All language subtitles for My Dead Ex s01e03 Quien Diablos es Ben Bloom

Charlie, check out your pancakes.

They look great, Ben.

It's you and me.

See, I even undercooked mine to give it
that dead look.

Eat us, Charlie.

Consume our fluffy and delicious bodies
so that we may ascend to breakfast

heaven and be reunited with our pancake
brethren.

Ben, stop.

Okay? I had to deal with your
undeadiness all over again. I didn't

to do any of my homework.

So sorry my tragic and untimely death
got in the way of your haiku

Is that really a class in our school?

Oh, you would not believe the day I had
yesterday.

37 people came to see the split level on
Crestwood. You know how many offers we

got? El Vilcho.

It's a nice house, too.

Brand new fixtures, great location,
hardwood floors.

But the minute the words double homicide
come out of my mouth, everyone just

shuts down. I swear I'm losing my edge.
Five years ago, I would have been able

to sell a murder house like that.

Morning, Ben.

What? Is something wrong, Mom?

It's going to sound really weird.

But with Benjamin Bloom just standing in
our kitchen dressed in your father's

pajamas...

Uh, no.

Mom, Beckham's dead.

Remember?

I had to lower the dosage on my Ambien.

Making me see things.

This is ridiculous.

Let's just skip school and go see a
movie or something.

I don't skip school, Ben, okay? And as
long as you have to be within 30 feet of

me, neither do you.

Just steer clear of people who might
recognize you. That's gonna be hard.

I'm friends with a lot of people.

We haven't even talked about how this is
gonna work.

You know, they're not just gonna let me
waltz in and, you know, join your

classes. I have a plan, so don't worry
about that. You just need to come up

a name.

Like what?

I don't know, something simple that
won't draw attention to you. Like, I

know, Todd?

No, gross.

Todd's the name of a guy who doesn't use
soap when he washes his hands. He only

puts them under for a second.

Okay. Lyle.

No. Lyle sounds like someone who spends
his free time updating Wikipedia pages.

Max.

No.

Max sounds like someone who built houses
for Habitat for Humanity, and now he

won't shut up about how enlightening the
whole experience was, even though he

only did it for, like, one weekend.

Okay. You need to pick something.

Hmm.

How about...

Brad Carson.

Brad Carson?

Where did that come from?

I don't know. I don't know. It just came
to me.

Hi, I'm Brad Carson.

Hey, Brad Carson here.

Oh, please, Mr. Carson's my father. Call
me Brad.

Okay, Brad Carson it is.

Where'd you get this thing anyway?

My John Snow wig from Halloween last
year.

You were John Snow for Halloween?

I should not be as turned on as I am
right now.

I'm sorry about that.

That was uncomfortable for both of us.

Celebration of the life of Ben Majin
Bloom.

Why'd they choose that photo? Why
couldn't they use my class picture?

Maybe they thought it'd be, you know,
impersonal, so they used the only photo

online they could find.

Okay, well, we're definitely going.

What, you think that's a good idea?

Why wouldn't it be?

Kind of like looking at comments on a
YouTube video you posted. Like, you

know what people are going to say, so
you might as well just avoid it

I want to see how much I've impacted
everyone's lives.

Maybe there'd be a marching band.

Or fireworks.

Yeah, maybe.

Luke, that scumbag. I'm going to kick
his ass.

Stop. No, Ben.

Why not? At least let me throw a rock at
him or poke him with something.

Better yet, I'm going to fill up a glass
of toilet water.

And then I'll be like, hey, man, you
thirsty? Want a glass of water? And

be like, oh, this water tastes funny.
And I'll say, yeah, that's because it's

toilet water. And he'll be like, no.

And I'll go, that's what you get for
hitting on Charlie at my wake.

And then I'll throw a rock at him.

You can't do that.

Why not?

Do I really need to explain to you why
it's wrong to trick someone into

toilet water? Charlie, he betrayed me.
No, he betrayed Ben Bloom. And you're

Ben Bloom today, remember? You are. Who
are you?

Brad Carson.

Sorry. Uh, who are you?

Brad Carson. That's right.

Look, you're wearing the cool new
clothes I picked out for you. You're

badass tan. You got hair situation.

It's... Brad Carson's looking cool.

Yeah? You think so?

I do.

Charlie, look, I want to help you out,
but I want and I can are two very

different things.

I never got your name.

Hi, I'm Crad Barson.

Sorry,

did you just say Crad Barson?

That's what I said, yeah. That's my
name.

I asked your name and you said Crad
Barson.

Sorry,

Crad, is that short for something?

Crad, but yeah, Crad is what they call
me.

Regardless, I can't just clap my hands
and admit Cradley Barson here to our

school. I would need proof of residency,
inoculation records, transcripts, test

scores, not to mention discipline and
attendance records from his previous

school.

That's a bummer.

I really didn't want to go as plan B.

