All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s01e35 Shake Well and Dont Use

Now, look, O 'Hara, it is not my fault
if you misunderstood.

I didn't misunderstand anything. You
deliberately told me the wrong time.

You know something? This is why Uncle
Oliver doesn't promote you, O 'Hara.

You've always got an alibi.

Alibi? I'll alibi you. I'll break in,
too.

Oh, well, come on. Now, do me a favor.
Hit me. Oh, this is one favor I'd be

to do. You know something? I owe you an
awful lot, Freddy Carson, and I'm going

to start paying you off right now.

I'm coloring for half already, am I?
You're yellow, Harry!

Well,

what did you do that for?

Tim, a bloody nose never settled
anything.

Well, maybe not, but on him it sure
looked good.

You earthlings never cease to amaze me.
Your ultimate argument is always, I can

lick you with one hand tied behind my
back.

All right, Mr. Martin, no lectures.
Please, I'm not in the mood. In other

to use your own phrase, put up or shut
up. Well, that would be nice. Yes, very

well. Let's review the situation.

The basis of the conflict between you
and Freddy is that you're both up for

promotion to journeyman reporter.

Yes, well, you can forget it as far as
I'm concerned. Freddy has the inside

track. You mean because he's Mrs. Burns'
nephew?

Well, that and a lot of other things.
Have you noticed how closely he sticks

Burns just like glue? And he's always
buttering him up and telling him what a

nice guy he is. And he's always laughing
at everything Mr. Burns says. It's

always so funny.

Come on, Martin, let's go home.

Are you tuning in a little, Martin?

That's eavesdropping. I know.

What's he saying?

He is saying that osso bucco is a far
superior dish to grenadine of beef.

Your Mr.

Burns is a gourmet.

Oh, well, that solves my problem.

Now, maybe it does. Don't let
opportunity slip through your fingers.

Opportunity for what?

For buttering up the boss like he's
never been buttered before. It so

that back home I'm known as the Le
Scoffier of the Martian Master Chef

We'll invite him to dinner.

I'll prepare a meal that is literally
out of this world.

Martian stew.

Isn't that a little far to go just for
the ingredients?

The gourmet, the staples are
unimportant.

I can substitute foods from Earth.

The important thing is the condiments.

The spices which give an exotic piquancy
to an otherwise simple comestible.

Those I have in the spaceship. Between
slathering on the butter and attacking

his palate, we'll have him begging you
to accept that promotion.

After a meal like that, it would be a
desecration ever to eat again.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Burns. We
have a saying around here that nothing

is too good for my boss.

Thank you, Tim. I'm flattered.

Now, better see if I can still stand up.

That's funny.

See if I can still stand up.

That's strange.

I feel like I'm going to... I've got to
stretch my legs.

Excuse me.

Mr.

Burns.

Mr. Burns, can you hear me?

What did you put in the stew?

Nothing, except a little ground wiffle
bark.

But what happened?

I don't know.

Apparently some sort of chemical
reaction from mixing my Martian

your Earth food.

Well, we all ate the same thing.

You didn't. You didn't eat your salad.

You ate it. Now, why aren't you like
him?

Tim, I was raised on Whipplebark.

Well, what do we do? Call a doctor?

This is the Martian syndrome.

Your Earth doctors wouldn't know where
to begin.

What's the matter?

Testing for brain waves.

Can he hear us?

His mind is a complete blank.

Yeah, well, I know exactly how he feels.
Uncle Martin, do you realize what

you've done to me? You've petrified my
boss.

I am aware of what I've done.

I am also aware of the fact that if
anyone should see him in this condition,

there will inevitably be some sort of an
investigation which could expose me as

a Martian.

Well, what can we do about it? It's very
simple. All we have to do is cure him.

Do you mind if I ask how?

First, we break down all the chemical
elements involved into basic formulae,

reassemble them into compound formulae,
and determine their interreactions.

You do that.

You know what we should have done?

We should have taken him out to dinner.
That little Hungarian restaurant down in

the corner? All he would have had now
was heartburn.

Of course.

That's it.

What? What, what, what? Are you in any
way familiar with the homocycle and

heterocycle subclassifications of
chemical compounds?

