All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s01e05 Man or Amoeba

A little late with dinner tonight,
aren't you, Tim? Well, I had to work

tonight, and dinner doesn't cook itself.

On Mars, it does.

Have I ever told you how much more
intelligently we handle this business of

eating back home?

No, but you will.

For your own good.

The only person who knows I'm a Martian
is you, so why not... Will you please

turn that finger off?

As I was saying, why not learn something
about civilized living?

At the moment, I am a little too busy
being uncivilized.

That's what I mean. All that drudgery
just to prepare us a meal. On Mars, I

never do that.

You don't do it on Earth, either.

Angela, how's our good neighbor?

Not so good. I need a favor.

Could you help me with my homework after
dinner, Martin? Well, it would be my

pleasure. What's the subject? I have to
write a report on the new discovery by

Professor Newton Jennings, the space
scientist.

Oh, yes, I read about it in today's
paper. Hi, Ann. What new discovery?

Well, you're a reporter. Didn't you read
today's news?

Well, no, I was too busy writing
tomorrow's news, and I didn't have a

minute. It's right there on the front
page.

Oh, yeah.

Scientists prove that there is no life
on Mars as we know it.

Professor Newton Jennings declares that
if life does exist, it is on the lowest

and most primitive level.

Makes you stop and think, doesn't it,
Tim?

It certainly does.

And Professor Jennings' calculations
have established conclusively that the

atmospheric pressure on Mars precludes
any form of life higher than the one

-celled amoeba or at least some form of
jellyfish.

Are you sure you're from Mars?

Positive.

All right.

What's the atmospheric pressure up
there?

17 pounds per square foot. Wrong. It
says here... Stop worrying about it,

On my word as a Martian, I am a Martian.
Then how come you're not a jellyfish?

I come from a good family.

How much evidence do you need to believe
me? You saw me crash in my spaceship.

You know that I can read minds. Tricks,
tricks, all tricks. It's like, well,

like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

All right.

I hate to show off, but now watch
closely.

And now with one hand behind my back.

Any questions?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact. How do I
know you haven't got me hypnotized? How

do I know you haven't put me... Sam,
it's impolite to talk to people with

back to them.

I'm sitting here in the chair.

Oh, well, how do I know you haven't got
me hypnotized? Now, for all I know,

you're not even standing in the same
room. I could be standing here talking

an empty chair.

Oh.

I'm... I'm standing here talking to an
empty chair.

That's how I know it.

If it's anything personal, I can come
back later.

Oh, no, no. I was just sort of thinking
out loud. Would you like a cup of

coffee? No, no. Don't bother. I'm only
staying for a minute. No, no, no.

Don't sit in that chair. That chair is
too hard.

This is a lot more comfortable over
here. See, it's a lot softer. Ow!

What was that?

I said, ow.

Come to think of it, this is too hard.
You better sit over here. It's more

comfortable. I think...

Understand, thank you.

I only came up to find out if your Uncle
Martin would help Angela with a report.

Can I see him?

Not at the moment.

I mean, he's out, but I'll be glad to
tell him when he gets back.

Tell me what?

Oh, there he is.

I thought you said he went out. Yes,
well, frankly, Mrs. Brown, I never know

just exactly where he is. I mean, that's
Uncle Martin for you. Now you see him,

now you don't. Oh, you poor man. What
happened to your eye?

I got something in it. Oh.

Probably a speck of dust.

Well, it felt more like a fist.

You wanted to see me?

Oh, yes.

About Angela's report.

I haven't forgotten. Tell her I'll be
down in about ten minutes. Oh, that's so

sweet of you, Martin. She'll appreciate
it very much.

You know, I'm not much help when it
comes to things like outer space or

spelling.

Are you convinced now that I'm a
Martian? Or do you still think I

you?

Well, I had no chance to hypnotize Mrs.
Brown. She didn't see me either. But how

do I know you were in the room when she
was here?

Well, who do you think you punched in
the eye?

Topper?

Well, okay.

You win. You're a Martian.

But that means Professor Jennings is
talking through his telescope.

Something like that.

Hey.

Hey, this has great possibilities.

I mean, if this guy can get all these
headlines by being wrong... Imagine the

headlines that I can get by proving that
he's wrong.

You think you can? Well, sure. Just give
me the information.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh.

Please give me the information?

I'm not discussing your manners, Tim.

Suppose I did tell you what to write.

How could you back it up without
involving me? And you know I can't

involved. Well, I'm sure between the two
of us we can figure out something.

