Original subtitles

A little late with dinner tonight, aren't you, Tim? Well, I had to work

tonight, and dinner doesn't cook itself.

On Mars, it does.

Have I ever told you how much more intelligently we handle this business of

eating back home?

No, but you will.

For your own good.

The only person who knows I'm a Martian is you, so why not... Will you please

turn that finger off?

As I was saying, why not learn something about civilized living?

At the moment, I am a little too busy being uncivilized.

That's what I mean. All that drudgery just to prepare us a meal. On Mars, I

never do that.

You don't do it on Earth, either.

Angela, how's our good neighbor?

Not so good. I need a favor.

Could you help me with my homework after dinner, Martin? Well, it would be my

pleasure. What's the subject? I have to write a report on the new discovery by

Professor Newton Jennings, the space scientist.

Oh, yes, I read about it in today's paper. Hi, Ann. What new discovery?

Well, you're a reporter. Didn't you read today's news?

Well, no, I was too busy writing tomorrow's news, and I didn't have a

minute. It's right there on the front page.

Oh, yeah.

Scientists prove that there is no life on Mars as we know it.

Professor Newton Jennings declares that if life does exist, it is on the lowest

and most primitive level.

Makes you stop and think, doesn't it, Tim?

It certainly does.

And Professor Jennings' calculations have established conclusively that the

atmospheric pressure on Mars precludes any form of life higher than the one

-celled amoeba or at least some form of jellyfish.

Are you sure you're from Mars?

Positive.

All right.

What's the atmospheric pressure up there?

17 pounds per square foot. Wrong. It says here... Stop worrying about it,

On my word as a Martian, I am a Martian. Then how come you're not a jellyfish?

I come from a good family.

How much evidence do you need to believe me? You saw me crash in my spaceship.

You know that I can read minds. Tricks, tricks, all tricks. It's like, well,

like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

All right.

I hate to show off, but now watch closely.

And now with one hand behind my back.

Any questions?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact. How do I know you haven't got me hypnotized? How

do I know you haven't put me... Sam, it's impolite to talk to people with

back to them.

I'm sitting here in the chair.

Oh, well, how do I know you haven't got me hypnotized? Now, for all I know,

you're not even standing in the same room. I could be standing here talking

an empty chair.

Oh.

I'm... I'm standing here talking to an empty chair.

That's how I know it.

If it's anything personal, I can come back later.

Oh, no, no. I was just sort of thinking out loud. Would you like a cup of

coffee? No, no. Don't bother. I'm only staying for a minute. No, no, no.

Don't sit in that chair. That chair is too hard.

This is a lot more comfortable over here. See, it's a lot softer. Ow!

What was that?

I said, ow.

Come to think of it, this is too hard. You better sit over here. It's more

comfortable. I think...

Understand, thank you.

I only came up to find out if your Uncle Martin would help Angela with a report.

Can I see him?

Not at the moment.

I mean, he's out, but I'll be glad to tell him when he gets back.

Tell me what?

Oh, there he is.

I thought you said he went out. Yes, well, frankly, Mrs. Brown, I never know

just exactly where he is. I mean, that's Uncle Martin for you. Now you see him,

now you don't. Oh, you poor man. What happened to your eye?

I got something in it. Oh.

Probably a speck of dust.

Well, it felt more like a fist.

You wanted to see me?

Oh, yes.

About Angela's report.

I haven't forgotten. Tell her I'll be down in about ten minutes. Oh, that's so

sweet of you, Martin. She'll appreciate it very much.

You know, I'm not much help when it comes to things like outer space or

spelling.

Are you convinced now that I'm a Martian? Or do you still think I

you?

Well, I had no chance to hypnotize Mrs. Brown. She didn't see me either. But how

do I know you were in the room when she was here?

Well, who do you think you punched in the eye?

Topper?

Well, okay.

You win. You're a Martian.

But that means Professor Jennings is talking through his telescope.

Something like that.

Hey.

Hey, this has great possibilities.

I mean, if this guy can get all these headlines by being wrong... Imagine the

headlines that I can get by proving that he's wrong.

You think you can? Well, sure. Just give me the information.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh.

Please give me the information?

I'm not discussing your manners, Tim.

Suppose I did tell you what to write.

How could you back it up without involving me? And you know I can't

involved. Well, I'm sure between the two of us we can figure out something.

