All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s01e26 Martin and the Eternal Triangle

Good morning.

Mendelssohn's Midsummer Night's Dream.

No kidding. I would have sworn that was
Melancholy Babies.

That's your trouble, Tim.

If it doesn't come out of a jukebox, it
isn't music.

I wanted to compare this version with
the one that we're going to hear tonight

at the Philharmonic.

We're going to hear?

Like we?

As in you and me?

No, we as in you and I. I was lucky
enough to get a couple of reservations

tonight. Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin. I
have to go bowling tonight. I promised

the guys that I'd join them because we
have a team match.

Well, don't worry about it. I'll go
alone.

Oh, cut it out, Uncle Martin. You can't
stand going anyplace by yourself.

Why don't you take somebody?

Hey, how about Laura Lee Brown?

Why, she'd jump at the chance.

Our landlady?

Our unmarried landlady?

I can see you're not familiar with that
entire composition.

See what you mean.

Not that Laura Brown isn't a very
charming person.

It's just that she's afflicted with that
ailment known in sociological circles

as the Orange Blossom Syndrome.

Well, it's your own fault for being so
irresistible.

What can I help it if I'm handsome,
debonair, witty, and modest?

It's just that we Martians believe in
being truthful.

Uncle Martin, whenever a bachelor takes
out an unattached female, he's always

taking a calculated risk.

You're right.

I am being selfish and depriving her of
my company.

I'll tell you what.

When the orchestra starts playing the
wedding march, why don't you just chomp

your popcorn real loud and drown them
out?

I just hope she doesn't start to cry
when I tell her that I'm taking her to

concert.

Martin, won't you come in?

Thank you.

My goodness, what a pleasant surprise.

Oh, beautiful, but unfortunately so
fragile and delicate. As the poet put

loveliest of lovely things are they on
earth that soonest away.

The rose that lives its little hour is
prized beyond the sculptured flower.

Now, that's a rather obscure quotation.
How do you happen to know it?

I learned it from a very interesting
gentleman one afternoon as we were

in Westlake Park.

Remember?

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes, of course.

Oh, my goodness. You rode like a Viking.

Well, I believe in keeping myself in
good condition, Mrs. Brown. Oh, call me

Laura Lee.

Laura Lee. Laura Lee, I know you like
music.

Oh, there's nothing I'd rather listen
to.

My, that was lovely music coming out of
Tim's apartment a little while ago.

Well,

there's a concert tonight. Pick you up
at 7 .30?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I already have a date.

That's no problem. I'm sure he'll
understand. Phone him.

I'm sorry, Martin, but I wouldn't break
this date for anything in the world.

Look, Uncle Martin, if you'd like, I can
call the guys and I'll tell them I

can't go bowling tonight and I'll go
with you to the concert. Oh, that won't

necessary. I've canceled the
reservations for the tickets.

You have?

Oh, look, just because Mrs. Brown won't
go with you. That had absolutely nothing

to do with it. Her refusal to go doesn't
affect me the least bit. Well, is that

right? Well, then why are you stirring
your coffee with a fork?

Well, it's a habit I picked up on Mars.
We make our coffee awfully thick up

there. Well, Ashton, you ought to be
jumping for joy.

Now that Mrs. Brown has a boyfriend, you
are no longer number one man on her

most wanted list.

It is a relief.

And you've been saying that she's a
matrimonial hazard. Well, now you're off

hook. Yes, it's a wonderful feeling.
Well, if you'd like to hear Melancholy

Baby, you will find it in the next room
on the left -hand side of the shelf.

Oh, um...

Who is he? Who is who?

Mrs. Brown's date.

Oh, she told me, but I was so
disinterested, I hardly listened.

His name is Andre Philippe Charles
Dupre.

She met him at 327 last Tuesday. He has
blue eyes, and they met at a fashion

show.

But you hardly listened.

What was he doing at a fashion show? Oh,
they were modeling some of the

creations from his salon.

A dressmaker?

No, a dress designer.

The same difference.

And Laura Lee said she'd drop by so we
could meet him. Oh, I can give you a

thumbnail sketch of him right now. The
guy is about 5 '2", and he weighs about

120 pounds. He has a wet carnation
coming out of his lapel, and he has

shoulders, limp wrists.

I'm sorry, friend. If you're looking for
a piano to move, we don't even have

one. Oh, Andre.

This is Tim O 'Hara. Tim, this is Andre
Dupre.

This is Andre Arsante.

Threading needles hasn't hurt his grip.

Andre, this is Tim's uncle, Martin O
'Hara.

Now, how do you do? Won't you come in?

You've got quite a grip.

Martin's quite athletic. He rowed clear
around Westlake Park three times.

Four times. In a strange boat.

Do you row, Mr. Dupre?

Hardly worth mentioning.

French national champion, 1933.

But today, I could probably not do as
well as my friend the teacher here.

Professor. Professor of anthropology.

A, B, M, A, E, E, D, and Ph .D.

No offense, mon ami. I have the greatest
respect for learning.

In fact, I have an endowed chair at the
university in my favorite subject.

Helm stitching?

