All language subtitles for My Dead Ex s01e04 Swivel and Smile

And we tried finding this old woman who
sold Ben the necklaces, but it was kind

of a dead end, so we really just tried
to take it day by day.

What does it feel like to be dead?

I don't really feel anything.

Really? Not even this?

No.

Always wanted to do that. You have a
very punchable face, Ben. No offense.

None taken. I've heard that before. So,
Ren, do you have any questions about

anything?

No, I get it. Ben was brought back to
life because of some magical necklaces

enchanted with a love spell, and now you
have to stay within 30 feet of each

other or Ben gets hurt.

Wow. You're taking this surprisingly
well.

Oh, please. I can't turn on my computer
without reading about terrorist threats

or global warming or police brutality or
a potential nuclear war and a doofwad

president. So, excuse me if one nerd
rising from the grave doesn't really

my mind.

That's an excellent point.

Mind if I... Go to town?

You want in on this?

No. I'm good. Thanks.

Goddamn, that feels good.

Are you okay?

Can't believe you don't draw anymore.

You're so good.

Just because I don't draw anymore
doesn't mean I'm not, like, artistic. I

channel it in other ways, like through
my Instagram.

Mornings are the worst.

Hashtag no filter.

Hashtag no makeup.

But that's a lie.

You literally just spent the past half
hour putting on makeup.

Are you kidding?

Have you been on the internet? It is all
fact -bending or misinformation.

Like, do you really think there's a guy
out there called DJ Khaled?

No. It's just a fictional persona
carefully cultivated by marketing

to sell Nike sneakers.

Open your eyes, Ben.

Wait, so if DJ Khaled's not real, then
who'd they get to play him?

Nobody really knows. Some people think
he's just like an actor plucked from

obscurity, and some people don't even
think he's a person. It's just like a

computer -generated image.

Fascinating. Charlie, wait up.

I thought it was Luke.

Just disguise your voice, okay?

Hey, Luke.

Hey, Charlie.

Hi. I'm Luke.

You're, um, Crad, right? Charlie's
cousin?

Yeah, that's me.

Barson. Crad Barson.

Pleasure to meet you, boss.

All right, likewise.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, Charlie, I was wondering if you had
any time to talk after school today.

It's about homecoming.

Homecoming. Cool.

Cool. Yeah. No, I actually have a really
busy schedule this afternoon, but I

will squeeze you in.

What are you talking about?

We have the same schedule. I don't know
of any after school plans.

No, we do.

Definitely. But I can work it out.

Great. So, what are they?

Why don't we talk about this later?

Like, we don't have to, like, bore Luke
with, like, plans for all this.

Just, if we have plans, you need to let
me know.

Plans are supposed to be planned. That's
why they're called plans. Brad!

Later. Okay.

Is that for school?

Yeah. No, yeah, sounds good. I, um, I
should get going anyway. I have a

preschool student council meeting.

You're on the student council for a
preschool?

No, no, no, I don't. I mean, preschool
as in before school, you know.

I mean, it'd be weird if I was student
body vice president of a preschool.

That'd be so weird.

So weird.

All right. Well, now that we know how
weird that is, why don't you go to that

meeting?

Right.

I'll catch you after eighth period,
Charlie.

I wonder what he wants to talk to us
about.

I like your shoes.

Thanks. I got them. That was sarcasm.

Of course it was.

Charles. Dead boy. Dead boy? That's a
strange nickname for someone who's so

alive. So, so alive.

You've been hanging out with this doof
for the past three days?

Has it been three days?

God, it's been three weeks.

Actually, can you give us 30 feet? We're
going to have a private conversation.

For what?

No, you're right. You should definitely
stay here.

Serena got my period, and I am flowing.

Luke came up to me today, and he asked
to talk after school, and I think he's

going to ask me to homecoming.

Wait, Luke came up to you this morning
to tell you he wanted to talk after

school about homecoming?

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

Nothing, it's just, why didn't he ask
you this morning?

I don't know, because... Maybe you
didn't want to ask me when Ben was

next to me?

Okay, so what are you going to do when
Ben is standing next to you after

I mean, you guys, like, can't be apart
or whatever.

That's actually what I was going to talk
to you about. I need a little favor.

Could you maybe kind of sort of
possibly, like, just distract Ben for 30

after school?

You want me to spend an entire half hour
with Ben?

That's maybe kind of... Sort of,
possibly not really a little favor at

really desperate. Just, I will do
anything.

Anything?

No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Do you want my
help or not?

Fine.

You're not doing the swivel. Let me do
the swivel, Charles.

Yeah, there it is.

I don't see you smiling.

It's really funny, guys.

It's really humiliating. Thank you.
Well, if you didn't want me to blackmail

into dancing with Charleston, you never
should have learned to dance with

Charleston.

Okay, you can stop.

No.

Oh, I need ten bucks.

It's not for me. It's to help with
babysitting Ben. I think I only have

Did I just see you dancing with
Charleston?

My cramp.

Oh, my God.

Being a woman.

Ugh.

Do you need to talk about something
else?

Nope. It's just, every time I'm away
from Ben, it feels like a little

I never want it to end.

