Original subtitles

What's wrong, officer?

Well, I'll tell you.

This parking meter and I have a working agreement.

When it puts up its little red flag, I write a ticket.

You are over -parked.

Uh, aren't you being a little hasty?

If you're trying to talk a civil servant out of a sworn duty, you're talking to

the wrong Stonewall.

I was just trying to prevent a miscarriage of justice.

Oh, one of those, huh?

Are you going to stand there and tell me that the timer on this meter is all

wrong? Or that you went to the store to get some change?

Or your watch stopped and you lost track of all time?

Well, look, Buster, I know all the answers.

I've heard them all. And as far as I'm concerned, when that flag on this meter

shows that you're over parked, you are over...

I'm really sorry.

All right.

So that's when I turned the minute hand back five minutes.

Well, your ingenuity may have saved you two dollars, but I'm still sorry you

didn't get a ticket.

Well, now, that's a strange attitude.

I thought that one of the American pastimes was beating traffic tickets.

not what I mean.

Oh, so we're back to that again, huh? Yes, we're back on that again. Look,

Martin, it's my car, and I'm responsible for anything that happens to it. Now,

that's why we should get a driver's license. I have a driver's license.

I am afraid that the great state of California does not have a reciprocal

agreement with the Motor Vehicle Bureau on Mars.

We Martians wouldn't approve such an agreement anyway. Why not?

The way you people drive on your freeways? When I am on Mars, I will

the Martians. As long as you're here on Earth, you had better drive the way we

do. Recklessly?

No. How?

With a driver's license.

Oh, hi, Uncle Martin. How'd it go?

Tim, you had a good idea, but it wasn't such a good idea.

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin. I've got to finish this story. I haven't got time to

kid around.

Ever since I walked into the Motor Vehicle Bureau, I've been having a

fight with my conscience.

I don't follow.

When they asked me for a place of birth, how could I tell them Ma?

Now, I know your country accepts foreigners graciously, but... Oh, yeah.

I hadn't thought of that.

There's something else you didn't think of.

Martians don't have fingerprints.

Oh, that's right. But, Uncle Martin, could you... If you don't get off that

phone, O 'Hara, the noon edition will come out as the night final. Uncle

look, I gotta get this story finished. Call me back later, okay?

clumsy today.

Again?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so busy today, I don't know what I'm doing.

That's quite all right. We all make mistakes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

A routine cross -check of new driver applications turns up a print.

That matches the only unidentified print at the Linnington jewel robbery last

year. I don't understand. Why are you telling this to me?

Because that thumbprint belongs to Martin O 'Hara.

Martin O 'Hara? You mean Tim O 'Hara's uncle?

Exactly.

Now, Tim was covering the Linnington wedding for your paper when the jewel

robbery was committed, wasn't he?

Well, yes, but... Makes for an interesting theory, doesn't it?

Tim O 'Hara. Now, I can't believe it.

Make a great story for your paper.

Reporter covers big social event, turns it into big news event, then gets

diamond as bonus.

Well, I've always considered Tim one of my most trusted employees. I've known

him for five years.

How long have you known his uncle?

Well, just a short time.

Even if you are worried that someone is following you, the least you can do is

say hello.

Will you stop reading my mind and start reading theirs?

I'm too far away to tune in on their thoughts.

Can't you get them to think louder?

Well, since there are two of them, I'm surprised you don't ask me to listen in

stereo.

Why do you suppose they're watching you?

Well, if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't ask you to read their mind.

Well, we've got to get closer.

Lead the way.

Is that any better?

Mm -hmm. They're beginning to come through now.

Good.

What's the Chavez Ravine?

That's the Dodger ballpark.

Well, he's thinking that he'd rather be there today than watching us.

What about the other one?

He's wishing that he could be home because his feet hurt.

Well, do you have any inkling as to why they're following me?

No, absolutely no inkling at all.

What's the matter? Wait a minute.

What is it?

I thought you said they were following you.

Aren't they? Not exactly. The one on the left is yours and the one on the right

is mine. They're detectives.