Plan B? What is plan B?

Uploading this to my Instagram, to my 1
,346 followers.

Just so they can see where you get your
groceries.

You can't. You can't do that.

It's Principal Kelly.

I really want to help you, but I want
and I can't are two very different

Here's your schedule, student ID, and a
map of the campus in case you get lost.

Welcome to Reseda Hills High, Cradley
Barson.

I thought that went well. Yeah, you were
great in there.

One bit of criticism, though. Always
welcome.

All right, so when you're talking to
other students, maybe don't say things

like, wow, everything here is so
different. I'm a new student. Wow, so

different. But I was inhabiting the
character of Crowley Barson.

Okay, he's really never been here
before. I know. It just comes off a

suspicious. What do you want me to say?

Nothing.

Interesting. Interesting. So you see
Crowley like the quiet, cool type.

Exactly. Well, then criticism received.

Oh, one sec. I gotta go to the restroom.
Okay, just hurry up.

I will. And don't run off now.

Because we always have to be within 30
feet of each other. I know, Ben. How

could I ever forget?

Charles!

Hey, Ren.

Hey. What are you doing all over there?
Come here.

Oh, you want me to come over?

Yeah, okay.

to you.

Missed you at the quad this morning.

Yeah, I had a thing.

A thing?

Huh. Does that thing have anything to do
with the guy I saw you with earlier?

What guy?

That hipster looking dude.

You know, the guy who just came out of
the bathroom over there and he's

pretending like he's not watching us
right now.

Yeah. Yeah, that guy. That is my cousin.

Brad Barson.

Did you say Brad Barson?

Yeah, I did.

Family name.

Barson. Lots.

Barson.

Are you doing okay, Charles?

Yeah. No, yeah, I'm great. I'm better
than great, actually. Fine. Why?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you're
acting hot shit insane right now?

Does this have anything to do with Ben?
What?

No. Ben died.

Ben died. He's never coming back. I
know, but we never got a chance to talk

about it.

I mean, like, really talk about it.

You know you can tell me about anything,
right?

I'm here for you.

Unless you need to cry.

And it's probably better I don't do
that. I'm not good with crying.

Thanks, friend. That's really sweet.

I'm fine. I promise.

Gotta go.

Bye. I'll talk to you later. Okay.

Remember what we discussed. Just shut
your face. I know. I remember. You're

going to hear a word from me. I promise.
Buenos días, clase.

Buenos días, señora Delgado.

Ay, veo que tenemos un nuevo estudiante.

Por favor, levántate y dinos tu nombre.

¿Hablas español?

Sí. Bueno, entonces, levántate y dinos
tu nombre.

Yeah?

Oh, I'm sorry. My translation was
probably a little bit off.

I was just saying how sorry I was for
the tragedy that happened over the

weekend. You all must be very sad.

No, I understood you, bro. I just don't
know what tragedy you're talking about.

The kid that died?

Ben Bloom.

¿Estudiantes?

¿Español?

El niño que murió, Ben Bloom.

¿Quién?

Lo siento, señora Delgado.

¿Cómo se dice, who the hell is Ben
Bloom?

¿Quién diablos es Ben Bloom?

Sí, muchas gracias.

Are you guys

kidding me?

You really don't know who Ben Bloom is?

He was literally in his class. He sat
right over there in that empty seat.

Uh, pretty sure that seat's always been
empty, bro.

You're Charlie Albright's friend.

Ren, right?

I'm... Luke Sullivan, vice president of
student council, the quarterback for the

Reseda Hills Ravens. You like hip -hop,
horror movies, escape rooms, and

Twizzlers, which is totally loco because
everyone knows it's Red Vines or Die.

Um, how do you know so much stuff about
me?

I'm in love with you, Luke, and I've
been in love with you since the moment I

laid eyes on you.

What?

Kidding, bro.

How do I know all that stuff with
Charlie?

Charlie talks about me?

Oh, my God, man.

Did the guy who built you program you to
do anything besides ask questions?

Sorry.

One more question.

What is it?

Do you know anything about that guy
Charlie's been hanging around today?

Brad Varson?

What? Her cousin.

Her cousin.

That's a relief.

I was starting to think it was her new
boyfriend.

Charlie's never mentioned having
cousins. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't

any aunts or uncles.

Well, maybe she does, but she's just
embarrassed by them. You know, like a

pervert uncle everyone pretends doesn't
exist.

Every family has one.

Or three.

Right. Sorry.

If you see Charlie, tell her I say hi.

You think once you die, you're going to
leave this giant U -shaped void in the

world, but truth is, nobody cares.

The world just keeps on spinning.

We're just dust in the wind.

You're born alone.

You die alone. Oh, my God, stop.

Stop what?

Just, like, everything.

All of it. Just, like, all of it. Just
stop being so you.