I'm chilling on the sofa.

I don't want to yoga.

I don't want to life right now.

I

need

it back in an hour.

No problem.

The caterpillar spends most of his time
eating leaves to grow big and strong as

he prepares his body for the next step,
the transformation into a pupa, or

chrysalis. The name chrysalis comes from
the Greek word for gold because of the

yellow hue of its shiny protective
shell.

Do you know how long this stage lasts?

Well, it can vary greatly depending on
the species.

Charlie.

Charlie, why are you staring at me like
that?

That's a long time to be wrapped in a
cocoon, but the wait can be worth it if

the caterpillar blossoms into a
beautiful butterfly just like this one.

One of nature's most beautiful wonders.

Come on, Charlie. You've been ignoring
me all day. I don't get what the big

is. You don't get what the big deal is.
You posted a photo on my Instagram

without my permission.

That's like an offense punishable by
death in some state.

You're getting tons of life.

More than your usual shots of cupcakes
and latte foam hearts.

Are you making fun of my Instagram?

No. No, I would never.

I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm just trying to
help.

Well, you're not, okay? I shouldn't have
to tell you that. Like, I don't want to

put my artwork on my social media
account. Why not?

Because it's, like, off -brand.

Off -brand?

What does that mean?

Like, not the image I'm trying to sell.

Image you're trying to sell?

Charlie, you're not DJ Khaled. You're a
real person.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I'll go this way. You stay here.

Okay, sir. Please, I'm trying to get...
No, no!

What's up?

Rin, open the door.

Not going to happen, my undead friend.

Might as well make yourself comfortable.
It's going to be a little bit.

What's going to be a little bit?

Why am I here? I don't understand.

Calm down, okay?

Charlie just needs some alone time.

If you're worried about the distance, I
measured it out. You're well within 30

feet.

What the hell is going on here?

I'm about to get lifted, son.

Hey. I was thinking we could go sit
somewhere in the quad.

No, I'm good.

I'm okay.

I just thought it'd be nice to be
outside.

It's such a nice day out.

It really is, isn't it?

But no.

I'm good. I love this bench.

Really? I'm not sure I've ever seen you
sitting on it before.

Weird, because I am. I'm always sitting
on this bench. I'm just always...

Here, sitting on this bench.

Okay.

Is your cousin around?

I mean, it seems like you guys are
always together, like you're attached to

hip or something.

Definitely feels that way sometimes.

But no, I don't know where he is right
now.

Ben, run.

Ben and run, run and Ben.

Our names rhyme.

Wait, how do you say your name again?

Is it Ben or Bean?

Because if it's Bean, our names don't
rhyme at all.

Can I ask you something, Bean?

What?

Something I've been wanting to ask you
for a while now.

What the hell's your problem?

Whoa.

No, I'm serious.

It's just so obvious Charlie isn't into
you, but you don't give up.

Why?

I don't know.

I mean... I thought about giving up,
but...

Then I think about, you know, something
she said or did or... I see her face

and... I just get re -energized, like a
thousand volts to the chest.

So I guess to answer your question, what
the hell is my problem?

Charlie Albright's my problem.

She's with Luke right now, isn't she?

That's why you guys locked me in here.

I hope he doesn't smile.

I can't compete with that smile. It's so
freaking magnetic.

No, don't be embarrassed.

Like, honestly, the Charleston's the
most adorable dance known to man.

You should teach me how to do it
sometime.

Oh, God, I can't believe someone posted
that video.

The internet is not my friend today.

What do you mean?

I accidentally posted the wrong photo to
Instagram this morning. The drawing?

You didn't mean to post that? Why?

It's amazing.

You like it?

Of course.

I had no idea you were so artistic.

That's actually why I wanted to talk to
you. Student Council's having a really

hard time nailing down a theme for
Homecoming.

We just can't seem to agree on anything.

Would you maybe want to sketch out some
ideas and pitch them to the student

council?

Wow, that's really flattering, but I
don't really draw anymore.

You don't?

Oh.

That's a shame.

I feel like you totally would have
knocked it out of the park.

I don't know. Maybe I could sketch a
couple ideas.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

That'd be great. That'd be amazing. It
doesn't have to be anything too crazy.

Some rough sketches or whatever you do,
I'm sure, will be perfect.

Wait, is that what you wanted to talk to
me about? Just to see if I could come

up with a theme for Homecoming?

Yeah.

What did you think I wanted to talk to
you about?

Nothing. Nothing.

At all.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I
need your advice.

On what?

Okay.

So, like, I've tried everything with
Bethany Fowler.

I've ignored her, I've degraded her,
I've made fun of her hair and clothes,

catcalled her in the halls, and she's
just giving me nothing.

Is she playing hard to get?

Hmm.

It's possible, but let me ask you this.

Have you ever tried being nice to her?

Being nice to her?

Yeah, some people are weird. They like
when you're friendly to them.

Huh.

I never thought about going the nice
route.

Can I give you some advice now?

How do I get Charlie to like me?

You can't get Charlie to like you, Ben.

Up to her.

Jesus, man, your whole game plan with
Charlie is just so aggressive.

You've got to calm down.

