All language subtitles for Maude s02e08 The Double Standard
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1
00:00:04,109 --> 00:00:06,990
Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.
2
00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:10,170
She didn't care if the whole world
looked.
3
00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:16,450
Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.
4
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:22,850
Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?
5
00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:24,430
Oh, yeah.
6
00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:29,490
When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.
7
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,260
And then there's Maud.
8
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:38,960
And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then
9
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:44,180
there's Maud. And then there's Maud.
That uncompromising, enterprising,
10
00:00:44,180 --> 00:00:46,480
but tranquilizing. Right on, Maud.
11
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,300
Mmm. Mmm.
12
00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:53,020
This is delicious.
13
00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:57,420
Boy, Florida, with this stew, you really
kick my butt.
14
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:04,700
Come on now, Florida.
15
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,280
You know perfectly well that to kick
one's butt means to impress one
16
00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:11,380
It's a very common black expression.
17
00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:16,040
Well, I never heard it.
18
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,760
But then again, maybe I ain't been black
long as you.
19
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,040
it in this dictionary of black slang
expressions.
20
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,500
And if it isn't right, what would I say
in black ghetto language if I wanted to
21
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:33,560
impress you favorably?
22
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,360
What would you say in black ghetto talk
if you wanted to impress me favorably?
23
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:42,980
Well, in the blackest ghetto talk, I
believe the expression is, uh, Florida,
24
00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:44,560
don't you take the rest of the day off?
25
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,460
God'll get you for that, Florida.
26
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:52,480
I'll get it.
27
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,420
It's probably Carol and her boyfriend.
28
00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:56,180
I'm coming.
29
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:00,280
Hello. Oh, hi, Viv.
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00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:05,960
Hi. I was expecting Carol and her
adorable new boyfriend back from their
31
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,580
trip. Now, you can stop humming the
wedding march, Maude. It's only me.
32
00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:13,960
Oh, come on now, Viv. I assure you, I am
not humming any wedding march.
33
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,740
I mean, if everybody who went camping
together ended up getting married,
34
00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:19,780
be an awful lot of Boy Scouts living
together.
35
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,320
That's as cute as you say he is. Viv, he
is adorable.
36
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:32,100
He's 30, but he has this kind of baby
face that makes him look top 17.
37
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:33,880
Here's the vaporizer.
38
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:38,000
Oh, thanks for letting me borrow this.
You know, Chuck took hours with him when
39
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,680
we split up and he moved out of the
house.
40
00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:43,580
But why would Chuck take the vaporizer?
You're the one with the asthma attacks.
41
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,360
You just answered your own question.
42
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,019
respiratory trouble?
43
00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:59,500
Yeah. I begged you for years to give up
smoking, but you never listened to me.
44
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,460
I've never smoked in my life, Arthur.
45
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:02,800
No wonder you never listened to me.
46
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,560
Any way to treat me besides Arthur?
47
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,920
No, thank you, Walter. I'll split a
ginger ale with you. How was your game?
48
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,900
Terrible. But fortunately, Arthur made
me look good. That's what doctors are
49
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:15,380
for, Walter, to make people look good.
Wrong, Arthur.
50
00:03:15,740 --> 00:03:17,360
Doctors make people look well.
51
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,600
Undertakers make people look good.
52
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,320
Touche, Monty.
53
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:24,960
Well...
54
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:26,850
I'll just be running along.
55
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:29,050
Maude. Walter.
56
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:31,070
Arthur.
57
00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:32,870
Michael. So long, Vivian.
58
00:03:33,770 --> 00:03:35,250
Thanks again, Maude. Oh.
59
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,990
And be sure and give my love to Carol
when she returns.
60
00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:41,130
Ah! Young love.
61
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:42,610
Isn't it wonderful?
62
00:03:44,210 --> 00:03:45,210
Isn't it true?
63
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:47,370
I certainly miss my Agnes.
