Original subtitles

Say, Uncle Martin, you know, I always thought it would take a much larger

spaceship to get here from Mars. Well, we have larger models, but a compact is

all you need to drop in on a neighbor.

A neighbor?

Now, frankly, I never felt exactly chummy about Mars.

Why not? Every 17 years, we're only 35 million miles apart.

Oh, well, practically across the street.

Oh, there we are.

Once I get this repaired, I'll really be able to make some progress.

Now, how are you going to get that engine fixed? It looks like a mess. No

problem. All I need is a little glink.

Glink? Glink.

What's Glink?

It's a basic ore. The Earth is loaded with it. You just haven't discovered it

yet.

I don't know. Tom Edison asked me the same thing about uranium.

You knew Tom Edison?

Who do you think gave him the idea for the light bulb?

Well,

where do you find Glink?

Glink. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, where do you find it around here? Well, if my

calculations are correct, Sunset Mountain.

How about driving me up there this afternoon?

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin. Look, this is my only day off the paper. I sort of

thought I'd go over to, uh... We've got a snooper.

Who are you?

I'm Zeno, and I just got here from Mars.

It's the tourist season.

Well, welcome to Earth, Zeno. How'd you like the trip?

Yeah, it's okay. Took me three days.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Beats the old record by a month and a half.

How are things back on Mars?

I can't tell you.

Why not?

Because I was sworn to secrecy by the High Council.

Oh, come on. You can trust us.

Well... The Zodos and the Grappitos got together and captured all the poodle

people and turned them into brangles.

No.

Yeah.

Well, serves them right.

Those poodle people always were persnickety.

Biggest story of the year. I can't print it.

I sure envy you, Beano.

Zeno. Zeno.

Living on a wonderful place like Mars.

When you go back, how about taking me along?

Well, I'd have to think about it.

But if you do, you have to bring your own sandwiches.

Oh, shucks, it's my sister.

There you are. Didn't you hear me calling?

How could I? I was busy parking my saucer. Now, don't you start with any of

wild stories, Stephen Richman.

That's a name I use when I'm busy on Earth.

Stephen, have you been bothering these gentlemen?

No, no bother.

We've enjoyed it, especially now.

I'm Tim O 'Hara, and that's my Uncle Martin.

Hello, I'm Jennifer Richmond.

Oh, well, how come I haven't seen you before?

Oh, we just moved to Los Angeles.

From Mars.

By way of Cincinnati.

Our folks bought the little yellow house down at the corner.

Oh, well, now look, if there's anything I can do to help, like, well, bringing

over a bucket of ice cubes or a cup of bobby pins or anything.

You're very kind, but we're getting along fine.

Tim, uh...

Don't you think we ought to get back to work?

Yes, that's a good idea. Uncle Martin and I are going up to Sunset Mountain

today.

We are?

It would be awfully nice if you could come along. We could make a picnic out

it. Hey, I love picnics.

Tim.

Can't we go, Jen? Please?

I don't think it would be right, Stephen.

It certainly wouldn't.

Why not? Mom says we ought to meet people. And they're people.

Yeah. If you'd like any proof, I have a birth certificate.

Please, Jen, I haven't had any fun since I got here.

Please.

Well, all right.

Mr. O 'Hara, we'd love to go.

Yippee! Uh, yes, that's all very well, but Tim's car won't hold four people.

Oh, that's all right.

We can use ours, can't we, Jen?

Of course.

Steven, that's your fourth sandwich. You'll be so sick tomorrow, you won't be

able to go to school.

School?

Martians don't have to go to school.

They don't?

They don't have to. They take shots.

Stop making up those wild stories.

How do you know they're wild?

She's never been to Mars.

Well, this is all very fascinating, but if you good people will excuse me, I

think I'll shake the cobwebs off my feet.

Can I go, too?

Well, I'm sure your sister would rather have you stay here.

Oh, no, she doesn't mind. No, you just go ahead and take a nice long walk.

Happy

glink.

Happy what?

Uh, glink. That's an old family joke.

Oh, Tim, maybe we should take a little walk. Oh, oh, well, I'd love to, really,

but you see, I have a very, very bad knee.

Back gammon, you know. Oh, no, I didn't know. Yes, yes, and right now it hurts.

It hurts so much.

Pain. Throbbing.

Wait a second, Uncle Morton. I can't keep up with you. Well, Zeno, I'm

surprised. What's a little speed to a Martian?

