Original subtitles

Uncle Martin, look, I've never had suspended hamburgers before, but I'm

to try anything once.

Oh, now, come on, Uncle Martin. I mean, it's Sunday, fun's fun, but you can put

the tricks away.

Will you please cut this all out? I mean, I'm trying to be Gary Goodguy and

us a Sunday lunch, but I can't do it. Tim, Tim, Tim, I told you.

I told you, it's not me. I'm not doing anything. It's happening.

You know it's a sin to play with food.

Tim, it's happened.

By being on Earth, away from my environment.

I have a vitamin deficiency.

You have a what?

VDM 974.

Vitamin deficiency in a Martian.

Due to a lack of canal minerals and your peculiar oxygen.

Oh, come on now. You're putting me on. Now, why don't you just stop all this? I

mean, Nutty is Nutty. Tim, I told you I'm not doing anything.

It's happening.

Look, at least you can look at me when you're talking to me.

Now, look, whenever you talk to me, don't... Uncle Martin, when you... Tim,

you can't look at a Martian when he has BDM -974.

His deficiency draws on your sufficiency, and you go into instant

I'll have to leave the room for you to wake up again.

I look like something out of an old English mystery movie.

The butler, did he?

Well, at least it'll stop the instant sleep.

That's what it is.

974. Vitamin deficiency.

It comes on me suddenly, and it starts drawing on me.

And that's what put me to sleep.

Yes. Yes, if you look directly into my eyes.

What a Martian is deficient in, what I am deficient in, I can automatically

on from surrounding elements and people.

Now, wait a minute.

You mean what you need, you take.

What your body takes.

Well, then, why sleep? Why instant sleep?

My body is low on energy, and it draws on yours, and you go right to sleep.

Boy, that is wild.

What's happening is in my warning valve, and the basic deficiency must be fixed

immediately. How do you do that? Well, there are certain pharmaceuticals I need

that you have here in your earth drugstores.

Oh, fine. Well, then, the first thing tomorrow morning... No, no, no, no, no,

no. I can't wait. I said immediately.

Time. I grow more and more deficient, weaker and weaker.

Eventually, I'm at the point of no return.

No return?

I disappear and no return.

First, I get the wobble. Then, dizzy vision.

Then... Oh! Oh, today is Sunday. There isn't a drugstore open for five miles.

I can't afford to wait.

Could you please take off those dark glasses? It's distracting when I think.

Well, I think it's a little more distracting to think while you're

I can't risk eye contact.

Oh, yeah.

Doc Mullen.

How about Doc Mullin? Now, he is just a great guy, and I know I can talk him

into opening the store on Sunday.

Well, does he have fluorescent light? Oh, yeah, I'm sure he does. Well, then I

can't risk going into his store, because I draw on fluorescent light.

I'll write down what I need in Latin, and you get it for me. Latin?

Like a doctor's prescription.

Oh?

And who is the doctor?

Now, look, you can get Doc Mullin into an awful lot of trouble with a 4 -H

prescription. Oh, you're right.

I know.

I'll go with you.

and I'll give you a list of ordinary, non -prescriptional things.

Then I'll hide outside where he can't see me, and I'll levitate the two

prescriptional items I need, B -9714 and A -32.

Why don't you just, uh, disappear?

Oh, I can disappear, but I won't have the strength to come back.

Um, you're not going to hurt Doc any, are you? I mean, uh... Tim!

How dare you?

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin. It's just those dark glasses. They're so spooky.

As a matter of fact, you look like a character from one of those old English

mystery movies.

I realize that all we need is the fog.

How do you think I feel?

Like any minute, someone's going to tap me on the shoulder and say, I beg your

pardon, Governor, but the butler did it.

I'm Secret Agent 89.

Beg pardon, Governor, the butler did it, and I'm Secret Agent 89.

Well, I really don't see the humor, Mrs. Brown.

Am I the first person you've ever seen with dark sunglasses?

No, but it's just that you look like something out of an old English mystery

movie.

Please, Miss Brown, we've got to go.

Uncle Martin's not feeling well. Why, what's wrong?

Oh, that's why you're wearing dark glasses. Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, then something must be wrong with your... All right, Tim,

let's go.

Are you sleeping well?

If you're not sleeping well, this will do it.

Makes you sleep very well. I'm just fine. No, it's my Uncle Martin. He's

with me.

Does he know how to take this?

It's all right to give you this if you know how to take it.

Oh, sure he knows how to take it. As a matter of fact, he went to medical

with Hippocrates.

Hippocrates? Irving Hippocrates?

Irving?

Who was that?

Who was what?

Man. I thought I saw a man.

Dark glasses, peering in.

Pharmacists, we have to be very careful.

We have very valuable drugs in here.

Oh, I understand. And I appreciate your coming down and opening the store,

especially for... There he is again.

