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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,950 --> 00:00:07,890 Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. 2 00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:11,050 She didn't care if the whole world looked. 3 00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:17,330 Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could. 4 00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:23,750 Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up? 5 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:25,310 Oh, yeah. 6 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,690 And the country was falling apart. 7 00:00:28,130 --> 00:00:30,390 Betsy Ross got it all sewed up. 8 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,189 And the dance floor. 9 00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:34,080 And then there's Maud. 10 00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:39,840 And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then 11 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,920 there's Maud. And then there's Maud. 12 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:47,120 That uncompromising, enterprising, anything but tranquilizing. I don't 13 00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:49,140 Hey, 14 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,560 you guys, the champagne's ready. 15 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,800 Great, Carol. 16 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,560 That's the last of the bags. We're all packed. 17 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,520 Boy, do I envy you and Mother taking a second honeymoon to Italy. 18 00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:01,639 Bon voyage. 19 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:02,780 Yeah, it's going to be sensational. 20 00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:05,260 I haven't been in Italy since the Army. 21 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,800 Boy, how times change. 22 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,820 Now it takes four suitcases to have a good time in Italy. 23 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,880 During the war, all you needed was a pair of nylons and a Hershey bar. 24 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,760 Walter! Carol! 25 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,100 Bon voyage, Mother. 26 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:21,960 You won't believe this. 27 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,980 Of all times for something like this to happen. What? 28 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,420 I just broke out in a terrible rash. 29 00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:31,540 Boy. 30 00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:36,940 Boy. 31 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,800 You're kidding. 32 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,640 Does this look like I'm kidding? 33 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,280 Oh, it itches. 34 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,600 I wonder what it is. 35 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,480 From where I'm scratching, we can rule out mumps. 36 00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,330 We're not going to have to cancel our trip, are we? 37 00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:01,890 No, don't worry. We're going to be on that plane tonight. 38 00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:05,750 If I'm lucky, the person sitting behind me will have long legs and pointed 39 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:06,750 shoes. 40 00:02:10,889 --> 00:02:11,890 Hi, kids. 41 00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:13,790 I brought you something to read on the plane. 42 00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:15,730 It's a new book by Jackie Onassis. 43 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,870 How to Live in Rome on $10 ,000 a Day. 44 00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:20,790 Just a little humor. 45 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:22,550 It's a travel book on Italy. 46 00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:29,140 Well, Walter, if you don't want to dance with her... You better leave her alone. 47 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,680 She's got a rash on her backside. 48 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:33,880 Oh, that's better. 49 00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:38,320 Oh, in my parade of pleasure, scratching an itch runs a close second. 50 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,579 What's first? 51 00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:41,580 Later. 52 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,400 Well, it's a good thing I'm here, Maude. 53 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,800 Let's go upstairs. 54 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:48,920 For what? 55 00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:50,900 I want to have a look at your rash. 56 00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:57,550 I just bet you do. 57 00:02:59,990 --> 00:03:03,730 Maud, don't be foolish. Let Arthur examine you. He's a doctor. Oh, come on. 58 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:08,110 Walter, I am not going to let my husband's best friend ogle my naked 59 00:03:08,390 --> 00:03:13,010 But he's a doctor, Maud. He ogles my naked body all the time, and it's no big 60 00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:16,030 deal. That's because your naked body is no big deal. 61 00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,190 The mine is different. 62 00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:23,130 You'd know that if you'd ever leave the lights on. 63 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,060 My nurse gave her a tetanus shot for the trip. 64 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,600 Sometimes those things produce a reaction. Oh, no, higher, Walter, 65 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,560 But don't forget lower, either. 