Original subtitles

I'm on my way from misery to happiness again.

I'm on my way from misery to happiness again.

I'm on my way to what I want from this world and just from now to make it to

the next world and everything that you receive of yonder is what you give.

To me, to me, I wonder.

I took a right, I took a right turn in yesterday.

I took a right, I took a right turn in yesterday.

I took the road that brought me to your hometown.

I took the box to speak that I could walk down. I walked the street to find

one I love.

I'm going to see you.

I'm going to see you.

They're my tearaways.

I'm awesome.

No you're not, dude. Don't lie.

I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my

life gone by.

I'm awesome.

Oh, I gotta get one of these.

See you later, Bobby.

Hey.

What's going on here, Jeremy?

Nice of you to show up to congratulate me, especially looking like that.

Excuse me. It would have been nice if you cleaned up before I moved in here.

Get out of my office.

No, no.

This is my office now.

I'm the head of phys ed.

No. You become head of phys ed when I go on maternity leave.

So just so I understand, you're still head of phys ed right now?

Yes. You got it. Okay. What does that make me? Incompetent! But I'm still

teaching phys ed, right?

Yeah, that's what the contracts have.

This is the greatest day of my life.

That's what this is.

That's the bell.

And I'm going to go to class, so you just put your stuff back. If I forget

it goes, we'll be good.

Hurry up and spit that thing out.

Great promotion.

Fifty copies of this, please. Can't you see that I'm busy here, Robert?

I can do it.

Really? Vice Principal, I've got to support the leader now, right?

Thank you, Vice Principal Dwyer. I guess that's true. I am the leader. And as

such, I plan on commandeering the ship straight to the top of the ocean.

Arf. Which means I won't have time for some of these smaller tasks.

Speaking of which, Alex was roughhousing in class.

Discipline was my forte as Vice Principal.

An honor I bequeath to you.

You got this.

No more roughhousing, all right?

Fine. Back to class.

See you guys.

That's a good kid.

Peace.

There they are. My sister camp counselors.

K -A -N -A -W -A -K.

Canawack girls forever.

Bracelets in.

We should probably get to class, Miss Corcoran. Oh, no. It's Nisha.

And what about our special Canawack camp counselor greeting that we do forever?

This is too weird.

Weird? We gotta go, Miss Corcoran.

It's Nisha and I have to go, too.

And it's not weird.

It's friendship.

Friends.

Welcome to the dawn of a new era in physical education.

The Xavier Academy.

That's my thing.

So, you're used to Miss Galka teaching you. Not anymore. I, Mr. D, am the new

full -time physical education teacher.

And I'll tell you this.

I'm fair.

I'm just.

All of you have a chance in this class.

Even you, Dwayne, who I know would rather be at his Dungeons and Dragons

meeting right now.

Actually, I'm into LARPing right now. Oh, he's into LARPing.

I have no idea what that is. But good for you. Sunita, I saw in the hall a

poster that you have started a... I'm trying to start a baking club.

Do you want to help me with that?

No, I do not. I look like I bake. Look, my point is, Sunita, Dwayne, work hard.

Try your best, and you have a chance to pass the course.

Sir, I had a 94 last year. You had a 94?

And I had a 96.

Was that the highest mark in the class, Anita?

No, Kyle beat me with a 98.

Kyle?

Kyle, you had a 98 in Ms. Kalkus' Zed class last year? Sure did, sir.

Kyle, come here, please.

This is your first teaching moment.

Okay.

Hold that, please.

It's pretty heavy.

Pretty what?

Pretty heavy. The ball's heavy? Yeah. Is it?

I want you to watch Kyle dribble the ball, 98 average, with both hands. Go

ahead.

Stop, stop. What was that?

He told me to dribble with both hands, sir.

So you all have 90s with Miss Galka last year? I got a 58 last year.

You're like the best athlete in the school, Lucas. You walk in this gym, you

an 85 already.

How do you have a 58? I'm not great at memorizing the dimensions of the field.

don't care if you can't memorize dimensions of a play area.

Aaliyah got a 61.

She always forgets her shirt.

