Original subtitles

Uncle Martin, you're still on it?

It's two o 'clock.

Tim, the creative mind doesn't punch a time clock.

Do you suppose Shakespeare put down his quill when the noon whistle blew?

What is that, a submarine for midgets?

Why must you earth people try to conceal your lack of knowledge with feeble

attempts at levity?

You are looking at the first model of the inframolecular electronic

A duplicating machine?

Mm -hmm.

They make those things by the dozens.

Except that mine will produce solid replicas, identical in every respect

the original.

That will manufacture solid objects out of thin air?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, now, come on. I mean, I've been kidded by experts, but that can't be

Why can't it be done? Well, because it, uh... Because it can't.

Have fun with your toy.

You'll be laughing at this first thing in the morning.

That can't be done.

Tim, you're absolutely right.

It can't be done.

I'd better stop.

This place is beginning to look like we're setting up for a two -for -one

Yeah, yeah.

That's uncanny.

Well, I can't tell them from the real thing. Well, they're both real. Anything

the lens can see, the machine can copy.

Well, then, what are we waiting for?

I saw a beautiful colonial mansion in Beverly Hills. And a swing pool.

Oh, no, wait.

There is this magnificent seagoing yacht down at Balboa.

Solid deep paneling.

What happened?

It's gone. It vanished.

That's what I was trying to tell you, Tim.

The lifespan of the duplicates is rather limited.

Oh. Well, then those beeping noises, that sort of lets you know that the

are fading away.

You sure built me up for a big letdown.

There goes my mansion.

My yacht.

Uncle Martin.

I think I'm gonna cry.

try out my new hairdo on you.

I did it myself. Do you like it?

Mrs. Brown, no landlady has a right to look so beautiful.

As a matter of fact, I must say, I am tempted to raise my own rent.

However, I'm sure you didn't climb up ten stairs just to get my opinion.

I think I'll get an expert.

Why didn't you prepare me for this vision?

Where are my dark glasses?

Oh, Martin, I'm so glad you like my new hairdo.

Oh, I hope it looks Polynesian.

Detective Brennan is taking me to the Tonga Tiki Room, and I don't want it to

clash with the decor.

Oh?

Detective Brennan is taking you out?

Yes. Oh, he's so thoughtful.

He sent me these beautiful orchids. Aren't they lovely?

Yes, indeed.

Although just a wee mite anemic -looking.

But don't worry. I'm sure they'll last out the evening.

If you water them regularly.

Now, Martin, I wish you could learn to like Bill.

Just a little.

Believe me, Laura Lee, I do like him.

Just a little.

As little as possible.

It is so bad in here. Do you mind if I use your bedroom mirror? Oh, please do.

You know something?

She is really a great gal. Yes, indeed. She's the only one of her kind.

Why, thank you, Martin.

I forgot to turn it off.

Tim, how could you do that?

Well, it's easy if you haven't got a brain.

You mean to tell me that that is an exact duplicate of the other one?

Identical in every respect, but a lot less permanent.

We've got to get rid of her before the real one comes back.

The light's so bad in here. Do you mind if I use your bedroom mirror?

No, no, no, Mrs. Brown. You don't want to use that mirror in there because it's

distorted from the smog.

Oh, Tim has a much better mirror in his automobile. Yes, it's a marvelous new

mirror. It has highlights, lowlights, keylights, floodlights, all kinds of

mirrors. Come to think of it, there's a much better mirror right there in the

kitchen. Have you flipped your antennas? The cop's coming.

Sorry to barge in like this, but Laura Lee isn't

downstairs, and I thought she might be up here.

She is.

She is. Very much so.

You told me you're a would -be inventor.

I suppose this is one of your kooky creations.

What is it?

A carrying case for hamsters?

Detective Brennan, why don't you stick to putting chalk marks on tires of

cars?

Temper, temper.

Oh, by the way, if you're thinking of inventing the telephone, don't bother.

