All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s01e06 The Man on the Couch

Uncle Martin, I wish you wouldn't do
that. Now, what happens if that thing

out?

It'll last longer than I will unless
this heat wave breaks.

Well, you're in California. It's always
sunny here.

Yeah, well, it seems to me a world that
can invent the girdle should be able to

control a simple thing like the weather.
Yeah, well, it should break soon.

Hey, Martin.

Uncle Martin?

Looking at the weather, the temperature
climbed to a record 98 .2 at the Civic

Center today.

Uncle Martin.

Uncle Martin, you're supposed to be out
there helping me with the dishes,

remember? Weather forecast.

Which means that it'll be just as hot
and humid for the next five days as it's

been for the past two days.

I won't last another five days, Tim.

Your oxygen's so rich anyway, but with
this humidity and heat, it's unbearable.

I didn't know it was that bad.

I've got to get my brain cells working
again.

Get some nice rarefied air.

Maybe a drive through the mountains will
help.

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin, but I took
the car down to have the valves ground.

I won't even have it back till tomorrow.

Well, then, I'll stroll on a high
sidewalk, anything.

Maybe I'll hop down to the weather
bureau tomorrow and show them how to

snow.

I'm sorry, Tim, but you can't use this
for the dishes.

You're not ready to solo yet.

Don't mind reading Martian.

You'll have to move.

I don't have strength enough to walk
around.

going to jump.

I'll call the police.

Oh,

Tim,

your phone's been off the hook and Mr.
Burns has been trying to reach you all

night.

Now let me see if I can remember what he
said.

Something about you are getting right
down to the Howell Tool Company. There's

something very big going on.

Well, anyway, whatever it was, Mr. Burns
sounded terribly excited.

Oh, all right, Mrs. Brown. I'll go down
right away.

Thank you very much.

Car keys.

Car keys. Car keys.

No car keys. No car.

Mrs. Brown?

Mrs. Brown?

Now, why don't you just come on down and
we'll talk about it over a cup of

coffee and a donut.

I don't want a donut.

I want to be left alone.

Tell him to get the nets ready.

Everything always looks a lot better in
the morning, buddy.

Don't you see how silly it is to jump?

I don't want to jump.

That's the ticket.

Now, just watch yourself coming down.

I don't want to come down!

I want to be left alone!

Now go away!

I always get this kind.

Press. Press. North Angeles time. Let us
know, please. Make way. We're coming

through. Press.

Uh, Mrs. Brown, look.

I just wanted to borrow your car. You
don't have to write the story for me.

but I can try a woman's touch. Press.

Uh, press.

a man up there.

Uncle Martin.

Come on, get out of here. Pardon me,
sir. My name is Tim O 'Hara. I'm with

Los Angeles Sun.

Now, would you mind if I went up there
and spoke to him? I know him.

What? I know him. I know him.

You do, huh? Yeah.

Well, I guess it won't hurt.

But you better be careful, buddy. He's a
real oddball. He'll jump.

Jump?

Don't jump. I'm coming.

I'm not going to jump.

You know that, and I know that. But they
don't.

Anyway, I'm supposed to stop you.

Well, what are you doing up here?

Getting some rarefied air. But since
it's getting so crowded up here, I guess

I'll disappear.

I'll meet you back at the apartment.

What? Meet you back at the apartment.
Oh, no, no, no, we can't do that. Mrs.

Brown saw you up here. Anyway, how am I
going to explain where you went?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You've got
to have some kind of a story. Ah, don't

worry. A cup of coffee and a donut and
the rescue squad will have done its

Now, come on. We'll be back in the
apartment in half an hour.

Oh, 22 minutes, Mrs. Brown.

You know, it's the loneliness, Tim.
That's what drove him up there.

Oh, that poor man. I know how it is.

You know what he needs?

He needs brownies in the oven.

His shirt's pressed with loving care.

Someone to look after him. He doesn't
need anyone to look after him, Mrs.

All he really needs is air. Oh, I'll
give him that, too.

May I see my uncle now?

Oh, well, Mrs. Brown, I'll tell Uncle
Martin that you're here, and I'm sure

will make him very happy. Oh, tell him
I'll bake him some brownies tomorrow.

Not a word.

I have been pinched, patted, poked,
prodded, and pummeled.

Oh. Well, can you go now?

Not until I've had my psychiatric
examination.

Well, now, come on. I've got to file my
story. What am I going to write? Mr.

Martin O 'Hara, this reporter's uncle is
rescued from the top of a water tower.

They think he's crazy.

I'm sorry, Tim.

I didn't think anyone would see me.
Well, what are you going to tell the

psychiatrist? What he wants to hear.

How are you going to know that?

Tim.

Oh, I see. You're going to read his mind
and tell him exactly what he wants to

hear you say to get out, huh?

Good evening, gentlemen.

I'm Dr. Barnett.