Maybe, but it would be looking for trouble, and I'd rather not risk it.

Oh.

I thought you were my friend.

I am.

That's exactly why I'm pointing out the mess you'd be blundering into.

As Ben Franklin used to say, look before or you'll find yourself behind.

You see what I'm getting at, don't you?

Sure. You don't want to help me. All right, fine, then don't do me any

mean, let Professor Jennings get away with murder.

And go and help Angela write how the people on Mars are nothing but

which you're going to have an awful lot of explaining to do when you go back and

have to face your jellyfish.

I mean your friend.

I've read this article a dozen times, Martin, but I just can't seem to

understand it. I did whatever I could.

Those are some books I got together that I thought might help Angela.

Oh, background material. That's a good idea.

Strange and fantastic tales.

Weird adventures.

Space rabbit?

Listen to Mom, I'd be writing that Professor Jennings is all wrong.

Well, it's not impossible. I've seen some very convincing evidence that there

might be people on Mars.

You have?

Where?

On the Twilight Zone.

Mom, how can you mention Twilight Zone in the same breath with a brilliant

scientist like Professor Newton Jennings?

Well, Rod Serling is no dope. He's got a very high rating.

Well, let's at least start with Professor Jennings.

Briefly, what all this means is that the atmosphere on Mars is unbreathable.

Except for amoeba and jellyfish.

According to Professor Jennings.

But he can be wrong.

People are very adaptable.

Given time enough, people can learn to live under the most difficult

Then you think there are people on Mars?

Definitely.

And because it's an older planet, I'm convinced they have a much more advanced

civilization.

Oh, I'll buy that.

Well, don't just sit there, Angela. Start writing it down.

But that contradicts what the professor says, and he's a famous scientist.

Angela, I may not be as prominent as Newton Jennings, but being famous is not

the same as being right.

I know just what you mean, Martin. Isn't it frustrating?

Frustrating?

Waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with progressive thinkers like

and me.

Oh, hi, Uncle Martin.

How's the work on the spaceship coming? You got fixed?

It's a slow job.

That crack -up did an awful lot of damage.

It's a pity, too, because it was hardly broken in when I got it. Only had 385

million miles on it. Oh, that's a little old lady from Venus, huh?

My big headaches are the parts that need to be replaced.

They haven't been invented down here yet.

That's the trouble with these foreign spaceships. Very hard to get parts.

Martin!

Martin, I just wanted to tell you... Well, now, why shouldn't I tell him?

the one that helped you write the report, didn't he?

Oh, the homework assignment.

I'll bet it was the most outstanding report in the class.

It was.

I was the only one who failed.

Isn't it awful?

I can't understand that teacher's criticism.

Those things you talked about last night didn't sound like scatterbrained

rubbish to me.

Your teacher said that?

In front of the whole class.

I wish I had been there to hear it.

Well, maybe you could go and speak to her. Me?

Waste my time on that narrow -minded woman? What for?

Her opinions don't disturb me one bit.

Well, why should they? You're not the one who was embarrassed in front of the

whole class.

I'm sorry about that, Angela.

Well, that's all right. It's not your fault. I asked you to help me.

You mustn't blame yourself. I'm sure you did your best.

Come on, dear. I'll fix you a snack.

Just a minute, Angela.

Yes? What's the best time to talk to your teacher?

You mean... I just got a powerful urge to discuss that report with her.

Oh... Martin, did you hear that, Mother? He's going to speak to my teacher.

Well, you never failed in anything until he helped you. It's only right that he

should help you.

But once you speak to my teacher, she'll have to pass me. I know it. Oh, Martin,

you're the most... Well, for another one of those, I'll get you on the honor

roll.

Martin, you've got yourself a deal.

Good afternoon, Miss Weber.

This is Mr. O 'Hara.

Oh, yes, the man with the vivid imagination.

That's what I wanted to see you about.

As the one who helped Angela with her report, I don't think she should be

penalized for it. Well, neither do I, but I can't flunk you. You're not one of

my students.

Please sit down.

Please.

I've told Angela how she can get a passing grade.

How? Well, simply to rewrite the report so that it makes sense.

I think it does make sense.

It not only makes sense, it's very scientific.

Oh, really now? People on Mars?

With a higher civilization, you want me to believe that?

My dear lady, I don't care what you believe personally.

As far as I'm concerned, you can think Mars is inhabited by dragons and

unicorns. You do have a vivid imagination, don't you?

