Original subtitles

Boy, you could have saved me an awful lot of trouble in grammar school.

You?

Cleaning the erasers?

Oh, come now, Tim. I don't visualize you as the teacher's pet. Oh, yeah. Listen,

I had a real beat, and she was a swinger.

Well, oh, listen.

For you, a little something to celebrate your new status as teacher.

Although, frankly, I have the vaguest idea why you're getting involved in all

this. Well, Tim, I did think it was about time I made some financial

contribution around here.

And when Mrs. Brown told me that she knew of this boy, Eddie Prescott, who

needed some gray matter... Eddie Prescott?

That is a hard way to make a buck.

Yeah, I understand he is a bit of a terror. Well, a 12 -year -old hardened

criminal is more like it. Of course, I guess kids do toughen up in this

California climate.

Open it.

Oh, Tim, you shouldn't have.

Uncle Martin, they're not the crown jewels. They're just a simple pair of

cufflinks. Get those silver cufflinks out of this apartment!

What happened?

Silver. They were practically pure silver.

I know.

I paid for them.

Silver is disaster for a Martian's electrical system, especially pure

I come close to pure silver, it discharges my high -tension nervous

short -circuits the solid -state protoplasmic transistors in my brain.

Brain! Simple, Uncle Martin.

Make it simpler. Simpler.

Simpler, eh? Simpler for a simpleton. All right. Then it changes me into a

brain.

Horrors. Well, anyway, Tim, it's the thought that counts. But hereafter,

to gold and platinum. They reinforce a Martian's electrical field.

All right.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll trade you the silver cufflinks and get you a

platinum bathtub.

That sounds like a great idea. But don't have anything engraved on it. Oh?

We Martians don't like to be ostentatious.

Shoulders back!

I like round shoulders.

I want you to make a good impression on this new tutor.

I don't like him. You have never met him. He'll give up, like all my

I intend to see you go through the Air Force Academy in the old family

tradition. Off we go into the wild blue yonder. You know I get airsick every

time I hear that song.

Learned something by the Beatles.

If I thought it would do any good, I would spike you.

Let's not get rough.

Remember my braces?

They cost you $2 ,000.

Two grand worth of silver.

What's that for? Well, I thought we could use a little schoolroom touch.

You cut that out.

Just a thought.

Outside that front door at this very moment, there stands one small cloud of

juvenile evil and incorrigibility.

That would be young Eddie Prescott.

Call me if you need any judo holds broken.

Well, you must be Eddie Prescott.

Yeah.

Please come in.

Won't you sit down?

Hey, quit pushing me!

Hey!

I'm terribly sorry, Eddie, but you must have stumbled. I did not stumble. You

pushed me.

I was several feet away from you, young man, and I did not touch you. Forget it.

I hate studying.

Have you ever tried it? No.

Well, then don't knock it until you've tried it. And I don't like teachers

either.

I understand your father's in the Air Force.

Yeah.

Missile Command.

Off we go into the wild blue yonder.

Like that.

He tells me he'd like you to go into the Air Force Academy.

Yes!

Is that an opinion or a missile taking off?

When does the tutoring start?

Right now.

Well, you might as well give up right now. I'm not going to learn anything.

Which is it, Eddie?

You won't learn or you can't learn?

What does that mean?

It means that I think you are pretending to be dumb.

I am not pretending. I am dumb.

You think you're too dumb to get in the Air Force Academy.

You feel you've let your father down.

Well, you don't know how smart he is.

How could anyone be that smart?

Not me, that's for sure.

Eddie, you're not dumb.

You just never gave yourself a chance to learn.

Your mind is like this blackboard.

Good, but blank.

It's as easy to learn as it is to write on the spike board. The mind is just

like that. What's written on it, it remembers.

Even me?

Even you, Eddie.

Gee, Uncle Martin, I never had a teacher like you before. You even like me,

don't you?

Yes, yes. Well, let's not get all caught up in a wave of maudlin emotion.

To learn it.

Back to English grammar.

Now, let's get down to cases.

Dangling participles.

Gee, what was that?

Yes. What was it?

Sounded like an electrical discharge.

Felt like I got a shot in the head.

And I have a kind of echo effect up in my head.

I can learn anything I want to learn dangling participles.

Now, what in heaven's name is that?

Now, to the Pythagorean theorem.

What's that?

You've never had plain geometry?

Just measles and whooping cough.

Well, plane geometry is a branch of mathematics, Eddie. Oh, my head feels

swollen. Well, our first session will be over soon. Now, just relax and let the

information penetrate.

In fact, the sum of the squares of the two sides is equal to the square of the

hypotenuse. For instance, if the sides were three inches and four inches, and

the hypotenuse was five, it would be nine plus 16 equals 25, right?

It's not penetrating, Uncle Martin. Well, it's like water in the desert,

The sand is so surprised, it takes a while for the water to soak in.

There it goes again. My head feels more swollen.

