Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc was the lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

Hello? Oh, hello, Mrs. Dempsey.

Ah, you will need a ride to the polls tomorrow.

Oh, well, certainly.

Although I thought that Mr.

Dempsey was going to drive you.

Oh, he's been arrested again.

I am sorry. But please, dear, when you visit him, do tell him that I think he

just did a super job heading up the ex -cons for Carter.

Bye -bye.

Bye, Mother.

Oh, hi, honey. Here, I have the list of everyone who'll be needing rides

tomorrow. Oh, thanks. You're a doll.

Oh, you know, Carol, I just think you're wonderful. I mean, the way you have

thrown yourself into this presidential campaign.

Well, after all, I am your daughter.

You know what they say.

The acorn doesn't fall far from the political nut.

Carol, you know you're getting to be more like me all the time.

And someday we're both going to pay for it.

I have to run upstairs and change.

Lee is taking me down to campaign headquarters.

Lee Harrison?

You mean I finally get a chance to meet Mr. Wonderful?

Oh, Mother. Honey, I've been dying to meet him.

Come on, Mother. It's no big deal.

Now, look, Carol, you may be campaigning for Jimmy Carter, but you have been

doing most of your caucusing with Lee Harrison.

I hope he's not giving you a lot of campaign promises.

Oh, no.

So far, he's come through on everything.

Honey, why don't you and Lee stay for dinner?

Oh, we can't.

Tomorrow's election day. We've got a lot of last -minute work to do.

We'll grab a bike downtown.

You know, it's a shame. Tomorrow is Mrs.

Naugatuck's birthday. First voting day. And I know tonight she's going to be,

you know, full of questions on the really important issues.

Mrs. Finlay, I have a question.

You see, of course, my dear. You sit right down here.

And if I can't answer it, I'm sure Carol can.

Very well.

Would you like Russian dressing on your salad?

Why don't you take that one, Mother?

Green goddess.

Oh, Mrs.

Nogatuck, this is so exciting. Tomorrow is election day.

You're going to be voting for the very first time, participating in the

democratic process.

Hi, Marty.

Oh, hi, Arthur.

Well, Mrs. Nogatuck, I imagine your head is spinning with questions tonight.

Oh, no, Mrs. Finlay has already answered my question.

Wait a minute.

I demand equal time for the other side.

Very well, Arthur. You have 30 seconds to say nice things about Russian

dressing.

What's there to say? They all dress alike.

Mrs. Naugatuck, I brought over this booklet to help you make up your mind at

polls. We put it together down at the hospital.

It's called Concerned Surgeons for President Ford.

Well, if any of them are brain surgeons, they should be concerned.

Oh, really?

You should talk.

You're supporting a man with a phony smile.

I have a dentist friend who tells me that Carter wears a retainer at night.

Better a retainer than a corrective hat.

Listen, Marty, let's just stick to the issues.

Mrs. Nogatuck, that booklet tells you everything the President Ford has done.

If you want to know what Jimmy Carter's done, read a label on a jar of Skippy

peanut butter.

Skippy peanut butter.

Arthur, I'm surprised you don't have a joke about Fritz Mondale.

I do.

I like Mondale and the country goes on the Fritz.

Goes on the Fritz.

Arthur.

Arthur, let's talk about the serious problems in this country.

All right.

The first serious problem is your jokes.

And the second one is the economy, which is also a joke.

It is not.

President Ford has done a fine job with the economy.

As a matter of fact, I've had one of my best years ever.

Mrs. Naugatuck, since Ford took office, more people are working than ever. The

employment rate has gone up. Ah, but it is also true that more people are not

working. The unemployment rate has also gone up. How can more people be working

and not working at the same time?

Well, that's what makes America great, Mrs. Naugatuck.

There's something for everyone.

Oh, you two are so definite about your politics.

Now, I should like the opinion of someone more reasonable like Mr. Finlay.

Actually, that's a good idea. Yes, you know, water is very fair. Oh, very fair.

Yes, Mr.

Finlay is his own man.

Hello, everybody.

Hi there, Walter. I'm talking about you. Oh, this whole election is crazy.

I just saw a Carter sticker on a Ford, a Ford sticker on a Dodge, and a Dole

sticker on a banana.

Walter, have you made up your mind about the election? Yep. Oh, that's great.

You know, Mrs. Naugatuck is voting tomorrow for the first time, and she

you're a very reasonable and unbiased person. She'd like some guidance.

