All language subtitles for My Dead Ex s01e08 Youre The Parasitic Flatworm I Want To Be With

Nailed it.

Good morning, lover.

Good morning, Charlotte.

Thank you, darling.

So, what's on Ben's breakfast menu
today?

Sort of a south of the border mood this
morning. Maybe a chili and chorizo

scramble? Come on, Mom. We don't need
Ben to cook for us. We are strong,

independent women.

We can cook for ourselves.

Mm -hmm.

You know those pears are decorative,
right?

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Okay. Where is Ben, anyway? I thought
you guys always had to be together.

So did I.

So what happened?

Nothing. It's not really anything worth
talking about, Mom.

Just know that he's not really going to
be around anymore.

My God, honey.

I am so happy for you.

Thanks, Mom.

Ben's great and all, but if your life
were a road, that kid with a downed

line blocking your way, now that he's
cleared, we can concentrate on your

future.

I will miss his cooking, though.

That's okay.

That's why God invented Postmates.

You know, I feel good.

I feel better than good. I feel
invincible.

I feel indestructible.

I feel incredible. I feel all the ables.

Good for you.

Remember that time freshman year we were
walking to school and we took that

shortcut through the alleyway and a
naked homeless man with a neck goiter

out and started screaming about how he
could taste electricity and then he

antifreeze everywhere?

Yeah.

Well, that's how I feel.

I'm sorry, Ren.

What's that?

It's the address of the woman who sold
Ben the necklaces.

I'm sure he slipped it in my locker
after the dance.

Aren't you going to check it out?

What would be the point?

What do you mean?

To get some closure would be the point.
Don't you want to know why all this is

happening to you?

Happened, not happening, because it's
over. Ben lied to me about wanting to be

near me, and now he's not near me.

What more closure can I need?

I can't believe you. Sure, Ben is a
grade -A doofbag for lying to you, but

can't deny the fact that you two have a
special connection with each other.

Love is a beautiful yet delicate thing.

Like Ryan Gosling's face.

And you're taking that face, you're
putting it up to the curb, and you're

stomping on that face.

Your curb's stomping Ryan Gosling's
face, Charles.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

I think this whole Bethany thing's got
my head all screwy.

I just need to find a quiet place and
watch some cat videos.

I'll see you at lunch.

Actually, I have a lunch date with Luke.

Looks like you're finally getting
everything you ever wanted.

You bitch.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean that. You know that,
right?

You enjoying your food?

Yeah. No, I love hot dogs.

Yeah, well, it's impossible to get a
reservation here. But I know a guy who

knows a guy.

And the ambiance.

It's almost too classy.

You know?

Sorry. I, uh... I bet this isn't how you
imagined our first date would go.

Oh, no, I... No, I just... I like
sitting here with you.

Do you want my grapes? I'm done eating.

Oh, no thanks. I don't do fruit, so... I
feel like I barely know you, Charlie.

Tell me something about yourself.

Um, I was born here in Northeater Hills.
I, um, I'm sorry.

Uh, did you just say you don't do fruit?

I did.

Huh.

Okay, yeah. No, that's what I thought
you said.

Um, so I was born... Wait, okay, I don't
mean to fixate on this.

What does that mean exactly?

I know, it's weird.

My whole family gives me such a hard
time about it, but I hate all fruit.

But, you know, I just watched you crush,
like, a hot dog covered in sauerkraut.

But, like, fruit is where you draw the
line?

It's a texture thing.

But there's so many kinds of fruit. You
don't like any of them?

Nope.

Strawberry?

Uh -uh.

Blueberry? No.

Kiwi? No. Are you just going to keep
listing fruit? Bananas?

No.

Cherries? No.

Papaya? I never really tried it,
actually, but I would guess no.

Because, again, I hate all fruit.

That's not like a deal -breaker or
anything, is it? What? No.

No. You don't do fruit.

And I do do all kinds of fruit.

It would be pretty shallow of me to let
that bother me.

For realsies.

For realsies.

Good.

So, like, not even tomatoes?

Oh, no.

Tomatoes are my least favorite. So
gross.

Right.

No. It's not a deal -breaker at all.

And once the parasitic flatworm come
into contact with the human being, they

deposit larvae into the human skin,
typically through a hair follicle.

The larvae then make their way to the
heart, and once there, will pair off

a parasitic flatworm of the opposite
sex, a monogamous relationship that will

last their entire lifespan.

From the heart, the...

Flatworms will both travel down, down,
down to the intestines where they will

both feed off the host's blood and
produce hundreds of eggs every day. Yes,

Ms. Albright.

What is the pairing process like?

Uh, I don't know what you mean.

I mean, what if there are two equally
viable male parasitic flatworms and the

female parasitic flatworm is just having
a really tough time deciding who she

wants to be with?

Uh, I don't... And then say she does
choose one.

Then, like...

She's just hanging out in the
intestines, and it just occurs to her

maybe she chose the wrong one.