Alexander Gray and Bell beat you to it.

Aloha!

Oh, lovely.

We'd better hurry. We have a reservation.

Bye, Martin.

Or as we Polynesians say, aloha.

Oh, dear, I forgot my hanky.

Tim!

We gotta whisper.

Whisper? Yeah, we don't want to steam up the mirror.

This is your idea of a mirror?

Oh, yeah, it's a lot better than a glass one. I'll tell you why.

You see, if you drop it, no seven years bad luck. You either want to polish it

or you got to use a steel wool.

You're acting absolutely giddy.

Aloha. Here I am, Bill.

How do I look?

Lovely.

Got your hanky?

My hanky?

Oh, yes.

as we Polynesians say.

Aloha.

Uncle Martin, you just let him waltz out of here with a duplicate. Why didn't

you stop him? What do you expect me to say?

Sorry, old man, you're making a mistake.

If you'll wait a minute, I'll get you the original.

I'm ready, Bill.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Detective Brennan was brokenhearted, Laura Lee, but he had an emergency call

from headquarters, and he had to get down there right this very minute. Yes,

something about a crime wave.

I suppose duty comes first.

Well, I do wish those criminals would be more considerate.

Right at dinner time.

Simon Strong?

What are you doing?

I was computing the second Mrs. Brown's life expectancy.

I'm afraid she isn't a very good insurance risk, Tim.

She's due to disappear in exactly 57 minutes and 12 seconds.

Holy smoke. That means she could conk out somewhere between the pineapple

ribs and the egg foo young.

Oh, I'd love to see the look on Brennan's face when Mrs. Brown tells you

home waiting for him all evening long.

He is a detective, Tim, and I'm more concerned with the look on my face when

starts asking embarrassing questions.

Questions that might lead him to finding out I'm a Martian.

Oh, yeah.

Well, it's all my fault, Uncle Martin.

I guess you think I'm a blithering idiot.

Tim, everyone is entitled to a mistake.

There's only one thing to do. We've got to substitute the real Laura Lee for the

phony one.

Well, that's just what I was going to say.

I know. I'll drive your car down to the Tongatiki room to survey the

battlefield.

You think you can get Laura Lee there without rousing her suspicions?

Don't worry.

I'll come through this time.

Something to drink, please?

What's the hell special?

A surfboard.

Loralee, would you care for a surfboard?

A surfboard?

Well, I don't know. I don't swim very well.

We'll take you.

Tim,

are you sure that Bill said to wait for him here?

Yes, yes. As a matter of fact, he called right after you went downstairs.

Uh, Mrs. Brown, why don't you sit down and just don't move from that spot

because I know you wouldn't want to miss him. I'll be back before you can say,

uh, mahi -mahi.

Privately held reporting, sir. What's the strategy, General?

I've got it worked out to the split second.

A, in exactly 30 seconds, the surplus Mrs. Brown will go right in there to

her hands.

Now, B, the moment she's safely inside, you steer Loralee over to Brennan's

table. All right, synchronize watches.

I have one little question for you. What makes you think that Mrs. Surplus is

going to go in there and wash her hands, huh?

Tim, that's why you're the private and I'm the general.

Aloha.

Aloha to you, my little jungle flower.

You like to take Native Doll with you?

That all depends on what time Native Doll gets off work.

This is a surfboard.

Good.

Mmm, delicious.

Mmm.

These shells may be exotic, but they're certainly not practical.

Excuse me.

Oh, Tim, I think I should phone Bill.

Yeah, well, you go right ahead.

Oh, well.

just an accident.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, Tim.

Oh, right there. Uh, look, keep this warm, will you, until I get back to, uh,

Mandalay.

Isn't that ridiculous? Why, Detective Brendan must have been in the dining

the whole time.

Well, of course. We're having dinner here. Yes, well, you don't want to...

you don't want to keep him waiting.