64
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,910
I haven't had a really good meal since
she died.
65
00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:56,480
Well, you know, I'm considered to be
a... pretty good cook, Arthur, so
66
00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,080
you'd like to drop by for a free home
-cooked meal, please do.
67
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,520
Poor Vivian.
68
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:09,420
Kind of sad being a divorcee. I suppose
I'm lucky being a widower.
69
00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:15,440
That's nothing. Think how lucky Agnes
is.
70
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,340
By the way, Marty, where's Carol? Is she
away or something?
71
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:23,479
Uh -huh.
72
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,920
Philip is visiting his father, so Carol
took the opportunity to go on a little
73
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,280
camping trip with her boyfriend.
74
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:31,960
Oh, that young pediatrician fellow from
Boston. The one with the camper truck.
75
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,600
So they're on a little camping trip
together, huh?
76
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,620
Well, well, well.
77
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:45,600
Now look, Arthur, before you say another
well, Carol is 27, Chris is 30, and
78
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,740
this is 1973.
79
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,640
Oh, I'm not saying anything against
Carol. It's just that in my day and age,
80
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:51,940
they would have had a chaperone.
81
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,480
Come on, Arthur. In your day and age,
girls wore hoop skirts.
82
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,600
Which is probably why they needed a
chaperone. A girl in a hoop skirt is so
83
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,600
to tip over.
84
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,560
Really, Arthur, if you're suggesting
that Carol's morality... No, no, I
85
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,560
say that, Maude.
86
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:14,720
Now, listen, Maude.
87
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,200
I admire you.
88
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,480
I really do.
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00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:20,940
You are a truly liberated modern woman.
90
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:26,080
Well, I thank you, Arthur. You have a
straightforward, delightful way of
91
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,360
at the complete moral collapse of our
society.
92
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,060
It is not the moral collapse. The
complete collapse. It is totally the
93
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,820
It is moral honesty, Arthur. For the
very first time, people are behaving
94
00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:41,560
happy, healthy human beings, which, of
course, leaves you out of things.
95
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,200
That's all right, Monty. Go ahead.
96
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,640
Snicker at morality.
97
00:05:47,850 --> 00:05:51,150
But I remember when Ingrid Bergman ran
off to Stromboli with that Italian
98
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:55,790
director, people were so shocked she
wasn't permitted to make a movie for
99
00:05:56,870 --> 00:06:01,390
And now, now actresses like Vanessa
Redgrave, Mia Farrow, can have hundreds
100
00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:03,310
babies out of wedlock. Make all the
movies they want.
101
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,710
That's another thing I disapprove of.
102
00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:06,910
Working mothers.
103
00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:12,870
Look, Arthur, if this is a conversation
between two consenting adults, I have
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00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,090
just stopped consenting.
105
00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:15,690
That's all right, Martin.
106
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,790
What you have to realize, Mott, is
there's no self -discipline anymore.
107
00:06:20,370 --> 00:06:23,050
There is no adult approach to life or
morals.
108
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:27,250
President Nixon may have his faults, but
he put it in a nutshell when he said
109
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:31,310
the average American is just like a
child. Arthur, he was just talking about
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00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:32,310
advisors.
111
00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:41,590
So that's it for America, huh?
112
00:06:42,850 --> 00:06:47,300
Another attack on the president and a
complete whitewash. for Vanessa Redgrave
113
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:48,300
and working mothers.
114
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,800
Walter, for the life of me, I cannot
understand how you picked me as a wife
115
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,140
somebody like Arthur Harmon as a best
friend.
116
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,320
Well, it beats having it the other way
around.
117
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:06,840
And besides, sometimes Arthur makes a
lot of sense. He's not always wrong.
118
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,070
safe and sound, don't I deserve some
kind of reward?
119
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:21,590
You certainly do.
120
00:07:22,630 --> 00:07:27,890
Oh, that face. That baby pussycat face.
121
00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:33,070
This is 30 years old. With two -year
-old skin.