But I was told if you love someone,
you've got to fight for them.

Who told you that?

Dr. Love.

Don't you love?

Who the hell... No.

No, just... No, that's terrible advice.
The worst.

I mean, love isn't something you have to
fight for. It's not a... What's that

thing in wrestling?

You know, the belt thing?

The wrestling belt thing that you get
when you win?

A wrestling belt?

Yes. Thank you.

Love isn't like a wrestling belt.

Okay, so what do I do?

You don't do anything.

Stop meddling with Charlie's life. Mind
your own business and chill.

I don't meddle with her life.

Oh, yeah? Look around you. I mean, she
had to lock you in a room to get one

moment away from you.

Okay, so... So I gotta... I gotta chill.

Yeah, bro.

Chill.

Do you mind if I...

Not gonna work, right?

Dead people don't get high.

I know.

Never smoked with a dead dude before.

Ben and Ren.

Ren and Ben.

Ren and... and Bean?

Wait.

How do you say my name?

Sounds good. Good.

Well, we got to move fast because
homecoming is like right around the

So could you have something by the end
of the week?

Yeah, I can make it work.

Perfect.

Um, you walking this way or?

No, I think I'm just going to stay here
a little longer.

Wow.

Really do love that bench.

All right. Um, well, I'll see you later
then.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

I'm not high. You're high.

What? What?

What did you do to him?

I just mellowed him out.

Yeah. And you know what?

I was wrong.

He is not like dog shit on a shoe at
all.

He's more like contact dermatitis.

Annoying, but manageable with the proper
ointment.

Oh, my God, Wren.

That's the nicest thing that you've ever
said to me.

I don't think this conversation is over,
because it's not.

Still mad.

You can't just mess with my life like
that.

You're right. No, I'm sick and... What?

I said you're right about everything.

I'm sorry. It's your life, and it's not
mine to meddle with.

You're saying that because you're high.

No, no, I'm not. I mean, yes, I'm high.
So, so high.

But I mean what I'm saying.

I'm sorry for posting that picture.

I know I can be annoying, but whenever I
think about you, I get so nervous, and

then I get all loud and awkward and
everything like that.

But you're always loud and awkward and
everything like that.

Well, I think about you a lot.

Wait, why aren't you saying anything?

Charlie, can you hear me right now?

Am I talking? Charlie, can you hear the
words I am saying?

Can you hear me? Yes, Ben. Relax. I can
hear you. Oh, thank God.

I'm not a drug guy. Like, at all.

Maybe you need to eat. Food will help.

Oh, I love food. I forgot that that was
a thing.

Oh, man.

Out of all the things that I already
eat, food is definitely my top three.

Okay, and can we make sure that we have
fresh bagels for tomorrow's meeting?

No more day olds, Heather.

And stop with the vegan cream cheese.

You have a better chance of finding
Bigfoot than a vegan Republican.

Can I help you with something?

Bethany, I just wanted to say that you
look really pretty today.

Is that sarcasm again?

No, I'm serious.

You look really pretty, and I wanted you
to know that.

Thank you, I guess.

You're welcome, I guess.

You're not getting anything?

I am. Water.

Boring.

Actually, it has a high pH.

8 .4. A lot of pH. So, as far as water
goes, it's very interesting.

Okay, well, throw your super
interesting, non -boring pH water on up

on me.

1169.

Crap. I don't have my wallet. Mind
covering this one?

Give me the register.

Now.

Where do you think you're going?

Nowhere. Nowhere. I don't know.

Where do you want me?

Shut up and hand me your wallet. Whoa,
whoa. You can't talk to her like that.

What did you say to me, bro?

Nothing. Nothing. Just maybe be a little
nicer is all.

Why don't you mind your own goddamn
business?

I've been getting that a lot lately.

Someone much wiser than me gave me some
advice today.

She said, you need to chill.

I think you could learn a lot from that.

Dude, please. I just got this shirt.
You're getting holes all over it.

Who the hell are you?

Just a guy who'd appreciate if you
stopped shooting him.

Hey,

Diablo. Aldi, honestly.

You think the devil is a kid rocking a
$16 haircut?

I mean, $21 if I go for the shampoo,
but... Oh, please. Wow, this is so

counterproductive. Violence is not the
answer.

Oh, really?

Wait, is that a... Hey!

Nice work.

Are you kidding me?

Come on.

I couldn't have done that without you.

It's a team effort thing here.

Are you guys done yet?

Did you get everything out you needed to
get out?

Screw this.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. You were so brave for
getting in front of me like that.

Are you kidding me?

Bullets can't stop me.

Yeah, but you didn't know that when you
did that.

Sir,

um, sir, everything you just saw, I get
it.

It's, like, it's scary.

It's really weird. But, um, let's just
imagine if everyone in the world found

out about this, right?

People would panic because people don't
really understand things that scare

them.

Right? So, just, I'm begging you, one
person to another, like, can we just

this whole thing maybe, like, to
ourselves?

I mean, look, he's just a kid.

Just, just, just like going through some
stuff, you know?

It's not hurting anyone.

Okay?

Okay.

Dead. He's dead. The world needs to know
about this. Zombies are real.

Zombies are real.