All language subtitles for Maude s03e17 And Then There Were None

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maude. And then there's
Maude. And then there's Maude. And then

there's Maude. And then there's Maude.
And then there's Maude.

That uncompromising, enterprising,
anything but tranquilizing. La, la, la,

La, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la. Mr. Naugatown, will
you please hurry it up?

I have to leave for my sales meeting. I
haven't even finished packing yet.

All right, all right. Don't get your
trousers in a twit.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going
to take this little chap and give him a

few drops of alcohol.

Then we'll have a potted plant.

She's in love, she's in love, she's in
love, she's in love.

She's in love with a wonderful...

Who's in love with a wonderful guy,
Mort? Certainly not me.

Thank you, sweetheart. Right on time
with my morning insult.

Walter, I am so excited. I am so
excited.

Carol had another date last night with
that same man she's been seeing for

weeks. Who's the lucky guy? She hasn't
told me yet, but, Walter, it's very

important. Honey, this could be it. She
has seen him every night for the past

two weeks.

Thursday night, she didn't get in until
2 o 'clock. Friday night, it was 2 .30.

Saturday and Sunday, well after 4. And
Lord only knows what time she got in

night. Oh, it has to be love, Walter.
She's ruining her health.

Marilyn, love, that's wonderful. Where
is she?

She must still be asleep. She probably
can't tear herself away from her dream.

Honey, I forgot.

My, you're getting tall.

Shows what a little fertilizer will do.

This is no guitar.

Not you, Mum.

Him. You have to talk to plants, you
know, so they'll grow.

Oh, come on, Mrs. Naugatuck. You can't
make things grow by talking to them. Who

says? Who says?

Dick Cavett had a talk show for three
years and never grew an inch.

Here it is.

We got a postcard from Philip. He is
having a ball up in Vermont.

Boy, Carol will be so happy to see this.
I'm going to slide it under her door so

she sees it as soon as she wakes up.
I'll take it up. I have to finish

Oh, okay. Now, listen, honey.

Honey, please, sweetheart, don't disturb
her. The poor child needs her sleep.

Boy, does she need her sleep.

Uh, Carol, honey, aren't you overdressed
a bit to go out for the morning paper?

Mother, I'm not going out for the
morning paper. I'm just getting in.

All right, come on. Come on, come on,
come on, Carol.

Don't you have a little news for me?

was the best night of your life.

Yes, Mother, because last... Because
last night he told you he loved you and

you're going to get married.

Carol, I said because last night he told
you he loved you and you're going to

get married.

Mother, where were you last night? In
the back seat of his car?

No, but I suspect you were.

happier than that day I accidentally
stepped on Philip Spiro Agnew watch.

Mrs. Naugatuck, Mrs. Naugatuck, my baby
daughter is in love.

Oh, God bless you, dear.

She's in love. She's in love. I already
sang that.

Oh, honey, come on. Now tell me all
about it. I want to hear everything. I

want you to leave out one single
solitary thing. Come on now, tell me all

it.

Harold, that's my favorite name.

Harold.

Harold and Carol.

They rhyme.

Oh, Carol, I'm so excited. I don't know
what to do.

Yes, I do know what to do.

Yes, I do know.

Carol.

This is for you.

You're giving me Grandma's bond?

On the day you marry.

Oh, honey, this is my most prized
possession.

It's been in my family for generations.
Your great -grandmother gave it to

Grandma, and Grandma gave it to me, and
now I'm giving it to you, my

daughter, the future Mrs.

Harold. What's his name?

Carol, you haven't told me what Harold's
last name is.

It's Harold Loftus.

Harold Loftus.

She just couldn't stand the excitement
of you giving her a son -in -law.

She's also given me a daughter -in -law.
Harold Loftus is married.

The hell with Grandma!

At least she doesn't have to clear up
the...

It's you I'm interested in. Oh, no,
Mother, Mother, it's all right. It's all

right. Harold and his wife have been
separated for nearly a month. They're

getting a divorce.