Detectives? What's that all about?

There's one sure way of finding out.

Let's ask them. Now, just a second. You can't ask two strange detectives why

they're following us. Well, now, what's more simple than asking a direct

question and getting a direct answer? The problem with you Earth people is

you ask indirect questions and get indirect answers and then wonder why you

can't communicate.

I suppose it's different on Mars.

It has to be, since we can read each other's thoughts.

There is no way to be indirect.

All right, you go ahead and ask your direct question, but I'll bet you get an

indirect answer.

Let's find out.

Officer, we want to know why you've been watching us.

Us?

Watching you?

Let's not play cops and robbers. If you have anything to ask us, ask us.

We don't have anything to ask you.

This is all so childish. We want to know why we are under suspicion.

Take us to your leader.

We can't do that.

You mean you won't take us in, even if we demand it?

Look, if you want to go to headquarters, you've got to get there on your own.

That was a waste of time. Not completely.

Well, he didn't tell us anything.

That's right. But his silent partner thought up a storm, and we were the eye

the hurricane.

Does the Linnington Jewel robbery mean anything to you?

Sure, I broke the story.

Well, I've got the follow -up story.

The odds are 10 million to one.

But the fingerprint that I put on the driver's license application matched the

unidentified print which was found at the robbery.

Well, where'd you get the fingerprint?

Well, I needed one for my driver's license. Now, just a second, Uncle

You do not have to give your fingerprint. It's not mandatory. It's

voluntary.

Now he told me.

Where did you get it? I borrowed it from a distinguished -looking gentleman

without his knowledge.

Of all the people in the world, I had to pick a jewel thief. I thought you were

a good judge of character.

I am a good judge of character, but I'm a... terrible judge of fingerprints.

Oh, so the police are looking for us because they think that you committed a

jewel theft.

And they also think that you are my accomplice.

But don't look so unhappy, Tim.

When we get to San Quentin, you can have the lower bunk.

I should think that two grown men would have more important things to do than

watching a poor, innocent Martian.

The way they're watching us, I think they believe that you're a Martian

they believe that you're innocent.

Well, the whole thing is utterly ridiculous.

If they knew anything at all about Martians, they'd know that I was

Why, on Mars, the beaches are covered with diamonds, rubies, sapphires,

emeralds, jade. What we don't have is sand.

On your next trip back, could you bring a pail full of your Coney Island?

Oh, Tim.

Tim, look, the answer to all our problems is right here in your own

What is it, a boat leaving for Brazil?

Listen, Mrs. Summer Winthrop...

chairlady of the Westside Children's League charity, is having a fundraising

affair Saturday.

As an attraction, the famous galaxy diamond necklace will be exhibited.

Mrs. Winthrop will wear the diamond necklace.

You and I are going to be there.

Are you out of your Martian mind?

Here we are, prime suspects as jewel thieves, and you want to put us on the

scene with the most valuable necklace in the country?

Suppose something happens to it.

That's what I'm hoping for.

When the gentleman I borrowed the fingerprint from shows up, I'll know

Suppose he doesn't show up. For the Galaxy Diamond?

That's like saying that a salmon won't show up for the spawning season.

So I thought I'd cover the story for the paper.

Society editor usually covers those things.

Now, Mr. Burns, who was it that taught me that a good reporter always uses his

sixth sense for news?

and your sixth sense tells you it's newsworthy?

It's just a feeling I have.

Very well. It's yours.

Oh, that's great, Mr. Burns. You'll never know what you've done for me. Now,

which photographer do you want?

Mac? Charlie?

Well, I thought I'd use my Uncle Martin.

Uncle Martin?

Is he a good photographer?

He's out of this world.

Say, Tim, you know, I've always felt that our relationship was...

A little warmer than an ordinary employer, employee.

Well, I've always felt the same way, Mr. Burns.

And if a problem arose, we could confide in each other?

Talk it over freely, openly?

Well, Mr. Burns, if you have a problem, I'd be very happy to listen.

No, no, not me. I thought maybe you had a problem.