Like, what if the male parasitic
flatworm she chose isn't the male

flatworm she thought he was?

I get it. I get it. It's not his fault.

It's, like, totally not fair to, like,
think this male parasitic flatworm could

live up to this idealized version of
what a male parasitic flatworm is in her

head, but... I mean, it's crazy to not
like tomatoes.

What, you're telling me you don't like
BLTs?

BLTs are, like... The most delicious
sandwich there is.

What?

I need to go.

Oh. Well, we're in the middle of class,
so where are you going?

To get some closure.

All right.

Well, you're still going to need a hall
pass for that.

Charlie?

Yeah? Mr. Barnheiser?

I've actually got to go get some
closure, too.

Shut up, Mason.

Hey, Charlotte.

Is Ren okay?

Not really, Bethany. No.

You know it's not my fault, right?

I don't want to hurt her. It's just if
my family found out that I was... It's

not my fault.

Do you like Ren?

Yeah. Okay, does anyone get hurt by you
being with Ren?

No. Okay, then who gives a shit what
anyone else thinks?

you drive away you're back out on the
road

Um, hello.

I'm looking for Madame Fortuna.

Jasper, what are you doing?

You're scaring the poor girl half to
death, you creepy little man.

Come on, get back to your chair.

Sorry about him.

Sometimes we forget to have the faith
made for the nightmares of children.

Oh, no, it's okay.

What can I do for you, dear?

I'm looking for a woman named Madame
Fortuna.

You've come to the right place.

Can I talk to her? You already are.

That's me. I'm Madame Fortuna.

Oh, but please, call me Mildred.

Oh, wow, sorry.

Based on Ben's description, I just
thought you'd be older.

Well, I guess to a ten -year -old boy,
all adults seem old.

That is true.

Wait, um, you remember Ben? Of course.

And you must be Charlotte.

Charlotte Albright.

Right?

Oh, please, I'm not psychic. I saw you
two in the news.

Oh. Right.

Honestly, I'm surprised it took you so
long to come and talk to me.

I was expecting you weeks ago.

Yeah, unfortunately we ran into some
complications trying to find you. Why?

You could have just Googled me.

I can't imagine there are too many
Fortunas in this town.

Right.

Not really sure why we didn't think of
that.

You want to know about the necklaces I
sold to Ben, I'm sure.

Yeah. I'm just kind of curious of how
they work, exactly.

They're intended with a very powerful,
very strong soul -binding spell.

It's called Ragosta Aeternum, which is a
Romanian for everlasting love.

Its purpose is to ensure that two lovers
stay in the corporeal form.

As long as one lover is alive, both will
be.

So is there a way to take off the
necklaces without hurting Ben?

Oh, no. Once Ben died and you put a
necklace on, it was like a switch.

The spell turned on.

And once the spell is on, the necklace
isn't coming off.

But seriously, I can't believe you two
were running around with ozone without

even knowing how to work.

You're responsible.

Um, do you know what's irresponsible?

Selling a very old, very powerful, magic
enchanted necklace to a ten -year -old

boy? Well, I had no choice. I had to
sell it to him.

Why?

Because once Ben walked into my shop, I
knew it.

We shared the same destiny.

The same destiny? What does that mean?

Oh, my God.

Hey,

Ren.

Quick question.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how important
would you say liking fruit is to

What the hell are you talking about?

I was born in Romania, Jen.

After World War II.

In the late 50s, my family immigrated to
the small village in Wales.

That's where I met this old lump.

I fell in love with him instantly.

It was his sense of humor that did it
for me.

Jasper was one of the funniest, silliest
people I have ever met.

He still is.

Uh -huh, yeah.

Funny and silly are definitely the words
I would use to describe him.

Right before my 30th birthday, I
contracted tuberculosis.

Well, you can probably tell from my
appearance I didn't exactly recover.

After I came back from the dead, people
weren't too accepting of my condition.

We were forced to move around a lot.

But about 15 years ago, we decided it's
time for us to settle down here.

So you don't age then?

It's one of the perks of the
enchantments.

What'll happen when Jasper dies?

Well, the spell will break and I will
pass too.

I've made peace with that.

Is that the only way to break the spell?

Well, that and being apart for an
extended period of time.

But I'm sure you've figured that out by
now.

Wait, the distance rule is real? Of
course it is.

Speaking of which, you shouldn't be away
from Ben for this long. An hour or two

is fine, but more than that and you're
in trouble.

When you say you're in trouble, what do
you mean by that exactly?

Well, it depends how long it's been.

Why?

How long you've been apart from each
other?

Two days?

I don't know.

This isn't good.

Um, when you say this isn't good, what
do you mean exactly?

I don't know.

I just... How do I get Charlie to like
me?

Boys. Look, you can't get Charlie to
like you, Luke.

It's up to her.

Huh. Speak of the devil.

What's up, Doobie?

Charles, calm down.

We're gonna find him, okay? Just tell me
what you need me to do.