122
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:38,650
You know, confidentially, Chris, I have
not seen skin like that since the last
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00:07:38,650 --> 00:07:39,830
time I diapered Carol.
124
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,660
You're embarrassing him.
125
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:47,240
Mrs. Finley, the bane of my existence is
that I'm a baby doctor that looks like
126
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,240
one of his patients.
127
00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:51,100
Please, do not contribute to that bane.
128
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,160
Is that cute?
129
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,120
How can you resist that?
130
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,700
Let's have a drink to celebrate your
return to civilization.
131
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,140
Love one. Oh, by the way, here's a
present for you. For me?
132
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,050
What do I say?
133
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,250
How nice.
134
00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:14,690
How nice?
135
00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:17,830
Mother, it's a wall -eyed pike.
136
00:08:18,450 --> 00:08:22,390
Oh, well, it's the thought that counts,
and at least it came wrapped in the New
137
00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:23,390
York Times.
138
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,470
She's just saying that because they're
anti -Nixon.
139
00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:29,430
I didn't know wall -eyed pike were anti
-Nixon.
140
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:33,049
Then again, why should I be surprised?
141
00:08:34,289 --> 00:08:37,870
Oh, uh, Chris, you will stay for dinner.
Oh, thanks, but I've got a long drive
142
00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:38,909
ahead of me up to Boston.
143
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,460
Why don't you spend the night with us
and get up early and leave then?
144
00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,960
Well, I'd really like to. Oh, come on.
Now, you're going on that medical
145
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,100
in Canada. You kids won't see each other
for at least a month, so it's all
146
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:52,540
settled. Well... You might as well give
in. When my mother says something's
147
00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:53,540
settled, it's settled.
148
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,980
Okay, you win. Good. I'll check dinner.
149
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,240
Oh, that face.
150
00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:58,540
That face.
151
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:03,900
Don't look now that we're alone.
152
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,000
Yes, we are, aren't we?
153
00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:16,550
Very personal question.
154
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,390
Of course.
155
00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:20,810
Would you still love me if I didn't have
this skin?
156
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,630
stop staring at me.
157
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:51,890
Say, Florida, how would you like to take
this home with you?
158
00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:53,390
On the bus?
159
00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:57,790
Why not? Let her look out the window,
shouldn't she?
160
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,910
Better let her hang out the window.
161
00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:08,590
Oh, by the way, Harold's friend is going
to be spending the night, so would you
162
00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:11,110
change the sheets in the guest room?
Right away, Mrs. Finley.
163
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,380
Could you put some men's hangers in my
room? Sure thing, honey.
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00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:25,940
I
165
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:33,580
sure
166
00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:35,180
hope my bus is on time.
167
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:40,580
Something tells me this ain't gonna be
no place for an innocent bystander.
168
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:49,050
Oh, no trouble at all, honey. Besides,
it'll give Walter and me a chance to get
169
00:10:49,050 --> 00:10:52,130
to know him better. All right, but don't
forget he's got to get up early in the
170
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:55,650
morning. Don't worry, honey. We'll have
a very early dinner and then just a
171
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:58,310
little talk and then I'll make sure that
you both get a good night's sleep.
172
00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:03,830
By the way, honey, speaking of Chris, do
I hear wedding bells?
173
00:11:05,810 --> 00:11:07,930
Mother, Chris and I care about each
other a lot.
174
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,670
We even think we're in love.
175
00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:12,750
As for wedding bells, only time will
tell.
176
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:14,590
Only time will tell.
177
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:16,280
That's a lovely saying.
178
00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:20,260
Then there's that other saying about
time.
179
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,540
It's later than you think.
180
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,860
Honey, if you want to put your things
upstairs, it's the first room on the
181
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:28,860
right. Oh, fine.
182
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,120
You're using the good silver for Chris?
Thank you.
183
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,180
If he steals, we don't want him to think
we're cheap.