Aaliyah? You got a 61?

Aaliyah, come here, please. Come on up here.

Can you dribble, please, with both hands? You missed 61 last year. Go

Look how she does it.

Stop. Thank you, Aaliyah.

From this point on, physical education is about athleticism.

VP in the house.

How's it all going anyway, Vice Principal?

This is great.

I mean, look at this chair.

The armrest is perfect, right? So you're comfortable in your new role, no

questions or anything?

I've never been more comfortable in my life. Look at this lumbar support.

Look at this posture.

Chair aside, can I offer a word of advice? Can I stay in the chair? Stay in

chair.

What's up? If there's one thing I learned in my tenure as Vice Principal,

kids can be monsters.

We got sweet kids here. If by sweet you mean evil and dead inside, then I would

agree. Come on, they're kind. They're considerate. Paul, from my experience,

you don't come down harder on the students than you did on Alex, you're

lose them. Like Alex? That was a little roughhousing.

I don't think it was that bad.

Well, if roughhousing isn't that bad, I don't even know what that good is

anymore. I guess when you lose your girlfriend at prison and your ex -wife

murder, your dogs are running away.

You gain perspective.

Powerful stuff.

Come down harder on the kids, okay?

Got it?

Hi. What do you want? What's with the whiteboard in phys ed class?

I'm teaching.

Can you crack that?

No, you don't scrimmage for basketball. You do all this.

Jerry, phys ed's not just about scrimmaging.

Yes, it is. How do you determine if they're good athletes or good in phys

use a five -mark system.

Punctuality. Discipline.

Effort.

accountability, and uniform.

It's easy.

So let me get this straight. If a kid comes in here, and he's dropping three

-pointers, but he's got black socks, and he's a little late... Then they're not

going to get great marks.

That's just stupid.

You're stupid.

No, Jim, not.

Parents need an even playing field so that there's no discrimination against

their kids' weaknesses.

Because that is the one class where we still can discriminate against their

weaknesses. What?

Good luck on your test, kids.

I just thought when I finally got to be in the gym teaching, I could do it my

way. What do you care? You're teaching gym.

That's what you wanted. I teach phys ed in the gym. We don't say you teach gyms.

And I don't want to do all these little stupid things Bobby thinks are

important. Well, if there's one thing I know about you, you've always been

unconstrained by curriculum.

Fair point.

Or common sense.

Thank you. No matter how bad it is for the kids, you do what you want.

I mean, I just have to look at a kid and I know if they have an A in phys ed if

they're a good athlete or a D if they're a bad athlete.

That's that careless simplicity that makes you you, man.

Time for a change.

Absolutely. I'm going to give phys ed back to the athletic kids.

I'm going to... Mmm, pega.

Mmm, pardon?

Make phys ed great again.

Mmm, pega.

Oh, that's terrible.

No, it's not. It's catchy.

This is a little exercise I like to call crucifixion arm strength.

Why would you call it crucifixion? Because you have to hold your arms up

Jesus did, obviously.

But Jesus didn't hold his arms up. They were nailed.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Not a good point. How is that a good point?

Are we trying to say you have stronger arm strength than Jesus? Because you

don't. Technically, we don't know how strong his arms were, you know, because

the nails.

Would you stop talking? That's not what this is about.

My arms are burning. Okay, yeah, okay. That's because you're weak, Judas.

Strength.

Jesus' strength.

Still doesn't make sense.

You know what else was hard, speaking of Jesus? Being Jesus was hard. And you

did a damn good job of it. Imagine having your birthday on Christmas.

excited. It's Christmas Day.

But it's your birthday.

Everywhere he went.

Merry Christmas, Jesus. How about happy birthday, Jesus?

No. He never got that. It was Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry

That's hard.

Take all the stuff you had with Ms. Golka and chuck it.

Because her five -mark system is done. Now we're going with my five -mark

system. And it's simple.

You get five marks for being great at something.

You get three if you're good. And you get zero if you suck at it.

Jesus will get five out of five.

Jesus was in this class. He'd get whatever he wants.

Because he's Jesus.

