Original subtitles

R. E.

Banerjee.

Nice tea.

Oh, my God.

Wake up. I think I flipped.

Girls, three of them, dancing. Where?

Don't believe me, but I tell you that there were three girls right there.

was this gorgeous brunette, this willowy blonde, and this redhead with the

biggest... Uh -huh, the biggest green eye.

And a pearl right in the middle of her.

Well,

wait a minute. How do you know? You were asleep.

Well, I ought to. It was my dream.

Now, wait one second.

Uncle Martin, I know that you can point your finger and make things float

around. And I also know you can read minds and you can also disappear.

But do you mean to tell me that you can actually make your dreams materialize?

Not quite.

But we Martians do dream in 2D.

That is, the form is there, but not the substance.

Oh, yeah. Well, that I believe, because I tried to, uh, and... Nothing.

Normally, uh, my dreams are much more cultural.

Sure. Sure.

How come I never saw one of your dreams before?

My dreams are ephemeral.

Then they last only a few seconds.

You just weren't around at the right moment. Now, if you'll put the light

I'll go back to the arms of Morpheus. Yeah.

Pleasant dreams.

Care to have me move your jaws up and down?

Would you mind? I just don't have the energy.

And it's your fault.

Mine? Sure.

I sat up half the night waiting for the second show to begin.

A charming landlady with a floral offering in her hand and a matrimonial

in her eye.

That's what you get for being so irresistible.

I'll see if I can head her off at the pass.

Oh, good morning, Tim. Hello, Miss Brown. I thought you might like these.

Forget me not, sir. Is that a subtle hint of the rent's due?

Oh, Tim.

Oh, these will look lovely on your breakfast table.

Why, Martin, what a pleasant surprise. I had no idea you were here.

Laura Lee, the dewy sparkle of those flowers is exceeded only by the shining

glint in your eye.

Oh, Martin, you're just saying that. No, it's not. No, who means it?

Oh, dear.

Anything wrong?

All that butter and jelly, all those calories, really.

You should go on a non -fat diet.

Thanks for your concern.

I'll keep it in mind.

Calories do count, you know.

Well, ta -ta.

She's right, you know. I mean, you are getting a little flab around the old tum

-tum. Well, if you're referring to the answer to I may have added, I think it's

becoming. Oh, it's becoming, all right. It's becoming noticeable.

Look, why don't you just switch to a low -calorie jam or maybe a substitute

spread? Now, I assure you I'm not being stubborn.

Most nonfat spreads are polyunsaturated. Even I know that.

But what you don't know is that a Martian must be polysaturated. If he

produces an unpredictable disastrous effect on the Martian nervous system.

Well, how come it affects you but not us? The price one pays for a delicately

adjusted mechanism.

I don't want to sound snobbish, but the Martian anatomy compares favorably with

the seismograph at the Palomar Observatory. Whereas that of you Earth

would be more like a... 1924 Essex.

I'm afraid more like a 1912 Maxwell.

So, the next thing you know, there I was, holding up Clyde as we walked down

aisle. He never knew what hit him. Oh, Maggie, it sounds so romantic.

And while we're in the, uh, rice and old shoes department, how are you coming

along with Mr. Wright upstairs?

Oh, Martin, I'm afraid the thought of marriage hasn't even entered his mind.

What's more important is, has it entered yours?

Honestly, Loralee, for a girl who was in the waves, I'm ashamed of you. Look,

you've got the enemy within range. All you've got to do is zero in and sink

Maggie, this is peace time.

Honey, when it comes to catching a husband, there's never an armistice.

You've got to attack, attack, and keep on attacking.

Well, I do manage to bump into him accidentally a few times a day, and I'm

making these brownies for him. That's just shadowboxing.

You've got to make him feel that he just can't get along without you. You've got

to make decisions for him.

But you don't know Martin.

Why, only this morning I suggested he go on a non -fat diet, and he practically

snapped my head off. Honey, I didn't say you should help him make decisions.

I said you should make some for him.

Hey!

Now, if you want him on a nonfat diet, what he doesn't know isn't going to hurt

him.

Mmm.

Yum, yum.

Even more delicious than usual.

I'm glad someone is carrying on the noble tradition of home baking. Oh, I'm

that you feel that way, Martin.

You know, the way I love to cook and sew and make a house a home. Some people

might say I have 19th century ideas.

