All language subtitles for Maude s02e13 Music Hath Charms

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really cooked.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And the dance floor.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud. That'll compromise
and enterprise and anything but

tranquilizer. Not all mud.

And the door had to be taken off by the
hinges so that Walter could get out of

the bathroom.

And that's how we started our honeymoon.

I have a little verse I wrote for your
anniversary.

Oh, Vivian, thank you. You know, she
does this every year.

May this marriage last.

May it never falter.

Barney, Chester, and Albert can't
compare to Walt.

Darling, that's beautiful.

You know, this one almost topped the one
you wrote last year. How did that one

go? Oh, I know, I know. I hope this
marriage won't end in divorce.

You've had enough husbands to choke a
horse.

Honestly, I've always had more fun with
your husbands.

Not as much fun as I've had with them.

So far as I know.

Well, what are friends for?

Where is, um... Walter. Yeah, Walter.

Anyway. Now, he's still asleep. Do you
know that he was up until two o 'clock

this morning playing that new electric
organ?

If you could call it playing, and it was
quarter to three.

Come on, now, honey. His playing isn't
all that bad.

She can say what she like, but I'll tell
you one thing. He ain't gonna make the

world forget about Fats Domino.

That's a charm.

Ooh,

the ice cream melted all over the other
groceries.

Well, that's life, lady. You order ice
cream, you gotta take your chances.

Hey, lady.

No tip?

You deliver melted ice cream, you thog
up all my green stamps, and you expect a

tip?

Why not?

Sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny.

Let me tell you something very important
about life.

Never, never accept money you have not
earned.

Or you're liable to grow up and be vice
president.

Come on, honey, lunch.

Here, Florida, do something with this
mess.

Just what I've always wanted, grocery a
la mode.

telling me that Walter bought that
electric organ as an anniversary

That isn't all I told her.

Oh, come on now, honey. Stop being so
ungrateful.

That organ's only been in the house for
three days.

I mean, besides, Walter brought it here
so that the entire family could enjoy

it. Oh, no, I think that's a lovely
idea.

Want to take my place in the family?

And to think I carried you high for nine
months to be sure you'd be a girl.

Walter. Now, come on. Be a little
tolerant.

I mean, you've seen that look of joy on
his face. He is having the time of his

life playing that organ.

Now, give the man a break.

I'd like to give him ten breaks, one for
each finger.

When he passes that organ, I bet he
cannot resist playing it.

He couldn't.

If that's his idea of rhythm, it's a
good thing he ain't Catholic.

How can you stand that?

Oh, come on now, Viv. You know Walter.

Honey, this is just a phase he's going
through. How long did he use the

exocycle? About a week.

And the jogging lasted five days. How
long before he gave up kung fu? He

two proverbs.

I mean, the man has few enough
pleasures.

And please, God, this one will go in a
few days.

Sweetheart, love, would you mind playing
a little bit softer?

Thank you, dear, thank you.

Listen, sweetheart, I mean, don't
misunderstand me. I love your playing.

Sweetheart, I love you for enjoying me
so much.

Lots of wives would be impatient, but
not you, Maud. You're not impatient.

No, I'm insane.

chorus of Old Black Joe, I'm going out
there and put Massa in the cold, cold

ground.

Gloria, you should see him. He is so
adorable.

I mean, his little furry fingers flying
up and down the leaves.

His little fuzzy feet pumping away at
the pedals.

Oh, I love the way he looks when he
plays. I love the way he feels. I love

minute of it.

Why couldn't he have taken up the
piccolo?

Uh, what? What is that tune he keeps
playing?

Vivian, that's Walter's version of Old
Black Joe.

Poor Joe.

It ain't bad enough he's old and he's
black.

Sweetheart. Darling.

Later, Maud. Listen, I think I'm getting
the hang of it. Speaking of hanging,

Maud.

Maud, I know what you're thinking.

You do, sweetheart? But this isn't going
to be one of my passing fanfies. Oh,

it's not. I make you a solemn promise.
I'm going to play this for the rest of

life.

The rest of your life.

God will get me for what I'm thinking.

Now, lunch, dear, lunch. In a minute.

Hello?

What? No, I can't. Wait a minute.
Walter, please, darling, I'm on the

Hello? Oh, hello, Mr. Henderson.

Yeah, that's right, Walter's playing.

Are you enjoying it as much as we are?

That much.

Yeah, all right, I will.

Goodbye.

Walter, sweetheart, every time you play,
the neighbors call.

Yeah? And threaded through all their
conversations are the same two words,

vigilante committee.

They're just jealous.

There is something I'd like you to play.
What?

Golf. Now, will you knock it off?

I thought you loved music.

I do, my sweet, and someday we'll listen
to some together.

Okay, okay, wait a minute.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I know I'm no Liberace, and so if it's
bothering you, I'll just put it

else. Now, let's see, where can I put
it?

yourself a 50 -year -old man to your
grandson?

Or he makes noise in every room in the
house. I mean, he's got a kazoo and a

transistor radio. You are equating your
own grandson to an electric organ?

Grubby Walter.

Grubby Walter.

What do you want me to do? Throw him
out? All right, I will.

I love Philip, and of course they want
him to stay here.

Tonight, when you come crawling up those
stairs to me, no amnesty.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary, Walter.

Come on, what happened? Oh, your friend
is the most selfish, stubborn,

bullheaded, arrogant... Argumentative.

Argumentative. Pig -headed. Pig -headed.
Chauvinistic. Exactly.

Funny, I've always got along with him.

And you can have him. If I never see him
again, it'll be too soon.

Come on, don't panic.

Me panic?

Oh, please, if you'd just bring my
Walter back to me. I promise, I promise

never argue with him again.

I'll never argue with you again. Walter!

