Original subtitles

Guess who's going to Vegas next week, spring break? This guy. Just booked it.

What's going on? What's wrong?

What's wrong with her?

It's Richard, Jerry. He died last night.

I'm sorry, I don't know.

Richard Thomas.

He's one of our math teachers, Jerry.

Was one of the math teachers. Oh my God.

You said is.

Jerry, that is not funny. Everyone loved Richard. This is very sad.

I'm not saying we didn't love Richard.

I'm saying I don't really remember Richard. So, is there a funeral for

Tuesday. Tuesday?

Well, I don't see anybody going to that during spring break, so that's sad.

We are all going, Jerry.

All of us.

Remember what I said when I came in?

I'm going to Vegas. I'm not going to a funeral during spring break. No chance.

I'm sorry.

I didn't even know him that well.

If I even remember who he was. I'm not even sure I remember his face.

He wouldn't care.

And he won't know.

We'll remember this when you die, Jerry. Pretty sure if I do die first, I'm not

going to die during spring break. Or Easter break. Or Christmas break. Or

summer. Because teachers are not supposed to have funerals during those

Unwritten rules.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Bobby.

Not Miley.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie. I'm awesome. I'm driving around.

Jerry, not today, okay?

That's Edna's coffee.

Who's Edna? Who's Edna?

Yeah. Only the school's biggest donor.

Put it this way. Seven years ago, she withdrew her funding. No sports for the

rest of the year. Is that what you want? Because it's not what I want.

Wow.

How much did Edna give to the school?

Well, put it this way. If she withdraws her funding, I won't be here next year,

and neither will you.

Why don't we just get rid of you and we don't need our money?

I'm under so much pressure today, I do not need this from you, okay? So do me a

favor. If you see us in the halls, just make yourself scarce.

Oh, because I'll screw it up. Is that what you think will happen? I'll screw

the donation?

There's a good chance, yeah.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Okay. I'll take some of that sugar. No, but that's Edna's sugar.

That's Edna's sugar.

That's Edna's sugar.

Why don't I take a little bit of that milk? That's Edna Mooju's hands off.

The rest of the coffee gets who it is.

It's Edna's.

Well, I'll come by and find Edna and say hi and thank you. Good luck finding us.

It's not a big school, you know.

It's above average in square footage.

Hey, Trudy, you were looking for me? Yes.

I need you to cover Mr. Bondy's class again.

Am I the only one with a spare?

Because you give me coverage every day. I'm sorry, Lisa, but everyone else is

tied up, so... Could we hire a substitute teacher?

Oh, okay, good idea.

Let's hire a substitute, waste more money, so you can spend an hour doing

nothing on your spare.

I want to get right on that. I never do nothing.

Trudy, you're looking radiant.

Any coverage this period?

Not for you, muffin.

Well, that's nice.

Wait, he has a spare?

Yeah, listen, that class has already started, so you should probably scoot.

Have a good one.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yes, sir?

I would like you to move your car out of my parking spot. These spots are not

assigned, sir. They are for staff.

Can you go around, please?

I want you to get back into your car and go park it where the students park.

Sorry, but there's nothing that says I can't park you.

Why do the teachers get all the good parking spots?

Go around!

Oh, you did not just walk away from me. I want you to get back into your car and

get it.

Out of my spot. And this is Mr.

Duncan's class, so no need to... No, no, no, no. Come on in. Hi, this must be...

Ms. Donaldson.

Oh, please.

Call me Edna. Hello, Edna. I've heard so many great things about your

philanthropy to the school. Thank you so much. I'd love you to meet my class.

Love to meet you. Everybody, this is Ms.

Donaldson, who donates a lot of money to Xavier Academy. Please give her a

warm...

Let me grab you a seat. Maya, could I have your seat, please, for Miss

Donaldson? What? I want to give her your seat. Can you get up and just stand

there, please? You can't be serious.

I'm serious. Get out of it. Stand over there.

This is ridiculous.

Face the wall.

We do not talk back to our teachers here at Xavier Academy.

Oh.

Please have a seat.

We run a tight ship here.

Thank you, Mr. Duncan. You are very welcome.

I must admit, I don't want to sound... Cheesy, but you bring a lovely ray of

sunshine to the class. Thank you. Oh.

Doesn't sound cheesy at all.

But I'm afraid we must take that little ray of sunshine elsewhere.

Oh, Robert, what the rush?

I'm enjoying this.

She's enjoying this.

Now, we were talking about Winston Churchill.

I know you're far too young to remember Winston Churchill.

Aren't you a delight?

In fact, you blend in so nicely with the kids, I can hardly tell you're here.

Where is Miss Donaldson? She was just sitting here a minute ago. Terry, where

Miss Donaldson? Has she... She's in the front row, the one without a uniform on.

I know.

You know, I think Mr. Duncan is single.