Maybe, but it would be looking for
trouble, and I'd rather not risk it.

Oh.

I thought you were my friend.

I am.

That's exactly why I'm pointing out the
mess you'd be blundering into.

As Ben Franklin used to say, look before
or you'll find yourself behind.

You see what I'm getting at, don't you?

Sure. You don't want to help me. All
right, fine, then don't do me any

mean, let Professor Jennings get away
with murder.

And go and help Angela write how the
people on Mars are nothing but

which you're going to have an awful lot
of explaining to do when you go back and

have to face your jellyfish.

I mean your friend.

I've read this article a dozen times,
Martin, but I just can't seem to

understand it. I did whatever I could.

Those are some books I got together that
I thought might help Angela.

Oh, background material. That's a good
idea.

Strange and fantastic tales.

Weird adventures.

Space rabbit?

Listen to Mom, I'd be writing that
Professor Jennings is all wrong.

Well, it's not impossible. I've seen
some very convincing evidence that there

might be people on Mars.

You have?

Where?

On the Twilight Zone.

Mom, how can you mention Twilight Zone
in the same breath with a brilliant

scientist like Professor Newton
Jennings?

Well, Rod Serling is no dope. He's got a
very high rating.

Well, let's at least start with
Professor Jennings.

Briefly, what all this means is that the
atmosphere on Mars is unbreathable.

Except for amoeba and jellyfish.

According to Professor Jennings.

But he can be wrong.

People are very adaptable.

Given time enough, people can learn to
live under the most difficult

Then you think there are people on Mars?

Definitely.

And because it's an older planet, I'm
convinced they have a much more advanced

civilization.

Oh, I'll buy that.

Well, don't just sit there, Angela.
Start writing it down.

But that contradicts what the professor
says, and he's a famous scientist.

Angela, I may not be as prominent as
Newton Jennings, but being famous is not

the same as being right.

I know just what you mean, Martin. Isn't
it frustrating?

Frustrating?

Waiting for the rest of the world to
catch up with progressive thinkers like

and me.

Oh, hi, Uncle Martin.

How's the work on the spaceship coming?
You got fixed?

It's a slow job.

That crack -up did an awful lot of
damage.

It's a pity, too, because it was hardly
broken in when I got it. Only had 385

million miles on it. Oh, that's a little
old lady from Venus, huh?

My big headaches are the parts that need
to be replaced.

They haven't been invented down here
yet.

That's the trouble with these foreign
spaceships. Very hard to get parts.

Martin!

Martin, I just wanted to tell you...
Well, now, why shouldn't I tell him?

the one that helped you write the
report, didn't he?

Oh, the homework assignment.

I'll bet it was the most outstanding
report in the class.

It was.

I was the only one who failed.

Isn't it awful?

I can't understand that teacher's
criticism.

Those things you talked about last night
didn't sound like scatterbrained

rubbish to me.

Your teacher said that?

In front of the whole class.

I wish I had been there to hear it.

Well, maybe you could go and speak to
her. Me?

Waste my time on that narrow -minded
woman? What for?

Her opinions don't disturb me one bit.

Well, why should they? You're not the
one who was embarrassed in front of the

whole class.

I'm sorry about that, Angela.

Well, that's all right. It's not your
fault. I asked you to help me.

You mustn't blame yourself. I'm sure you
did your best.

Come on, dear. I'll fix you a snack.

Just a minute, Angela.

Yes? What's the best time to talk to
your teacher?

You mean... I just got a powerful urge
to discuss that report with her.

Oh... Martin, did you hear that, Mother?
He's going to speak to my teacher.

Well, you never failed in anything until
he helped you. It's only right that he

should help you.

But once you speak to my teacher, she'll
have to pass me. I know it. Oh, Martin,

you're the most... Well, for another one
of those, I'll get you on the honor

roll.

Martin, you've got yourself a deal.

Good afternoon, Miss Weber.

This is Mr. O 'Hara.

Oh, yes, the man with the vivid
imagination.

That's what I wanted to see you about.

As the one who helped Angela with her
report, I don't think she should be

penalized for it. Well, neither do I,
but I can't flunk you. You're not one of

my students.

Please sit down.

Please.

I've told Angela how she can get a
passing grade.

How? Well, simply to rewrite the report
so that it makes sense.

I think it does make sense.

It not only makes sense, it's very
scientific.

Oh, really now? People on Mars?

With a higher civilization, you want me
to believe that?

My dear lady, I don't care what you
believe personally.