Which one of you is Martin O 'Hara?

I am, Doctor.

Well, if you would excuse us, please.
Come right this way.

Please sit down.

Burnt toast.

What was that?

Nothing, Doctor.

Well, I'll see you soon, Uncle Martin.

Now, I'm not here to judge or punish
you, Mr. O 'Hara.

I'm here to listen and help, if I can.

New hat.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I was just trying to collect your
thoughts.

My thoughts.

Go right ahead, Mr. O 'Hara.

Take all the time you need.

Are you sure you're concentrating on my
case, Doctor?

Yes,

of course. What else would I be thinking
of?

Now, just why were you on top of that
water tower, Mr. O 'Hara?

Well, I... Mailman.

Well, you see, I'm a building inspector,
and I saw this water tower, and it

seemed that it was tanted about 14
degrees to the right.

In the interest of safety, I decided to
check the structure.

Then the police came, and, well, here I
am.

The whole thing just ballooned out of
all proportion.

As an intelligent man, I can see that
you can see that.

Well, I think we can help you, Mr. O
'Hara.

You seem to be suffering from a not
uncommon ailment, a retreat from

A deep, unfulfilled longing to escape
from reality.

In simple terms, Mr. O 'Hara, you're
probably suffering from an endogenous

defense mechanism manifesting itself in
obsessive compulsion mechanisms creating

a state of euphoria.

It's all psychogenic.

We should have a course of treatment
worked out for you by tomorrow morning.

How long will I have to stay here?

You can't just disappear from your room
like that.

The nurse won't be coming back to get me
for a couple of minutes yet. Well, what

happened? I thought you were supposed to
get yourself released.

That's what I want to talk to you about.

Dr. Barnett's turning into a very
difficult case.

Tim, you're as illogical and emotional
as the rest of the human race. Tell me,

what does burnt toast, new hat, mailman
have to do with me on top of a water

tower? Is that what you got out of his
mind?

That doesn't make sense.

Doesn't have to. Dr. Barnett's a human
being.

Look, I have a deadline in one hour.
Now, Mr. Burns would like to know what's

difficult about a...

Well, I'm not trying to commit suicide.

Well, he'll be calling again in a
minute. Be sure to give him my worst.

I've got to go now. Nurse Smith is
coming back to help me brush my teeth.

I wish I could disappear like that for
about a week.

Is your uncle in there yet?

No, no, he's out brushing his teeth.

Yes, Mr. Burns.

No, there's nothing new, Mr. Burns. Yes,
I know I'm a reporter, Mr. Burns. Yes,

I'd like to keep my job, Mr. Burns.

Hello? Mr. Burns?

No, there's nothing new, Mr. Burns.

Yes, I know I'm a reporter, Mr. Burns.

Yes, I'd like to keep my job, Mr. Burns.

Ah, I hope it doesn't bother you, but
I'm a pacer. I always think better on my

feet. That's quite all right, Doctor.
The clearer your thoughts, the better

I'll be.

How did you feel when you suddenly found
yourself on top of that water tower?

Were you elated, dejected, frightened,
confident?

Elated. Uh -huh, uh -huh.

And does this feeling of elation always
follow acts of wild abandon?

And how long do they last?

When they're over...

Are you defiant about what you did, or
do you feel... Why don't you call your

wife, Doctor, and apologize?

It wasn't really her fault.

It most certainly was.

How did you know that I had a fight with
my wife?

It's written all over your face.

Is it that obvious?

I'm afraid so, Doctor.

Well, we... We can't let that interfere
with your treatment.

We're not here to discuss my problems.

Do you have problems, Doctor?

Do I have problems?

Everyone has problems. They never let
you rest at parties, in the dentist's

chair, on picnics.

And have you ever noticed, it's never
their problem.

They're always asking for some friend.

Even the mailman has a problem. I'm not
sure what it is yet, but I'll find it.

I've been watching him lately.

Demands all the time, demands. There
just doesn't seem to be any time to rest

anymore. Too many problems.

I'm not making any demands, Doctor.

Come over here a minute, Doctor.

Why don't you take a second right now to
relax, Doctor?

Look at that view.

You can see the whole city from here and
the mountains.

Beautiful.

You know, you're a very perceptive man,
Mr. O 'Hara.

Thank you, Doctor.

I'm just trying to understand the human
race.

Why don't you call your wife, Doctor?

You'll feel a lot better.

I can't do that.

Why not?

It's part of her problem.

She's constantly doing things to get me
angry just so that I will feel bad

afterwards and apologize.

I can't believe that.

No, it's true. It's true. Why else does
she burn the toast every morning?

Maybe she just can't make toast.

But why can't she make toast? There's
got to be a reason for everything.

Nothing just happens.

Maybe it's an accident.

There's no such thing as an accident.

Accidents are caused by unconscious
drives.

Just the other day, she went out and
bought a new hat.