Jimmy, get out.

Sir, can I have my seatbelt? Maya, face the wall, nose to the wood.

Miss Donaldson, we should really be off.

It was lovely to meet you children.

And you, Mr. Duncan.

And you as well, Edna.

Giddy up.

Giddy up.

Could you pour me one of those?

Are you napping?

Oh, yeah.

That's what I do on my spare.

Why, what do you do? I'm stuck covering classes.

Oh, hard to nap during that.

I know what's going on here.

What?

The muffins for Trudy.

You're bribing her.

No. I give Trudy muffins because she gives me a spare.

No, she gives you a spare because you give her muffins.

Well, it's sort of a chicken and the egg thing, huh? Which came first?

I mean the chicken, because it laid the eggs.

I don't know where the chicken come from.

Oh, my God. I am on to you.

Okay?

So you can play at that game.

Two.

What game?

What game are we playing?

Well, guess who made quite an impression on Edna?

Oh, well, I have a way with the women, so thank you. Yeah, so much so, in fact,

that she's now insisting you join us for dinner tomorrow night. Well, look at

that, and you thought I was going to screw it up.

No dinner.

Oh, but yes, you are, and I'll tell you why.

See, we need her contribution.

And in order to get that, we need her to be happy. And the way to make her happy

is for us to have dinner with her tomorrow night.

Fine. But you owe me a favor.

Fine. You have a favor in the favor bank.

And you're buying me dinner.

Okay. I'll buy you dinner, and you owe me one.

Deal.

Robert, I forgot my purse in your office. You did?

Allow me to get it for you.

I'm looking forward to our dinner, Jerry. Not as much as I am.

Oh, it should be a hell of a night.

And how will it end?

You're naughty.

Hello, Simon.

Hello. I hope you got a lot of sleep last night.

I did. I had my tiger nightmare again.

I'm just trying to get used to it. Me and the tiger have an understanding.

I mean, I hope you got a lot of sleep last night because you're not going to

able to have your little nap today because the game has changed.

Um, what do you mean? I mean, I brought something to sweeten the deal.

You didn't. I really did.

Well, I'm off to see Trudy now.

Not if I get there first, witch.

You punched me in the throat. Believe it.

I

need you

to cover Mr.

Gallagher's class.

No, Trudy, that's my spare.

Well, I'm sorry, but we have to be fair. Miss Mason has been doing all the

coverage. That's not what this is about.

You liked her muffin better.

It's a special recipe.

Now, I'm going to go work on my lesson for next week.

That's what you do with your spare?

That's what spares are for.

No, they're not. They're for napping.

Am I supposed to nap now, Trudy?

Thank you, Trudy.

Bye, Simon.

Yeah. Come on, Trudy. Give that another taste.

Hey, Mr. Cheely. I know you and I had that meeting tonight, but I just wanted

let you know I'm not going to make it because I have to do some things after

school with Jimmy to kind of help elevate his academics, so... Mr. Duncan,

meeting is very important.

I understand, but I think our student's here.

It's correct, sir. I really need Mr.

D to, uh... Uh... I need Mr. D... You wrote it down. I know, I forget.

I can't read my writing. Help.

Yeah, I really need Mr. D to help.

Seven words.

Yeah. And you had to write it down. Yes, I did.

Mr. Duncan, let me remind you, this dinner with Edna is very important to

school. So I'll see you tonight.

You're going on a date with that lady?

Shut up.

I just can't believe it. Get out.

Get out.

Look, when you went to get her purse, Edna slapped my bum.

I'm not comfortable with a 105 -year -old lady slapping my bum.

Doesn't mean anything.

Okay? I've had dinner with her every year for six years now. She's never

anything untoward on me.

There's a surprise.

So it's just gonna be a dinner.

Yeah, that's it.

All right.

Let me ask you something.

If it came down to it, you know, would you?

Never. Are you thick?

Not for a million bucks, you wouldn't.

For a million dollars, I would have sex with you.

Jerry!

Thank you.

Why don't you grow up? I'll see you at 7 .30.

Can I come in?

Of course.

Working late?

This happens.

I need a favor.

And I owe to you seven.

Yes, you do.

I need supplies.

I have many.

In complete secrecy.

I am a thief.

Do you have, like, a power saw?

I don't.

Huh?

There she is.

Looks like she brought a friend.

What? I told you there's something weird about this. She thinks it's a double

date. I am not staying. Hey!

Might be another donor.

She doesn't think it's a double date, and even if she does, it's two hours

before the school.

Remember, you're here. Just enjoy it.

Fine. You take Edna?

I'll take the new one. Very funny. I'm not taking any one.

Edmund probably wanted to fix me up with someone a little younger. That makes

sense. Ben.

Can we get this over with, please?

If you hit a quint, you can't even tell they're old.

Try it.