As far as I'm concerned, you can think
Mars is inhabited by dragons and

unicorns. You do have a vivid
imagination, don't you?

I'm only asking that you consider
Angela's point of view with an open

There is a difference between an open
mind and an empty head.

And that report was pure fantasy.

Many things that science once considered
fantasy are now proven fact.

When science proves that there is a
higher civilization on Mars, I will give

Angela a passing grade.

Well, that may take many years.

How long do you expect Angela to stay in
this school?

That depends entirely upon how much
outside help she gets.

I'm only interested in discussing this
matter logically.

Fair enough.

But as long as we're going to do that,
I'd like to ask you a logical question.

What scientific institution are you
connected with?

I'm not connected with any.

But you do have a degree from an
accredited university.

Well, uh... No.

Junior college?

No. High school?

Well, it was very nice of you to come in
today, Mr. O 'Hara, and I appreciate it

very much, but I'm really quite busy
this afternoon.

I'm preparing an experiment. We're
synthesizing H2O.

That's water, you know.

H2O.

That's... That's water, you know.

Who does she think she's talking to?
Martin.

She's not getting away with this.

I'm going to... Martin. What is it,
Angela?

I think I'd better rewrite the report.

How do you like that, teacher?

Explaining to me that H2O is water.

Me, who worked with some of your
greatest scientists.

Bobby Fulton, Tommy Edison, Bell.

I was with Alex when he tested the
original telephone.

You may not know it, Tim, but you're
looking at the first man in history who

ever got a wrong number.

Well, you shouldn't have gone to school
in the first place. You're not even a

member of the PTA.

I had to go. You saw how Angela felt.

What do you suppose she would have
thought of me if I turned her down?

Well, what do you suppose she thinks
now? As far as she's concerned, you

squeezed through kindergarten.

You don't imagine Angela's influenced by
that nonsense.

Oh, she's rewriting a report, isn't she?
Professor Jennings way?

Anybody home?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Brown.

Hi, come on in.

I'm not interrupting anything, am I? No,
no. As a matter of fact, we were just

talking about Angela. I suppose she's
rewriting the report tonight.

No, she's not.

A sensible girl. She's rewriting it
tomorrow.

Tonight she's studying for a geometry
exam.

As a matter of fact, that's why I'm
here. She needs a little coaching.

Yes? And she was wondering if you could
come down and help her, Tim.

Me?

Oh, come on, Mrs. Brown.

Geometry was my worst subject. To this
day, I don't know a right angle from a

wrong angle. I'd be glad to help her.
Next to science, mathematics is my

strongest field.

Oh, it's too much of an imposition. Why,
Angela's embarrassed about all the help

you've given her already.

On second thought, I don't see why I
can't coach her myself. It can't be too

hard. It's only plain geometry.

Nothing fancy.

I'm a thousand years ahead of this
planet, and a high school girl won't

trust me with an isosceles triangle.

How did I get into this situation,
anyway?

It's easy. I can answer that for you in
two words. Professor Newton Jennings.

That's three words.

I told you I was running math.

Newton Jennings.

Newton Jennings.

Tim, I was just thinking... That's a
great idea!

What's a great idea? To expose Professor
Jennings, though. Why should you take

the rap and look bad in front of Angela?

How did you know what I was thinking?

Well, I may have been rotten at math,
but I was just great psychology.

To begin with, you pretend to interview
him while I go through his notes.

Okay, but don't take all day.

I'm not a fast reader, but if I
concentrate, I can do eight pages a

Come in.

You must be those newspaper fellas.

Make yourselves comfortable.

I'll be right with you.

Oh, here.

Taste it.

Now, go ahead. It won't turn you into a
werewolf.

What is it? Chicken soup, homemade.

I was preparing my lunch.

So, uh...

You want to interview me.

I might as well tell you you're wasting
your time.

Well, I know you're a very busy man,
Professor, but I promise this won't take

long. Oh, I've got plenty of time.

It's just that I'm not a very exciting
person.

Frankly, you'd do much better with
Elizabeth Taylor.

It's very nice of you to say so.

Are these the equations on which you
base your theory, Professor?

Mm -hmm.

You see what I mean?

To me, that's the most fascinating thing
in the world.

You'll probably think it's very dull.

On the contrary, I find it very
interesting.

Very interesting.

He's being nice to me, isn't he?

Well, you don't have to wade through
that stuff just to make me feel good.

Oh, I really do want to read it. Believe
me, Professor, he's not doing it just

to make you feel good.

Oh, I know how it is.