The history of custom design. It's a
pleasure to know that André's Salon of

Fashion is instrumental in keeping so
many professors from malnutrition.

Oh, my goodness. There's so many things
about you that I don't know.

People will give us something to talk
about on our way to the theater.

Oh, I'm certainly looking forward to it.

Bye.

Coming, André?

A most charming lady.

No? Yes.

Au revoir.

Au revoir.

Au

revoir.

Uncle Martin, what are you doing out
here?

Oh, oh, well, it was such a clear night.

First time I've been able to observe
Jupiter all week.

And look at Saturn.

You can almost see the rings.

Boy, you really know that sky, even
without a roadmap.

Don't you forget that I worked my way
through college as a guide for

Interplanetary Tours Incorporated.

Our slogan was, one low price covers
everything, including a visit to a

nightclub on Mercury.

Well, maybe someday I will be able to
take that door.

Let's pick out an itinerary.

There's Orion, Alpha Centauri, and...

Why hasn't he brought her home yet?

Why hasn't who brought who?

Uncle Martin, would you mind stepping
into my office? I think it's about time

that you and I had a man -martian talk.

Tim, you have no idea how wide -eyed and
childlike she is.

Are you talking about our landlady or
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm?

Now, Mrs. Brown is a very nice person,
but she's not exactly a teenager.

But now, Uncle Martin, you are far more
intelligent than I ever hoped to be.

But, as an ancient philosopher once
said,

Even a wise man sometimes cannot see
forest on account of trees.

Tim, if you're trying to tell me
something, you haven't succeeded.

That's exactly it. Now look, normally
you would be a zillion light years ahead

of me.

But don't you know what's bothering you?

You, Uncle Martin, are jealous.

Me?

Jealous?

Nonsense. Martians are above human
frailties.

Restless sleep interrupted by violent
dreams.

Loss of appetite.

Period. New paragraph.

Uh, what is it you're working on?

Oh, I'm making some notes for a
monograph I intend to write when I get

Mars.

Tim, you were right.

I am jealous.

Well, you finally got around to
admitting it, huh?

Yes, I'm afraid I can't deny it.

I seem to have all the classical
symptoms.

Accelerated pulse, slight fever,
occasional involuntary sighs, and a

feeling around my heart.

Like you just swallowed a 12 -inch
pizza?

24 -inch.

With anchovies and pepperoni on it.

The strangest thing is that until Andre
showed up, I didn't realize myself how I

felt about... Laura Lee.

Careful, you're cooling the coffee.

I'll tell you what you have to do. You
call him on the telephone and you tell

him if he doesn't stay away from her
that you're going to come right down

and poke him in the nose.

Tim, when he was here the other night, I
read his mind.

Besides being a rowing champion, he was
runner -up in the Olympic heavyweight

finals.

Well, he can't bluff us. He's a
Frenchman.

Challenge him to a duel.

Gold medal.

Pan -European fencing tournament.

Tim, you have no idea what I'm going
through. Are you kidding?

You are talking to an expert. I started
this when I was in junior high school.

Really? Oh, yeah.

I was going around with this beautiful
little blonde. And then this guy came

along and started, you know, muscling
into my time. He told her that he was an

executive at some supermarket.

And that was the end of your romance?

No. Oh, no, no. I did a little sleuthing
on my own, and I found out that he was

a vice president.

In charge of mops and brooms. What did
you do?

I did what any normal, red -blooded
American male would do.

I wrote an anonymous letter.

Well, that cooked his turkey.

Wait a minute.

Andre. And that so -called salon that
he's supposed to own. You're not

suggesting that I snoop around his place
of business in the hope of learning

something to his discredit. Why not?
Because it's unethical and undignified.

And unworthy of a Martian.

And what's the address of that salon?

So, after 26 years, Francine, you live
in us.

But it will be good to be back in La
Belle, France, no?

Oui.

Adieu, Monsieur André.

Oh, no, no.

Not adieu, old friend.

Au revoir.

When I come to Marseille, remember.

You must cook me a true bouillabaisse.

Au revoir.

Au revoir, monsieur.

Would you come in, please?

Oh, that poor kid. She must be freezing.

Why don't you offer her your coat?

Are you mad?

I knew there was something phony about
that, Andre. All that big talk about

endowing universities.

What do you mean? $4 .98. He'd have to
sell a whole carload of these things

to feed one starving professor.

I think I'll send one of these things to
my Aunt Bernice in Sioux City.

Miss? Yes, sir?

I'll take one of these things. Can you
have a gift wrap? Certainly. You have an

eye for value.

It's an Andre original and only $498.

Does that include training stamps?

So I could have told her to her face,

but it will be more diplomatic this way.

You know how proud Francine is. What are
we doing out here? The scenery is a lot

better out front.

My dear Mademoiselle Renée. No, better
make that... My very dear Francine. The

check you will receive every month is
small payment for all you have meant to

this many years.

Well, it sounds like he's giving
Mademoiselle the brush.

He really shouldn't be eavesdropping.
You're right.

That we were two oceans apart is
unfortunate.

But c 'est la vie. How do you like that?
After giving him the best years of her

life. Would that our association...

could continue forever.