I'm only asking that you consider Angela's point of view with an open

There is a difference between an open mind and an empty head.

And that report was pure fantasy.

Many things that science once considered fantasy are now proven fact.

When science proves that there is a higher civilization on Mars, I will give

Angela a passing grade.

Well, that may take many years.

How long do you expect Angela to stay in this school?

That depends entirely upon how much outside help she gets.

I'm only interested in discussing this matter logically.

Fair enough.

But as long as we're going to do that, I'd like to ask you a logical question.

What scientific institution are you connected with?

I'm not connected with any.

But you do have a degree from an accredited university.

Well, uh... No.

Junior college?

No. High school?

Well, it was very nice of you to come in today, Mr. O 'Hara, and I appreciate it

very much, but I'm really quite busy this afternoon.

I'm preparing an experiment. We're synthesizing H2O.

That's water, you know.

H2O.

That's... That's water, you know.

Who does she think she's talking to? Martin.

She's not getting away with this.

I'm going to... Martin. What is it, Angela?

I think I'd better rewrite the report.

How do you like that, teacher?

Explaining to me that H2O is water.

Me, who worked with some of your greatest scientists.

Bobby Fulton, Tommy Edison, Bell.

I was with Alex when he tested the original telephone.

You may not know it, Tim, but you're looking at the first man in history who

ever got a wrong number.

Well, you shouldn't have gone to school in the first place. You're not even a

member of the PTA.

I had to go. You saw how Angela felt.

What do you suppose she would have thought of me if I turned her down?

Well, what do you suppose she thinks now? As far as she's concerned, you

squeezed through kindergarten.

You don't imagine Angela's influenced by that nonsense.

Oh, she's rewriting a report, isn't she? Professor Jennings way?

Anybody home?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Brown.

Hi, come on in.

I'm not interrupting anything, am I? No, no. As a matter of fact, we were just

talking about Angela. I suppose she's rewriting the report tonight.

No, she's not.

A sensible girl. She's rewriting it tomorrow.

Tonight she's studying for a geometry exam.

As a matter of fact, that's why I'm here. She needs a little coaching.

Yes? And she was wondering if you could come down and help her, Tim.

Me?

Oh, come on, Mrs. Brown.

Geometry was my worst subject. To this day, I don't know a right angle from a

wrong angle. I'd be glad to help her. Next to science, mathematics is my

strongest field.

Oh, it's too much of an imposition. Why, Angela's embarrassed about all the help

you've given her already.

On second thought, I don't see why I can't coach her myself. It can't be too

hard. It's only plain geometry.

Nothing fancy.

I'm a thousand years ahead of this planet, and a high school girl won't

trust me with an isosceles triangle.

How did I get into this situation, anyway?

It's easy. I can answer that for you in two words. Professor Newton Jennings.

That's three words.

I told you I was running math.

Newton Jennings.

Newton Jennings.

Tim, I was just thinking... That's a great idea!

What's a great idea? To expose Professor Jennings, though. Why should you take

the rap and look bad in front of Angela?

How did you know what I was thinking?

Well, I may have been rotten at math, but I was just great psychology.

To begin with, you pretend to interview him while I go through his notes.

Okay, but don't take all day.

I'm not a fast reader, but if I concentrate, I can do eight pages a

Come in.

You must be those newspaper fellas.

Make yourselves comfortable.

I'll be right with you.

Oh, here.

Taste it.

Now, go ahead. It won't turn you into a werewolf.

What is it? Chicken soup, homemade.

I was preparing my lunch.

So, uh...

You want to interview me.

I might as well tell you you're wasting your time.

Well, I know you're a very busy man, Professor, but I promise this won't take

long. Oh, I've got plenty of time.

It's just that I'm not a very exciting person.

Frankly, you'd do much better with Elizabeth Taylor.

It's very nice of you to say so.

Are these the equations on which you base your theory, Professor?

Mm -hmm.

You see what I mean?

To me, that's the most fascinating thing in the world.

You'll probably think it's very dull.

On the contrary, I find it very interesting.

Very interesting.

He's being nice to me, isn't he?

Well, you don't have to wade through that stuff just to make me feel good.

Oh, I really do want to read it. Believe me, Professor, he's not doing it just

to make you feel good.

Oh, I know how it is.

Friends show me pictures of their babies and expect me to be interested.