You'll never guess who's here. Tim O 'Hara.

And he's acting so peculiarly.

You wouldn't believe it. Oh, yes, I would.

But living with that uncle of his, I don't wonder.

Now, Bill, that's a thing to say.

My heart was a very intelligent... Oh, wait.

I'm afraid that drink was too strong for you.

Oh, nonsense.

I never felt in my entire...

What time did you say you got off work?

I didn't.

Excuse me. Of course.

Good work.

Now to get the duplicate out of here. On some pretext. Drive her around for

about 12 minutes and our troubles are over.

Martin!

What are you doing here?

Now, now, don't get excited, Mrs. Brown.

There's a fireman at your house. A fire? Oh, my goodness. I better get home

right away.

Of course.

Kim. Kim.

Oh, Loralee, would you excuse us a minute, please?

What did you stop for? Didn't you hear a beep? She's starting to disintegrate.

An excellent analysis, except for one thing.

The beeps aren't coming from her.

They're coming from her.

Oh, that's impossible.

I never took my eye off that door for one second.

Nature does through work at midnight, sweetie pie.

Not for one second.

Oh, well, maybe just one time.

Martin, Tim, the fire.

Fire? Oh, Loralee, I'm afraid I said there was a fireman at your house

tickets to the annual ball.

Yeah, he'll be back tomorrow.

Laura Lee, did you see Kanoky Poky, the Samoan rain god?

They say he's guaranteed to produce showers if one concentrates on him long

enough. Oh, that's silly.

However, my petunias have been drooping lately.

Then concentrate.

What's up? I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. The duplicator. By

reversing the mechanism...

I can pick the exact time of our other Mrs. Brown's disappearance.

Do you mean... Eraser?

Rubber out?

Don't make it sound like I'm public enemy number one. You just keep the real

Laura Lee busy.

Well, where will you be?

Oh, as soon as I get my duplicator, I'll be back behind that divider.

so that it will erase the subject. And in exactly one minute, she'll be gone

not forgotten.

Oh, well.

Steady the machine.

Perfect. Quick, get Brennan on the phone and keep him there until she's

obliterated. Right, right.

Loralee, are you all right? You look so pale.

Oh, it must be the lights. I always looked under.

That's right. You want it on telephone.

Sounds very important.

Oh, thank you.

Excuse me.

Is your drink all right, madam?

Oh, yes, thank you. It's perfectly...

Brennan. Detective Brennan.

Quite, quite, yes, yes. Well, sir, you see, I'm calling from Griffin Park

Studios in London, England, and we have decided, sir, to shoot a motion picture

for life.

The studio wants to make a picture about me?

Quite, quite. You see, it's a hard -hitting documentary about a Yankee

Now, you were chosen, sir, because...

line for one second sir you can speak to our producer

happened, I guess what I have to try to study it.

But how come it duplicated him but not her?

Because it cannot duplicate a duplicate.

Bill!

Well, if I hadn't seen you, well, I'd still be waiting.

I told you the two of them would... To your... Can you hear what they're

Enough to know that he's beeping and she isn't.

Oh, no.

You mean the real Mrs. Brown and the pony Brennan?

And from the decibel count of his beep, I'd say he's going to vanish at about

the same time as the airsats slowly.

How about this one? Do you like it?

Beautiful. Oh, let's go, Laura. The show's starting.

I hope that moron who called me got his money's worth.

Well, it's nice of you to buy it for me.

Oh, no.

Not again.

I was working on something here. Do you know where it's gone?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. It's in the ash can.

Smashed smithereens. What?

Well, Uncle Martin, come on. Didn't you have enough trouble with that last

duplicator? Well, if you can't take care of yourself, your favorite nephew's

going to do it for you.

Tim?

Yes? Do you know what you just did?

No. You smashed the entire works of our television set.

Come on, Uncle Martin, you're pulling my leg.

Ten payments left on that.

I think I'm going to cry.