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Hey, man, you got the 20 bucks you owe me?
You see this international teacher prize they're offering? If I say yes, will
you just let it go? It's the most coveted teaching award in the world.
teacher just won a million dollars.
A million?
Well, that's a lot of money. I think I should apply for this. That's what I'm
saying.
Absolutely, because this is right up your alley. All she did was help a
Arctic community overcome harsh conditions and lack of opportunity.
I coach hockey. I'm in a rink all day, freezing cold.
And she gets isolation pay. I don't get isolation pay.
Same thing. And she created a life skills program specifically at teen
they could help reduce the gender gap.
Hey, that's not even a thing.
Yeah, that's what all the women are saying.
I let girls play sports.
You know, you're both heroes.
If I win, when I win, I can quit teaching.
Your heart's in the right place, Jerry.
Oh. But if you get out of this racket, how are you going to win this prize next
year? I never thought of that.
Won't quit.
It'd be good to have an extra million on my salary. I should get an extra
million. Then you can give me the 20 bucks you owe me.
Look at this.
First of all, she's a liar because she starts off saying, I have always loved
working with kids.
No, you haven't.
Maybe the people giving you this award aren't teachers, but the teachers know
you're pulling you know what.
I'm awesome.
No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.
I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride.
Well, well.
Look who's here.
It isn't the infamous Jerry Duncan.
What's the matter, Jerry? You don't got a team to ruin tonight?
What are you doing here, Coach Myers?
What, I can't have a libation from time to time? They don't serve libation here.
What's that in your hand?
It's a drink, idiot.
I like your spirit, Jerry.
You're really going to sit beside me when there's like seven empty stools
there? Let's show the etiquette. Leave a stool between people.
Do you?
Can I get a scotch and eat? No, good luck getting a scotch here, pal. Because
man Bill here is going to be on my side. And this is my house. You don't get
served in my house.
Cheers.
What are you doing?
My job, Jerry.
That's smooth.
Girls, soccer's starting up, and honestly, Jerry, I wish you were
because our first game is against Xavier, and I would love to win by
disqualification.
Well, newsflash, I am coaching. No, you're not. Yeah, I'm coaching. They're
letting you coach. Yeah, they are, okay? Then we're going to kick your butt.
Kicker, do you know how many championships I've won?
Eleven. I'd ask how many you've won, but I don't want to embarrass you.
You know what your team does?
Your team suck.
No, they won't suck when I coach.
Hilarious. Because when I look at you, you know what I see, Duncan?
A loser.
A loser.
A loser.
See you on the pitch.
Goodbye.
You gonna pay for that?
Why would I pay for it? It was your friend.
How was that my friend? You guys were hanging out.
You belittled me, and I was getting sad.
Seemed pretty funny.
All right, thanks, Dave. I'll take it from here.
What are you talking about, Jerry?
I'm coaching senior girl soccer now.
I'm coaching senior girl soccer.
Well, there must be some misunderstanding.
Why don't we split the difference and we will co -coach? You see, that's a good
idea. They exactly have the best track record.
The hockey thing?
Yeah. It's just an asterisk.
An otherwise blemish -free coaching career for this guy. Here they go. Let's
what we got.
Let's go, girls.
It goes, girls.
Okay. Who is that?
Top shelf.
Booyah! Goal!
Who is that?
Tanya, that's our best player. We are going to beat Central.
What's wrong with the rest of them?
Why are they no more Tanya? Why are they all so bad?
They need some work, but as long as they're having fun.
Okay, girls, come on in here, please.
Oh, no. Girls, come on in.
Okay, sorry I missed tryouts, but I am here to coach with my assistant, Mr.
Tira. Bashara.
I don't think that's how you say it. We have a big game this week against
Central. Whatever you've learned from Mr.
Bashara. Yeah.
Forget it. From here on out, everyone gives the ball to Tanya. It's Tanya.
Tanya, Tanya. Who cares? Stop worrying about names, pronunciation.
We'll pass the ball to Tanya, Tanya. Every time. Wait, but coach.
What? What if I get a breakaway?