You're just, you're bendness. You're
just concentrated all of, all of your

bendness into this little laser beam,
and you're just, like. shooting it into

head, and I can't take it.

Okay, well, that stings.

Sorry. Okay.

I'm sorry. It's just been, like, a
really stressful day, and I think we

need some quiet time.

And we don't want to give Ms. Matheson a
heart attack.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe that's the answer.

What's the answer?

I'm gonna stop being me.

Ben Bloom is dead.

It's Krad's turn to shine.

He's not going to be a pushover like Ben
was.

People are going to remember Krad after
he dies.

Did you just... You did it again.

That's rude.

Let's see how you like it.

You can't... You can't shush me.

What? You're the shush police?

You're going to throw me in your shush
jail? I'll shush wherever I want to

shush.

You can't tase me. I'm a student.

You're a librarian.

Hard time.

I can't believe I got written up for
causing a disturbance.

I've never been written up for anything
in my life.

It felt good.

I don't want to lose this momentum.

Let's go do more bad stuff.

Knock over some trash cans or jaywalk.

Take all the leftover roast beef from
the Arby's dumpster and throw it off an

overpass. What are you talking about?

I don't know.

It's my first day being a bad boy.

I don't really know what to do.

Let's just get out of here.

No, you were the one who wanted to come
to this.

Yeah, that was before I realized how
much of a nothing I was.

If you were the one who died, these
bleachers would be overflowing with

students. Look, it hasn't even started
yet, okay? More people will come. It

can't be everyone. Well, it looks like
this is everyone.

Let's get this started.

You know, the thing I think I remember
most about, uh, Ben...

It was just how much energy he had,
right?

Kid was like a fidget spinner with legs.

Fidget spinners, by the way, remain
prohibited as God is my witness.

Do not test me.

But Ben, though, right? I mean... Oh, I
found out while purging his file that

Ben and I actually shared the same
middle name.

Michael. So that's pretty interesting.

I guess, statistically speaking, Michael
is the most common middle name for men

in this country. So, super interesting.

I would guess not all of you knew that.

All right, so I'm going to open it up in
case anybody else has anything to

share.

Anybody?

I can get up and say something.

I don't want your pity.

Let's just go.

Yeah, uh, hello?

I'm Wallace.

A janitor.

You all know me as the guy you pass in
the hallway and never make eye contact

with.

I just want to say... I hate you all.

Everyone here.

I just hate you so... so much.

But I hate it been the least.

Because he was the only one of you
little shit birds who treated me like a

being.

A couple years back,

I was suffering from a pretty serious
addiction.

I was a fan of Katy Perry's music.

Couldn't get enough of this stuff.

Got so bad I even convinced myself
Peacock was a good song.

Luckily, Ben recognized my symptoms.

He treated me with a couple of his
Spotify playlists, introduced me to

like Joy Division, Tears for Fears,
Depeche Mode.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this.

Ben Bloom saved my life.

Ben was always so caring.

When he found out that I volunteered at
the Center for Blind Children, he asked

me if he could come and put on a magic
show for the kids.

I pointed out that they're blind and
probably wouldn't appreciate something

visual.

But Ben insisted on doing it anyway.

You know what?

They loved it.

I'm Luke Sullivan.

I'm not sure I have much else to say.

Everyone covered how kind and caring and
generous he was.

I guess... I guess I can only add that
Ben had this

level of confidence.

I have no idea where it came from.

It's like he knew exactly who he was.

He was... He was Ben.

He didn't care what anyone else thought
about him.

I was always so jealous of that.

You didn't have to do that.

Come on, you know I would have been
happy to make the cake. Oh, don't be a

doofwad. You can't make your own
memorial cake.

Okay, tell me how I did.

Charlie,

this

is without a doubt the greatest cake
I've ever had in my entire life. Wait,

really?

That's horrible.

It's not that bad.

Um, is that... Is that chili powder I'm
tasting?

Oh, God, I thought that was cinnamon.

Ben! Ben, stop eating it! Ben!

No, no, I deserve this.

That's what I get for acting such a
jerk.

Okay, that is too harsh of a punishment,
but you weren't a jerk.

Cradley Barson was the jerk.

Well, then, on behalf of myself and
Cradley Barson, we're sorry for today.

And... We were wrong about Luke.

He's not a scumbag. Turns out he's just
jealous of me and how attractive I am.

I'm not sure that's what he meant.

Really? That's what I got from it.

Look, regardless, it was a great
memorial.

It was.

Yeah.

I'm sorry there wasn't a marching band.

But... I think I can help you with the
other thing you wanted.

Man, I forgot how serious your mom takes
the Fourth of July.

Oh yeah, Laurel Ebright does not mess
around when it comes to fireworks.

She always gets the mega value pack and
we just never get through the whole

thing.

Ready? Let's do it.

Is that... Yeah.

So he's not... No.

Oh.

He just doesn't give up, does he?

That I...