I'm glad to help.

Mrs. Naugatuck?

Yes. Don't vote.

Walter, where's the TV guy?

Walter, what kind of advice is don't vote? Good advice.

I'm not voting myself.

Walter, you have to vote.

I do not.

I mean, thanks to the politicians, I went bankrupt this year.

Walter, that is the most selfish thing I have ever heard you say.

Now, look, if you have problems, Walter, you change things the way every

responsible citizen does, by going down to the polls and voting.

Maude, this is a free country. I don't have to vote if I don't want to. I don't

believe it. Walter, I am shocked. You sat right here with me and watched all

debates. I watched the debates, and I never saw a man so mixed up, muddle

-headed, and confused in my life.

Carter isn't very good. President Ford just isn't very good on television.

We're not talking about Ford or Carter. I was the one who was mixed up and

confused. Walter, this is a disgrace.

You've got to vote for somebody. Yes, now you listen to Arthur, Walter. I

care whether you cast your vote for Ford or throw it away on a Georgia peanut

butter and jellyfish who flip -flops on every issue. Arthur!

My mind is made up.

Mr. Finlay, I'm ashamed of you. I don't know who I'm going to vote for tomorrow,

but I know I'm going to vote because it's a precious right, and anyone who

doesn't exercise it doesn't deserve to be an American.

Did you hear that, Walter?

That was a brand new citizen speaking, Walter. A woman from England whose very

own ancestors were slain by American soldiers in the bloody trenches of

and Bunker Hill.

And she is voting tomorrow.

Now, Walter, what are you going to do?

I'll think about it, Mort.

Oh, Marty, that was beautiful.

I just hope he never finds out Mrs.

Naugatuck's ancestors were all Hungarians.

Oh, hello, Ma.

Oh, hi, Viv. Arthur, dinner's ready.

Vivian, you won't believe this.

Walter Finley, my best friend, isn't voting.

For what?

Walter is not voting in the presidential election tomorrow.

The election is tomorrow?

Gosh, how time flies.

It seems like only yesterday it was Halloween.

It was.

Yeah.

Hi, Carol. Hi, Carol. Carol, where's Lee?

He'll be here any minute.

Oh, Lee.

Oh, I want to meet Lee.

Maude says you've been seeing quite a bit of him.

Ma says he's all you ever talk about.

Ma says you're going to Lake Saranac with him. Ma says shut up, Vivian.

Carol says, how did you know I was going to Lake Saranac with Lee?

Oh, no, the Genesee Lodge called to confirm your reservation.

Oh, good.

A whole gang of us are going up there tomorrow night to celebrate the end of

campaign. Vivian, I'm hungry. What's for supper?

Pot roast. And for dessert, we have Baby Ruth bars left over from Trick or

Treat.

Not those little miniature ones. I hate those.

Well, why'd you let people give them to you?

Come on, Betty.

Arthur.

Arthur, you were trick -or -treating.

No!

I was ringing doorbells for President Ford.

And since doctors command respect, I wore my surgical gown.

And for some reason, people thought I was in costume.

Oh, Carol, I'm so upset. Do you know that Walter

is thinking of not voting tomorrow?

I know.

I overheard.

I think he's just getting old and cynical.

Now, thank God for young people like you and your new boyfriend.

The young people who are making the changes in this country.

The Carols, the Lees, the Mauds.

Mother, don't worry about it. Walter will change his mind.

I hope so. Right now, you are my comfort. You and Lee.

And I hope you have a marvelous time up at the lodge tomorrow.

You've been working very hard, and you deserve some time off.

Because I imagine Lee's an old -timer. He probably worked for McGovern in the

last election.

No. He wasn't actively involved in the last election. Oh?

Well, who did he vote for?

He didn't vote.

He didn't vote? Why not?

He wasn't old enough.

That's him now.

He wasn't old enough.

72, the voting age was 18, which means you're going up to Genesee Lodge with

somebody who can't be more than... Mother?

I'd like you to meet Lee Harrison.

Mrs. Findlay, a pleasure to meet you at last. Well, it's nice to meet you, Lee.

Would you excuse me for just a moment?

So you're Lee.

Carol's told me a lot about you, Mrs. Findlay. She's told me a lot about you,

too. Not enough, but a lot.

Oh, Mother, come on, Lee. Let's go. Carol, could I see you for a moment in

kitchen? Mother, we really are in kind of a hurry. Just take a moment. Make

yourself at home, Lee. You can watch TV if you want. I think Sesame Street is...