184
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,560
It's all right with you, Mrs. Finley.
I'll be going home now. Oh, of course.
185
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,560
Good night, Florida.
186
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:50,340
Mrs. Finley, I changed the linen in the
guest room like you asked me. Oh, thank
187
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:54,720
you, Barbara. And I put men's hangers in
your room like you asked, Carol.
188
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,300
And may the best room win.
189
00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:06,260
Carol,
190
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:12,300
why did Florida put men's hangers in
your room?
191
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,220
Well, why did she change the sheets in
the guest room?
192
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:16,920
Because they were dirty.
193
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,120
Mother, you do realize that Chris is
staying so we can be together.
194
00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:28,100
Of course I do, honey. I wouldn't have
it any other way.
195
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,400
Say, Carol, you sure got a nice room.
196
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:38,400
Chris, Carol, why don't the two of you
just go and sit down and relax and I'll
197
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,500
go into the bedroom and check on dinner.
I mean...
198
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,280
My mother isn't uptight about my staying
here, is she? No, my mother's the most
199
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,360
modern woman I know.
200
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:58,720
Dinner will be ready in just a few
minutes. Mother, you're not upset
201
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,560
Chris and I are staying here? I'm not? I
mean, I'm not.
202
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:06,680
Are you sure? I mean, I can sleep in the
camper. Oh, please, Chris, don't be
203
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,940
ridiculous. Look, Carol, you've known me
for 27 years.
204
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,780
You know that I am a completely
emancipated mother.
205
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,720
So welcome to my home, Chris.
206
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:19,000
And the two of you are going to stay
together upstairs, for better or worse,
207
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:19,959
that's that.
208
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,920
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go back
into the bedroom and finish dinner.
209
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,860
Why should I be bothered? I'm a
completely modern mother Carol is 27
210
00:13:55,860 --> 00:14:02,020
This is 1973 Oh, Walter Walter, not
under my own roof
211
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,360
Harold, you talk about women's lib. Do
you know that we were singing this 30
212
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,360
years ago?
213
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:23,700
There once was a union made. Father, I
am going to bed.
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00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:24,839
No!
215
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:30,000
Lord, I've got kind of a hunch about
what you're trying to do. You guessed
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00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:32,600
Charades. You must have been reading my
mind.
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00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:37,240
What? Oh, come on, sweetheart. You know
how well I sleep after a strenuous game
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00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,900
of charades. I was about to say I'm all
for it. I love charades. You mean you
219
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:42,739
want to play?
220
00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:43,740
Sure, but I...
221
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:55,990
Two syllables. First syllable.
222
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,730
Halo. Halo. Holy.
223
00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:02,410
Gentle.
224
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,190
Nice.
225
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:21,190
I'd be a lot happier if Carol and I
didn't stay here tonight.
226
00:17:21,430 --> 00:17:23,190
Oh, come on, Chris, don't be ridiculous.
227
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,250
There's an old Spanish expression.
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00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,369
Mi casa es su casa.
229
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:31,070
What does that mean? How the hell do I
know? Ask an old Spaniard.
230
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,890
Honey, you're not fooling anybody.
231
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:40,290
Look, Carol, why don't I just drive up
to Boston tonight and get an early
232
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,890
Good idea. If I wasn't so tired, I'd go
with you.
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00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:47,330
Mother, look, Chris and I won't see each
other for four weeks. We would like to
234
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:48,330
be alone.
235
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:53,790
Then be alone. Be alone all over the
place for all I care.
236
00:17:56,190 --> 00:18:00,530
Mother, I love you, but you're driving
me crazy. Now look, we're going to go
237
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,490
upstairs, get our things, and leave.
238
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:05,390
All right, go.
239
00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:09,390
Oh, Walter.
240
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:10,630
Walter, Walter.
241
00:18:10,730 --> 00:18:12,330
It's all right. It's all right.
242
00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:14,050
How could you do this to me?