And I don't want to deal with his mom and dad coming in here saying, Do you

who that is? That's my son, Jesus.

Six out of five.

Mr. Christ, six out of five.

Nice job. Terrible.

Hey,

what is up with my girl crew?

What's up, squad?

Um, we're fine, Miss Corcoran. Cool.

Um, listen, I get it. And you girls were absolutely right.

Even though we were counselors together, we have got to keep this best

friendship under wraps for optic's sake, okay? Chicks are jealous.

Um, but we can still be besties privately.

No bracelets?

Yes, bracelets. I'm secretly wearing them in my pocket of my pants that have

stretch fabric.

Who cares?

So what is everybody up to tonight? What are we saying? What are we doing?

Miss Corcoran, we can't be besties with you anymore.

What? Why not?

Because you're our teacher.

Sure, we had the most insane time working together this summer, but we're

camp anymore.

Which means we probably shouldn't be hanging out or like...

Going to the Cane Walk Girls reunion together.

The reunion?

You didn't know.

Probably better that way.

Goodbye, Miss Corcoran.

Wait. You know what?

I don't need you.

I don't need any of you.

What am I doing?

It's forever.

Wait. Wait!

I do need you.

I miss you already.

Don't go.

Well, look who it is.

This is precisely what we talked about. If you're too soft on them, they will

reoffend. Note.

Hand. Now.

Oh, rough housing.

Remember what we talked about? You need to break up. Get in there. Excuse me? I

got this.

Stare down. It's a good opener.

Alex, listen up.

Fun.

Whatever. Great, thanks.

Now get out of here.

I'll teach you.

No, no, no. Hold the wedding. You listen to me and you listen good. If you're in

here for roughhousing again, I will show you a house that's really rough.

Do you understand?

Oh, you think this is funny, do you?

Huh. Let me tell you something. This is no joke.

My house of pain is open for business, and I would love to make you jump

Jump, jump, different bands, but you get the idea.

Do I make myself clear? Is that what you want?

Nothing. Didn't think so. Detention for a month. And

that's how you discipline.

Jerry, Kyle, Dwayne, and Sunita have been exceptional students for years.

Agreed? So what is it that I'm hearing about them suddenly being terrified of

failing?

Jim? Okay, phys ed. We call it phys ed, first of all. Whatever.

Look, the fact that those three had a 90 average with Bobby all these years is

ridiculous. Just a pure eye test shows they're going to fail. It's not how it

works in gym anymore.

You don't award marks based just on athletic ability.

Please stop calling it gym. It's disrespectful.

It's phys ed or physical education, thank you. And secondly, hey, Stefan,

here. A little experiment.

What's 11 times 12?

Uh, it's hard to do without a calculator.

Yeah. But I know it's going to be a big number. Yeah.

You see?

Giving those three a 90 in phys ed is like giving Stefan here a 90 in math,

because he tried or thought about the answer and his shirt was tucked in. I'll

take it. No, no, no.

Not the same thing, and you know it. It is. You don't get 90s in phys ed because

you tried to bounce a ball or you knew the weight of a ball. What are we

teaching these kids by doing that? Are we starting to reward inferiority?

Oh, speak of the devil. Hi, Sunita.

Um, excuse me, sir. I was wondering if you could tutor me in basketball.

Yeah, no, I don't tutor in phys ed. That's not... It's not a subject you get

tutoring. Isn't there?

Because what I'm hearing is a student asking for help in a course that you

them.

Okay, so then you're admitting that you need help in phys ed.

Yeah. I guess someone that needs help in physical education probably should

never have had a 96 in physical education, right?

Yeah. Yeah, because when it comes to basketball or any sport, you really

Garbage.

Okay, garbage is hard or harsh, but garbage, you said it, so.

But I really want to stop being garbage. So then I will tutor you, as crazy as

that sounds, in physical education.

There you go.

Can't believe I'm saying this, but great job.

Okay.

There you go.

Let's try it again. See if we can get it this time. Try to score and get behind

me. Okay. Okay. That's what I thought.

Okay. Shoot.

Yep.