On the contrary, Mrs. Brown.

I'd say some of your ideas will be going strong in the 29th century.

Have one.

from the paper already?

What's new in the world? Oh, no.

It can't be. A baby Christmas tree?

Baby chicken?

Baby salami?

Baby cheese?

Tim, it's considered impolite to be a dream keeper.

But it was the most vivid dream. I can almost smell that marvelous Martian

salami.

Well, it can't be there. I'm wide awake. Don't tell me I'm dreaming it.

Tim, I assure you that although it seems to be there, it actually isn't. It must

be an optical illusion of some kind.

Here, I'll prove it.

It's the first time I've ever seen a dream strike back. Uncle Martin, have

ever jumped from 2D to 3D before?

No, and it's a nuisance.

Now I'll have to go to the trouble of dreaming it back out of existence.

Is this really a Martian tree? Certainly, a fine specimen of the Sir

Newton delicatessen tree.

Delicatessen tree?

Yes, that's right. You're putting me on. Not at all. Your agriculturists here on

Earth have been cross -pollinating foods for years.

We happen to be even further advanced.

Thus, we have eliminated shopping so that we can pick whatever we want right

our own tree. Well, that'd never work here. Who cares about convenience if you

don't give training stamps?

It's nice to see a small reminder of civilization.

I almost hate to dream it away.

Uncle Martin!

I didn't get rid of it.

A Martian ichthyopolis.

How did that get here? Well, it was delivered while you were out. No card.

Tim, this is no joking matter.

I've lost control of my dream mechanism.

And what's worse, I don't know what's causing it. Well, look, I don't want to

practice medicine, but didn't you say that polyunsaturates would affect you?

Yes. Yes, but I haven't been unsaturated.

As far as I know.

Well, Uncle Martin, it isn't possible for a tree to grow unless it's in the

ground, is it? Of course not. It's a physical impossibility.

Yes, that's what I thought.

So I'll flip you to see who tells it to the delicatessen tree, because either

it's growing or the ceiling is falling.

You're letting your imagination run away with you. How can a... Imagination or

no imagination, you had better evict it before it evicts us. And while you're at

it, you might get rid of your...

You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're turtle.

And now, no, no side trips, huh? Just let the subconscious mind settle back

concentrate on business.

Tim, I can't sleep, daughter. I'm overstimulated.

Well, look, we'll just understimulate you, all right? Now, come on, lie back

just keep saying to yourself, my toes are tired.

My, my feet are tired.

Look, Uncle Martin, try counting sheep, will you please? Tim, that's an

embarrassingly unscientific method, but, uh, if it will make you happy.

One sheep.

Two sheep.

Three sheep.

Four sheep.

Tim, there's a cute little lamb with a bell around its neck.

Don't look at me.

Counting sheep was your idea.

It'll be so choosy, you can't be replaced by a garbage disposal, you

Hell, okay.

What is that?

It's the Aethiopolis. I'm afraid your environment has accelerated his

Well, that tears it. A tree that's growing to the ceiling, a gourmet lamb,

a... and a... a turtle that thinks he's got a newspaper route. Now, I wonder

what we've just got to dream these things away.

I haven't been too successful, but since I can't think of any other

alternative...

Now

what? Well, in all the excitement, I forgot about dinner. I can't fall asleep

an empty stomach.

I'll just fix myself a little snack.

Liverwurst. Salami.

Soups on oligocrans.

That leaning tower of Pisa is a snack?

An adaptation of the specialty of a well -known restaurant in Celestial City

back home.

Their slogan is the outer space sandwich.

That fills the inner space Martian.

Did you really expect to sleep after eating all that? You're going to have

nightmares. You're underestimating the efficiency of the Martian digestive

system. I will sleep like a baby.

having a nightmare.

You were having a nightmare? What about me?

Oh, Tim, I don't blame you for being provoked.

Who's provoked? Who's provoked? I've always wanted to live in the Smithsonian

Institute. It's amazing how my mind kept jumping around.

Uncle Martin, don't you dare fall asleep again.

I'm sorry, but that dream was most exhausting.

in your present state, you'd better not look.

The Lamb.

That's California for you.

Martin? Tim?

Martin,

I can hear you. I know you're there. Now, what's going on? Just a minute,

Lee.