Oh, come on. Harold and Marilyn will
never get a divorce, and you know it.

get separated more often than most
people change their socks.

They'll be back together within a week.

But it'll take us a year to get your
heart back together, Carol.

Oh, Mother, stop the melodramatics.

Harold says this time they really are
getting a divorce. Harold Loftus is a

womanizer. Every chance he gets,
whenever we play canasta, he reaches

table and puts his hand on my knee.

And he doesn't do that just with me. He
does it with less attractive women, too.

Like Harriet Krauss, who could win best
of breed at the Tuckahoe Dog Show.

I know you would say anything to turn me
against him, but I'm not going to

listen to you.

Harold is a sensitive, gentle man.

Oh, honey. All right.

Let's say that Harold is a sensitive,
gentle man. But, honey, how could you do

this to Marilyn?

She's probably the nicest person on the
face of this earth, Carol. Remember when

I was in the hospital with my
hysterectomy? She was the first one who

a gift.

She brought me a book, which...

I thought it was such a sweet gesture,
even if it was the joy of sex.

Carol, I am not going to let you break
up their marriage.

Mother, the marriage is already shot.

Now, please, just butt out.

I mean, I know you're trying to help,
but you can't be objective about this.

You're my mother.

Carol, I'm not only your mother, I am
your friend, Carol, your best friend.

Well, you can't be my mother and my best
friend, too. Yes, I can.

No, you can't. Don't contradict me,
Carol. I'm your mother.

No, I don't need a mother right now. You
say you're my friend, be my friend. All

right, I will speak to you as a friend.

Listen to your mother, Carol.

Knock it off.

Knock it off.

You can say that to me, Carol.

Me, who loves you, who cares for you,
who is only interested in your welfare.

You tell me to knock it off? Yes.

And to think I threw 37 Tupperware
parties so I could afford to get your

straightened.

There has to be some way to get through
to you, Carol.

And I'm going to find out how.

Not a took. Am I so wrong?

Well, well, Carol, I know how you feel.
I also know how she feels.

She thinks you're making a mistake, and
she loves you too much to let that

happen. Well, what do you think?

Well, I can only say I was involved with
a married man myself, and it

turned into a diabolical situation.

It was so diabolical. Why didn't you
stop seeing him? Stop seeing him? I was

one he was married to.

I have finally figured it out. I know
how to get through to you. I am going to

call Marilyn and let her tell you
they're not getting a divorce. Mother,

you dare.

Now, Harold gave me his word, and that's
enough for me.

The last thing I want is my mother
calling my fiancé's wife.

I know we're living in an age when
children are not supposed to listen to

parents. But, Mrs. Naugatuck, you've
been around.

You know that I'm right. Will you please
tell her what you think?

Yes, ma 'am.

Carol, I think your mother should not
interfere.

Mrs.

Naugatuck, God will get you for that.

you should have hired a parrot.

Believe me, even with a parrot, the
house would have been cleaner.

Well, a parrot would have done a better
job talking to your daughter.

Butt out, Nogatuck.

Who are you to tell me to butt out?
You're imp...

put that.

Now you see what you've done because of
you? I just lost a housekeeper.

How can you blame that on me?

You're right. It's Harold Loftus' fault.
You see, I told you he was no good.

Mother, I come home, I tell you I'm in
love with someone. All I want is for you

to be happy for me and instead you're
trying to...

out to be the happiest day of my life
and you ruined it. You just ruined it.

Carol, I only did it for you.

Mother, I'm sick of this. I am sick of
arguing. I'm sick of defending myself.

If I had any sense, I'd move out.

Carol, if you had any sense, you'd face
up to the truth about Marilyn and

Harold. He is no good. He has been no
good for her and he will be no good for

you. That doesn't...

Harold is moving out. She's furious.

What happened to she's in love with a
wonderful guy?

The wonderful guy turned out to be, are
you ready?

Harold Loftus. The one -handed canasta
player?

I would love to stay and help you figure
out something, but I got this plane to

catch. Oh, come on, honey. Do you really
have to go?