66 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,700 Oh, faster, faster, Walter. 67 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:43,240 I've only got two hands, Morg. 68 00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:46,500 I could use two more for the territory I've got to cover. 69 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,160 God will get me for that. 70 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,260 No, sweetheart, he'll forgive you. 71 00:03:58,640 --> 00:03:59,640 But I won't. 72 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,480 Arthur, you'd better do something. They have a plane to catch in three hours. 73 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,559 All right, Marty. 74 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,720 If you won't let me examine you, I know of a dermatologist down at the Clark 75 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,520 Street Medical Center. Dr. Tasco. Is he any good, Arthur? 76 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,460 He must be. He drives a Lincoln Continental. 77 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,079 Well, call him right away. Tell him I'm on my way. 78 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,779 I'll drive you, honey. No, not with that foot. 79 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:28,070 The irony of it, here I am going to Italy and the roundest part of... He 80 00:04:28,070 --> 00:04:29,070 like a pizza. 81 00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:36,030 Dr. Tansko's office. You'll have to hold on, please. 82 00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:37,850 Dr. Tansko's office? 83 00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:40,070 Yes, yes. Hold on, please. 84 00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:30,910 I've been in this cubicle for 20. Now, where is the doctor? 85 00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:35,490 Doctor's doing the best he can, Mrs. Finley. He'll get around to you. After 86 00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:36,810 doctor is not a machine. 87 00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,970 No, you're right. Doctor is not a machine. 88 00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:41,210 Doctor is a pain where I itch. 89 00:05:42,290 --> 00:05:45,470 Look, I came here seeking help. Now, where is it? 90 00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:49,590 Miss Langston, will you check the twitch in two and the swelling in five, 91 00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:50,590 please? Yes, doctor. 92 00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:55,210 Are you mad or not, Ruth? Mrs. Finley, and I'm in a... Terrible, terribly 93 00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:59,490 rushed, Doctor. You see, we're going to Italy tonight. Now, Dr. Harmon called 94 00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:01,090 you. I broke out in an awful rash. 95 00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:05,570 He thinks it might be a reaction to a tetanus shot that he gave me. Oh, would 96 00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:09,010 you excuse me? Doctor, please! I've been here... Yes? 97 00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:14,270 Yes, Dr. Stark. What can I do for you, Dr. Harmon, Mrs. Finley? Yes, and he 98 00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:17,070 that he thought possibly... No, I don't think it was the antibiotics. 99 00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:19,830 Mrs. Haworth often displays those symptoms. 100 00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:24,050 Doctor! Number five. She's swelling up like a balloon. 101 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,360 It is the chocolate pudding. See? 102 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:27,680 I better have a look. 103 00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:30,880 Oh, don't mention it, doctor. Happy to have been of service to you. 104 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,140 What's that? 105 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,520 Why, yes. Yes, I still have that apartment building in New Rochelle. 106 00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,020 Wonderful investment. 107 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,940 Not one vacancy. Doctor, how about me? 108 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,460 Sorry, no vacancy. 109 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,260 Yes. Well, goodbye, doctor. 110 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,740 Doctor, please. I'm in an awful rush. You're so uncomfortable. 111 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000 I can't. 112 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,780 Or a rash? 113 00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:57,200 I'll be there as soon as I can get away from two. 114 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,800 Now, look, nurse, please. I'm in a terrible hurry. Please. 115 00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,580 City water will drive them crazy. 116 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,150 Hello? Dr. Tasco? 117 00:07:27,730 --> 00:07:30,290 Uh, yes, yes, this is Dr. 118 00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:35,450 Tasco. No, I'm sorry, I can't help you. I am leaving dermatology. I'm going to 119 00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:36,490 become a veterinarian. 120 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:39,030 Yeah, call me when you got a horse. 121 00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:43,630 Oh, let me see. Now, you're, uh... Mrs. 122 00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:44,990 Findley, doctor. 123 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,069 That's right. 