Mother, that was very rude.

How old is that boy in the living room? He's not a boy. He's a man. He's 21.

When was he 21?

Next week.

That's great. Why don't we give him a surprise birthday party? I'll rent a

photographer and a pony.

Look, Mother, I know this is a little unusual. Wrong!

Not liking pizza is unusual.

Wearing a crew cut is unusual.

Being a Wayne Newton fan is unusual.

Unless you're wearing a crew cut, but this is insane!

I don't believe this.

I mean, I expected you to make a few jokes and that'd be the end of it. Look

you! You're upset because I'm dating a fellow who's a couple of years younger

than me?

Eleven.

Carol, what can you possibly have in common with a boy who isn't even as old

your car?

What?

We enjoy each other. We have a good time together.

Besides, Mother Lee is a brilliant person.

He's at the top of his freshman class in law school.

Oh, well, that's great.

Because if you take him to the mountains, you're going to need a good

Look, Mother.

Try to understand.

Lee is refreshing.

I'm so tired of dating divorced men who spend all evening complaining about

paying child support.

Lee is different.

Well, of course he's different. He doesn't pay child support. He gets it!

How come you didn't object last year when I was dating that lawyer who was

11 years older than me? Ten.

no big deal. We're just dating.

But it's my life, and I'm not going to stand here and argue with you about it.

Carol, in the words of Red Fox...

I'm

sorry for the delay, Lee. Let's go.

Just a second, Carol.

Mrs. Findlay, I couldn't help overhearing some of the things you were

the kitchen.

Little pitchers have big ears.

Let's go, Lee. No, Carol, that's exactly what I want to talk about.

Great, because I want to talk about it, too. Look, you don't owe her any

explanation. Carol, I insist.

Mrs. Findlay, call me Maude.

Mrs. Findlay, I know I'm a few years younger than Carol. Eleven.

But I find girls my own age are just that. They're girls, very inexperienced.

That's the crux of it. Well, my daughter is not the answer to your crux life.

I can take care of my own crux life.

No, I mean they're inexperienced politically.

Although you don't think so, Mrs. Findlay, I'm a very good choice for

younger in years, but intellectually and emotionally, I'm far more mature than

some of these so -called adults walking around today.

Show me one.

What? Outside of this house.

Walter, I'd like you to say hello to Lee Harrison.

Oh, hi, Lee.

Nice to meet you. I understand Carol's dating your father.

This is the Lee Harrison Carol is dating, the one who is taking your

stepdaughter up to Genesee Lodge tomorrow night.

How old are you, Lee?

Almost 21.

Well, there's no law against it.

What?

I've been thinking about the election, and you're right. I have to vote

tomorrow. Because with all the problems of hunger and crime and racial strife...

Walter, we have a problem in our home. How can you bother me with hunger and

racial strife?

You are totally insensitive.

Come on, Lee, let's go. Stop them, Walter, please. They won't listen to me.

Maybe they'll listen to you say something.

Carol? Lee?

Listen to Maud.

Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?

Surely your parents don't approve, Lee. They don't actually know about it.

Aha! I rest my case.

That's a term I picked up from an elderly lawyer Carol used to date.

It's not what you think, Mrs. Finley. I've just been so busy with the

I haven't had a chance to tell them about Carol.

They wouldn't mind.

I'd like to meet them and see for myself.

You have met them.

Leon and Ursula Harrison. You belong to the same club.

Your parents are Leon and Ursula Harrison?

The same.

Well, well, well, well. Carol, do you know what we have here? The littlest

rebel.

His parents are proper conservative people, so he dates older women. His

are staunch Republicans, so he shows them by working for Jimmy Carter.

Mother, I'm the one that's working for Carter. That's right.

I'm working for Ford.

First I find out you are dating a mere boy. Now I find out he's a Republican.

Where the hell did you learn to be so tolerant?

Well, the acorn doesn't fall far. Never mind.

You could have told me, Cal. You could have warned me. Oh, Mother.

I thought about it. What good would it have done?

Well, at least I could have prepared myself for it emotionally.

Lee, would you mind if I invited your parents over here so that we could talk

this whole thing through?

What do you think?

It's up to you.

Go ahead, Mrs. Findlay. I think you'll be surprised by their attitude. Tell me,

do you know if they have any plans for tomorrow night? They had mentioned

something about a Gerald Ford victory party. Good, then they're free.

