Original subtitles

Nice to see you finally join us, Amanda Susan.

You're welcome, Mr. D.

Oh, you think Amanda Susan's funny.

It's ass.

Excuse me? My full name is Amanda Susan Sullivan, but my friends call me ass.

I'm pretty sure that's not why they call you ass.

Ass. I said my friends call me ass.

All right. Well, I don't like your tone, so you just bought yourself a Saturday

detention.

Eat my shorts.

What was that?

Eat my shorts.

Reference is a little dated. You just got yourself another Saturday detention.

I'm crushed.

And that gets you another one right there. Great. I'm free this Saturday

that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.

You got another one. I can keep going.

Great. I could do this all day, but... And that's another one.

Are you through?

No. And another one. So?

You do realize what's going on here, right?

Yes.

Nothing left to say, Amanda Susan?

I didn't think so.

I win.

Back to work.

I will write some things on the board here I'd like you to copy into your...

Did you throw a shoe at me?

No. Then how come there's one shoe missing from your foot?

Okay.

not do don't lie i'm awesome i'm driving around in my mom's ride i'm awesome a

quarter of my life gone by i'm awesome please mr chili

you have to reconsider i'll be ruined sorry natalie i've already made my mind

what's going on not to worry miss mason pretty sure we have it all under control

thank you he suspended me for a whole week i'll never get into a good school

with that blight on my record and one little slip up and everything i've

for It's up in flames. I think a suspension is a little extreme, don't

don't even know what she did.

It was disgusting.

You know, I think Natalie's earned a little leeway, don't you, Mr. Cheely?

we can change that suspension to a detention?

You're the boss.

Really? Well... Thank you. I am the boss. Thank you so much.

Oh, Paul.

Oh, Jerry.

I just wanted to confirm that you're covering Saturday detention.

Jerry,

I'm not asking. I'm telling you.

Oh, come on, Lisa.

Not this Saturday. It's our annual baseball draft with all my friends.

Okay, I have to be there live to pick my players. Otherwise, I get the crappy

auto -picks. Jerry, there is a system, okay? A rotation.

And this week, it's your turn. You know the Saturday detention thing you've

added? You're punishing the teachers, not the students. It's your turn. End of

discussion.

You believe I have to work Saturday?

I dream of the day I can take one day off. How come every time I have

to tell you, it becomes about you?

Do you ever listen to yourself?

Why don't you go fuck yourself?

Xavier Academy, Saturday morning.

Almost 9 a .m.? The familiar smell of the hall.

I look around and I can't help wondering.

Who do these people think they are?

Maybe they see themselves in the simplest terms, the most convenient

definitions. A princess.

An athlete.

A criminal.

A brain.

And a back at Kate's.

Bye, sweetie.

Give Mommy a kiss.

Wait a minute!

At least that's how I saw them all.

At the beginning.

I just need you to wait here ten minutes. I'm going to run and I'll be

back. No, I am not doing that. Why not?

Because the draft starts at ten. Just because you're missing it doesn't mean I

have to.

You got to be there in person to make your picks. You're not going to miss the

draft if you give me 10 minutes. I just want 10 minutes. I'm going to run in.

I'm going to run out. Give me 10 minutes. I will give you 10 minutes and

it. Thank you.

So nice.

I'm very nice.

I'll be right out.

Now you listen to me with your ears.

When you waste class time, you waste everybody's time. Do I make myself

You think I want to be here on a Saturday?

No.

Just messing with you.

Oh, my gosh, I love these principal practice sessions.

Robert!

What are you doing here?

Can a guy get a little privacy, please?

Uh, yeah.

You're in my office, though. Well, then why don't you finish disciplining

Charles and Zaid?

Take over like you always do.

Simon, what are you doing here?

Just going to the library.

Great, you can cover my Saturday's intention.

No can do. I work on my Xavier fan fiction on Saturdays. Give me a break.

the lives and loves of a ragtag group of unlikely school chums, you'd like it. I

wouldn't like it, Simon. Come on, do me a favor. You're in there anyway. Just

cover it for me. I have to be somewhere.

I need you in there as much as those kids, Jerry. I'm a method writer, Jerry.

I like to take in the sights and sounds, really breathe in the adolescent angst

to make my words come alive.

Okay, but you're not going to sit right there. This is my writing nook. You

won't even know I'm here. How will I not notice? You're two feet from me. I can

see you. Just trying to find my muse, Jerry. Okay, can we just make sure

everyone's here? Alex?

Yo.

Amanda Susan, where's Amanda Susan?

Starts right at nine o 'clock.

I don't wear a watch.

You're sitting in my seat.

I was here first.

Get out.

No, I will not.