124 00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:49,080 Now, Mrs. Findley. Finley, let me explain this whole thing to you. 125 00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:52,960 there's nothing to be alarmed about. You see, Dr. Harmon called me and told me 126 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,760 that you had a reaction to a tetanus shot. 127 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:59,360 In layman's terms, Mrs. Finley, you have a rash. 128 00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:03,700 A rash? 129 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,800 Now I know why you drive a Lincoln Continental. 130 00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:13,170 Well, don't worry. Actually, I anticipate no difficulty in bringing 131 00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:16,010 control. Oh, would you excuse me? No, doctor, please, please. 132 00:08:16,510 --> 00:08:17,590 Yes, but, mister, please. 133 00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:19,610 All right, all right, Mrs. Fetty. 134 00:08:20,070 --> 00:08:22,330 Italy, huh? Oh, wonderful country. 135 00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:26,550 Hope you're going to Rome. I know a wonderful restaurant there. American, 136 00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:27,710 on the... I'll be right there. 137 00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:33,330 Right on the... Great state. Please don't hang up. Now, here. You take these 138 00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,570 everything is going to be just fine. 139 00:08:35,030 --> 00:08:37,309 Yes. Oh, good. Please put them on. 140 00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:39,070 Yes, doctor. 141 00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:41,780 Mrs. Lucci's boils are getting worse? 142 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:45,260 Oh, well, of course I'm available for that. 143 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,320 Yes, 144 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,740 I certainly appreciate your asking. Doctor, I took the pills. Oh, I'm 145 00:08:55,740 --> 00:09:00,000 sorry, Doctor. I cannot make it tonight. No, you see, tonight I'm going to the 146 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,860 Pharmaceutical Association banquet. 147 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:03,480 Oh, you too? 148 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,760 Well, good, good. 149 00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:08,520 Yes, I'll see you there. We can discuss the boils over coffee. 150 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:10,780 Bye -bye now, then. 151 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:17,540 Now then, Mrs. Finley, you take one of those pills every six hours and have a 152 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:18,820 wonderful trip to Italy. 153 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,120 Ciao. 154 00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:24,840 I can't imagine where she is off, though. We're supposed to be at the 155 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,840 45 minutes. 156 00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:29,340 Dr. Tasker's office said she left half an hour ago. She should have been here 157 00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:30,340 now. 158 00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:31,700 Finally, that must be her. 159 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,720 Mark! Walter? 160 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,260 Carol? 161 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:40,840 Don't panic. 162 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,380 Everything is fine. Really, everything is fine. 163 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,760 Mark! I know what you're going through, pal. I got a sister -in -law. 164 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,360 What's wrong? 165 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,640 Oh, honey, nothing is wrong. 166 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,280 Mother! 167 00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,010 The taxi. What happened to the car, Maud? 168 00:10:04,410 --> 00:10:07,810 You didn't have another accident, did you? Oh, no, darling. I'm just a little 169 00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:09,670 bit dizzy. You know, it must have been the pills. 170 00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,790 Well, time to go to the airport. 171 00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:14,210 What kind of pills? 172 00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:19,010 I don't know. The doctor gave me some pills, and I took them on the way out, 173 00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:21,470 they worked. You see, I feel better. 174 00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:26,130 What's wrong with her? Well, she obviously has some kind of an 175 00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:27,930 problem. I'll go and call the doctor. 176 00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,310 Maud, what happened? 177 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:36,550 I don't know. I was driving home, and I started getting a little dizzy, so I 178 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:41,650 tried to pull over to the curb, but instead I swerved, and I almost hit a 179 00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:43,350 old lady. Take my hand, Walter. 180 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,530 Luckily, she was a fast, poor old lady. 181 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,210 Lord, where's the car? 182 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,620 is fine, Carol. 183 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,360 Yes, doctor. 184 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,220 Yes, I'm calling about Mrs. Findlay. 185 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,100 Findlay. 