We're leaving, Mother.

Okay, go.

Any information?

Harrison, Leon, Ashcroft Avenue.

Thank you.

Oh, and operator, don't ever have children.

Ursula, Leon, I just cannot believe you're taking this whole thing so

Maude, they just realize there's nothing you can do about it. That's right,

Maude. You know boys.

You tell them one thing and they do exactly the opposite.

Well, Lee is just the kind of kid who goes for older girls.

But don't worry.

He's not going to marry her. He's just having a little fun.

Is that supposed to comfort me?

Oh, Maude, we love Carol. When she was in school with our daughter, Celeste, we

just thought the world of her.

Although she was always a little boy crazy.

I guess she still is.

Well,

you know, you can't blame her after all. Our son Lee is... he's some boy.

Can I get you anything? Another drink?

No, no, thank you.

Would you like some nuts or some bean dip?

No, not for me.

Triscuit? Polish sausage?

No, nothing.

I guess I'm just going to have to sit through this.

Ursula Leon, I would like you to meet our housekeeper, Mrs. Naugatine.

How do you do? Who voted today for the first time. Oh, congratulations, isn't

it? I hope you voted for Jimmy Carter.

I did.

Oh, good. You know, for a minute, I was afraid you might vote for President

Ford. I did.

You mean you voted for both of them?

Why should I get in trouble on my first election?

Of course, Mrs. Harrison, Mr. Harrison. Carol, did you folks have a chance to

talk about Carol and me?

Oh, yes, we had a nice little chat.

Howly, I guess I'm just out of step. I mean, I think this is wrong, but

apparently nobody else is concerned, so I guess I'm outvoted. Oh, Mother.

Well, I'm glad that's settled.

Carol, we should get started.

Yes, it's a long drive up to Genesee Lodge.

Genesee Lodge.

You're not going to Genesee Lodge. Sure, Dad, I told you. We're going to go up

to the mountains.

But you didn't say Genesee Lodge.

You can't go there. Don't you know who owns that place?

Our good friends Buzzy and Bootsy Dinsmore.

I mean, everybody we know goes there.

Dickie and Deedee and Bobby and Deedee. Yes, and Dinky and Sissy and Bunky and

Bambi.

Why are you upset? Our friends go there, too. Grumpy and sneezy and...

Donner and Blitzen?

It's not funny, Maude.

I'm not going to have my son making a fool of me in front of all my friends.

Walter, you can get me that drink now.

I wouldn't leave this room if it was on fire.

Just a moment, Leon. Are you saying... that it is all right for your son to

fun with my daughter as long as your friends don't find out?

Well, maybe you're used to your daughter's behavior, Maude, but I'm not

have Lee parading around in front of my friends with a woman ten years older

than he.

Eleven.

Leon, I did not like that crack about my daughter's behavior.

Maude has a point, Leon.

Never mind, Ursula.

Admit it, Maude. There's something wrong with a woman who chases after young

boys. How... Dare you?

My daughter has never done anything to be ashamed of, except once in high

school.

She lied.

You called, and she said that your daughter Celeste was sleeping here.

We didn't know where she was sleeping.

I

don't

believe that.

I do.

Dad, you are way off base on that. Now, I have a great respect for Carol. We

have a wonderful relationship.

I don't care who knows about it.

Come on, Carol, let's go.

Son, if you take that girl up to Genesee Lodge, I'm cutting off your tuition

payments. You'll have to work your way through law school.

That's probably a good idea.

Come on, let's go.

Goodbye, Mother.

Have a wonderful time, you two. And give our love to Doody and Drinker and

Humpty and Dumpty and Huffer and Humble.

Was Carol making fun of me?

Well, in any event, Maud, your daughter's behavior is shameful.

There's a word for a woman like her.

Cradle snatcher.

There are two words for a man like you, and the first one is horses.

Ursula, we're leaving.

Oh, must you?

The evening is young, and I haven't even told you yet about Celeste and the

ROTC.

But I had a perfectly wonderful evening.

You did not.

But, God, I am proud of you.

It takes a special kind of person to admit she's wrong.

I admire the way you let other people live their own lives. Thank you,

Genesee Lodge, I'm calling for Miss Carol Traynor. Yeah, when she and Mr.

Harrison arrive, please be sure they have separate rooms.

I wonder what Cronkite has to say.