Five, four...

Three. Okay, yep. I'm done. I'm done.

That's what I thought.

You done?

Natalie? Present. And accountable for my actions, sir. Can you just calm it down

a little bit? We don't need all that today.

Peter Thompson.

Where's Peter Thompson?

Oh, yes.

That's my boy.

Where is he? I want to say he's down by the dock, but...

Petey rarely tells me anything. Then why are you here? Oh, I'm taking his

detention for him.

None of this matters. Because good news, everybody.

I'm letting you go home.

But we... No questions, Natalie. No questions.

I'm letting you go home from Saturday detention.

I don't want to be here. You don't want to be here. All you need to do is be

back by 5 o 'clock so your parents can pick... Your parents or your children

pick you up. That's all we need.

Shh. Our little secret.

Hey, everyone. Miss Mason's here.

Hi, Miss Mason.

Well, if you're here, why can't you cover them? Because it's your turn,

I come in on Saturdays to get caught up on work and check in on detention.

Don't you have a life?

No, you don't.

Enjoy your detention.

Things are not looking good for old Mr.

D.

Nightmare. Mr. Hunt, you can't dictate to yourself.

out loud while you're writing. Was I talking just there? You've done it about

five times.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, my Lord. Did I say horror show?

Should we write a 500 -word essay about who we think we are?

Why would you do that, Natalie? It's a Saturday. Give your head a shake.

No, Bill. Give me a few more. Bill, give me... No, Bill.

Bill!

Who took my phone?

I don't know what you're talking about, sir.

Amanda Susan, give me my phone.

I don't have it, Sherlock.

You think you're pretty smart? Well, let me tell you something. You're a bum.

You're all bums. Breaking your rules and you're stealing.

You keep this up.

You know where you're going to end up in five years?

I don't know about five years, sir.

But I'm being groomed to take over my dad's multi -million dollar brokerage

firm.

Okay, well, that sounds like you're set.

I'm going to be a partner at my mother's law firm.

I plan on leaving Petey's dad as soon as Petey goes off to college.

But shh, it's a surprise.

Talking to no one.

I don't have to worry. My parents are rich and heavy smokers. I'm a shadow on

x -ray away from having it all.

Okay. Oh, that's dark.

This is a lot of fun. Where are you going to be, Mr. D? Where am I going to

in five years?

Dingy.

Safe choice is good.

But I'm watching you, Amanda Susan.

Watch this.

What the hell does that mean?

Well, what the hell does that mean?

Robert, do things really have to be so difficult between us? We used to be

friendly -ish, right?

Things have changed.

It's Saturday, and we're off the clock.

I was thinking maybe we could unwind a little.

Maybe talk things out.

Is that an order?

Robert, you can't spell principal without pal.

You know I'm a sucker for wordplay. Get in here.

Feel me in, slugger.

Make it a three -finger stiffy or go home.

Stop, stop, stop. I'm trying to think here, please.

I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here.

Sir.

What? There's no way to get out of here without passing Principal Mason's

office. It can't be done.

Yeah, it can't be done. Because when I leave, I'm going to get you guys to

for me in case she comes back in.

And why would we do that?

Because Amanda Susan, if I break free, I'll come back to get you free, okay?

No more questions.

Sweet Vishnu, that is the smell of pure evil.

So cute Amanda Susan.

Come here, fuzzy little sandwich.

Found my way out. Miss Mason comes in, just tell her I'm in the washroom. Cover

for me.

All I need you to do, and everything will be fine.

Good boys and girls.

I'll be back to get you.

And I will get to the draft for the second round, and there will still be

choices, and I don't have to go back to those losers wasting my Saturday.

So, sorry, suckers.

That is who it's going to play.

What was that?

I'm good. I'm good.

Was this rock bottom?

I didn't get very far.

Or were there more indignities to come?

Shut up, dork.

Bobby did his thing.

It was before she broke my heart.

That really hurt my feelings.

Do you want to know what it was?

Oh, God.

You okay?

You going to be okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

That's what she did. She was hot.

Hot. Oh.

Every time she kissed me, it was hot.

Oh. Bad manners. What that is. It is bad manners. Yeah. It's mad manners.

Mm -hmm.

I have a really great idea. You and I should tell each other everything that

bugs us about each other. And just air all of our grievances, put it out on the

table, and then on Monday, we're friends.

Okay. Your hair.

Okay. Sometimes when you're doing something inappropriate, I imagine that

actually controlling your mind.

No shirt. I mean, girls like flowers.

They do.

but not on a man's shirt. Like, that is the biggest form of birth control I have

ever seen in my life, honestly.

What? Come on.

That looks pretty serious.

It's safe for someone to get hurt.

