.

I don't care to add fuel to the fire.

Uncle Martin, if you ever need a character reference from a humble human

being... Call me.

Thanks, Tim.

I don't know anyone I'd rather have it from.

Oh, stop being maudlin and get to work.

It's going to take Colin some time to get a search warrant.

Before then, we can bring Brennan back, and I won't need a character reference.

Martin, come here, quick.

Cassiopeia, my spaceship, my interstellar driver's license.

That ought to keep his mind off detective work for a few minutes. A lot

that's going to do.

No molecule, no Brennan.

Well, don't give up yet.

There's an old saying, while there's life, there's hope.

Did you have to use the word life?

I can just hear those iron gates clanging shut.

Well, if I'm going to have to live on bread and water, I might just as well

enjoy myself.

Oh, the missing molecule.

It's around here somewhere.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Marines are on their way. With minutes to spare.

So, you got nothing to hide in that garage, huh? Then how come you got a

it that does that to a tempered steel blade?

I've tried to assure Detective Collins that you couldn't possibly have anything

to do with Detective... What was

that?

We've been meaning to talk to you about that, Laura Lee.

It seems a family of yellow -bellied sapsuckers have been making their home

the rafters.

Yellow -bellied sapsuckers.

Yes, yes, that's right, yes. All night long they kept us up just by, uh, by

going, uh, cheap, cheap. That's right, all night long, just cheap, cheap.

When you nature lovers are through discussing your fine -feathered

Uh, Detective Collins is right. We're wasting his time when he could be home

an easy chair resting his weary feet.

Remind me.

Oh, no, no, no, don't try that one. Take another one, Detective Collins. That

one has a bad leg.

Oh,

say, have you ever tried pickled brine? It's supposed to be excellent for aching

feet. No kidding. What kind? Dill or gherkin?

What am I doing talking about pickles, O 'Hara? You're right, you're right,

you're right. You're coming downtown with me and answer a few questions.

Well, if you insist.

But aren't you going to be embarrassed when Vernon shows up?

I've got a feeling he's right in this room with us.

Oh, don't worry about my embarrassment.

Think about yours if you don't come up with the right answer.

It didn't work. The clothes and the shoes are there, but Vernon's not in

Your human molecules are less efficient than those of cowhide and fabric.

We don't give them an additional charge of comeback raise.

Brennan will really be gone for keeps.

O 'Hara, let's go.

Oh, you better come, too. I have a feeling you're in this as deep as your

Oh, Detective Collins, I'm sure that Martin and Tim don't... Don't you worry.

they're innocent, they have nothing to fear. Now, remember, don't touch

anything. The boys from the crime lab will be here to take the place apart.

Let's go, O 'Hara and O 'Hara.

Well, shall we go? It's a lovely day for a ride.

You are a cool customer.

What was that?

Well, I'm going to find out.

Why, Mr. Brennan, what a surprise.

You're supposed...

I mean, they said... What were you doing in there?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Oh, what difference does it make as long as he's back?

Bill, what were you doing in there?

Doing? I don't know.

I seem to have fallen asleep.

On your feet?

Everything's so confused.

I feel like I've been away somewhere.

All that matters is that you're back. Welcome home, Detective Brennan. Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Oh, Mr. Brennan.

Bill. Oh, Bill.

If you're going to have the week off, I'm going to nurse you back to health.

You'll come here every morning and spend the entire day.

And Martin will take long walks with you and he'll read to you and he'll play

chess.

Well, you two will be just like brothers.

Me, his brother, for a whole week? No, no, no.