Okay, Sunita, how about we call it a day? But there's still 15 minutes left.

we please work on some layups next?

What's the point, Sunita? You're not getting this. This is just too hard for

you. What?

We heard you were tutoring basketball, sir.

Oh, come on. Who's talking about this?

Yes, okay, fine.

Go get changed, but I'm only doing this for 15 more minutes, and I'm not staying

a minute later. I can't right now.

I'm LARPing in five minutes. But I could do tomorrow after school.

I can do lunch hours every day, but I have chemistry club after school.

Yeah, lunch hours.

Not a chance, because I like to have a little nap like most teachers. Not doing

this tomorrow. This is a one -day -a -week thing.

Is this where we sign up for the gym tutoring?

Dibs on Thursdays.

Dibs on Thursdays. Gym. It's not called gym.

I can't do this, guys. Okay? I can't make you athletes.

You're born an athlete.

All right? I can't do it. I'm sorry.

Kumbaya, my lord.

Kumbaya.

Oh, lord.

Kumbaya.

Someone's crying, lord.

Kumbaya.

Someone's crying, lord. You guys are such huge bitches.

Someone's crying, lord.

I don't need you.

Kumbaya.

I'm on the siding, Lord.

You guys are sluts.

You guys are sluts.

Prostitutes. Becky doesn't even know.

I'm going to come clean here.

I lied. I lied, I lied, I lied.

I lied right to your faces. I apologize, but sometimes you're not good at stuff.

Doesn't matter how hard you try or the effort you're putting in, you're just

good at it. You're still going to fail. And right now, you're failing.

So, I can't have a scrimmage when we play games. How will we get a good mark

then?

Good question.

Just because you're not good at sport doesn't mean you can't be involved in

sport.

Sanita, you're going to be a doctor. Well, what happens in phys ed? People

hurt. So I need you every day to be my first aid specialist.

Anything goes wrong with any students, you jump in. You're not going to play.

You're not going to touch anything.

Just sit there in case someone gets hurt.

Kyle, you're good at math.

I need a scorekeeper every scrimmage.

Awesome. Dwayne, I know you're on the debating team.

Start learning all the rules of all the sports, because every time we play,

you're going to be my referee. What about me, sir?

Yeah.

Yeah, Paul, Stanley, like, I don't know what to say, guys.

He was bad at everything.

So here's what you're going to do. You've got two jobs.

You can be fans, and you're going to put my pants back together when I take them

off. All right, everybody's got a job now.

Everybody's going to get their phys ed mark back where they want it.

Fans, they put.

Worker bees, out there.

All right, let's go, guys. Here we go.

Okay, thank you. All right, let's get playing here.

Okay, hurry up. Get to your spot.

Vice Principal feels kind of cool. You just have to cut an imposing silhouette.

Hey, Mr. Cheely.

I've been looking for you. Aren't you supposed to be in detention?

My stepmom said I didn't have to go.

Oh, your stepmom said you don't have to go to detention.

Yeah, she actually wants a word with you. Well, guess what? I'd like a word

her, too.

Because it would be a good chance to remind her that the stepmoms of the

don't dictate what happens in the school.

Principal and Vice Principal do.

Great. Oh, look.

Here she comes now.

Yep.

So, the way she walks, it's like she's ten feet tall. She's got a sound

coming through the wall. She's got a vibe.

She'll kick you down the hall. She's got the whole damn thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Lisa Mason.

Actually, it's Lisa McKenzie.

And I'm rich and mad as hell.

What are you doing?

Down boy.

Hey, Nisha.

We were wondering if we can get an extension on our group project.

Well, the Canawack girl in me wants to say...

No problem.

Great thing.

But I'm not a Canawack girl anymore.

Am I?

No. Now I'm a T -E -A -C -H teacher girl forever.

Seriously? Yeah, seriously.

And as a teacher girl, I'm going to have to give you guys a hard no.

What? Oh, no!

Get out of here!

You witches!

I told you that wouldn't work. Sisters forever.

Yeah, right.

I don't need you. I don't need nobody.

One quick hit.

Awesome, awesome, awesome.