What? I want to start wrestling in a higher weight class.

What are we having, Mr. Hunt?

Oh, this is tuna fish with chopped celery and a lemon.

You terrify me.

And your neediness just absolutely repulses people.

And the puns.

Nobody puns the way that you do. I call it a talent if it didn't make me want to

blow my brains out every time.

Wow.

I feel so much better.

This huge weight has been just lifted off my shoulders.

Ready? You should try it. It feels good. Now it's your turn.

All right.

Tell me what you don't like about me. Give it to me. I can cook it.

Was I disappointed when you got the principal job and I didn't?

Yeah, because I felt it should have been mine. But are you qualified and

educated enough? Absolutely.

And that's why my resentment is largely offset by an enormous

feeling of pride.

Being your colleague.

I'm just going to go get some water.

She totally bought that.

And sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, my parents never really see me,

you know?

You think that's bad? You want to know what Christmas is like to Sullivan

Here you go, sweetie.

An iPhone.

4S. A 4S? But that doesn't even have Touch ID.

It doesn't even have Touch ID.

Hey. It gets better.

What are you all complaining about?

These aren't problems.

You're young. You're rich.

Some of you are decent looking. We should have known you wouldn't

real problems. You don't think I have real problems?

I have real problems.

I'm not married. I don't have kids.

I don't have a house.

I'm almost 40.

Okay? Those are problems.

My income is going down every year. I don't know how that happens, but it is.

And the only thing I had to look forward to are my weekends.

Until now.

And because of today, I am missing one of the biggest days of my life, my live

baseball fantasy draft.

Wow. That's dark, sir.

It's not that bad. I played up the drama a bit. The car is okay. The house will

come. No, she's right. Your life is like a joke, but no one's laughing.

Your pathetic story touched me, sir.

Right here.

And that's why we're going to get you to that draft.

Why are you still here? Just leave. You can meet this great material.

Robert? Okay.

Is that you? I'm sorry for what I said.

She heard us.

All right, this is my fault. We're in this situation.

We bonded nicely today.

I don't want you guys to get in trouble. This is my fault. We're not getting out

of here. Go back to the library.

I'll take you with Miss Mason.

I'll do it. Are you sure about this, F? It'll destroy you.

I don't want him to get caught. His life sucks enough already.

Okay, that works.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Amanda Susan.

You're such a troublemaker. You are in big trouble.

Come on.

Hey, Mr. Duncan.

Look who I found.

Trying to leave the school premises.

Amanda Susan.

I let you go to the bathroom and this is what you do?

Unbelievable.

And as a punishment?

Okay, I'm going to make you do a 2 ,000 -word essay on why you're in Saturday

detention. Sure, Principal Nathan.

Good. Oh, man, one question.

Should I say you were drinking on school grounds, or did you show up drunk?

Well played. You're free to go.

Later, losers.

Don't mess with the ass.

Get the hoes.

Don't do that. It looks stupid on you.

Hey, Robert, I'm just leaving for the day.

I just wanted to make sure you're okay.

I'm fine.

Robert, can we just clean flight our clean flight?

Do you think we can still be friends on Monday?

Oh, my gosh.

Nope. Nope?

Goodbye,

Mr. Duncan.

Thanks for making today super fun.

Natalie, why are you always so positive?

And how did you end up getting a Saturday detention?

I just had a real hard time after losing the election, you know? So I went into

the student council office, peed in a cup, and sprayed it everywhere.

What? I had to mark my territory, didn't I?

Oh, there's my mom. Bye -bye.

I had to burn that carpet.

You had to burn the whole room.

And then I realized I was the one seeing everyone in the simplest term.

In the most convenient definition.

It turns out, each of us is a brain and a jock.

And a basket case and a princess and a criminal.

We're all criminals.

That's how you've been wasting your weekends?

You like it?

No, I don't like it. How are we all jocks? I'm the only jock in this whole

today. You are certainly not a jock.

And Mrs. Thompson, she's enough.

That's terrible writing.

All good notes.

You ready to go, Simon?

Oh, boy. You been doing squats, Jerry?

Your thigh muscles look enormous.

Yeah, you're going to need bigger pants.

Obviously, I've been doing squats.

Finally, I thought you forgot about me.

Why don't you just walk? It's 20 minutes away.

Because you said you were coming back to get me. The draft went late.

I tried to call you, but your phone's in the car.

Oh, that's where my phone is. Did you get my pics?

No. No?

What was that? What's with the... What? That?

Yeah. I was excited to see you. I've been waiting.

That's your pose for you're excited to see me?

This is embarrassing.

Everything you're doing right now.

You look like an idiot.

Tell that to Judd Nelson.