I got to on the keynote speaker.

Well, I got an idea. Why don't you come
along? Maybe my speech will cheer you

up. Oh, maybe so.

It's called, Can the Appliance Industry
Weather the Economic Storm or Triple

-Digit Profits During Double -Digit
Inflation?

Goodbye, sweetheart.

Well, I hope everything works out.

So long, sweetheart. I'll phone you.

I'll send for the rest of my things.

Good. They'll be out on the front lawn.

Goodbye, dear.

Goodbye, dear?

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking
to the plant.

I'll be back to pick up my things as
soon as I find a place to stay. Carol,

Carol. Can't we talk it over? Please,
Carol.

You're my daughter.

Mother, we've already talked too much.
Goodbye.

What the hell do you know? You never had
children.

Oh, Maud, I'm so glad you came over.

Listen, you make the salad. Come on,
come on, come on. Keep your hands busy.

There.

Oh, Viv.

I know, I know.

Oh, Viv, my own daughter. I've driven
her out of the house, Radishes.

My own daughter.

I know, I know.

I told her I didn't want to be a
meddling mother. I just wanted to be her

friend, Green Pepper.

I know, I know.

Viv, I... I don't mind her leaving, but
not under these conditions,

Bambooshoots.

Oh, Viv, I guess I'll just never learn
to keep my big mouth shut.

I know, I know.

I love you dearly.

But one more I know I know, and so help
me!

Carol told you? Yes, so I invited her to
stay here.

Vivian! Just until I can find her an
apartment.

Vivian, she is my daughter. And I'm the
one who's in the real estate business.

All right, if that's the way you feel.
She's looking for a little two -bedroom

place with a dining house. Oh, shut up.

I'm just trying to help.

It's sweet of you to try.

I know.

Vivian, it's not her fault. It's all my
fault, all my fault.

All her life, I've told her three
things.

I've told her never to take candy from
strangers and never to eat hamburger in

drugstore and always wear clean
underwear in case you get in an

accident.

The one thing I neglected to tell her
about was Harold Loftus.

I think he's cute.

Vivian,

he's a lecher. He goes after anything in
a skirt.

He made a pass at me once. That proves
my point.

Listen, Maude, I think it's Carol's life
and you have no right to interfere.

Oh, honey, I know that, Viv.

And if Harold were free to marry her, I
would not be a meddling mother. I would

only be her friend. I would keep my
feelings to myself.

Why don't you just call up Marilyn and
ask her if she's going to give Harold a

divorce? Because Carol does not want her
meddling mother to call Marilyn.

Oh.

Who are you calling?

Marilyn.

But, Maude, you just said... I lied.

Hello, Marilyn?

Maude Findlay.

No, dear, I'm... No, honey, I'm not
sick. No, listen, I have something to

you. No, I'm perfectly all right.

I sound terrible?

I always sound terrible.

No, I... Marilyn, that won't be
necessary.

Wouldn't you know it, she's on her way
over to my house with chicken soup,

probably. Good luck. I hope things turn
out well. Carol's such a sweet girl. She

really deserves the best. Oh, Vivian.

Vivian, I am so lucky to have a friend
like you. Oh, honey,

someone... So understanding.

So sympathetic.

What the hell is she doing here?

I'm your new next -door neighbor.

You cheated a job. First my daughter,
now my housekeeper. What are you running

here, Vivian? A home for wayward girls?

She insulted me.

That means she still loves me.

Oh, I know.

I know.

Carol?

No, babe, I found an apartment.

Sure you can help.

Okay, bring the station wagon. We'll
load it up.

I love you, too.

Honey, you're back.

Hello, Mother.

Oh, Carol.

Oh, Carol, honey.

I'm so sorry I had that fight with you.
Oh, honey, I'm so glad you're back.

But, Mother... Carol, you know, I was
just remembering when you were six years

old and I gave you a nickel for the
wishing well, and you threw it in the

and you said, I wish I could always live
with my mommy.