I thought maybe someone was pressuring you into something.

Just a monthly car payment.

All right.

I'll see you at the affair.

Quite a turnout.

There would have been an overflow crowd just in detectives and police.

For a

policeman, he serves a rather good deviled egg.

He's a cop, too?

Mm -hmm.

We got more men watching us than a bathing beauty with a torn bikini.

The analogy, though true, is rather base for a man of your intellect.

See the young lady over there?

She was the woman at the motor vehicle bureau.

She must be the jewel thief's accomplice.

Maybe I can find out his name from her.

Tom Thumb just arrived.

Wait, who?

The distinguished looking gentleman over there with the young lady I pointed out

earlier.

Are there, uh... Any other suspicious -looking characters here?

Yes, there are two others.

Who? You and me.

According to Captain Farrow and his men.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. The boys in blue still suspect us.

Hold it.

Then, charming gentlemen, have fun.

Terribly sorry, Mrs. Winters. I don't know how I could have been so clumsy.

Oh, that's quite all right.

The necklace!

It's gone!

Oh! Oh,

the necklace is gone!

It's just here!

He was the only one there, me!

That's true, officer.

But I don't have the necklace.

I'm perfectly willing to be searched.

You will be.

All right, block all these exits.

Nobody goes in or out.

I don't understand.

Why would he ask to be searched?

Well, you wouldn't mind being searched either if you knew the diamond wasn't on

you. But how?

Simple, my dear O 'Hara. He passed it on to his accomplice.

And you wouldn't believe where she's hidden it.

I'm willing to believe anything.

In the crown of Captain Farrow's cap.

I don't believe it. It's really a touch of genius.

The police transport the necklace away from the scene of the crime, and once

they're outside, Henley and his accomplice steal it back.

Come on, we've got to stop them. Hold on, Tim.

Here. I just thought of something.

Uncle Martin?

Still here.

What did you disappear for?

I've got to get to Henley.

Plant the necklace on him, and then have him searched again.

How are you going to do that?

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Do you want everyone to know that I'm not here?

Well, half of you is.

What?

What happened?

It must have been the lightning.

Well, don't just stand there. Either turn yourself on or turn yourself off.

I'm trying.

But I can't. The electrical storm is interfering.

Well, anyway, you're back in one piece.

Yeah.

I've got to get to Henley.

Look down.

My control.

The electrical storm has ruined my control.

Then you won't be able to get the necklace back on Henley.

Ladies and gentlemen, No one may leave this room.

We're sorry, but we're going to have to search everyone here.

Not just everyone. I wish I could...

I feel my control coming back.

What good is that going to do now? Now, this electrical storm is getting too

well. I don't care if you turn... You're always in the habit of talking to

yourself.

Only when no one's there.

Where's your cameraman?

Oh, well, you know photographers.

Now you see them, now you don't.

You wouldn't have any objection to being searched, would you?

It wouldn't do me any good if I did, would it?

All right.

I'd better search that...

Uncle of yours.

You do that.

Bye. Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin!

Uncle Martin.

Uncle Martin, what is it, Tim?

You're through playing around.

How about Henley?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Ah.

Now, watch this, Tim, my boy.

Mr. Henley has a fascination for diamonds. Now let's see what fascination

diamonds have for him.

Where'd you go, mister?

Don't understand.

I,

uh, recover your necklace for you, Mrs. Winthrop. Oh!

Oh!

Certainly glad I taught you to trust your sixth sense.

Now I'll have to learn to trust mine.

That Henley.

He almost got away with it.

It was a brilliant scheme.

Yes, it was.

You know, he's almost clever enough to be a Martian.

That is, if he were honest.

Well, I'm sure glad that fingerprint business is cleared up.

Well, the Motor Vehicle Bureau is satisfied.

And Captain Farrow's happy, too.

Hallelujah.

It was a difficult evening for me, though.

I had no idea lightning would affect me like that.

I wish you could have seen your face. First the top half gone, then the bottom

half gone.

Well, feels good to be present and all accounted for.

How about that?

Alternating current.