Original subtitles

Wink oil.

Coming from the underbelly of my spaceship.

I can't explain it, Tim. I'm in a lot of trouble.

Well, why? I mean, can't you just, you know, stuff it up with a rag or a cork

something? Why don't you just tighten something? I'm sure it'll be all right.

Tim, you're thinking Earth -wise.

A Martian spaceship is not like your Earth automobiles.

Well, a few minutes ago you said it was.

No, I said like your Earth automobile, a Martian spaceship cannot stand idle in

a garage.

Stagnation, inertia, corrosion sets in.

Oh.

Why don't you just put it up on jacks and drain it all out?

I don't know, but it shouldn't taste like this this time of the year.

Tim, a Martian spaceship cannot be put up on jacks. It cannot be drained out.

Like a fine racehorse, like a champion fighter, to keep in shape, it has to be

exercised. Oh, well, then why don't you just give it a couple of laps around the

garage?

Oh, it tastes just like oil. How can you tell the difference? Because I'm a

Martian.

And I've got to get in cycle before your seasons change.

Well, what are you talking about? Like you put antifreeze in your car

well, the structure of a spaceship is also affected by the weather.

Tonight. Mm -hmm. Tonight.

And even tonight may not be soon enough.

Well, what do you mean tonight? What are you talking about tonight? What?

Well, I must fly tonight. I must fly my spaceship tonight. You can't. I have to.

You can't. You can't.

Tim, there's an old pop song on Mars. It goes like this. You can't say you can't

to a Martian because there's nothing a Martian can't do. You can't. UFO.

I what?

UFO, initials, unidentified flying objects.

Is that a song down here that I don't know about?

No, it's very, very serious.

Unidentified flying object. They have an office down here for that kind of

thing. Well, I -A -S -V -I -M -C -R.

What is that, initials? What does that mean? Is that Martian? No, it's

I just made up to go along with your initials.

It means, I'm very sorry, it's my calculated risk.

If the weather is right, we fly tonight.

Tonight we fly.

We? Me.

Perfect night. Shh, shh, shh.

Mrs. Brown's asleep.

Boy,

I still don't believe it. Shh.

Mrs. Brown.

If anything happens,

in case I don't come back. In case you don't what? Shh.

I want you to burn my diary.

Destroy all traces of my having been here. Now, wait, wait, wait, in case you

don't come back. No one could possibly go wrong. You ought to be coming back.

Tim, I'm just trying to be cautious. In case I crash, it would be better if

people thought I'd just arrived, rather than think I've been here for any length

of time.

Well, now, look, you don't want to cause any panic, do you? No. Well, then go

back upstairs.

And northeast by north. That's not what I mean. How are you going to fly without

anybody spotting you?

Nobody spotting you.

Tim, when I landed here, I was able to do so without anyone seeing me. But that

was different. This is right in your own backyard.

Which is where your earth moralists say your good fortune always lies.

Now, stop worrying, Tim.

There's no problems.

When I take off, there's a faint, high -pitched whir. And then it cuts out.

I return, I simply descend with no sound.

You're really going to do it, huh? Yes.

minutes, seven seconds, and three brumps.

Brumps? Well, I never did explain that to you, did I? Well, it's a Martian

concept of fine time. It's in between the seconds.

Oh, well, it's not important.

Fifty -eight minutes is enough for you.

Now,

be

careful.

Don't buzz anybody and try to hide behind some clowns.

Will you stop shaking?

It's vibrating the ground. It's bouncing my level scope.

I can't help it. It's not every day that I stand in my backyard and watch a

spaceship take off.

Get out of here, Uncle Martin. I'm starting to get the nervous giggles.

Watch out for my backwash.

Did you hear the strange sound?

Sound? No, no. I've just been standing around. And when I opened the door, I'd

swear that you were standing here giggling.

Giggling? Oh, yes. Well, I guess you caught me, Mrs. Brown. I'm a giggler.

Tim, are you all right?

Oh, yes, yes. I'm fine. Just a midnight giggler. I'm birdwatching.

You're what?

Birdwatching. You see, there's a midnight giggler.

Well, that's a bird, and I'm out here trying to catch him. And what you do is

when he lands, you take your robe and you throw it over him.

A midnight giggler. Yes, that's right. It's a very rare bird, and I'm trying to

catch him, and I'm terribly sorry I disturbed you, Mrs. Brown.