Stop.
Wait for Tanya. Give her the ball. Get out of the way. If some of you can't
the game this week, that's cool.
Okay, go back. Practice giving the ball to Tanya.
Are you sure that's the right move? Yeah.
Okay, have I ever steered you wrong?
The only time you steered me anywhere was very, very wrong.
Stop talking, because you're talking a lot.
Really?
She's right there.
Wow, this is... Yeah, good.
Give it to Tanya.
Tanya, try to get it near her.
Yeah, I'm Tanya. Hi, I'm Tanya.
Tanya, take the ball from them. Go take it. Push her. Push her hard and take the
ball and go score.
I have a lot to figure out right now because Coach Myers is going to love
he sees this and can't win with one player.
Mrs. Harrison, what can I do for you? As you know, transcripts for university
applications go out tomorrow and it appears my little Jasper is a tad shy on
GPA.
That is a shame. Now, I've already tried talking to some of his teachers about
giving him that itty -bitty little boost, but no one's budging.
You know, teacher, they can be real ticklers for those grades.
Which is why I'm coming to you as a concerned mother, hoping that maybe you
could give us that little boost. That is not how I do my job.
It can be our little secret.
This is very inappropriate.
Quite frankly, I am offended that you think a man of my principles would just
tamper with a student's grades like that. Please see yourself out.
What's
it
going to take to make you see things my way?
Morning. Hi, Bobby.
Did you sleep in your car last night, Lisa?
No. I was meditating.
Because you've got, like, a little bit of drool in your mouth there.
Okay, you know what, Bobby?
I don't have time for this right now, okay? We have a car wash happening as a
fundraiser, and we need to staff cars out of the parking lot this week.
Lisa, you've had five PTA car washes this month, and your point is?
Well, A, it's raining, and B, all the cars are super clean now. Bobby,
get it done.
It's been recently brought to my attention that one of the senior
you all teach is in the process of transitioning. So I'd like to discuss
sensitive matter with you all.
That's why you brought us here? To say that? If I may, Jerry, transitioning is
the process of changing your gender identity. It's a big deal.
I know what transitioning is, Trudy, and I know it takes a lot of guts.
All I'm saying is I don't think we needed a special meeting for it. It's
big deal if you make it a big deal.
Look at you being all sensitive.
Thank you. Could this be the beginning of a new and improved Jerry?
Moving on. I can't stress enough how important it is that all of us create an
environment for this student that's supportive and judgment -free. Get your
message here, Paul. I have my own transitioning to do right now. I've got
take a bad soccer team and make them into a good soccer team, and that's not
going to be easy.
There he is.
We're not done yet, Jerry. Once again, I want to ensure the students feel safe
here.
Who's the student? Are they going from boy to girl or girl to boy? We'll talk
about that in a minute, Jerry.
Hey, think what I'm thinking? I'd be disappointed in myself if I was.
This could be our ace.
Oh, boy to girl, please.
Boy to girl, do this.
Boy to girl, please, come on.
Come on, here we go.
So let's all make sure that Oliver is comfortable.
as he embarks on his journey to becoming Olivia.
Hallelujah! That's it. I did not see that coming. I wasn't thinking at first,
and then as you started talking, that's it.
The times, they are changing.
Okay, I gotta go. That's great information. Thank you.
Olivia! Too bad we couldn't transition him into the next town.
Who the hell are you?
Dave. New economics teacher.
When did you start here?
A few months ago. Heard all about you. I didn't.
Olivia, just the gal I'm looking for.
Hey, Mr. Duncan, what's up? Well, I heard you were going through a
so I have an interesting proposition for you to come play for the girls' soccer
team. I appreciate the offer, but I haven't played since I was a kid, and
honestly, I wasn't the best.
So you played. So you were a male athlete, but now you're a female
That's great.
Sorry? Not the best as a boy is exceptional as a girl.
Isn't that sexist, sir? No, it's science. As Oliver, you are a four -male
athlete. As Olivia, you're an automatic eight -female athlete.