I thought you fellas could do all sorts of incredible things.

Oh, I can.

Like what?

Well, the way I heard it, gravity is so low on Mars that you fellas could scoot

up the highest mountain like a fly, leap the widest river, or whiz through the

air like a blazing meteor.

Why do that all the time?

That's when I'm back home.

Hey,

wait for me! I don't know what to do about Stephen.

Oh, he'll be all right.

Jennifer, do you believe in fate?

He's developed the wildest imagination.

Yes, well, I'm getting a pretty good one myself right now.

He's gotten so he doesn't know what's real and what's make -believe. Well,

who does know what's real and what's make -believe? Why, a month ago, you and

were thousands of miles apart, and yet here we are together.

Why... Yesterday, you and I were total strangers to each other, and yet here we

are, sharing this fleeting moment in the wilderness.

And wilderness, we're paradise anew.

Well, Tim, that was lovely.

You say things so beautifully.

Why, do you really think so?

I certainly do.

Tim?

Yes? Would you have a little talk with Stephen?

Stephen?

Jennifer, did you hear what I just said about the wilderness?

Well, the other night on television, Charles Boyer said practically the same

thing to Irene Dunn, and she plopped right into his arm.

Yes. He probably didn't have a kid brother.

Uncle Martin!

What is it, Steve?

Uncle Martin, you trying to lose me?

Steve, would I do a thing like that?

I don't know.

I'm hot.

Naturally.

It's a lot warmer here than it is on Mars.

Haven't you noticed?

Oh, sure.

It's just that... Uncle Martin, can you keep a secret? Steve, anyone who can't

keep a secret can't keep a friend.

Well, I'm really not from Mars.

You aren't?

I just pretend.

You see, you have to do things like that when you don't have anybody to play

with.

Yeah.

I know what you mean, Stevie.

I guess the kids on Mars have a tough time, too, when they move.

You sure know a lot about Mars, don't you?

Know it like a native.

Boy, you must have read a pile of comic books.

I wonder what Mars is really like.

It's a beautiful place, Stevie.

A wonderful place to live.

They call it the Red Planet, but it's really pink.

Lovely pink valleys shaded by tall pink trees.

The trees are pink?

Why? Why not?

I don't know.

Are the kids pink, too?

No, I guess children are the same all over the universe, Steve.

Say, would you like me to show you how they play hide -and -seek on Mars?

Hide -and -seek?

That's for kids.

Oh, yes.

Not like they play it on Mars.

Stand up. Yeah, stand right there.

Now, turn around. Turn around.

Close your eyes.

Now, count to five.

Okay.

You sure got away quick.

a fly.

I'll show those Martian kids.

Oh, boy.

What did I ever come up here for?

Mr. Burns was so doggone impressed that he gave me a byline.

Isn't that terrific?

Yeah. Hi, Uncle Martin.

Hey, how was hunting? It's in the bag.

Where's Stephen?

Hasn't he gotten back yet?

Well, we were playing hide -and -seek. I thought he was headed for here.

Oh, no. I hope he hasn't gotten lost.

I doubt it.

Oh, don't worry. Uncle Martin will find him.

Uh -oh.

What's the matter?

Trouble. Hey, did you hear about the kid?

What kid?

There's a boy stuck halfway up the top of the mountain.

Stephen!

kids stuck up on a mountain?

Steven! That's my brother up there. You've got to get him down.

How? There's no way to reach him.

Well, you've got to do something. You can't just let him stay there.

Look, lady, I'm a plumber, not a mountain climber.

Don't worry. My wife went to get help.

Boy, a great help you turned out to be.

You know, we may be a backward planet, but at least we don't have to take

care of our kids. There's no problem. You're going to climb up there and get

him. You know, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I mean, letting a little

climb like that, hundreds and hundreds of feet up.

I'm going to what?

You're going to be a hero, especially in Jennifer's eyes.

Your name will be a household word. Yeah, just like Humpty Dumpty.

Now, Uncle Martin, I can't climb up that mountain. I'm terrified of heights.

I get dizzy looking at tall girls.

Remember my levitator?

If I turn that on you, it'll be impossible for you to fall.

It will? Climbing that mountain will be like going up a flight of stairs.

Well, I have news for you. That makes me dizzy, too.

Now, show me how that levitator works. I left it at the apartment.

But I'll take Jennifer's car, and I'll be back before... Oh, now, wait a

I haven't promised anything.