Who is that?

What? What? What are you talking about? No, no, it couldn't be anything. I'm

sure it's nothing, Doc. All we gotta do is fill the prescription.

See, I can't take chances, you know.

Opening on a Sunday and being in here alone? Oh, yes. Well, I'm sure it's

nothing. You must excuse me if I'm overly cautious.

But, you know, if you read the newspapers and watch television,

old English mystery movies with those spooky men running around in dark

sunglasses. Yeah, I understand.

Funny how one's eyes plays tricks on one. Yes, isn't it true?

What? Someone at the door keeps watching us. No, no, there's no one there. I

swear there isn't. I know that there's no one there. Look who's there.

That's my little old uncle, Martin. That's my little old uncle, Martin.

What is he doing out there?

And wearing those dark glasses.

Have him come in here. No, no, no, he can't, he can't. He's shy, very shy.

What if that's... Tim, I don't think I'm going to give that to you.

I'm going to give it to him.

Now, let's see.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

Just another little smidgen of...

Doc

Mullen, this is my Uncle Martin. Oh, I'm glad to know you.

Now, I want to make sure that you know exactly how to use this. Oh, I'm sure I

do. I've taken it many times, and it was very decent of you to open up for me.

Yes. You see, you take half of it, pour it into a glass of water, and then you

stir well until it bubbles.

You understand?

Yes. Yes, I won't let him forget he did that. Yes.

And then you save the rest of it for when you go to bed.

Wait a minute.

Now I know why you wouldn't come in the store.

Why?

Something wrong with your eyes.

That's right.

No, that's wrong.

You have a cold and... All right.

Let's go. Well, wait, wait. What about, uh... He'll be all right. I told you.

Once I walk away, he'll wake up.

Well, I still don't get it. I mean, first you go to sleep. Then you wake up,

you never know. Never know.

It happened to you this morning. Did you know?

Boy, that is really weird.

Tim, be careful.

If you want to stay here, I can't do this with dark glasses on.

Now, please stand still and don't look at me.

Weird. It is not weird.

It is a normal biological happenstance.

Happenstance? The body's being depleted. The body goes to sleep.

The body regains its strength. The body wakes up.

What's so funny?

Nothing, nothing. It just reminds me of a very old, horrible joke. It sort of

goes like a song.

When a body meets a body coming through the eye.

I don't think that's horrible. On Mars, that would be considered a very funny

joke.

As soon as I get this mixture all dissolved and swallowed, this madness

gone. I'll be back to Martian 333 plus 7, which is Martian normal.

This mixture could eliminate all the crabgrass in this neighborhood for

It kills crabgrass and you're going to drink it? It won't hurt me. I'm not

alone.

Now, do you have the A32?

Tim! Martin!

Tim. Tim, don't let her in here. Keep her in the living room.

This is getting to be an old English mystery movie.

And I'm doing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Mrs. Brown, why are you sleeping like that? I mean, we were just standing here

talking, and then all of a sudden you went to sleep.

Mrs. Brown.

Hello. Hello, who is it? Doc Mullen.

Oh, come on in, Doc. Mrs. Brown.

Hello, Mrs. Brown.

Sorry to bother you, Tim, but... When you left my store, I noticed I put in

B9714 by mistake, and I shouldn't have.

How come she's sleeping standing up, Tim?

Doc Mullen?

Doc Mullen?

Why are you sleeping?

Why are you both sleeping?

I've got it.

Uncle Martin! Uncle Martin, come on in here! I've got it!

What is it?

What is it, Tam?

You've caught it.

I have.

I've got it.

I've got it. Yes, it's contagious, and you've caught it. Here, take this,

Uncle Martin?

Oh, that's beautiful.

That's just beautiful. Now, what do I do?

Thanks a lot.

The least you could have done is all say goodnight.

Now, let's see.

If I leave the room, then they'll all wake up.

Except they'll go right back to sleep because he's here.

Unless, of course, he doesn't look at them.

And then if I come back in again and he doesn't look at me, we can get what we

need from Doc Mullen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What if I've got it very bad?

Maybe I just have a slight touch.

I've got it bad.

I've got it bad.

What happened?

I've got it bad.

Oh, Martin, I just came up to find out how you feel.

Say, you broke a glass. I'll clean it up for you.

Look, I didn't mean to intrude, but is that the prescription I put up for you?

Yes, yes, it was.

Good. You see, I think I put something in that I shouldn't have.

You see, I think I put this in your prescription.

Oh, hello, Tim. Hi, Doc. Doc Mullen just dropped in to remake his mix.

Yes. It won't take long.

I'll have it mixed in the kitchen.

I think I'd better fix it in the kitchen.

Listen. Tim.

I have it figured out. What?

What you have is not contagious. You have earth sympathy pains.

When I become cured, so will you.