It was a ridiculous question.

Suffice it to say that all we have to do
is counteract...

Do what to Mrs. Brown?

Yoo -hoo, everybody!

Did Tim get promoted yet?

Not yet, Mrs. Brown, but we're working
on it. Oh, that's good, because I made a

batch of fudge brownies for Mr. Burns. I
wanted to do my bit. Yoo -hoo, Mr.

Burns!

Oh, isn't that fun?

Oh, I haven't played statue since I was
a little girl. Now, don't tell me, let

me guess.

You're Napoleon at Waterloo.

No, no, Mrs. Brown, he's... Is
Washington crossing the Delaware?

You're General Custer rallying the
troops.

I'm what?

Well, aren't you General Custer rallying
the troops at Valley Forge?

No, I'm Oliver Burns about to sit down
after a hearty meal. Oh, that's very

good. I must remember that one. That's a
real topic.

Is he all right?

Yes, are you all right, Mr. Burns?

Am I all right?

Doesn't anybody answer the phone around
here?

Yes, I do, but I didn't hear it. Well,
hear it now.

Hello?

Oh, Mr. Burns? Yes, he's here.

It's for you.

Oh, I know.

What am I?

Mrs. Brown, we're through playing
statues.

Oh, that's a shame, because you'd never
have guessed the Statue of Liberty.

No?

Isn't Mr. Burns?

Yeah.

You knew I was coming here to dinner.

Do you think it would help if I spoke to
Mr. Burns about Tim?

Frankly, no. Good night, Mrs. Brown, and
thank you so much for those brownies.

Oh, you're welcome, I'm sure.

Well, what is it?

What? When?

Tonight.

Thank goodness he's back to normal.

Only temporarily, if my calculations are
correct.

Only tem...

Uncle Martin, he can't. It's not just my
promotion I'm worried about, but

there's got to be a law against what we
did to him.

A rather harsh one, too, I imagine.

How can you be so calm at a time like
this?

Because in a crisis, we Martians don't
panic. We think.

It's really very simple.

Now, I have isolated the compound which
resulted from the combination of

tarragon in the salad dressing with my
ground wiffle bark.

Oh, is that what caused... Yeah.

Now, this compound set up a chemical
imbalance in the digestive system, which

acts directly on the motor activities of
the brain when induced by a sudden

interruption to ingestion, such as a
hiccup.

I see.

Now, all we have to do now is restore
that balance with a counteragent, namely

Sagberry Concentrated.

Can we get that at a drugstore?

Every corner drugstore handles it. On
Mars.

Fortunately, we don't have to go that
far.

I have some in the spaceship.

Yes.

I can get it as soon as Mrs. Brown is
safely in the house.

Yeah, I understand, Marge. All right.
Thank you for calling. Goodbye.

She's gone. Now I can get him. Now you
keep him here. Don't let him get out of

your sight.

Where's your uncle going? My uncle? Oh,
well, he had to go in and get something

he forgot for dessert.

I'm afraid I can't stay for dessert.

But you got to. It's very unusual.

It's very important.

It's more important for me to get to the
airport. You see, Mr. Thomas is coming

in at 9 center tomorrow.

But you can see Mr. Thomas anytime.

Mr. Thomas?

The Mr. Thomas?

Our publisher?

It's right as due at 9 .15, and Freddy's
on his way to pick me up now. Tim,

where'd you put my hat? Oh, your hat.
Well, I'm sure I put your hat someplace,

Mr. Burns, because... Look, Mr. Burns,
you've got eight or ten minutes. Now,

don't we just sit and chat, and that'll
give you plenty of time to find your

hat. Come on, here it is. Oh, there it
is.

Well, Freddy doesn't have to drive to
the airport.

We can drive you. Oh, thanks, but he's
already on his way.

And one thing I like about Freddy, he's
always punctual. Oh, well, yes, I'm glad

you brought that up, Mr. Brents, because
it's something I've been meaning to

talk to you about. You see, the reason I
missed the city council assignment was

because, well, somebody told me that it
had been postponed until 3 o 'clock.