Oh,

Walter, oh, Walter. Oh, don't. Oh,
Walter, Walter.

Oh, thank heavens you're alive.

Sweetheart, when I felt the car spin out
of control and I saw that tree coming

at me, I could only think of one thing.

Sweetheart. I thought I would never play
the organ again.

Hi,

everybody. Hello, Arthur.

Where are all the happy honeymooners? At
their favorite restaurant. They're out

celebrating their delayed fifth
anniversary tonight.

Ah, that's right.

Well, here's the prescription your
mother wanted for her headache. Oh,

you. You know, if she could ever get rid
of those lousy headaches, everything

would be perfect around here.

Yeah. You wouldn't believe the peace and
quiet around this house for the last

four days.

It's eerie.

The only noise we've heard all week was
after Mr. Finley ate radishes.

Ever since the accident, Maude and
Walter have been cooing like two doves.

Well, the radishes have made a great
change in the neighborhood.

People can sleep now with their windows
open.

to fight or argue again.

It's kind of like death takes a holiday.

You know what it is?

After four days, finally, they've
discovered the way to a happy marriage.

Having a good time, sweetheart?

Oh, marvelous, John.

How about you do?

Delicious.

You know, I can't remember a more fun
-filled evening.

Walter, dear, you're humming again.

I am? Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that's all
right, dear. I like it. I like your

You do?

I'd like it even more if you'd hum the
same tune the orchestra's playing.

What's the matter, dear? You got another
headache?

Same one.

You got an aspirin?

Oh!

I'm sorry.

About what?

I, uh,

I stepped on your toe.

You know, I didn't even notice. Was that
you?

You know, darling, we really are very
lucky.

I'll say.

Finding a parking place right out front.

Sweetheart, I meant about your accident
the other day. Oh, yeah.

Darling, not that I mind, but, you know,
ever since the accident, you've had

this nervous habit.

All you do is hum.

That's funny. I wasn't aware of it.
Yeah, well, not that I mind your hum.

You still have that headache.

No, this is a new one. The other one
went away when you stepped on my foot.

I'm sorry.

Sweetheart, to us.

To five years of wedded bliss.

And to the past four days, Walter. Four
days without one single argument. The

happiest four days of our lives.

Good martini. And a good Shirley Temple,
too. Very good.

Good.

Having a good time, dear?

Oh, better than good.

Good.

How about you, dear? You having a good
time?

Good.

You know, Walter, if I were president,
this is one conversation I wouldn't

I'm really having a good time, Ward, but
I have to confess.

I used to have better good times with
you.

There seems to be something missing.

You've noticed that, too. There is
something missing, Walter. I wonder what

is. I don't know. I mean, it's nothing I
can put my finger on.

Wait a minute.

We used to laugh a lot when we had good
times before.

That's what's missing. Of course,
laughter.

That's probably what it is.

That's not it.

It starts here, and then it goes over
the eye, down to my ear, where there's

kind of a dull pounding, and then around
the neck, across the shoulder, around

the clavicle, where it sort of has a
throbbing sensation, and from there,

the spinal cord.

Enjoy your dinner. Thank you. It stops
at the base of my sacroiliac. Walter,

stand up.

For what?

You're humming the Star -Spangled
Banner.

What's the matter, Maude?

Nothing, nothing.

Is there something wrong with your
steak? No, fine, fine.

Then why did you make a face?

I didn't make a face.

I saw you make a face, Maude. I know
when you make a face, you went like

And I know what I'm talking about. When
you lower your voice.

You went like this, Maude.

There's something wrong with your steak.

Philippe! I said there's nothing wrong
with my steak. Is everything all right?

Fine, Philippe. Philippe, Maude doesn't
like her steak. Bring her another one.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't want another
one. This one's fine.

Philippe, she made a face like this.

She made a face like that, or... Yes,
and bring her another steak.

I did not make a face like this.

I made a face like this.

I must get you another steak. Good.

I don't want another steak. Please lower
your voice. I will not lower my voice

and bring her another steak. Well,
perhaps Monsieur would like another

No.

I don't want another steak. Please lower
your voice. I will not lower my voice.

Everyone is staring at you. Good. Let
him stare and you can tell us all what's

wrong with your steak. You want to know
what's wrong with the steak? I'll tell

you what's wrong with the steak. They
took a perfectly good piece of well

prime beef and they ruined it.

horse it came from and use it as a
saddle.

Thank you, Philippe. It's fine.

The chef will be pleased.

Mark, why did you order it well done?
You usually order it medium. Never in a

French restaurant, Walter. They always
undercook their meat.

Then let me send it back for you. Why
suffer?

but would you mind lowering your voices?

Mother and I are celebrating our wedding
anniversary.

What do you think this mother and I
are...

embarrassed me in front of the soprano.

God.

No kidding.

And I'm not humming.

I don't think I'm humming. Am I humming,
Lord?

Sweetheart, you haven't hummed since you
started yelling.

Oh, darling, don't you see what's
happening?

That wasn't us.

That's right. How can two people in love
live together without conflict?

Okay, everybody!

Announcement! Announcement!

We're going to shut up now.

Oh, sweetheart.

I'm really beginning to have a good
time. Oh, so am I, darling. And I

you. I will never not argue with you
again.

Happy anniversary to you. Happy
anniversary to you.

Happy anniversary, Mr.

and Mrs. Finley. Happy anniversary.

I hear things are back to normal with
Maggie and Jiggs. That's right. The

ceasefire ended at midnight.

Well, I suppose it's over.

I'll be glad when you go and you rascal

you.

Hi, Florida.

Thanks for taking care of baby.

agreed to let me play the organ, and I
agreed to let her take up an instrument

too. Oh, Lord.

I bet she's going to take up the
harmonica again.

was recorded on tape before a live...