But, alas, even the best things must
end.

Sign it fondly, Andre.

The cat.

Martin, I want to apologize for us Earth
people.

Well, I wonder who this Francine René
really is.

Oh, boy, I bet she could give him a
character reference. Wouldn't she have

write on asbestos?

No, I don't feel comfortable in the
snooper role.

Are you kidding?

All is fair in love and war.

Hey, I wonder if I could be one of those
girls over there.

How about that long -stemmed beauty?

Easy enough to find out.

No, no.

Her name is Charlotte. Charlotte
Higgins. And her husband is a wrestler.

I was always partial to short -legged
girls.

How about that one over there?

Janine.

Susan.

Frances.

Sonia. But no Francine?

No Francine.

Oui, monsieur.

That's funny, I could have sworn.

May I be of service?

Your Francine? Oui, monsieur.

Francine René.

At your service.

Tim,

I'm heartily ashamed of myself.

What? Why? Because you didn't get
something on Andre? No, for suspecting

worst about someone. And even more
ashamed because I hoped to find it. But

thought you cared about Mrs. Brown.
Well, that's the point.

When you really care about someone, you
want to see her happy.

And what would make Laura Lee happy?

Well, if she's anything like some of the
girls I've been going with, getting

married. Exactly.

And fortunately or unfortunately, as the
case may be, I am not the marrying

type. What man is?

Figures show that half the married
people in this country are male.

Tim, from now on, I'm going to do
everything I can to bring Laura Lee and

together. Oh, now, wait a minute. That's
going too far. Now, why do you... Don't

argue with me, Tim. When a Martian makes
up his mind to be noble, he goes all

the way.

Oh,

good afternoon, Laura.

Mrs. Brown.

I thought you might like these spiced
peaches. I put them up last month.

Thank you.

Preserving has become a lost art.

You know, I'm rather interested in
cookery myself.

If you ever want any recipes on German
cooking or Swiss or Italian or French

cuisine.

Oh, by the way, what did you think of
Andre?

More important, what do you think of
him? Well, we did have a lovely time the

other night. He's taking me to the
Golden Samovar this evening.

Popping for two dinners in one week.
Well, you must rate.

Oh, well, we did have a lovely time the
other night.

Andre is, uh... Well, he's, uh... Would
you excuse me? I think my cookies are

burning. Thank you.

She doesn't have any cookies in the
oven. It isn't even lit. Then why did

To avoid embarrassment.

She didn't want to admit that Andre
isn't as romantic as she hoped.

Well, that's the trouble with women.
They expect every Frenchman to behave

Charles Boyer.

Tim. Every woman is entitled to some
shimmering, star -studded, magical

Especially one as nice as Laura Lee.

What was the name of that restaurant
they're going to?

Uh, the Golden Samovar. Why?

Good evening and welcome to the Golden
Samovar. Would you please be kind to

follow me this way?

Thank you very much, madam.

You get the table here. Oh, my,

this is a lovely place, Andrei.

This will be a night you will long
remember.

They serve the finest Hungarian goulash
in town.

Madam, please sit.

The Hungarian goulash and the chicken
paprika is the speciality of this place.

It is like a symphony.

Excuse me.

Good evening, sir.

I'm looking for some friends of mine.

I beg your pardon, sir.

It's difficult to decide.

Everything looks so good.

I'm afraid before long I shall be
needing reading glasses.

Oh, the light's much better over here.

Andre, what a surprise. Why didn't you
tell me you brought it?

Believe me, I did not know I brought it
myself.

Oh, you and your gallant wit. I just
love your French sense of humor.

Would you care for some champagne?

Oh, my goodness. This is going to be a
night to remember.

Garçon?

Yes, sir?

Some champagne, s 'il vous plaît?

Gladly. Tonight, two bottles for the
prince of one.

Thank you. I had no idea.

Such a delicate fragrance.

Glad you own it.

Thank you.

Where does he think he's going?

Andre, you thought of everything.

You're feeling pretty good for a guy who
almost married off his girl to somebody

else. We Martians believe in being
philosophic. We have a saying, yesterday

yesterday and today is today.

Ah, well, that's the old fight.

Hi.

I want you two to be the first to know,
Andre certainly surprised me last night.

Guess what he did?

Um, stuck you with a check.

Oh, Tim, I think Mrs. Brown has
something to tell us. I most certainly

proposed.

Well, congratulations.

Well, I hope you two will be very happy.

Oh, well, you don't understand. I turned
him down.

Turned him down?

That's right, and I'm not going to see
him again.

Well, I don't understand.

Yesterday you said... Oh, yesterday was
yesterday, and today is today.

That saying does get around.

You know, sometimes people don't know
what they want. Oh, it was a perfect

evening with the champagne and the
corsage and the soft music.

It was too perfect.

Too perfect? When you have perfection to
start with, where can you go?

I mean, all the fun and excitement of
life is gone.

I don't think I'll ever understand
women.

I'll let you in on a little feminine
secret, Tim.

Most women prefer a man who has a few
faults.

Someone they can improve.

Like, uh... Now, Martin, you know you're
not perfect.

Perhaps so, but you'll never get me to
admit it.