She says it's because she liked the
style, but there's another, deeper

Am I boring you?

No, no, no.

I'm very interested.

I'm grateful for your time, Mr. O 'Hara.

I really don't have anyone to talk to.

When did all this first start?

Oh, about a year ago.

Before that, everything was fine.

Helen was always so much fun.

The house used to be so busy all the
time, and both the children there.

Now, with Pat married and living in
Michigan, and Ronnie in the Navy.

Well, it's hard after 22 years of being
a parent to suddenly realize that you're

all alone.

And I guess Helen just couldn't adjust.

Then...

I got tied up here working 18 hours a
day.

I had to, of course, but Helen didn't
understand.

She always used to.

But for some reason, she changed.

Little things at first.

But I could tell.

Oh, here you are, Martin. I brought you
brownies.

What in the world's going on here?

It looks like...

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I'm ruined.

Twelve years of schooling, twenty -eight
years of being a doctor, and in five

seconds I'm ruined. She'll go and spread
that all over the hospital. I'll be a

laughingstock. Now, don't, Mr.

O 'Hara, need I remind you that I am the
doctor and you are the patient?

Don't give up now, doctor. We're so
close.

Mrs. Brown, I... Are you feeling all
right, doctor?

Doctor, what happened now?

You know, you aren't unique, Martin.

Loneliness is a disease that besets all
of society.

Well, look, he's as normal... He's more
normal than a lot of people I've met.

I'll admit he's a very perceptive man.

In his way. Oh, he is, he is, yes. It's
just as if he could, uh, read minds.

Yes, exactly.

That's exactly it. Yes, well, he affects
a lot of people like that. You see,

Uncle Martin's just an easy man to talk
to, that's all. Oh, come on, doctor.

Give him another chance, will you? Just
talk to him again, please.

Well, uh, well, it wasn't his fault that
I lost my head.

Well, all right, all right, Mr. O 'Hara.
All right, I'll try again. Oh, thanks,

Doctor. Now you'll find out just how
normal he really is.

Hiding from teeny little drats. Afraid
you'll get a simple thing like a cold.

Now, it's just a sign of your
unhappiness, Martin.

You know, you're constantly doing
strange things.

Why, from the first moment you moved in,
I knew you were strange.

Somebody's been lying to me. Doctor.

Doctor, allow me to explain this. Never
mind.

You've confused me enough already. From
now on, we'll start with the facts.

All the way back to the day you were
born, if need be.

Do you have to excuse us?

Oh, yes. Goodbye.

Have fun.

Shall we proceed?

Doctor, I have a confession.

I lied to you.

I went up on that water tower because it
was hot and I wanted some fresh air.

Go on.

Go on. That's all. That can't be all. It
is.

The higher you go, the cooler it gets.
And it worked. I felt great.

Why didn't you tell me this in the first
place?

I was afraid you wouldn't believe me.

Everybody likes complex answers these
days.

They want to know what kind of flower,
how much rain, what brand of fertilizer.

Oh, I've been guilty of it myself.

When I see a building, I check if the
foundation is level.

How the rivets are set.

If the girders are strong.

But whenever I do that, I miss
something.

What? The beauty of the building.

I work too much from the inside.

Beauty becomes nuts and bolts, hot
rivets and cold steel.

I can't accept a building for itself.

I have to poke and probe, hunt and pick.

Yes, yes, I know.

I've lost sight of the basic things.

I can't see the building for the marble,
the windows for the glass, the flower

for the fertilizer.

Go on, go on.

Why can't I smile at a building?

Forget the fertilizer and look at the
flower.

Ignore the toast and see the new hat.

What's wrong with me, Doctor?

You're too wrapped up in your work.

Exactly.

Thank you, Doctor, for helping me.

Thank you, Mr. O 'Hara.

You're not only normal, you're
invaluable.

And I'm going to use what you just told
me as a basis for a paper on the

American work psychosis.

But first, I'm going on an extended
vacation.

Sort of a second honeymoon.

That's just what the world needs,
Doctor.

More second honeymoon.

Give this to the nurse and you'll get
your personal effects back.

Thank you, Doctor.

Phone boy up.

He did need help.

Dr. Harvey Burnett announced that he
will undertake a research project on the

American Mark Psychosis based on the
previous experiments and observations of

Mr. Martin O 'Hara.

In an exclusive interview with this
reporter, Dr. Burnett said, Please, no

brownies.

Hello, dear.

I just had a few of these left over and
it seems... It seems a shame to let them

go to waste.

Oh, well.

Uncle Martin, look what Mrs. Brown
brought to us.

Uncle Martin?

Oh, come on now. That's not fair.

You've got to share.

Uncle Martin?

Martin? Why, it looks like he
disappeared.

He sure did.

Well, he should be back soon.

Here, Tim, have a brownie. It'll cheer
you up.

Thanks a lot.