186 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,700 What was it you prescribed for her? 187 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:12,760 Chlorophenerum and maliate? 188 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,840 Yes, well, I presume you cautioned her as to the possible side effects. 189 00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:20,500 What do you mean you must have? 190 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:24,580 Well, I'm a very busy doctor, too, but I hardly think that's an excuse. 191 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,360 No, I'm afraid I don't know how it is. 192 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,020 Who's that all about? 193 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:33,000 Maud has taken an overdose of an antihistamine that could cause 194 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,740 of equilibrium, and it may have given her an inner ear problem. 195 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:38,460 She wasn't supposed to take all the pills at once. 196 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,000 Well, the doctor didn't tell me that, Arthur. 197 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,640 I think you better go upstairs and have a nap. 198 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,880 Nap? Oh, no, I'm fine. 199 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:49,540 No, we're going to Europe, Arthur. Absolutely not. In your condition, 200 00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:50,720 could make you violently ill. 201 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,840 Arthur, I want to go on this trip. I've been planning on this trip. I've never 202 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:56,900 had a second honeymoon. 203 00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,940 I've had four first honeymoons. 204 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,180 But this is my first second. 205 00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:07,540 No, I feel wonderful. We're going to Rome, kids. 206 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,300 Maybe they could fly the plane at an angle. 207 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,100 I'm sorry, Marge, you can't go tonight. Now, in a day or two, you'll feel 208 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,140 better, and then you can go. 209 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,280 But no, Arthur, we can't go in a day or two. It's a special charter flight for 210 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,280 Maytag dealers. 211 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,480 I'm not only going to miss it, I'm going to be out 800 bucks. 212 00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:27,400 Oh, honey, I'm... 213 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,680 So sorry. 214 00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:29,860 Honey, we're both sorry. 215 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,240 But I'm also thirsty. 216 00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:34,900 Excuse me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 217 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,280 You're all so wonderful. 218 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,440 I don't know how I came to deserve you. 219 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,540 I must really be something. 220 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,300 I feel like punching that doctor right in the nose. 221 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:52,300 Talk about negligence. He was negligent, wasn't he? 222 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,460 Well, it's certainly unusual not to warn a paper about atheism. 223 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:10,130 is made up. Your friend Tasco is guilty of malpractice. 224 00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:14,330 Malpractice? Yes. Now, a punch in the nose, Marty. All right, but 225 00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:17,870 Tomorrow morning, Arthur, first thing, we're going down to my lawyers and we're 226 00:13:17,870 --> 00:13:20,610 going to sue. But, Marty, you can't prove it. It's the doctor's word against 227 00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:24,010 yours. It is not. It's the doctor's word against yours, Arthur. 228 00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:25,510 Mine? 229 00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:26,830 You're my witness. 230 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,950 You expect me, a doctor, to testify in a malpractice suit against another 231 00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:33,830 doctor? You're going to sue just because of a little dizziness? 232 00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:38,310 Yes. I'm going to sue just because of a little dizziness. You bet I'm going to 233 00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,430 sue because of a little dizziness. 234 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,970 Arthur, we are going to sue. 235 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,210 My rash is back. 236 00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:48,410 Oh, are we going to sue. 237 00:13:52,930 --> 00:13:57,710 Easy, mother, easy. Honey, I'm all right, Carol. Are you sure? Sweetheart, 238 00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,570 go of me. I really am fine. 239 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,970 Thank heaven we don't dine by candlelight. 240 00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:13,670 Maude, I think you'd better lie down. No, no. It's more important that we make 241 00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,530 our plans, Arthur. Now, tomorrow morning, first thing, you and I are 242 00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:21,590 to my lawyer's office. Now, Maude, I am not saying I'm going to testify, but I'm 243 00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:24,550 not saying I'm not going to testify. Well, then what are you saying, Arthur? 