No. Try it.

How's your salad?

Not great.

You're not feeling well?

Not really, I guess.

Maybe I don't feel like eating.

So how do you two know each other?

Um, well, we were neighbors, and then once both our husbands passed on, we got

lot closer, didn't we? Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that happened, but I'm glad to see that something

positive came of it.

Love, lady.

Yeah, because now, you know, we do a lot of this double -date stuff together.

The calamari's fabulous here.

It's gluten -free.

Just a question, Doris.

When you eat, how does the food, does it go?

I don't know what happened.

Cherry. Please.

What? Cherry. I didn't want to know. Honestly, honey, it's fine.

Actually, I can eat. It's just that I have to be careful because sometimes it

gets messy, so I have to cover the hole.

In which case, uh, allow me?

No, Robert.

Robert. Please, please put your hand away.

Oh, my.

Bon appetit. Thank you.

Hands for eating.

Enjoy.

Mmm.

Yummy.

How sweet.

Anyway, should we talk about Xavier Academy now? And maybe... Because I've

to beat somewhere in an hour, so... After dessert.

That's when I decide if I will donate to the Academy again or not.

Okay, well, I won't be having dessert. I'll tell you that right now.

Give me a break.

No, not now.

What on earth?

Jimmy. Hey.

This is our, you okay?

I'm one of our star students, Jimmy.

Yes, sir. Hello,

Jimmy. Hi. Hey, Mr. D.

How's your date going?

I'm on a date, Jimmy.

Ladies, you couldn't have picked two finer gentlemen.

I hope the night goes well.

Bye. See you later. You two just make such a cute couple.

Oh, thanks.

I'm not sure he's being serious.

You know, I'd never date someone this age, right? You know that. Excuse me?

Well... Hey, just watch what you say about my friend Dirtbag. You're not a

yourself, you know. Oh, yeah, and you're a real catch with a big hole in your

neck. That's attractive.

I can't even eat my food. Sorry. I had to say it. Someone had to say it.

Jerry, you apologize right now.

What about her? What about her? Deep throat. Huh?

She started it.

That's not... I'm the bad guy. Okay. Oh, yeah. I'm the bad guy.

Well... Have a great night, folks.

This night is so over. Good, because I'm going to gag any minute. Kiss your

money goodbye, Robert.

I can... Goodbye, jackass.

Can I drive you ladies home?

Sir? Sir, you can't park there anymore.

Read the sign.

Before you go today, thanks to Jimmy, the biggest donor in the history of

Academy is no longer. So you can expect less funding for your sports programs,

your music programs, field trips, probably less teachers so you'll have

classes.

How do you feel about that, Jimmy?

It's like an old lady. A friend.

So why... Mr. Duncan, Mr. Callahan would like to see you after class.

Yeah, I know.

It's already happening, so he's probably going to tell me that the graduation

formal's cancelled.

Well, if it's not cancelled, maybe you can bring Edna.

Get out.

Really, Ben?

I just think it's funny you went on a date with an old lady.

Because you're such a Casanova.

I don't even know what that means.

Just that it's so good. Really?

Aw, is it really that good?

It is. Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

Mr.

Gallagher is still away.

Actually, Trudy, I was hoping to give you the $50 gift certificate to Barrels,

since I know how much you like it there.

Oh, I do like it there.

This is great.

Here. Ooh.

Well, looks like it's time for Simon's siesta.

Simon, you're going to spend a good chunk of what you earned today just to

covering a class for 40 minutes?

That's right, Lisa.

Now you're cutting into my nap time.

You can't do this every day, Simon.

Watch me.

Watch him.

Trudy, you can't do this. Do what?

Does Callahan know about this?

Um, not verbally.

How about we'll get Jerry to do the coverage?

Trudy? Yeah, that works for me. That's good.

Give it to Jerry.

Thanks.

I love presents.

Look, I know I screwed up.

When he comes in, I will think of something, okay?

We'll just say that she doesn't want to donate anymore.

It's been a lot of...

Or we'll say she's sick.

I'll tell them that she's sick and she has to leave the money for family.

what I'll say.

That might work.

Look, whatever I say, just follow my lead, okay? We'll have a story. Follow

lead. Guys, congratulations.

I don't know what you did, but whatever it was, it worked.

Edna's donated more money than ever.

What? Yeah, she said she had the time of her life.

I got to get this to the staff room. I want to hear all about it. I'll be right

back.

How is that possible?

It was a horrible night.

You had to drive them home. They were so mad.

Why would you donate more money?

You drove them home.

Do you love this place?

Oh, sir, coming, my grandmother.

Oh, hello, grandmother.

Mr. D, how are you? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

And what do you teach Lucy?

Hi. Yes, sir.

What did you teach Lucy?

Uh, social sciences.

Oh, that's nice.

Would you mind getting the door for me, please?

No.