Well, this is my baby, but I'm not going to bore you with it.

Well, Professor, let's get started with the interview.

Now, when did you first become interested in science?

It wasn't until I was six years old.

That's pretty young.

I know, but I figured what good was understanding calculus if I couldn't put

to some practical use?

No sense wasting.

How about other areas? Well, you know, hobbies, sports.

Oh, I love sports.

I remember when I was ten years old, how disappointed I was that I couldn't play

football with the other fellas in my class.

What stopped you?

I was pretty small for a high school senior.

Uh, something wrong?

Huh?

Oh, uh, my finger fell asleep. I was trying to work it out.

No, no, no, Professor.

I think this might be interesting if it was approached from the woman's point of

view. For example, uh, well, how about your first romance?

When it happens, I'll tell you about it.

What's the use of trying to make me interesting?

I was terrible at sports. I never got married. I can't do the bossa nova.

The only thing I'm good at is science.

You want to know about my life?

It's all in those notes.

Without that, I guess I'd be a failure.

Tim, I think we've taken up enough of the professor's time. We'd better go.

How about the interview?

We're not finished yet. Aren't you going to ask him about his theory?

What would you have me say?

How would I know?

Well, think about it a second.

What about Paulie's exclusion principle?

Thank you very much, Professor.

I'm sorry I couldn't do any better.

Quite all right. We understand.

Paulie's exclusion principle.

Paulie's exclusion principle?

Where'd I get that? I don't even know what it means.

The professor does.

Huh. Well, what's the big idea? I didn't even get my story.

There isn't going to be a story. Well, now, that's obvious, but what am I

supposed to write?

Space scientist admits he can't dance the bossa nova.

Maybe he can't dance the bossa nova, but he's 50 years ahead of his time.

Those notes are brilliant.

Well, now, just one second, Uncle Martin.

He is wrong about Mars. Now, you tell me, what is so brilliant about being

wrong?

Tim, sometimes we have to be wrong before we can be right.

It was because Columbus was wrong that he discovered this continent.

He thought he was sailing to India.

If you're going to call Jennings a fraud, you've got to call Columbus a

too. And what about Angela? Now, if we don't expose Professor Jennings, she's

going to be left holding the bag.

Angela's in no trouble.

She's rewriting her report. So she walks around for the rest of her life

thinking that you're a dope.

I'll have to risk that.

This man's ego is shaky enough as it is.

I refuse to break the spirit of a scientific genius just to pamper my own

personal vanity.

Well, there goes my exclusive.

Well, that's the way the planet plummets.

I hope you don't feel too disappointed.

No. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of relieved.

You know, that little guy was awfully sweet.

And you know something?

What? He's not as much of a failure as he thinks.

He makes very good chicken soup.

Yoo -hoo! Anybody home?

I am.

Oh, Martin, did you hear the news?

Tell him, Angela. I got an A in science.

The highest mark in the class.

Oh, you rewrote your report?

No, Professor Jennings rewrote his theory. He now says it's possible there

life on Mars.

Very intelligent life, too. Wow.

It's in today's paper.

Well, I haven't seen the paper yet.

Hi, everybody.

Tim. Angela tells me that Jennings revised his theory.

There's a story about it in today's paper. Did you read it? I wrote it.

Professor Jennings called me and gave me an exclusive interview.

Well, you never mentioned anything about it to me. Well, you already ruined one

interview. I wasn't taking any more chances.

I wonder what made him change his mind.

Well, it's all in there. Something about Paulie's exclusion principle.

And you know what?

Miss Weaver apologized to me in front of the whole class.

That's a pleasant surprise.

Oh, Martin, it doesn't come as any surprise to me.

You and I knew we were right all along.

Isn't that sweet?

Angela sent me a tie for helping her with her report.

Well, as I once said to William Shakespeare, all's well that ends well.

What's all that?

Well, I dropped in to see Professor Jennings this afternoon, and he let me

borrow some of his equipment.

What for?

Now, wait a second, wait a second. I haven't finished all the directions yet.

Oh.

Tim.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm almost through, almost, almost.

But... Wait, wait, please, please, please, please.

That's the worst chicken soup I have ever tasted.

Professor Jennings wants to give me the wrong ingredients.

Well, you've learned a lesson, my boy.

A scientist is willing to share his secrets with the world.

But a chef won't share his recipe with anyone.