Sir. You have the inherent skills of a man trapped inside the body of a woman.
don't know. There might be some holes in your theory.
It's airtight. Trust me. I'm just not interested.
Really? Sorry. Okay.
Well, uh, don't think of it as an invitation to play soccer. Think of it
invitation to join a sisterhood.
And play soccer and beat Central, but mostly about the future. I've got to
again.
Lisa?
Hi. Oh, hi, Mr. Malick. I, uh... Stupid man.
I spilled coffee on my shirt.
But you are completely naked.
And I could still smell it on my skin.
So I thought, why not take a full shower while I'm at it? Seems like overkill to
me. It seems to me like I'm still missing that detailed inventory of all
cleaning products that I asked for.
You better be using All Natural or I'm going to be forced to take further
action. But All Natural are no match for vile filth spewed by the students. No
more excuses, Malik. Just get me that list. Or as PTA president.
I will be forced to file a formal complaint.
I do not like that woman.
But my God, does she have smooth alabaster skin.
Okay, for the game we need more hearts.
Hello.
I have a little surprise for you. I'd like you to meet Olivia, your new
teammate, who is going to be joining the team effective immediately.
Big hand for Olivia.
Give her a welcome.
Watch your girl. How come Steve didn't have to try out like the rest of us did?
How we make our selections has nothing to do with you.
That's actually a really good question. Okay, stop.
You're not helping.
Olivia here brings a distinct competitive advantage that none of you
So she's a tremendous asset to the team, so that's why she's on the team. I
don't know about that.
May I also add how brave I think this young woman standing next to me is
she has taken the first step to become who she really is. We should all be
very... Honored to have her on the team.
We should all look up to Olivia.
She's proof that if you have the strength, the courage, and the grit, you
can live your truth.
What I'm saying is you can now pass to Tanya or Olivia, our hero. Any game,
two options.
I just improved our chances of winning.
Let's go.
Go get them. Go.
Let's scrimmage.
Olivia!
No, back!
Stop! Stop! She's down! Give it to Tanya! Give it to Tanya!
Quickly. Nice.
Okay, Olivia's open.
All right, go, Olivia.
Come on, Olivia.
Go, Olivia.
Come on, Olivia. Come on, Olivia.
Go. What are you shooting? Do you have a breakaway? Are you kidding me? What's
wrong with her?
Play like a girl.
You're right, Olivia.
What was that? You kicked the ball from center.
It's my asthma.
You said you weren't great at soccer, but you didn't mention asthma, and you
didn't mention you were horrible at soccer.
Okay, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
That was wrong.
We got the wrong trance.
We got the wrong trance. Mrs. Harrison, wait up.
We meet again.
I just wanted to say I had a rapturously good time last night. I was thinking
maybe we could grab a drink, a couple of gimlets to wet the whistle.
Let me be crystal clear, Frank.
You are a disgusting pig. And the only reason I defaced myself is for my son's
future, which...
Just goes to show that there is literally nothing that I wouldn't do for
But now that the transcript's been sent in, you are never to approach me again,
you jaundiced freak.
Let's go, Jesse.
What was that all about?
Oh, nothing.
Because I already left.
And I don't really love you anyway, either. Hello?
Oh.
Well, isn't this cozy?
Trouble in paradise?
Everything is great. I have a husband, I'm rich, and everything is great and
it's perfect.
That's why they call it paradise.
Are you sure everything's perfect? Because it seems like you're kind of
bit of a hard time.
I'm great.
Hey, there's the ex -mom I was just looking for. Hey, I overheard that my
dumping you. That means we're not going to be related anymore.
If you're game, I'm down to clown.
Excuse me.
Who's a little perv?
You are. If you're feeling imprisoned in a body that feels wrong for you, just
know that we at Xavier Academy support you, all the staff, especially me, and
especially the girls' soccer team.
All right?
So just to summarize, if you're on the boys' team right now, if the senior
soccer team feels wrong to you, Come on over to the girls' soccer team.
We will welcome you with open arms.
Any questions?
Sir, what are you talking about? What am I talking about?
Hmm, John, you have a half scholarship to UCLA next year. Is that right?
