Original subtitles

Yes, Mr. Burns.

Yes, I understand, Mr. Burns.

Right,

boss, right.

Mr. Burns, I understand that. Trimble's department store.

You want me to review the educational display.

Space exhibit.

Tim!

Right, right. Now, the minute I hang up this telephone, I'm on my way right out

that door.

Right.

Right, Mr. Burns.

Right, bye -bye.

Tim!

He's got to stop that yelling.

A man can't be in two places at the same time.

Keeps me up all night.

Wants me to play nursemaid to him all day.

Anyway. Tim!

Got to stop that yelling.

After all, I'm... I'm just a simple human being.

That's right.

I am a human being.

Tim!

Coming!

Uncle Martin, I'd appreciate it... I would appreciate it if during my illness

you would keep your snide remarks to yourself.

Well, I was. I can't help it if you were listening in.

Well, drink your tea.

I was not listening.

When I'm sick, I lose all of my superior faculties.

Look, I can't even levitate an ashtray.

Is this stuff hot?

It is scalding.

See? See what I mean? I'm insensitive.

You certainly are. You don't care that I'm in trouble with the newspaper.

You know, you don't even care that they've pushed me off on a third -rate

assignment. You know what they've done? They have made me a critic on a

children's display at Trimble's department store.

Sick, Tim.

Really.

If your earth virus should get in my antennas... Which reminds me, you know,

what happens if somebody sees those things out? Now, why don't you just push

them back in, huh?

I can't push them back.

They hurt.

Uncle Martin, all you have is a simple common cold.

All?

Common?

Simple?

Don't you realize I'm not the common man? I'm a Martian, and my system's not

prepared for this.

Shoo! Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin!

Will you kindly stop poking me in my... Shoo!

Now, are you satisfied?

Not only is Earth a terrible place to visit, but I sure as heaven shouldn't be

living here.

Shoo!

Uncle Martin, please, please.

It's all right, Tim.

Point it round.

Go.

Go. Only hurry back.

Yeah.

I will, Uncle Martin.

I'll be back just as soon as I can.

That isn't a margin.

It isn't? No.

I'm afraid that my boss must have made some kind of a mistake because you don't

want me to review this display. You want me to... Oh, it's not me. Oh, hi.

It's Mr.

Trimble. It's he who... Well, you see, he buys a lot of advertising from your

newspaper and he doesn't want it to look like filler.

He wants a review.

Oh. Oh, well...

This is an aircraft.

A spacecraft.

Oh?

Well, where are the inverters?

The what?

Well, you see, you can't enter the Earth's atmosphere unless you recharge

electrical system.

You can't.

Look, miss, I don't profess to be an expert in outer space, but I have made a

study of it for personal reasons. Now, if you honestly want this display to

appear authentic, legitimate, educational...

Uh, it's, uh, Venusian?

A life on Venus.

Well, it's not like that at all.

It isn't?

No, you see, people on other planets are far more advanced than we are. I mean,

their intelligence is phenomenal.

Their abilities far surpass... Well, look, you see, we Earth people only use

small percentage of our brain power.

Now, if this Venusian... Hello there.

You must be the young critic from the sun.

The Sun, that's my paper. Read it every morning over coffee.

I'm Mr. Trimble.

Tim O 'Hara.

I can't say I ever recall seeing your name.

Well, I'm not a regular critic, sir. I'm mostly a newspaper man.

Good, good. Like when they send a boy to do a man's job.

Gives it a fresh slant, a lift.

That's my paper, The Sun.

What do you think of our magnificent display?

Magnificent, isn't it?

I have a title for it.

Trimble's Tremendous Tribute.

To tomorrow.

Mr. Trimble. Shush, my dear. I want to hear what the young man has to say.

Well, sir. And don't let the fact that I'm Mr. Trimble himself influence you.

you find our display magnificent, be not ashamed to call it so.

Mr. Trimble.

Well, sir, I will say that your display is a magnificent contribution to

customer culture.

I like that. I like the way you talk.

And that's not the way I talk, sir. That's what's printed on the little

you give people as they come in this door. Now I know I like it.

We're awfully proud of you, my dear.

Miss Trimble, my daughter.

Don't be ashamed, my dear.

Nepotism can be a beautiful thing.

Just as hard work and honest, gutsy writing can be.

I want you to pull out all the stops, son.

Don't be afraid to pour the accolades on her. Just because she's Gloria Trimble,

my daughter, no one here can deny her her due.

Lay it on her, son.

Tell them we took her out of lingerie and put her into space.

You what?

Listen to Daddy, dear. Never hide your basket under a bushel. Bushel under a

basket. My daughter's a genius.

If you want to keep my good faith, show me yours.

Remember, the sun is my paper. Make me proud over my morning coffee.

Bushel under a basket.

Where were we?

What?

Oh, I think I've got the story. Thank you very much.

Uncle Morton.

antiquity of boiling water.

If only I had a Fahrenheit rod.

Who is it?