Are you out of your mind? If she sees some of this stuff, she'll know one of

is inhuman. She's not going to see it.

I'll have everything out of here in no time.

Find time to find out that levitation doesn't work on objects materialized out

of 2D.

Quick, we'll have to move them in your primitive human way.

Well, I don't know, but it... Well, it sounded like a sheep.

Well, Laura Lee, what would we be doing with a sheep?

There it is again. That's the sound.

Laura Lee, I know Tim's crooning may sound like bleating, but we must

make allowances.

You know, this place smells like a delicatessen store.

Well, you see, it's the new aftershave I'm using, Mrs. Brown. It's called,

Yeah, it's called, uh... Old Braunschweiger.

Mmm, very spicy.

Yeah, yeah. I wonder if your uncle would like some for his birthday.

Oh, Martin.

Martin, what are you doing?

Uncle Martin? This is a marvelous new kind of exercise, Laureline. You ought

try it sometime.

Say, why don't we demonstrate the double tandem push against exercise?

Now, don't overdo it, Martin.

Bouncing muscles are very...

Just this king -sized rock.

Tim, that's a piece of Martian seismonitrocyte. Oh, that's nice.

Now, watch out.

There's enough potential atomic energy in that thing to blow us clear from here

to Guadalajara.

I can use a new Serapi, but I'd like to have something to hang it on.

Where are you going?

What do you think?

I'm going down to Malibu Pier.

Throw it off the end. No use, Tim. You see, it came out of 2D into 3D. I don't

care what D it came from. I'm going to take this thing so far.

tell you. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's getting hot.

I'm afraid the oxygen in the air has activated it sooner than you expected.

Mars, where the atmosphere is primarily nitrogen.

It's alive.

Let's get out of here. Where to?

At the rate it's going, it'll set off a chain reaction that will go clear around

the world.

Boy, is it hot in here. Even the stuff on that delicatessen pre is starting to

sizzle. There's nothing quite as delicious as grilled Washington salami

for breakfast.

I'd fix myself some, but I don't think I'd have time to eat. How can you be so

calm at a time like this? Well, very easily. The superior philosophical mind

maintains its equilibrium even in times of utmost danger.

How much time do we have?

Well, now, according to my calculations, I'd say five minutes was an optimistic

estimate.

Don't tell me the pessimistic estimate.

Well, let's see now. I can leave my car to my cousin Mary.

There's only 12 payments left.

And my tennis racket, I'll give that to Joe at the office. I owe him 10 bucks

anyway. I guess I'll leave my little black book.

What am I doing?

There won't even be anyone around to execute the will.

Oh. Oh, Mrs.

B, she's coming upstairs.

Mrs. B, we've got to keep her out of here. If she finds all this, she'll go

hysterics. Yeah, I'll go outside and meet her, and I'll keep her from coming

Now, Tim, if anything goes wrong, it was very nice knowing you.

It's been a million lines.

Oh, good morning, Martin. Isn't it a glorious day? And the weatherman says

going to be even nicer tomorrow.

Well, let's hope he knows what he's talking about.

See, do you realize how much weight you've lost today?

Why, you look positively haggard.

I shouldn't wonder.

Well, you can give me credit for that.

I shouldn't tell you, but I tricked you for your own good. You know those

brownies I gave you yesterday?

I made them with a non -fat spread.

A polyunsaturated?

Laura Lee, you didn't. Oh, yes, I did.

And no calories either. And I'm going to go right down and make you another

batch.

Tim, that Lucretia Borgia.

She's practically poisoned me.

What are you going to do?

Take an antidote to balance my metabolic system.

Let's get all that 2D junk back in the room so that I can dream it away in one

fell swoop.

That's enough. I might still be able to dream this nightmare away.

What a time for the city to start doing something for the taxpayers.

Let's see if I can get them to lay off.

No, no, no, no. Ken, wait, wait, wait. By the time you persuaded them, it would

be too late. Quick, knock me out. Here, knock me out.

Oh, how good morning. Come on, I like you. I couldn't do that. I couldn't

clobber you. Well, don't think of it as clobbering me. Think of it as striking a

blow for civilization.

Oh, oh, okay. I'm against it.

Clint, are you all right?

Hello, Martin.

Yes, Chan.

Is the world still here?

I'm afraid to look.

Good morning, Uncle Martin.

Good morning, Tim.

It's a beautiful day.