Well, Tim, you have a good potential for
newspapering, but you should have

double -checked.

Now, you take Freddy.

I'm not saying this because Freddie is
my wife, nephew,

but Freddie has.

Mr. Burns?

Mr.

Burns?

Well, don't worry, Mr. Burns.

Uncle Martin has everything under
control.

At least he will have.

He's at it again.

Well, come on, Martin, do something. Mr.
Thomas is coming and Freddy's on his

way. Now, I imagine that makes sense if
you know what you're talking about.

Say, ah.

Ah.

Any qualities you would do well to copy,
Tim.

For one thing, Freddy's always there
when I need him.

And the boy has a splendid sense of
humor.

Well, I know what the scuttlebutt is
around the city room.

You and the rest of the staff think that
I play favorites for Freddy because

he's my wife's nephew.

Well, I can assure you this is not true
because I pride myself on judging a man

on marriage alone. The fact that he's
related to me doesn't affect my judgment

the slightest. For if he does, it's such
a mind degree as to be negligent.

Well, that does it.

I don't know what you did, but whatever
you did, you did it.

Hmm. That's odd.

The Sagberry concentrate
overcompensated.

I wonder if the fact Earth's
photosynthesis produces green

of pink would give me a clue. Well,
pink, green, purple, chartreuse, what

difference does it make now?

Mr. Thomas is on his way to the airport.
Mr. Burns is supposed to pick him up.

Freddy's on his way over here to pick
him up.

Correction. Freddy isn't on his way over
here.

He's here.

You'll never know what your friendship
has meant to me, Uncle Martin.

Quick, give me a hand.

No, no, no, not that way. This way.
What? No, out the window. No, of course

Into the bedroom.

Oh, oh, oh.

Open up.

Uncle Martin?

We've got to put him on the bed.

Yeah, yeah.

Uncle Martin, what happens if he comes
in here? We'll just have to disappear.

I wish I knew how.

You'd better learn fast if I don't snap
him out.

I thought I heard somebody knocking.

Where were you, in the East Wing?

Look, tell Uncle Oliver I'm here to pick
him up, would you? No, you can't. He's

out. What do you mean, I can't? Just
exactly what I said. You can't. He's

Look, we're supposed to pick up Mr.
Thomas at the airport.

Oh, well, why don't you just try again a
little bit later, huh? Maybe when he

comes to, coming back.

Oh, Harold!

We do. We can't let him in here with Mr.
Burns the way he is. On the contrary.

We not only have to let him in here,
we've got to keep him here. Why for

out loud?

O 'Hara!

O 'Hara, I know you're in there. I
demand you open this door at once.

Open this door!

I'll be his uncle. He'll go straight to
the police.

O 'Hara!

Come in, Freddy. What a pleasant
surprise to see you.

How are you?

Where's my uncle?

Why, he'll be here presently. Won't you
come in and wait for him?

Well, what's new at the office?

Didn't my uncle get a phone call from
his secretary?

Why, yes, yes, yes, I believe he did.

Yeah, well, I can't understand why he'd
go out. Oh, please sit down, Freddy.

All right.

You know, that's funny. You know, Uncle,
going out there, he knows how easily

Mr. Thomas gets upset if he doesn't meet
him at the airplane.

Mr. Thomas may very well decide not to
make him managing editor when the merger

goes through.

Merger?

What merger?

Oh, you didn't know. They didn't tell...
Oh, yeah. Well, I guess the news hasn't

zipped it down to the lower echelons
yet.

You mean the Sun is going to merge with
another newspaper?

Yes, yes.

It's all been very hush -hush.

Only we on the inside have been told
about it. And, of course, we've been

discreet. Myself, I've only allowed the
news to leak out to a few of my very

close friends.

Why are you telling us all this?

Oh, there's no harm done. They'll be
announcing it any day now.

See, this is why Uncle Oliver has
postponed officially making me full

reporter.

Now, there is going to be a general
reshuffling among the personnel.

Of course, a lot of that deadwood is
going to have to be cleared right out.

You know, you might have yourself a nice
little hovel here if only someone with

imagination could fix it up.

We gave the wiffle bark to the wrong
guy.