Oh, that's all right. But there was this very strange sound, a high -pitched

whirring sound up in the air.

No, no, no, no, no.

That's impossible.

I've been out here the entire time, and I didn't hear a thing, not a single

sound, a dreaming. You must have been dreaming, Mrs. Brown.

Oh, well.

I guess you're right. Maybe I was dreaming.

You're muted.

You better go to bed, Mrs. Brown. You look very, very sleepy.

You're bird watching. Yes, well, I'm surprised I haven't told you about that

before, Mrs. Brown. I love bird watching, but bird watching all my

and especially the midnight giggler. And if one lands here and I catch it, I'll

be sure to wake you up, all right? Well, good night, Mrs. Brown. Sleep tight.

to know that your spaceship is... Tim! Tim! Are you still out there?

Oh,

you

are still here.

Yes!

Have you been watching for your midnight gigger all this time? Uh, yes. Then you

must have seen it. No. No, not your bird. That thing in the sky.

The thing up in the sky? What thing? What sky?

Well, I don't know. It was about up there someplace. It was shooting across

sky. I thought you were asleep.

Well, I was. But, well, not really. I kept tossing and then I looked out my

window and I saw this... Well, I don't know what it was.

Shooting across the sky.

Nightmare. What?

You see, you were dreaming again, only this time you were having a nightmare.

But I wasn't asleep.

Oh, but of course you were, but that's the way it is with nightmares. You see,

you think you're awake, but you're really asleep.

Because if you knew that you were asleep, it wouldn't be a nightmare.

Oh, I guess you're right.

Good night.

Good night, Jim. Good night.

to see your bird.

Oh.

Well,

I had to write the story. I had absolutely no choice.

I am the science editor on the paper and these people just kept calling.

Oh, I understand, Tim. I'm not blaming you.

Well, I don't blame you for not blaming me.

You were the one that was cited.

You know, I can double talk Mrs. Brown, but I cannot double talk a whole city

full of people who saw you, uh... Hot rotting in the moonlight.

You, uh, you do understand.

You were seen, spotted, sighted. You are a, uh, flying saucer.

Now, what's so frightening about a flying saucer?

something to worry about.

Okay, Uncle Martin, have your fun. I'm sure you're enjoying yourself, but I'm

glad it's over. But it isn't. What? What do you mean it isn't? What do you mean?

Well, my flight last night was successful, but not completely. I must

more. It's too risky.

Nevertheless, these parts, delicate Plutron, must be honed in action. But

can't fly.

I must. My spaceship is in repair cycle. Once that's started, there's no turning

back. Answer the door. They're here. But, Uncle Martin, it was in tonight's

paper, and everyone's going to be watching it.

They're here. Who's here? What door? That door.

Two men with Mrs. Brown. They're from that office with those silly initials.

Uncle Mark?

Tim?

UFO. That's where they're from. Unidentified flying objects. What?

Uncle Mark?

Answer the door.

The door.

Answer the door. The door.

So when I read your article in this afternoon's edition and realized that I

right last night, and it wasn't a nightmare, you know, when you were out

looking for your bird. She, uh, called our office and told us that she saw a

right outside her window.

And I told them if I saw what I saw from my window, imagine the view they could

get from your window, being you're much higher up.

I, uh, hope we're not intruding, but, uh, may we stay?

Uh, no.

Yes! Of course you're not intruding. Make yourselves right at home.

I'll go down and put up some hot coffee and brownies.

Oh, well, what's that? Things and equipment and stuff? A couple of

put them together.

Compact units and a small audio camera.

A ranging unit and a Plutron detector. I hope we're not intruding.

There are a lot of teams like us, but we probably won't cite everything. But if

there is something... We certainly appreciate this.

Very shrewd move on your part. Yes, I thought so. But it won't work. I'm still

going out tonight.

Oh, but you can't. Not with them in the house. With them in the house.

They've got testers, they've got counters, they've got a Plutron counter,

they can zero in on my spaceship in the garage in a second.

And one of them's got an electronic beeper that makes my antennas rise and

whistle.

Uncle Martin?

Hmm? Fly.

I am. It's the only way to go.

It's excellent sighting, Eric. Excellent.

Yeah, it'd be even nicer if you had something to sight.

You don't have to grin at me.

You don't believe in spaceships, and neither do I. Nor do I believe in flying

saucers or fish -eyed Venusians or moon men.