I will?

Yes. But meanwhile, if you look at me, I'll go to sleep. And if I look at you,

you'll go to sleep.

What happens if we look at each other?

I think we explode.

Bats.

Isn't it nice to have a woman around the house? Very sweet of you, Mrs. Brown.

You want to know something?

What?

Chicken soup.

Huh? Chicken soup, if you're not feeling well.

No matter what Doc Mullen is fixing for you, chicken soup.

I'll go down and get some.

You know, when... When I was a little girl, my mother would always fix me...

Enter the kitchen. We'll put him to sleep and get what we need. Okay.

Oh, wait. What about her?

As soon as we leave the room, she'll be nearly normal. Nearly normal?

You know Mrs. Brown.

Oh.

Chicken soup.

Yes, chicken soup. That'll cure him.

Look at me, Doc Mullin. Shh.

This is very important.

You must get just the right amount.

Doc Mullin, look at me.

Why? What are you doing?

Good work, Tim.

Do you have the vial? B -9 -7 -1 -4?

Yes. Vial.

Vial.

Vial. A -32?

A -32.

Yeah. Vial.

Vial.

Okay, let's go.

Did it again.

I can't understand.

I must have a wrong label on one of my vials.

What are you doing?

It's really a simple prescription.

Doc Mullet. Yeah.

It's not going to work, Tim.

He's going to smell that mixture every time he wakes up.

Uncle Martin, I'm getting busy.

So am I.

Hold on, Tim.

Let's let him wake up, mix the powders.

I'll levitate the vials and you distract him. But don't put him to sleep.

I'll put in the powders that I need and before he can smell it, I'll drink it.

Okay, but I'm still getting dizzy.

But you're going to have to set up the vials and uncap them.

Oh, what do you mean? My deficiency affects my levitation powers in terms of

lift and distance.

All I can do is point the finger. You have to set up the vials.

Okay, but I hope I know what you're talking about. Come on.

Almost ready, Tim.

Almost ready. Just a little bit of this.

And then a smidgen of this.

Now, this is about what we want. Doc, how about a little bit of that?

This here?

Oh, no, you don't want that.

You got the chicken soup.

Well, I see I beat Doc Mullen with his prescription.

Mine's all done and piping hot. Come on, Martin, down the hatch.

No, no, Mrs. Brown, I told you, I'm not overly fond of chicken soup.

Tim is. He loves it.

Oh, yes, yes, I love chicken soup.

You do?

Good, I have plenty.

Chicken soup is good.

It's good coating for the stomach.

But first your Uncle Martin. He's the one that's not feeling well, so he

be first.

I told you, Mrs. Brown, you make it too strong.

No, no, it's too powerful. Come on, Marty boy, one for Uncle Martin.

And one for Ducky Mullen.

Oh, isn't that good?

And one for Timmy Pooh.

No!

I think he's feeling better.

Ready for my witch's brew.

No!

Some chicken soup.

And my powders.

Hey, I feel good.

I feel great.

Well, that's funny. Well, suddenly I feel very good, too, and I didn't even

any chicken soup.

Neither did I.

Who said that?

Me.

Why don't you take Doc Mullen downstairs to your place and feed him some chicken

soup? Tim and I will join you later.

All righty.

Why is my voice booming?

Because of me.

I'm over cured.

From chicken soup?

I got wobbly. I had the vial levitated. It spilled into the soup. All of it. Too

much. And me?

What about me?

You. Everybody.

Everybody around me.

When I'm deficient, I draw on my surroundings.

When I'm over sufficient, I project out into my surroundings. You.

Mrs. Brown, everybody, the world, if they were here.

And once this fall...

Patrick, build the pyramids.

That smells good.

Well, you sound okay. How was your morning?

Perfect.

Adjusted again to your planet and ready for my normal activities.

Oh, boy. Were you snoring last night and then rearranging all the furniture?

All I can say is I hope I never have to go through another night like that.

Well, by midnight I was cured. And that's when your sympathy pains went

Oh, yeah? Well, how about Mrs. Brown and Doc Mullin?

We'll never suspect a thing except that they felt very good about it.

Very good about your sympathy pains, Tim.

What do you mean?

Well, sympathy pains.

That's something that belongs to your planet.

My Martian illness is a Martian.

But it does show, for the most part, that you people are headed in the right

direction. Thanks.

Oh, and for my fellow Earth men, I thank you.

Martin!

It's back!

Have I got it?

No, no, no. No, it was just a residue.

Just a little after effect.

What am I going to do with that hole?

That was quite a shot.

Let's wait and see if it comes back.

Back?

Now we can close the hole. I'll get some plastic.

You know, if it had stayed out there, that hamburger could have started

flying saucer scare.

And people would start wondering if there was a Martian on Earth.

But there are no Martians.

Just little old flying hamburgers.