244 00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,430 saying there are two sides to every question. 245 00:14:26,930 --> 00:14:30,130 And since there are two questions, will I or won't I, that makes four sides 246 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,130 we've got to look at. 247 00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:32,930 Arthur, look. 248 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:39,100 A malpractice suit will teach Dr. Tasco that he has a responsibility to his 249 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,880 patients. I don't care how busy he is. I mean, after all, I'm not suing to be 250 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,760 vindictive or even for the money. 251 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,960 Well, Maud, we just lost our 800 bucks. I'm getting vindictive and we're suing 252 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:51,960 for the money. 253 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,060 You're darn right we are. You can't get your plane fare back on these charter 254 00:14:56,060 --> 00:15:00,200 flights. Walter, Maud, certainly both of you must realize that a malpractice 255 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,300 suit can ruin a doctor. 256 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,340 Arthur, my mother could have been killed in that car today. Yes, but she wasn't. 257 00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:08,160 You mean I have to be dead in order to sue a doctor? 258 00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:09,940 You'd have a much better case. 259 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:15,440 Well, if Arthur said we don't have a case... We do have a case, Walter. 260 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,720 Arthur, do you realize what this trip means to us? Do you know that we've been 261 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:24,360 planning on it for over a year? Why, Mark, where are you going? To the desk. 262 00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:31,190 I know that, but I have to get there this way. 263 00:15:34,210 --> 00:15:35,770 Arthur, do you know what this is? 264 00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:41,530 Do you know what this is? This, Arthur, is an Italian language record I have 265 00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:42,870 been studying every day. 266 00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:48,570 Io sia alla scaletta verde. 267 00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:50,790 Do you know what that means? 268 00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:55,530 That means that my uncle has a green pencil box. 269 00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:03,010 It took me six weeks to learn that. 270 00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:06,470 Now, Maude, please calm down. 271 00:16:06,790 --> 00:16:10,190 You know perfectly well that nothing is more important to me than the well 272 00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:12,290 -being of this family and serving its best interest. 273 00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:14,110 Then you mean you will testify? 274 00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,010 No, it's not in your best interest. 275 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,610 Now I know why the snake is on the medical symbol. 276 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,580 that Taskel was guilty, he would testify. 277 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,480 Arthur wouldn't testify to the sun rising if it involved another doctor. 278 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,180 lying through his teeth. Oh, come on, Carol. Now, don't say that. 279 00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:44,740 Why not? It's true, isn't it? Yes, but I want to say it. 280 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,840 Walter is lying through his teeth. Get out of my house, Arthur! All right, I'm 281 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,460 going. Wait a minute, Arthur. Wait a minute. 282 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:56,680 Maud, if Arthur goes under these conditions, then I go with him. Then go, 283 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,180 Walter. Okay, go on, Walter. 284 00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,620 But, Walter, what? 285 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,400 Remember one thing. 286 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,230 Mangia caballo. 287 00:17:06,470 --> 00:17:07,470 What's that mean? 288 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:08,990 That's Italian for this. 289 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,270 Darn it. I hate to see you and Maude fighting like that. 290 00:17:19,970 --> 00:17:21,010 Especially over me. 291 00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:23,710 Maude just doesn't understand you, Arthur. 292 00:17:23,950 --> 00:17:26,329 She doesn't understand about malpractice either. 293 00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:29,830 You know, somebody has an accident on the street, see? 294 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,610 And a doctor comes along. 295 00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:33,280 And he wants to help, you know. 296 00:17:33,780 --> 00:17:36,180 And something goes wrong. It has nothing to do with the doctor. 297 00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,980 They can sue the pants off of him. Yeah? 298 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:40,180 Sure. 299 00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:42,560 That's why you notice now if you're in the theater, you know. 300 00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,800 And somebody hollers, is there a doctor in the house? 301 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,560 Nobody ever answers. 