Back to geometry.

What's that triangle doing up there? You were telling me about the Pythagorean

theorem.

Tell me about the what? The Pythagorean theorem. You know, where the sum of the

squares of the sides is equal to the square of the hypotenuse.

Yes, well, I think that's enough for today, Eddie. I'll see you at the same

tomorrow. Boy, wait until I tell Pop and Mom all I know about English grammar

and geometry.

Why, Uncle Martin?

English grammar and geometry.

He knows all about it, and I can't remember a thing.

Well, how'd it go?

Tim, sit down over there and get ready with pencil and paper.

You're kidding.

Come on, Uncle Martin, you're not tutoring me.

Stop that nonsense and sit down, Tim.

Start a checklist of my brains.

Start a checklist of the things that I know.

Meteorology.

Present.

Plane geometry.

Missing.

What?

Missing. You're kidding.

English grammar.

Missing. You're kidding. I don't even know what a dangling participle is.

Missing.

Intergalactic navigation.

How do you spell that?

I don't know.

It's missing.

Say, Uncle Martin, look.

What about your extrasensory perception? You know, well, your mind reading and

your levitation, all that.

Present.

Jim, however, I'm facing some kind of a diabolical plot. What do you mean?

Some of my magnificent Martian brains are missing.

Have you made coffee yet?

No. Is it morning already?

Yeah. Did you finish your brain checklist yet? No, no. That's the curse

so gifted.

It may take days to list all of the learning that I have packed in my head.

How much is missing?

I don't know. I can't understand it. There's absolutely no explanation.

Well, have you tried your disappearing act?

How about a splint?

Part of my disappearing brains are missing.

How could you lose your brains? Either I'm being robbed or I have a slow leak.

Slow leak.

Captain Prescott.

Coming up.

Grateful and confused.

Lots of luck.

Captain Prescott, I can't tell you how grateful I am you are doing wonders with

my boy. Well, he's a very bright and willing student.

Bright and willing?

You're talking about Eddie? Eddie Prescott? Of course. Quick, bright,

responsive, obedient, polite, and thoughtful.

My son?

Well, I... Undoubtedly, he'll be able to enter the Air Force Academy with flying

colors. All those books he was reading this morning.

Celestial navigation, missile physics, fission nucleonic.

He was reading those?

This morning?

Boy,

when you tutor, you really tutor.

Well, that's just it. I didn't mention those subjects to Eddie. And they're

of my robbed brain.

You mean Eddie is the brain robber?

Boy, what a story this would make for my paper. I can just see the headlines

now. The great brain robbery.

Hi, son.

Hi, Pop.

Say, Pop.

Do you have any books on missile fuels for outer space?

And what about the state of our research program and the nuclear reactors for

particle propulsion?

Oh, I'm going to have another little talk with your tutor.

Tim, it has to be a short circuit.

Well, at least you haven't lost your brains about Martian physiology.

Oh, listen, I have a question for you. After this experiment, do you think I'll

be able to get these things to work normally again? If by normal you mean

inadequate television by which Earth people are satisfied, yes, you are

What's this rig going to show? A little wiring change has converted them to a

brain tester and internal analyzer. Now, examine the screen closely with this.

Oh. All right.

What am I looking for? A slow leak. The brains could escape from over

-intelligence pressure.

I haven't the biggest idea what a slow leak looks like. Oh,

here's something that looks sort of like a hammer hitting an anvil.

That's just my headache.

It can't be a slow leak.

There's something about it.

Something that's triggering my override diaphragms and collapsing the fail -safe

interlock.

Uh -oh.

Captain Prescott.

Coming up the stairs and very, very suspicious of me.

I'll have to use some diversionary tactic.

Off you go. Otherwise, I'll blow you under.

Come in, Captain.

I know why you've come over. You do?

Of course. You see, I knew how anxious you were for Eddie to be interested in

the Air Force, space, and missiles, and things like that. I would like the boy

to go to the Academy, yes.

So I sort of got him interested in space.

Let's say I undertook a bit of diplomacy at the 12 -year -old level. Yes, but

I'm rather concerned about his topics.

Naturally, I know very little about such matters, so I'm afraid I invented some

things. Pure fiction, of course.

Science fiction.

Oh, yes.

Then his interest in my books, that would be his source of information.

Well, certainly not me. I know absolutely nothing about space.

Sir, you are doing a magnificent job. Simply magnificent.

Thank you. Not at all. Thank you, sir.

Now, if Eddie will just stop putting my brains on display.

Your father was over a while ago, Eddie. And he's very impressed with your

progress. It's just great at home now, Uncle Martin.

Mom's proud and Pop's grinning from ear to ear. That's just wonderful, Eddie.

Tell me, do you like television?

Sure, but, well, it takes time from study.

What are you doing?

You'll see.

You're not going to have me watch TV.

Just a few perception tests.

Now, sit down.

Right there.

That's it.