It's me, Mrs. Brown.

Tim told me you were sick and he asked me to make you some cream of chicken

soup. He said he'd pick it up, but he hasn't come back, so I thought I'd bring

it to you before it got cold.

Hot chicken soup.

Now, don't open the door too wide, Martin. You don't want to get in the

Martin!

Martin, you should lock your front door. You know, the wind blows it open.

Martin. Use plenty of salt.

Say, would you like some honey? It's very soothing.

I'll get you some.

It's very good for the nasal.

I'll just put a lid on the soup and keep it.

Evaporating milk?

I don't use evaporating milk.

It couldn't have been that hot.

Evaporating chickens?

I'll be right back, Martin.

Hello? Pharmacy?

The prescription department.

Hello, this is Dr. DuBow.

Has that O 'Hara order left yet?

Well, please hurry.

There's a sick man in the house.

Oh, Tim, wait a minute, Tim.

I have some more cream of chicken soup, a brand new batch.

This time I made it thicker. You know, the last batch evaporated. Evaporated. I

was talking to your Uncle Martin, and he was... Evaporated.

He was in the bathroom gargling.

Are you all right?

I think you're coming down with this cold.

I'd better make another batch of soup.

O 'Hara residence?

Matter of life and death? What?

I got a delivery here for a Martin O 'Hara.

That'll be $4 .82, COD.

Oh, my money's upstairs. Well, I'll take care of it. You take the soup up to

Martin. Wait here. Yeah, wait here.

Uncle Martin?

I'm taking a turn for the worse.

I keep coming and going.

I'm getting dizzy.

What's that you got there?

Oh,

creamy chicken soup.

What happened with you and Mrs. Brown? She didn't see you, did you? Because she

just said that... Will you please stop worrying about what Mrs. Brown said?

These towels are getting cold.

I ordered some pills.

How long do you think they'll... Oh, yeah, they just arrived. Mrs. Brown's

to bring them up in just a second. Good.

If I've estimated my temperature correctly, it's over 102.

You know, your earth thermometers don't record us Martians to our nth degree.

Yoo -hoo! It's Mrs. Brown!

In the bedroom, quick!

Will you stop pushing a poor sick man? Your antennas!

Make believe I'm a reindeer.

Where's your Uncle Martin?

Oh, well, he's in the bedroom, gargling.

Oh, I forgot his honey.

Well, we'll just give him his pills, and then I'll get the honey.

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

What was that?

Oh,

nothing. I just... Don't point at him.

You have a cold, too.

Down the hatch.

That's a good boy.

Now, you see that he takes his pills, and I'll be right back.

take much more of this, Tim.

I'm a very sick man.

What kind of pills did you order?

Extra heavy, heavy sleeping pills.

Hello?

Oh, oh, yeah. Hello, Mr. Burns.

Yes. Yes, Tim is... Oh, yes, he's... He's busy working on the story right

Oh, yes, he understands.

This is his last chance.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. After being a critic in a children's department, the next step is

Uh -huh.

Right. Immediately.

The story will be down there within the hour.

At least you could have said goodnight.

Notes. Notes. He must have left notes.

The things that this boy has me do for him.

One -eyed Venusians.

Fish -mouthed Martians.

Tim! Martin!

Oh, we're busy, Mrs. Brown.

Both of us. We're gargling.

All right.

I'll leave the honey on the doorstep. But get it before the bees do.

We will.

Buzz a buzz.

Fish -mouthed Martians.

The trouble with you, Tim, is...

That you don't fight back.

I remember when I was with General Custer. What was it he said?

Charge.

Give me my son.

My son!

My son, the newspaper!

No, you're kidding, Mr. Burns.

Mr. Trimble said that?

And he said that?

Oh, you've got to be... I mean, I know you haven't got a sense of humor, but

you've got to be kidding.

You're not kidding.

I feel 100 % better, Tim. That was my trouble. I had to be grounded.

What did you write in my column?

Be careful, Tim. I've got it on medium dark. That's as much as I can take.

Now, what did you write in my column?

Mr. Burns was pleased, huh?

No, he was delighted.

Ah, the things I do for you.

That's right.

If I don't get Mr. Trimble to accept my apology and my printed retraction, I'm

going to be fired.

With me at your side and your typewriter.

Fired. Fired. F -I -R -E -D.

Which gives me an idea.

Fried. F -R -I -E -D.

Now, how'd you like to pop up well done on both sides?

Jim, be careful.

You'll get me electrocuted. Well, that's the idea, killer.

Here, help me get out of these things.

Uncle Martin, who asked you to write my column anyhow? Now, why did you have to

go and stick your big nose in everything?

You were asleep.

Out on your feet, literally.

Yes, but why did you...

Did you copy my notes?

I corrected them. To what?

The truth.

Tim, you can't sanction absurdities like one -eyed Venusians and fish -mouthed

Martians. Look at me, Tim.

Do I have a fish mouth?