302 00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:53,100 Come on, Oswald. It's true. 303 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,400 I've been there, sitting right next to a doctor. He didn't open his mouth. 304 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:07,580 That poor Tasco. 305 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,080 He wasn't all that negligent. 306 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:11,680 Wait a minute, Arthur. 307 00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:16,680 Tasco was negligent? What? Fred, can I have another round? 308 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,080 He said he wasn't negligent. 309 00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:21,740 Forget it. 310 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,660 I'm not drinking with a man who has no integrity. 311 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:25,939 Me neither. 312 00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:26,940 Let's drink to that. 313 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,900 Arthur, you lied to me. You said we had no case. 314 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,240 You're protecting Tasco. 315 00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,010 Come on, Walter, that's the way of the world. 316 00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:41,350 You know, lawyers stand up for lawyers, senators protect senators, doctors 317 00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:42,350 protect doctors. 318 00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,890 Even wild animals protect their own. 319 00:18:45,990 --> 00:18:47,850 Otherwise, it'd be a jungle out there. 320 00:18:54,130 --> 00:18:55,930 Walter, my wife could have killed herself. 321 00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:59,290 Our vacation was ruined, and I'm out 800 bucks. 322 00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:03,350 Listen, Walter, if I blow the whistle on another doctor, he could blow the 323 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,299 whistle on me. 324 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:08,940 I stand to lose referrals. I stand to lose grants, research. How would you 325 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,980 to lose a friend? 326 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:12,080 Eight hundred bucks, Arthur. 327 00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:13,840 All right, all right, all right. 328 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,140 I'll give you the eight hundred dollars myself. 329 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,120 Thanks, Fred. 330 00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:26,040 This damn thing doesn't write. 331 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,520 Where's my pen? I don't want your lousy money. You can't buy my friendship. 332 00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,230 If I wanted to buy your friendship, I'd give you a nickel. 333 00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:40,550 I just about had it with you, Harmon. 334 00:19:41,190 --> 00:19:42,190 Gentlemen, please. 335 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,470 Hey, Fred, I think he's resorting to violence. 336 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,470 Come on, go ahead. Hit me. 337 00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,050 You really want to fight? 338 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:49,730 I'd murder you. 339 00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:55,530 I'd cream you. You couldn't lay a finger on me, but I think I better warn you, I 340 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:56,530 was a school bully. 341 00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:01,750 Come on, guys. Now, you really don't want to fight. 342 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,280 Don't tempt me, Arthur. 343 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:09,800 Don't tempt me. Go ahead. Swing. Fellas, fellas. Stand back, Fred. I don't want 344 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,800 you to get hurt. 345 00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:12,380 Come on. Go ahead. 346 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:16,980 Come on. Hit me. Arthur. Go ahead. You're asking for it. 347 00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,220 Oh. Oh. 348 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:21,820 Now look what you did. 349 00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:24,060 You put a dent in my copper bracelet. 350 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,840 I'm sorry, buddy. 351 00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:31,040 You broke the spell. I could get arthritis this very minute. 352 00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:39,540 killed each other. 353 00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:41,380 We nearly did. 354 00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:44,720 I've never seen you so angry. 355 00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:47,140 I've never been so angry. Hey, Waller. 356 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:54,660 Listen. If my testifying is so important it could destroy our friendship, I will 357 00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:55,660 testify. 358 00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,580 You really mean that, Arthur? 359 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,940 You old son of a gun. 360 00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:02,740 Listen, 361 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,120 I can't lie to you. I was never the school bully. 362 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,560 the eraser monitor. 363 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,360 Walter, please. Come on, Mort. Arthur said he testified. All right, all right. 364 00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:22,259 I'll apologize. 365 00:21:22,260 --> 00:21:23,260 I'll apologize. 