There's no sound. That's all right now. Now, just concentrate on that picture.

Now, what do you see?

Just some lines.

Good heavens.

Even your eight sinus cavities are filled with brains.

What? Oh, I said that you are getting so smart that your sinus cavities will

soon be full of brains.

There it goes again.

Your mouth.

Those braces, what are they made of?

Silver.

Silver? Silver braces?

Eddie. Eddie, this is very important.

Don't get up. No, no, no. Don't come any closer.

Whatever you say.

But why?

Why? Why?

Oh, well, it's my eyes. They're very sensitive today. It's all that glare.

Okay. I thought you were going to make fun of me. Oh, no.

No, no, no, Eddie. Not that. Not that.

Intergalactic astronomy.

Gone.

Oh, excuse me. I have news for Eddie.

Oh, son, I've just been transferred to Washington.

We've got to move again. I'm sorry, boy.

We have to be on that plane by 8 o 'clock tonight.

Tonight? You're moving to Washington and you're taking Eddie with you? Yes.

And just when Eddie's been making such wonderful progress with you. I'm sorry.

Oh, look, Eddie, don't worry about packing.

Your mother and I will tend to those things. We'll see you.

I'm sorry, too, Uncle Martin.

Everything was... It was going so swell at home, at school, with the other kids.

You've learned how to study, Eddie.

You want to learn.

It'll be easy from now on. Are you sure?

I won't just be dumb?

Never again, Eddie.

Never again.

I'd better help Mom and Pop back.

Of course, Eddie.

Can I see you before I go?

Oh, yes, yes. Of course.

Tim!

Tim, come out quick!

I know now what's happened to my brains.

That boy's mouth is filled with braces.

Silver braces.

What's that got to do with it? The electrical attraction of all that silver

overloaded my synaptic microswitch near my pituitary.

It overloaded it and allowed a high -intensity electrical drain.

Oh, so that's how you got your brains. Getting them back will take an enormous

amount of electrical energy, and I haven't... I lost my brains. I can feel

electricity.

Not humorous.

Now, the Prescott sleeve at 8 p .m. for Washington, D .C.

The formula for getting my brains back should be very simple.

I lost them by a superior electrical discharge.

I'll simply reverse the process. Now let's see how much electricity I can

produce.

Ah!

Boy, is that hot.

Not nearly enough electricity to get all my brains back.

But time is short. I'll have to try. I'll have to find some way of getting

alone. Yeah, but what's going to happen to him, Uncle Martin?

He's so happy now, being smart, his mother and father are happy. He's got

friends.

I'm not heartless.

It was just a thought.

If and when I get my brains back, it will leave a vacuum.

Now, nature abhors a vacuum.

It will fill the vacuum with knowledge.

The boy will be left with a burning thirst for knowledge.

All right, all right. The important thing is his attitude toward learning.

He knows he can now, and he wants to.

Okay, I said all right.

He has friends.

He's happy.

You'll still be happy when I take back my brain.

Hello, Eddie.

May I come in?

Sure, we're packing.

at the airport picking up the ticket. There's more stuff ready for the barrel

from here, Eddie.

Okay, Pop.

What was that?

Uh, I tripped over an extension cord.

Oh, yes, dear.

Yeah, it's a little after six.

All right.

Bye.

Eddie, you may go up and change. We have to leave in an hour. Okay, Pop.

That boy's going to miss you. I'm sorry. We, uh... I mean, I don't have very

much time, so if you'll, uh... Well, please tell the boy goodbye. Sure.

And would you write me and let me know how he's getting on? Certainly,

certainly. Thank you.

Goodbye. Bye.

Any luck?

No. Tim, there's only one way to get my brains back. I'll have to do it with my

spaceship. I'll need two clouds, one negative and one positive.

With the boy in the negative cloud and me in the positive cloud, I can use the

full polarization power of my spaceship as a magnet and pull my brains back.

Come on!

You've got one chance.

But I wonder what the noise will be like when my brains leave Eddie's head and

that vacuum suddenly develops in there.

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Celestial navigation?

Check.

Martian ecology?

Check.

Plane geometry?

Check.

Intergalactic navigation?

Check.

Well, Captain Prescott says that he and Eddie are comfortably settled at his new

base and that everything is going fine with the boy. Does he have anything to

say about the great brain, Robert?

Oh, the captain says he is a bit disappointed over Eddie not being as

knowledgeable as he was here with us.

But he seems to be making things up with his great thirst for higher learning.

Well, as I once said to William Shakespeare, Thus have I politically

reign, and it is my hope to end successfully.

Go to, go to. All's well that ends well. Hey, look, it's from the telephone

company. They, uh, they sent back that dime I lost in the telephone booth last

week.

Put that thing away. It's a dime. It's silver.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

Oh, well, I guess your brain stealing a little bit of my Shakespeare knowledge

can't hurt anything.

So by opposing, end them.

To die.

To sleep.

For just to dream.