243
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:19,190
What did I do? I just threw my own
daughter out.
244
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:22,190
the house, you didn't even raise a hand
to stop me. And you should have stopped
245
00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:22,969
me, Walter.
246
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:25,150
It'd be easier to stop the Green Bay
Packers.
247
00:18:27,790 --> 00:18:29,550
You're basically average, Walter.
248
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:32,750
Maud. Average.
249
00:18:33,290 --> 00:18:36,790
Maud, it's all over. They're leaving. I
don't want them to go.
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00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:42,150
So what, did you try to keep us up all
night? Because I talk one way and I act
251
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:45,030
another. I'm a hypocrite, Walter. Admit
it. I'm a hypocrite.
252
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:48,470
Okay, you're a hypocrite. If I want a
parrot, I'll buy one.
253
00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:00,740
Discussion is happening in houses all
over the country. I know, Walter, but I
254
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:04,320
don't want to impose the views of my
generation on Carol.
255
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:07,720
I mean, let's face it, our whole
generation's a mess anyway.
256
00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:11,140
I mean, for instance, how many people do
you know at the club who are married
257
00:19:11,140 --> 00:19:12,140
and fooling around?
258
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:13,580
And I don't mean with each other.
259
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,520
Well, a couple of the women even made
some passes at me. That's exactly
260
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,520
Names, Walter.
261
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,000
Maud, one argument at a time.
262
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:29,960
lecture you gave Arthur.
263
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:34,680
Now, why should this thing with Chris
and Carol bother you? It obviously
264
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,140
bother you when she spent four days with
him on a camping trip. Right, Maud?
265
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:40,560
Wrong, Walter.
266
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:46,700
When Carol told me she was thinking
about going off with Chris for four days
267
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:52,380
a camper, I put a tooth mark in my
tongue that will take ten years to heal.
268
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,520
You, Maud Findlay? Oh, Walter, I must...
Square!
269
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,400
I mean, I may not always practice it,
but I believe in the old -fashioned
270
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,340
things, in the ring, in the vows, in the
license, in the ceremony, in the
271
00:20:06,340 --> 00:20:08,080
wedding bed, and in that order.
272
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,860
I'm Maud Findlay.
273
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:14,360
In my heart, I'm Arthur Hartman.
274
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:16,720
Promise you won't tell the neighbors.
275
00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:20,620
Maud, you don't have to be ashamed of
what you are.
276
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:24,720
There's got to be millions of mothers
facing this problem who feel exactly the
277
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,659
same way you do.
278
00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:27,080
Walter, it's so old.
279
00:20:28,399 --> 00:20:29,820
What's wrong with old -fashioned?
280
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,940
These feelings that you have are just as
honest and valid today as they were a
281
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:39,660
hundred years ago. Oh, Walter. I am
stuck with both feet in my generation. I
282
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,540
want to have at least one in Carol's.
283
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:47,180
Sweetheart, if that's what you really
want, then tell Carol and Chris you want
284
00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:48,180
them to stay.
285
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,320
Thank you, Walter. I don't know why I
didn't think of that.
286
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,640
all over, and you're staying here, and
that's that.
287
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,900
Mother, please, let's not open up that
can of peas again. No, you're not
288
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,200
leaving! Not this way!
289
00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:16,080
Mother, will you please get out of the
way?
290
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:17,300
No.
291
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:20,080
Chris, will you please get my mother out
of the way?
292
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:23,760
Maude!
293
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:27,860
Look,
294
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:32,460
Carol, um... It's been a long evening.
295
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,640
I've been patient, polite...
296
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:35,860
sang folk songs.
297
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,880
I did all this for you under very trying
circumstances.
298
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,320
So please don't ask me to beat up your
mother.
299
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,060
Oh, come on, kids.
300
00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:48,880
Now, look, I refuse to be upset about
the two of you staying here in my own
301
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,260
house. I mean, Lord only knows what went
on in that camper.