What we need is N -A -H -C -O -3 in some
combination with a C

-12 compound.

We do?

I've almost got the antidote figured out
for...

I resent any implication that...

Keep

him occupied.

Well...

I trust that you had a pleasant nap, Mr.
Burns. Nap?

Ah, sleep.

Sleep that knits up the revel sleeve of
care.

Great nature's second course.

Chief nourisher in life's feast.

Don't quote Shakespeare to me. I got
problems.

I just can't get my sea legs up.

Gotta get to that airport.

Give me a hand, will you?

Oh, thanks.

Can't understand it. I don't know why
Freddy isn't here.

Seems pretty stupid on Uncle Oliver's
part, if you ask me.

If he doesn't get here in a minute or
two, I'm going to have to meet that

myself. Got to show Mr. Thomas somebody
in this family is on his toes.

Wouldn't that put Mr. Burns in a bad
light?

Possibly. Quite possibly.

But who's to say what might be a bad
light for Uncle Oliver might turn out to

a good light for me.

Well, I always knew you were a double
-crosser, Freddy, but I didn't think

go that far.

Oh, come on, O 'Harry. You're too
sensitive. You've got to be hard. You've

to be ruthless.

You've got to cater to the right people.

Well, if you're one of the right people,
I'll do my catering at the Delicate

Destin.

Suit yourself.

While you're there, you might see if
they have a job for you.

Why,

that young whippersnapper. After all, I
don't think...

Would you step in here for a minute?

He did it again.

No matter. I finally figured out what
went wrong, and more important, what to

about it. I hope you're sure this time.

Positive. All we need is the
counteracting compound of NaHCO3,

C6H10O5. What's that in English?

Fudge brownies.

Fudge brownies.

Oh, now, come on, Uncle Martin. This is
no time for clowning around.

I assure you, I am not clowning around.

It's not the fudge brownies we need, per
se, but the chemical compound created

when the ingredients are subjected to
heat, as in baking.

There are other ways of obtaining it,
but fudge brownies are the most

One fudge brownie coming up.

Freddy ate the last fudge brownie.

Well, then you'll have to go down and
get some more for Mrs. Brown.

Well, I suppose Mrs. Brown doesn't have
any more. Mrs. Brown always has more.

She's got trunks full. All right, but
Freddie's talking about going down and

picking up Mr. Thomas without Mr. Burns.
Don't worry about Freddie. I'll take

care of him.

Tim just went to get some more brownies.
Oh, not for me, I hope. I've got to go.

Uncle Oliver's time's up. Well, Mr.
Burns will be here very shortly. You

ought to wait. I came, I waited. Uncle
Oliver didn't show up.

But don't worry, I'll explain it all to
Mr. Thomas.

I wonder what's the matter with these
shoelaces.

Well?

Fine.

They don't make shoelaces like they used
to do.

I haven't done anything like that since
I was a kid.

Oh, look, before you become a big shot,
you better learn how to tie your shoes.

Shoes? Shut up!

Oh, does the widow man need some help?
Keep your hands off me! All right, well,

let me help you anyway.

I told you to keep your hands off me!

Oh, would you like a carrot?

That is very funny.

Thank you very much. Ready?

I warned you.

Say ah.

here all the time. Long enough to find
out that someone in the family is on my

toes. Stop your whining and put your
shoes on. Playtime's over.

Well, thank you for a very pleasant
evening.

Oh, no. Thank you for a very pleasant
evening. I enjoyed it immensely.

All right, come on, let's go.

Come on.

You and I are going to have a little hot
tub.

Congratulations, Tim, on being promoted
to a full -fledged journeyman reporter.

Mr. Burns just promoted me to full
-fledged journeyman... Why do Martians

take the fun out of everything?

I'm sorry, Tim. I should have let you
make the announcement.

But listen, that doesn't mean that my
congratulations are any the less

Well, thank you.

After all, I wish you would remember
that you have me to thank for this.

have something else to thank you for,
too.

If you ever develop one big mouth,
remember, keep the same shut.

Hey, you know, that sounds like
something Confucius might have said.

Where do you think he got it?