Well, I have a hook in the closet. Let's try it and see what happens. Tim, I may

get you the Pulitzer Prize.

You know, I was with Joe Pulitzer the day he decided to give out the prizes.

As a matter of fact, I was the one who suggested it.

Tim, where is your courage?

Where is your strong heart?

I remember when I was with Pasteur, when he was bugged with his microbes.

And Georgie Washington, when we crossed the Delaware. Believe me, it was cold.

My antennas froze.

Tim, all great men have known hard times.

Uncle Martin, I don't want to be a great man.

I just want to be a simple reporter on the sun.

And would you sell yourself out for this?

Tim, would you have really written a soft review, accepted and perpetrated

hogwash, let the children of this nation be deceived in believing something that

isn't true?

Uncle Martin, it's easy for you to talk. You've been here all day, just plugged

in, nice and cozy and happy, and just worrying about yourself.

I'm worrying about you.

You should be, because if Mr. Trimble won't accept my apologies, I'm through.

There are more important things.

That's right, there are. And they all go hand in hand with finding a job and

paying the rent and paying the grocery bills.

And principles, convictions.

How much do they cost him?

What are you willing to spend on them?

Uncle Martin, you just don't understand.

No.

You don't understand.

Look. If I can't convince Trimble that he said... That's it. You have it.

Convince Trimble. Oh, sure. Just walk into his office.

What?

Convince Mr. Trimble. You're a bright boy, Tim. You've got the facts.

You've got the truth.

Never let anyone take that away from you, Tim.

The truth.

That's all any of us ever really have.

Uncle Martin?

That sneeze was intentional, Tim. On the house.

I'm going with you.

Just make sure he doesn't open any windows and keeps the air conditioning

If I sneeze in his office, we're both in a lot of trouble.

Unless I intend to pucker up like a fish.

Well, don't stand there staring, Tim.

Put on your clothes and your convictions.

Don't worry, I won't be seen.

And you're going to be heard.

Well?

Um, well, sir, I feel I should be... Your apology, that's what you're here

young man.

And to read your retraction.

Uh, yes, sir. My retraction. Well, uh, there is no retraction. Do you know what

you're saying?

No, sir.

Uh, yes, sir. There's no sense getting excited.

Now, this is truth and honesty time. Can't we open a window? It's awfully

in here.

Dad! No, no, sir! No, no, no. Don't open that window because, uh, well, I have

an allergy.

To air conditioning?

What's that got to do with opening the window?

Oh, well, um...

The test, yes, it's the test. You see, they're not sure exactly what it is that

I'm allergic to, so we don't want to open the window and let all those things

here, do we?

Sir. Now, sir, I feel that the facts and figures show... The facts are in my

display and the figures are in your paycheck.

Now, do you apologize or do you want me to get you fired?

I apologize.

I don't apologize because I don't feel I'm wrong.

Good for you. Well, thank you very much. Now, sir, I have no intention of

assaulting either you or your daughter.

Well, I wasn't insulting.

No, sir!

No, don't have her, please.

He's mad.

He's gone mad.

Why is he pointing at me?

Because you're an impossible bully and a tyrant.

I wouldn't wonder that you've driven this brave young man clear out of his

I? I? He insulted the name of Trimble.

No, you insulted the name of Trimble. You put me in charge of a display that I

knew nothing about.

I belong in lingerie, not in an outer space exhibit.

Do you know who you're talking to, Gloria?

My father, you got carried away and called your ridiculous exhibit Trimble's

Tremendous Tribute to Tomorrow.

You embarrassed me, and you're still doing it.

Gloria.

I'm sorry, Father, but Mr. O 'Hara has courage in his convictions, and he's

given me mine.

You were wrong.

We were wrong.

He is right.

Young man.

I like a fighter.

I admire a man who believes.

And I like a daughter who's like a son.

Who makes me proud.

I'm going to call your boss, Mr. Burns, and tell him that we straightened out

our problems.

That he should provide medical expenses to take care of that allergy.

Seems to have gotten into your finger.

To you, my dear, my son, the daughter, it's back in lingerie where you belong.

And don't worry about a thing, Tim. Don't worry about anything.

Even if it became terrible.

regarding Tim O 'Hara.

After further consideration, it has occurred to me to request you double

salary. Added to my advertising budget, we'll never miss it.

And my highest compliments to you on having such a courageous young man on

staff. If ever you have to recommend someone for the Pulitzer Prize, I

that you recommend him.

Initial this and send it out right away.

can a Martian get.

Tim, who's the lucky lady this evening?

Miss Gloria Trimble.

Well, she's after your money, Tim.

Now that you've gotten a pay raise, you've got to be careful of women. Yeah,

come on, Uncle Martin. Let me go. Will you please? I'm going to be late.

Shall I wait up for you? No, I don't think so. We're going to go stargazing

tonight. Oh?

Mm -hmm. Seems I'm an expert on the subject.

Good night.

Good night, Uncle Martin.

Oh, uh, by the way, this isn't tech.

Thank you.