302
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,480
Strike that!
303
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,620
Lord, do you realize what you're asking?
304
00:21:59,140 --> 00:22:02,520
You're asking Carol and me to stay
upstairs to prove that you're a modern
305
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,800
mother. Look, after all the trouble you
brought into this house, you owe me a
306
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:06,800
favor.
307
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,100
Mother, do you honestly think Chris and
I could stay in this house with you
308
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:12,099
after all of this?
309
00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:14,300
You're right. Walter, get your
toothbrush. We're leaving.
310
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,940
I'm not going anywhere. Come on, Walter,
we can stay in the camper. You always
311
00:22:18,940 --> 00:22:20,540
said you wanted to get closer to nature.
312
00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:23,020
During the day, more. Not in the middle
of the night.
313
00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:26,640
There could be a big black dog out
there.
314
00:22:28,940 --> 00:22:32,080
Mother, maybe we'd better go in the
kitchen. I'll be right back.
315
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,560
Time sure flies when you're having fun.
316
00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:41,240
Okay, Carol, who talks first?
317
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:45,340
Mother, none of this would have happened
if you hadn't asked Chris to stay.
318
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,820
Oh, come on now, Carol. You could have
stayed in separate rooms.
319
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,240
What are you talking about? I couldn't
just sleep in another room. I feel like
320
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:53,240
hypocrite.
321
00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:58,040
The truth is, I didn't want him to stay
in the first place.
322
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,320
Oh, come on. Now, Callie, you are
totally confusing me. Well, it's not
323
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,280
fault, Mother. It has nothing to do with
you.
324
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,200
It's me.
325
00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:10,900
I never even realized it until just a
little while ago.
326
00:23:12,020 --> 00:23:14,940
Well, I guess that's the reason I never
asked him to stay before.
327
00:23:17,540 --> 00:23:23,300
Not with you upstairs right across the
hall. Not under my own mother's roof.
328
00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:27,260
Do you...
329
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,820
what you just said. Oh, of course I
realized what I said. I said it, didn't
330
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:35,560
No, you're not the only one who's old
-fashioned. You don't have to feel
331
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,340
Look, if I want to feel guilty, I'll
feel guilty. It cleanses my soul.
332
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,660
Some people take laxatives, I take
guilt.
333
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:49,680
Well, I guess I'm just a chip off the
old block.
334
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,200
Oh, honey.
335
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,280
You know, you and I are exactly alike.
336
00:23:55,050 --> 00:23:58,470
Do you remember last year when Walter
and I stayed at my mother's house? She
337
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:02,450
right across the hall, too. Do you know
I wouldn't even let Walter kiss me?
338
00:24:03,070 --> 00:24:06,050
I treated him like he was someone who
just climbed in through the window.
339
00:24:08,590 --> 00:24:09,770
Good night, Mother.
340
00:24:11,330 --> 00:24:15,730
Honey, are you sure you're not leaving
just to let me off the hook? I'm sure.
341
00:24:15,730 --> 00:24:18,770
won't see each other for four weeks.
We'd really like to be alone.
342
00:24:19,030 --> 00:24:20,030
Scouts on it.
343
00:24:22,570 --> 00:24:27,850
Oh, Carol, if you ever have a daughter,
I hope she's lucky enough to turn out
344
00:24:27,850 --> 00:24:28,850
just like you.
345
00:24:29,610 --> 00:24:33,970
Thank you. And for her sake, I hope her
mother turns out like me.
346
00:24:56,110 --> 00:24:57,510
This better be good. Good?
347
00:24:58,130 --> 00:24:59,130
That's going to be great.
348
00:24:59,270 --> 00:25:02,610
I don't know what you'll think about it,
but Carol and I are out of our skulls.
349
00:25:02,690 --> 00:25:03,690
Tell them, Carol.
350
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,560
Mod was recorded on tape before a live
audience.
28295
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