Friends show me pictures of their babies
and expect me to be interested.

Well, this is my baby, but I'm not going
to bore you with it.

Well, Professor, let's get started with
the interview.

Now, when did you first become
interested in science?

It wasn't until I was six years old.

That's pretty young.

I know, but I figured what good was
understanding calculus if I couldn't put

to some practical use?

No sense wasting.

How about other areas? Well, you know,
hobbies, sports.

Oh, I love sports.

I remember when I was ten years old, how
disappointed I was that I couldn't play

football with the other fellas in my
class.

What stopped you?

I was pretty small for a high school
senior.

Uh, something wrong?

Huh?

Oh, uh, my finger fell asleep. I was
trying to work it out.

No, no, no, Professor.

I think this might be interesting if it
was approached from the woman's point of

view. For example, uh, well, how about
your first romance?

When it happens, I'll tell you about it.

What's the use of trying to make me
interesting?

I was terrible at sports. I never got
married. I can't do the bossa nova.

The only thing I'm good at is science.

You want to know about my life?

It's all in those notes.

Without that, I guess I'd be a failure.

Tim, I think we've taken up enough of
the professor's time. We'd better go.

How about the interview?

We're not finished yet. Aren't you going
to ask him about his theory?

What would you have me say?

How would I know?

Well, think about it a second.

What about Paulie's exclusion principle?

Thank you very much, Professor.

I'm sorry I couldn't do any better.

Quite all right. We understand.

Paulie's exclusion principle.

Paulie's exclusion principle?

Where'd I get that? I don't even know
what it means.

The professor does.

Huh. Well, what's the big idea? I didn't
even get my story.

There isn't going to be a story. Well,
now, that's obvious, but what am I

supposed to write?

Space scientist admits he can't dance
the bossa nova.

Maybe he can't dance the bossa nova, but
he's 50 years ahead of his time.

Those notes are brilliant.

Well, now, just one second, Uncle
Martin.

He is wrong about Mars. Now, you tell
me, what is so brilliant about being

wrong?

Tim, sometimes we have to be wrong
before we can be right.

It was because Columbus was wrong that
he discovered this continent.

He thought he was sailing to India.

If you're going to call Jennings a
fraud, you've got to call Columbus a

too. And what about Angela? Now, if we
don't expose Professor Jennings, she's

going to be left holding the bag.

Angela's in no trouble.

She's rewriting her report. So she walks
around for the rest of her life

thinking that you're a dope.

I'll have to risk that.

This man's ego is shaky enough as it is.

I refuse to break the spirit of a
scientific genius just to pamper my own

personal vanity.

Well, there goes my exclusive.

Well, that's the way the planet
plummets.

I hope you don't feel too disappointed.

No. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of
relieved.

You know, that little guy was awfully
sweet.

And you know something?

What? He's not as much of a failure as
he thinks.

He makes very good chicken soup.

Yoo -hoo! Anybody home?

I am.

Oh, Martin, did you hear the news?

Tell him, Angela. I got an A in science.

The highest mark in the class.

Oh, you rewrote your report?

No, Professor Jennings rewrote his
theory. He now says it's possible there

life on Mars.

Very intelligent life, too. Wow.

It's in today's paper.

Well, I haven't seen the paper yet.

Hi, everybody.

Tim. Angela tells me that Jennings
revised his theory.

There's a story about it in today's
paper. Did you read it? I wrote it.

Professor Jennings called me and gave me
an exclusive interview.

Well, you never mentioned anything about
it to me. Well, you already ruined one

interview. I wasn't taking any more
chances.

I wonder what made him change his mind.

Well, it's all in there. Something about
Paulie's exclusion principle.

And you know what?

Miss Weaver apologized to me in front of
the whole class.

That's a pleasant surprise.

Oh, Martin, it doesn't come as any
surprise to me.

You and I knew we were right all along.

Isn't that sweet?

Angela sent me a tie for helping her
with her report.

Well, as I once said to William
Shakespeare, all's well that ends well.

What's all that?

Well, I dropped in to see Professor
Jennings this afternoon, and he let me

borrow some of his equipment.

What for?

Now, wait a second, wait a second. I
haven't finished all the directions yet.

Oh.

Tim.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm
almost through, almost, almost.

But... Wait, wait, please, please,
please, please.

That's the worst chicken soup I have
ever tasted.

Professor Jennings wants to give me the
wrong ingredients.

Well, you've learned a lesson, my boy.

A scientist is willing to share his
secrets with the world.

But a chef won't share his recipe with
anyone.