I'll be back... Damn, poor Stevie.

He must be terrified.

Oh, hon, well, look, don't worry about it. It's gonna be all right.

Well, come on, hurry up!

Levitator.

Levitator. Where did I put my levitator?

Human beings, 0 .1.

Animals, 0 .8.

Material objects, 0 .2.

Ah, testine, testine.

Where's your uncle?

Oh, hon, he'll be here soon. Don't worry.

All right, come on, boy. Uncle Martin, I've had a lot of time to think

and to look.

And that's one heck of a steep mountain.

With this little jewel, gravity doesn't stand a chance. You couldn't fall if you

wanted to.

Show me.

All right, little hero.

Up you go. Oh, Uncle Martin, I... Just a couple of feet.

Huh?

Oh.

Well, okay.

Well, now what? I don't feel a thing.

Try to jump down.

Hey, it works.

Look, Uncle Martin, no hands.

See what I mean?

You'll make Sir Hillary look like a groundhog. Yeah, how about that? Well,

on, let's go. Put it in high.

If you don't look down, you won't get dizzy.

And don't make it look too easy.

Don't worry about me.

Just don't forget to keep your eyes on me, that's all. Well, let's go.

the matter is some kind of nut come down off of there.

Tim, what are you doing?

It's okay. I'm going up after Steve.

You'll both be killed.

Oh, don't worry. I've had more trouble on the escalator.

Mr. O 'Hara, do something.

I'm doing all I can.

Don't let go, Steve.

Hang on. That a boy. I'm coming. Don't worry.

Did you ever let him do it?

Jennifer, Jennifer, will you please stop worrying?

He'll bring the boy back in great shape. I give you my personal guarantee.

There he is.

Gotcha. Come on.

Tim.

Tim, come back.

Oh, don't worry, Uncle Martin. I'll be careful.

Boy, is he a showman.

Okay, Hot Rod, let's see how fast you can do 30 days. Wait, wait, you can't.

Leave him alone.

What's up, officer? What did he do?

What did he do?

I'll tell you what he did.

He, uh... He, uh... He, uh...

Hey, Joe.

What did he do?

He, uh... I don't know.

I'm sorry, Mac.

Hey, what's that guy doing up there?

My little brother's stuck on a ledge and he's going after him. He'll break his

neck. Hey, Joe, call headquarters and tell them we gotta rescue Scott here

away. Right.

That Martin. Trying to make it look tough.

Oh, boy.

Hey, Tim, it's high up here.

Hang on, Stevie.

I'm almost there.

You all right?

I'm scared, Tim.

You're a favorite with me, aren't you? Oh, heck no. I'm going to take you down

on my back.

Don't make me, Tim. We'll both fall off. Oh, we'll be okay, Stevie. Don't worry

about it.

Boy, you sure managed to climb awful high.

Come on now. Hop on my back. Get a good grip and hang on, huh?

Get this leg over here.

Attaboy.

Attaboy. Now hold on tight, okay?

You all set?

Okay. Take a good grip.

Okay,

Uncle Martin. Put it in reverse.

I still can't figure out why I grabbed that guy.

What'd he do?

I don't know.

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin. Cut it out, will you?

What?

Oh, nothing. You just hang on, okay, Stevie?

Damn, my armpit.

Oh, well, how'd you like to hop off and walk?

Hey, we're almost there.

Either way you scoot up and down mountains, anybody would think you came

Mars. You don't, do you?

No, but I've got connections.

Well, I'm not sure, but you're off to a very good start.

That was terrific.

Greatest thing I've ever seen. Well, thank you very much. It was nothing,

really.

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin, I can't tell you why that was just... Stupendous.

Why to conquer that mountain with raw nerve and grit?

Oh, well, now, look, I wasn't that great, you know, but I've been for you

this, uh... What happened to that?

What didn't happen to it? It's been broken more times than a Russian

When did this happen?

Right after you started your climb.

You see, you didn't need any help.

All you had to do was to try a little bit.

As one of your great philosophers said, wondrous things occur when man and

mountain meet.

Tim?

Tim?

All right, all right. Stand back, everybody. Stand back. Give him a little

Mr. O 'Hara, thank goodness you're home. Could you give me a hand with Tim? He's

had an accident.

Accident?

Tim, what happened to you?

Oh, it's all my fault, Mr. O 'Hara. He was helping me put up the kitchen

curtains and he... I fell off the stool.

Wondrous things happen when man and woman meet.