Mother, I just came to get my things. I
found an apartment. I want my nickel

back.

Oh, Carol, please, come back. Carol.
Mother, I'm sorry, but I really have

up my mind.

Marilyn. Marilyn!

Oh, please, Lord, let her still be at
home.

Nobody listens to me!

Hello, Marilyn. Marilyn, we must do this
again sometime.

She said you wanted to...

to me. Yes, I wanted to talk to you and
see if we could arrange it for another

time. But, but, Maude, I brought you a
box of candy.

I, I, I really got it for my mother, but
then I didn't want to come empty

-handed, so I erased her name from the
card and put yours in. Can you tell?

Well, I can make out the O and just a
part of the T. Look, uh, Marilyn, I do

have something to ask you, but I'm in a
terrible rush. We don't have much time.

Mother, who is that?

Uh, nobody!

Let's talk in the kitchen.

Okay.

Look, Maude, I know why you asked me
over here. Now, I can tell something is

bothering you. Look, you can tell me,
Maude. I may be overly nice, but I'm

solid. I'm like a piece of the rock.
Well, what I wanted to talk about,

is divorce.

Oh, Maude, you're getting another
divorce.

Marilyn!

Marilyn, you are a saint and an angel,
but you are beginning to get on my

nerves.

But I wanted to ask you, Marilyn, are
you and Harold getting a divorce?

Well, to tell you the truth, Maude, I
was going to give him a divorce, but

I found out he's running around with
some floozy.

Floozy? I mean, really? What makes
you... I mean...

Well, I mean, just because some girl is
dating Harold doesn't mean that she's a

floozy. Maud, you're covering up.

On my honor... Maud, you're the floozy.

Me?

You don't have to lie to me, Maud.
Really, I'm very understanding.

Here, have a piece of my mother's candy.

Now, thank you very, very much for the
information.

Honey, I'm sorry I have to rush you, but
I'm expecting 55 for dinner, and I have

to start peeling shrimp.

Just get out.

Harold!

Marilyn. Darling!

Come back later.

Yes, you're right, Marilyn. I am the
floozy that Harold is having the affair

with. Marilyn!

you doing here?

Marilyn! Harold!

Ted and Alice, and I wish I were there.

Marilyn, I'm really sorry this had to
happen this way.

Oh, good grief, she's the one.

Oh, no. Now, look, Marilyn, it is not
Carol's fault. Believe me, she would not

hurt you for the world. Oh, Maude, do
you think for one minute that I would

blame this innocent child?

Oh, never.

I'm much too nice for that.

Mother, how could you do this? Look,
Carol, just listen.

Marilyn, Harold, are you or are you not
getting a divorce?

Yes. No.

No? Yes.

Now, wait a minute, Mary. We settled
this whole thing last Tuesday night.

Tuesday night?

You told me you play handball on Tuesday
nights. I do.

Every Tuesday night, I stop by and see
Marilyn first, and then I go play

handball. That's right.

First thing after breakfast on Wednesday
morning.

You lied to me.

Honey, I have to see Marilyn on
Tuesdays. It's the only time we have to

the divorce.

It takes you all night to discuss a
divorce?

The way we discuss a divorce, yes.

Marilyn. Every Tuesday night, Marilyn,
you really are too nice.

I don't believe this. You were cheating
on me with your own wife?

Try to have a little understanding.

Understanding? Harold, you...

Carol, I'm telling you I'm getting a
divorce.

Harold, do you think for one minute that
I would give you a divorce now and let

you spoil that poor child's life?

I'm much too nice for that.

Harold?

Enjoy my mother's candy, Maude.

I'm back.

The quiet next door drove me crazy.

Even with all the windows open, I could
barely hear the fighting over here.

Welcome back, Mrs.

Nogatuck. I wasn't talking to you. I was
talking to the plant.

Want some coffee?

Yeah. Okay.

Sugar? One lump.

Carol, speaking of lump, honey, I have
one in my throat.

So do I.

Oh, Mother, thank you.

Maud was recorded on tape before a live
audience.