Hey, what did the front office say?

Ben hasn't been in his classes all day.
Did you get in touch with his mom?

She hasn't seen him since Friday.

Any luck?

No, but we've put out an APB with Ben's
description.

Any of my boys see a male, 17,
Caucasian, undead, they'll let me know.

We have to find him soon. His body is
deteriorating as we speak. It could be

late already.

Ren, can I talk to you?

Bethany, hey, it's really not a good
time right now. No, I need to do this

I have to get something off my chest,
and if I wait, I'm not sure I'm going to

be able to work up the nerve again.

I'm gay.

Wow, I have never said that out loud
before.

I'm gay.

I'm a gay person with a gay body and a
gay head and gay hair and gay legs and

gay feet and gay shoes.

But I get the gist. I'm proud of you.
That's a really hard thing to admit.

I really like you. And I know our views
politically don't really align. I mean,

like, I actually care about the country
and you live in a little liberal fantasy

land.

Who cares about that stuff anyway?

You have made me feel things I have
never felt before.

I'm gay and I like you, Ren Perkin.

Well, I'm gay and I like you, Bethany
Fowler.

And I don't mean to take away from this
moment we're having, but we're kind of

in the middle of something.

Oh, um, hey, I'm Bethany.

Hey, congrats. Hi, Bethany. Yeah, that
was powerful stuff. Really brave. Took a

lot of guts.

Oh, thank you.

What's going on here?

So Ben is in a lot of trouble and we
need to find him right now. But I

as soon as we're done, we'll find a
private place and talk, okay?

Wait, private place, private place. I
know where he is.

Where are you going?

Find Ben. Can I go? Sure.

We're within 30 feet of each other. Why
are the necklaces not healing him?

Honestly, I'm surprised he lasted this
long.

He's a strong kid.

What's going to happen to him?

Once the spell fades away, so will Ben.

No, there's got to be something you can
do, like a spell that can bring him

back.

Kiss him.

What? Kiss him.

Eleanor's right. If this was a fairy
tale, a kiss from his one true love

bring him back to life.

Oh my God, yes.

That is a great idea.

You have to kiss him, Charlie.

For love.

That work?

My bad.

Damn it, I really thought that was going
to work.

How much longer did they have?

A little long.

Can I be alone with him?

Why me?

Like, why do you like me?

If you could just pick someone like...
Bev Futernik, you'd still be alive and I

wouldn't have to lose you.

Again.

God, that's such a Ben Blow move.

Like, dying twice.

You know, I always had this image in my
head.

I was always so clear. It was like an
Instagram.

It was just me standing there, and Luke
was next to me, and we were in a field

of flowers, and, like, there were all
these marshmallow, puffy clouds in the

sky, and there were just kittens
everywhere.

Just so many kittens.

Just too many kittens.

Really.

But I...

I think of this image when I was
driving, lying in bed, when I was

the hall, and it would just, it would
always make me feel good.

You know, like this idea of a perfect
life.

But, I mean, something felt really off.
It just felt like this beautifully

wrapped gift was just empty inside, and
I didn't know why.

And then I realized what it was today
when I was sitting in class and I was

listening to Mr. Barnheiser talk about
parasitic flatworms.

And I realized that, you know, that
image, it wasn't right because you

in it.

Because you're the parasitic flatworm I
want to be with.

The hell are you talking about?

What happened?

Um, it's, it's a, it's a really long
story, but I can give you like a cliff

notes version.

You know, I left you at the school
dance, and then life went back to normal

a few days. But, like, it didn't,
because I was just pretending. And then

to lunch with Luke, and he told me that
he didn't like fruit. And then I went

and I found Madame Fortuna, and she's
dead, like you. And the distance rule is

real, she told me, because you lied. And
then I came up here, and you were in

full -blown zombie mode. And Eleanor
told me if I kissed you that maybe you'd

come back, and you didn't.

And then I talked about intestinal
parasites.

And you came back.

Oh.

Okay.

Wait. Did you just say that you kissed
me and I missed it?

God damn it, that is so...

That

was nice.

Are you okay?

Are you not saying anything?

Because you think it's going to be
stupid and you're going to ruin the

Okay.

You know, I'm not sure what's more
surprising. The fact that Madame Fortuna

dead? Luke doesn't like fruit.

I know. It's like a texture thing.

Even tomatoes?

Even tomatoes.

That's insanity.

BLTs are like the best sandwiches ever
made. I know. That's exactly what I

So what's next?

Well, I don't know. I think a BLT sounds
pretty good.

I meant, like,

what's next with Gus?

Oh.

Um, I don't... I don't really know,
honestly.

Um, but I don't really care. All I care
about is just sitting here with you

right now.

I mean, we have the rest of our lives to
think about the rest of our lives.

So I just, I want to...

Enjoy this moment here with you just
right now.

Okay?

Okay.

It's all.

If I could stop this now, just put
myself out and find another

way to change your life.