Or what about Martians?

I don't understand. What's so funny?

Them. I believe in them. You do?

That's why I'm laughing.

Jim, my partner, he saw one.

Your partner saw a Martian?

Jack. Jack, go in downstairs, set up audio camera, okay? Good, Jim, good.

I was just telling him about your Martian.

Sure.

Where did he see a Martian?

In here.

You see, this has a micromatic attachment.

It only focuses 500 miles or on out. Anything closer gets distorted. I know.

How do you know? Well, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, Jim and I were on a routine job, and he was looking through here, when

all of a sudden... He spotted this thing flying out there just as bold as you

please. Well, he hollered for me to verify the sighting.

Except that... You'd have to be a UFO man to appreciate the humor here.

He got so excited, he knocked this front piece out of whack.

But it seemed so strong.

How could you knock it out of whack?

By doing what you just did.

So I didn't see his Martian. But he kept insisting that I verify it. And the

more I wouldn't, the bigger his story grew.

So we finally made a deal.

I wouldn't verify his Martian, but I'll believe he saw one.

A green one.

So I believe in Martians.

Green ones.

Well, if I'm going to believe in Martians, I might as well believe in

ones.

Green.

Really? Green?

Like the color of a pool table. That kind of green.

And one large orange eye and, well, like a W .C. Fields type of nose. Just keeps

flashing on and off.

Red.

I always thought Martians were beige.

It's such a warm color.

You take this spoon and you climb into the tree outside the bedroom.

You're putting me on.

No, I shifted the adjustment on his telescope.

He won't realize it, but this spoon at 15 feet will look like a mile -wide

flying saucer.

In a tree?

Suspended from a simple piece of white string.

Jack. Jack.

Got the audio camera all lined up. Any UFOs that come zipping around here...

Good. What's that?

Oh, this is a Plutron counter.

Oh, of course.

It's really quite simple once you know how to operate it.

Now, we take this Plutron and we throw off his counting machine.

How do we do that? With Mrs. Brown.

During the panic, turn on the garbage disposal unit. I rewired it this

Its frequency pitch is in audible range with my spaceship.

You put the sink in sync?

Isn't that cute?

Jim.

Yeah, I see.

Something wrong?

You sure you got it zeroed right?

Perfect. Everything's perfect.

What's wrong? What is it?

Here somewhere?

Cart?

Oh, that's cute. What is that?

You climb out the window and get into the tree and dangle that spoon like I

you.

and the uncle grabbed it, but I put it back, I think.

500 miles.

like an apple.

Jim.

Believe me, a little hamburger patty on your nose and the swelling will go right

down. Did you see it? Did you?

What happened to you?

He fell out of a tree.

I'm really ashamed of you, Tim.

I was taking my constitutional and I looked up in the tree right outside my

bedroom window and there was my nephew apparently playing some kind of a joke

you people.

Oh, he was looking for the midnight giggler.

No, he was dangling a spoon at the end of a piece of thread and it was right in

front of the telescope lens.

If you check, you'll see, and I think you'll find that that was your flying

saucer. A scoop?

My nephew, he's always been overzealous.

Looking to make a scoop for tomorrow's paper.

What makes Timmy run?

All right.

But what about the UFO sound? What about that?

Oh, well, that's very simple.

garbage disposal.

Thank you. Thank you very much for the use of your hall.

It's too bad.

It's quite an experience when you see a Martian.

I've seen a Martian, you know. Yes, I'm sure you have.

A green one.

It's a little raw.

He likes it well done.

Well done.

Well done.

You know, I was just thinking how wild that really was. My

being in that tree and dangling that spoon in front of that telescope, making

like a spaceship.

I appreciate it, Tim. And I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself too badly falling

out of that tree. Oh, listen, that was nothing. I was just glad you were able

get that spaceship up into the air and make the adjustments and fix that blink

oil leak.

You know, I can't get over how wild that really is.

being able to fly out of here without anyone noticing you. You know, besides

Mrs. Brown and my newspaper, you had those two UFO investigators in here

in the house. You flew out right from under their noses. And that's why this

last one is nothing to worry about.

They're gone, all is asleep, and it is the end of my cycle and the correction

the stagnation.

I was talking about what I didn't hear you say.

What was that about the correction?

Uncle Martin?

No.

Oh, no.

No.

Oh, he flies through the air.