Yeah. How would you like that to be a full scholarship?
I'd love that. Come on over to the girls' soccer team, and it's guaranteed.
You just got to be true to yourself, and you got to really feel like a woman. I
don't feel like a woman, sir. You don't have to tell me now.
You take your time, you think about it. It's a big decision, John.
But I do need to know by 3 o 'clock, okay? All right, there's the call. Hey,
John.
It's over, Lisa.
Excuse me? God damn it. We all know you have a one -way ticket to Divorce Town,
and that runaway train's never coming back.
Wrong way on a one -way track.
Seems you should be getting somewhere, but somehow...
You're neither here nor there. What is coming out of your mouth?
I'm paraphrasing, but what it comes down to is we know you'll be stepping down
as PTA president, so I just wanted to thank you for your service.
I'm not going anywhere.
I might be headed for divorce town. These proceedings can easily take a
maybe two.
And until they're finalized, I'm still technically a step -parent.
And I am very committed to my role as PTA president. Because I literally have
nothing else going on in my
life. I know you're angry and I know you're upset. But what can we do?
to get you off our backs.
This won't take long.
I have good news and I have more, I guess what you'd call alternative news.
The good news is Lisa has agreed to step down as leader of the PTA.
Awesome. That's good news.
Right? Yeah. The more alternative news, I guess, is
that I...
Very, very recently created a position of second guidance counselor.
And Lisa is going to be rejoining the faculty and filling that position.
I'm back.
You weak, foolish man.
So welcome, Lisa.
Hey, slow down. Hey, have either of you heard from any of the senior boys soccer
players? What are you talking about?
Have any of them come to you talking about transitioning to becoming a girl
playing for the girls' soccer team? No, you idiot.
Not even John? John didn't come up to you? Deciding to change your gender
identity isn't like changing your socks, you fool.
I'm disappointing you, Jack.
Disappointing John.
Oh, hey, Tanya. Bad news.
No John.
First of all, Olivia's horrible.
You saw that.
Ex -nay on the Olivia plan.
It's back to Tanya. Gotta beat Central, that's for sure.
That's... Actually, what I wanted to talk to you about. What? I really
appreciate how open and accepting you've been toward Olivia.
Don't mention it.
Didn't get me very far, did it? Kind of backfired.
Hoisted on my own petard.
It got me thinking.
We do have to follow our truth.
What? Which is why, as of today, I'm following mine and starting my
to becoming a boy.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, how bad is that news?
Look, that speech wasn't for you. This is a big decision. Do you think you
should really be rushing this? This is actually something I've been thinking
about for years.
Can't you just stay for one more game? One more game against Central?
Coach, when you realize how you want to gender identify for the rest of your
life, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Oh, that was beautiful.
That was beautiful.
I guess I won't be doing this anymore.
What if I called you Tony? One game.
I called you Tony.
Why Tony?
Thought that was the name you might go?
No. What name are you going to go with?
And a worse luck.
It's a little unorthodox that a guidance counselor would pay me a visit like
this. You do understand that endorsing students is strictly frowned upon.
I'm not here to endorse a student.
Okay. One of your recent applicants, Jasper Harrison, accidentally received a
higher average than he should have had.
Unfortunately, there's not much we can do. We have to go by the documents that
we receive.
I thought you might say that.
What's it going to take to make you see things my way?
I am the victim here.
My body was used. It was used, I tell you.
No, don't get out of here.
Olivia didn't help. Yeah, I know. I saw the game. Olivia,
we lost Tanya.
That's not because of my speech. Tanya is living her truth. Good for her. Good
for her.
Your coach is a loser. Your coach is a loser. Your coach is a loser. Your coach
is a loser. Not you so much.
Wow.
8 -0.
My best player just went to live her truth, which I support. And my worst
didn't tell me the truth.
She was a boy.
Wow. A lot of reasons.
Seriously, though.
Um, you're a loser. Yeah, all right. You are.
Loser!
Hey, Jerry!
What? My victory dance.
Dance with me, Jerry!
Loser!
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