366 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,200 Arthur. 367 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,500 I can't. I cannot do it. 368 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,300 Mort. All right, all right. I will. I will. 369 00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,340 Arthur. 370 00:21:42,110 --> 00:21:48,550 Arthur, if earlier this evening I said anything that might have offended 371 00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:50,630 you... I've noticed you make a habit of that, Marty. 372 00:21:52,370 --> 00:21:54,670 Let me suggest this for the future. 373 00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:57,870 You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. 374 00:21:58,410 --> 00:21:59,410 That's right, Ward. 375 00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:02,330 A still tongue never strangled its owner. 376 00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:08,850 Would you hold those words? 377 00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:14,290 I want to get my sewing basket and embroider them on a whoopee cushion. 378 00:22:19,750 --> 00:22:26,070 The apology is off! I have never heard such drivel in my life! Honey Thompson's 379 00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:27,070 travel prize? 380 00:22:27,190 --> 00:22:28,650 What about it? 381 00:22:30,270 --> 00:22:33,310 It's probably Confucius with a new shipment of fortune cookies. 382 00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:37,110 Good evening, I'm Dr. Tasco. 383 00:22:37,330 --> 00:22:39,550 Dr. Harmon, doctor. Oh, yes, doc. 384 00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:44,540 Well, Mrs. Finley, how are you feeling? I have nothing to say to you. I will see 385 00:22:44,540 --> 00:22:45,540 you in court. 386 00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:49,400 Maude, let's find out what the gentleman wants. Well, thank you, Doctor. 387 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,680 You're quite welcome, Doctor. 388 00:22:50,820 --> 00:22:54,260 Mrs. Finley, I don't have much time. I'm between parties. 389 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,240 And I just wanted to come over and thank you. 390 00:22:58,780 --> 00:22:59,659 Thank me? 391 00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:04,120 Yes, for being a remarkable woman. You know, you taught me a very valuable 392 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,680 lesson. Being busy is no excuse. 393 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,520 Well, I... 394 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,260 I know I had every right to be upset. I mean, particularly in view of what 395 00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:15,020 happened at... Between parties? 396 00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:17,540 Yes, I thought I owed you that. 397 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,860 Well, that's terribly sweet of you, Doctor. 398 00:23:22,380 --> 00:23:24,940 I mean, I know how little free time you have. 399 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:29,400 Well, Mrs. Finley, I realized that I was wrong, and I deeply regret it. 400 00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:31,540 It takes a big man to admit he's small. 401 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,060 Thank you, Doctor. 402 00:23:37,460 --> 00:23:38,460 Walter, imagine. 403 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,540 He is making a special after -hours house call just to apologize. 404 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,020 What about my 800 bucks? 405 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:48,120 Walter, don't be crass when a man is humbling himself. 406 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,260 Particularly a doctor. 407 00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:53,780 Doctor, I accept your apology. 408 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,740 And I trust that you have learned something from the experience. I love 409 00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:58,740 tux. 410 00:24:00,460 --> 00:24:01,900 I'm so glad you understand. 411 00:24:02,260 --> 00:24:05,760 Well, I really must be going. And once again, thank you all. I'll walk you to 412 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,820 the door. Thank you, doctor. Goodbye, doctor. Goodbye, 800 bucks. 413 00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:12,600 Walter, how can you talk to a man like that, a doctor? 414 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,300 I appreciate your coming, doctor. No problem, doctor. 415 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,800 I hated to take you away from your party. 416 00:24:18,460 --> 00:24:19,460 I'm glad you came. 417 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,900 The Finleys are nice, you know, but they're civilians. 418 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,680 They don't understand the business of malpractice. 419 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,440 Look, I'm glad you called. 420 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,080 It's important. 421 00:24:30,540 --> 00:24:33,620 See, they wouldn't have gotten to first base with a malpractice suit. 422 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:39,400 But you, doctor, well, testifying, you could have been in a lot of trouble. 423 00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:42,580 You could have been in a lot of trouble, too. 424 00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:47,500 Well, I guess that's what fellow doctors are for. 425 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:12,720 Walter, it's so romantic. It's just like being in Rome. Except, honey, you 426 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,180 forgot one thing to make it really authentic. 427 00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:17,060 That's for sure. 428 00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:49,710 Maud was recorded on tape before a live audience. 32726

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