All language subtitles for Maude s01e16 Maude & the Medical Profession
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1
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Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.
2
00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:11,050
She didn't care if the whole world
looked.
3
00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:17,330
Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.
4
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:23,750
Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?
5
00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:25,310
Oh, yeah.
6
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,690
And the country was falling apart.
7
00:00:28,130 --> 00:00:30,390
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,189
And the dance floor.
9
00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:34,080
And then there's Maud.
10
00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:39,840
And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then
11
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,920
there's Maud. And then there's Maud.
12
00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:47,120
That uncompromising, enterprising,
anything but tranquilizing. I don't
13
00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:49,140
Hey,
14
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,560
you guys, the champagne's ready.
15
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,800
Great, Carol.
16
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,560
That's the last of the bags. We're all
packed.
17
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,520
Boy, do I envy you and Mother taking a
second honeymoon to Italy.
18
00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:01,639
Bon voyage.
19
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:02,780
Yeah, it's going to be sensational.
20
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:05,260
I haven't been in Italy since the Army.
21
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,800
Boy, how times change.
22
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,820
Now it takes four suitcases to have a
good time in Italy.
23
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,880
During the war, all you needed was a
pair of nylons and a Hershey bar.
24
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,760
Walter! Carol!
25
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,100
Bon voyage, Mother.
26
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:21,960
You won't believe this.
27
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,980
Of all times for something like this to
happen. What?
28
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,420
I just broke out in a terrible rash.
29
00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:31,540
Boy.
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00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:36,940
Boy.
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00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,800
You're kidding.
32
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,640
Does this look like I'm kidding?
33
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,280
Oh, it itches.
34
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,600
I wonder what it is.
35
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,480
From where I'm scratching, we can rule
out mumps.
36
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,330
We're not going to have to cancel our
trip, are we?
37
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:01,890
No, don't worry. We're going to be on
that plane tonight.
38
00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:05,750
If I'm lucky, the person sitting behind
me will have long legs and pointed
39
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:06,750
shoes.
40
00:02:10,889 --> 00:02:11,890
Hi, kids.
41
00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:13,790
I brought you something to read on the
plane.
42
00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:15,730
It's a new book by Jackie Onassis.
43
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,870
How to Live in Rome on $10 ,000 a Day.
44
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:20,790
Just a little humor.
45
00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:22,550
It's a travel book on Italy.
46
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:29,140
Well, Walter, if you don't want to dance
with her... You better leave her alone.
47
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,680
She's got a rash on her backside.
48
00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:33,880
Oh, that's better.
49
00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:38,320
Oh, in my parade of pleasure, scratching
an itch runs a close second.
50
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,579
What's first?
51
00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:41,580
Later.
52
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,400
Well, it's a good thing I'm here, Maude.
53
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,800
Let's go upstairs.
54
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:48,920
For what?
55
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:50,900
I want to have a look at your rash.
56
00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:57,550
I just bet you do.
57
00:02:59,990 --> 00:03:03,730
Maud, don't be foolish. Let Arthur
examine you. He's a doctor. Oh, come on.
58
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:08,110
Walter, I am not going to let my
husband's best friend ogle my naked
59
00:03:08,390 --> 00:03:13,010
But he's a doctor, Maud. He ogles my
naked body all the time, and it's no big
60
00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:16,030
deal. That's because your naked body is
no big deal.
61
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,190
The mine is different.
62
00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:23,130
You'd know that if you'd ever leave the
lights on.
63
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,060
My nurse gave her a tetanus shot for the
trip.
64
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,600
Sometimes those things produce a
reaction. Oh, no, higher, Walter,
65
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,560
But don't forget lower, either.
66
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,700
Oh, faster, faster, Walter.
67
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:43,240
I've only got two hands, Morg.
68
00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:46,500
I could use two more for the territory
I've got to cover.
69
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,160
God will get me for that.
70
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,260
No, sweetheart, he'll forgive you.
71
00:03:58,640 --> 00:03:59,640
But I won't.
72
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,480
Arthur, you'd better do something. They
have a plane to catch in three hours.
73
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,559
All right, Marty.
74
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,720
If you won't let me examine you, I know
of a dermatologist down at the Clark
75
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,520
Street Medical Center. Dr. Tasco. Is he
any good, Arthur?
76
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,460
He must be. He drives a Lincoln
Continental.
77
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,079
Well, call him right away. Tell him I'm
on my way.
78
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,779
I'll drive you, honey. No, not with that
foot.
79
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:28,070
The irony of it, here I am going to
Italy and the roundest part of... He
80
00:04:28,070 --> 00:04:29,070
like a pizza.
81
00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:36,030
Dr. Tansko's office. You'll have to hold
on, please.
82
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:37,850
Dr. Tansko's office?
83
00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:40,070
Yes, yes. Hold on, please.
84
00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:30,910
I've been in this cubicle for 20. Now,
where is the doctor?
85
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:35,490
Doctor's doing the best he can, Mrs.
Finley. He'll get around to you. After
86
00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:36,810
doctor is not a machine.
87
00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,970
No, you're right. Doctor is not a
machine.
88
00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:41,210
Doctor is a pain where I itch.
89
00:05:42,290 --> 00:05:45,470
Look, I came here seeking help. Now,
where is it?
90
00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:49,590
Miss Langston, will you check the twitch
in two and the swelling in five,
91
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:50,590
please? Yes, doctor.
92
00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:55,210
Are you mad or not, Ruth? Mrs. Finley,
and I'm in a... Terrible, terribly
93
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:59,490
rushed, Doctor. You see, we're going to
Italy tonight. Now, Dr. Harmon called
94
00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:01,090
you. I broke out in an awful rash.
95
00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:05,570
He thinks it might be a reaction to a
tetanus shot that he gave me. Oh, would
96
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:09,010
you excuse me? Doctor, please! I've been
here... Yes?
97
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:14,270
Yes, Dr. Stark. What can I do for you,
Dr. Harmon, Mrs. Finley? Yes, and he
98
00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:17,070
that he thought possibly... No, I don't
think it was the antibiotics.
99
00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:19,830
Mrs. Haworth often displays those
symptoms.
100
00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:24,050
Doctor! Number five. She's swelling up
like a balloon.
101
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,360
It is the chocolate pudding. See?
102
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:27,680
I better have a look.
103
00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:30,880
Oh, don't mention it, doctor. Happy to
have been of service to you.
104
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,140
What's that?
105
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:35,520
Why, yes. Yes, I still have that
apartment building in New Rochelle.
106
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,020
Wonderful investment.
107
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,940
Not one vacancy. Doctor, how about me?
108
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,460
Sorry, no vacancy.
109
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,260
Yes. Well, goodbye, doctor.
110
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,740
Doctor, please. I'm in an awful rush.
You're so uncomfortable.
111
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000
I can't.
112
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,780
Or a rash?
113
00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:57,200
I'll be there as soon as I can get away
from two.
114
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,800
Now, look, nurse, please. I'm in a
terrible hurry. Please.
115
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,580
City water will drive them crazy.
116
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,150
Hello? Dr. Tasco?
117
00:07:27,730 --> 00:07:30,290
Uh, yes, yes, this is Dr.
118
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:35,450
Tasco. No, I'm sorry, I can't help you.
I am leaving dermatology. I'm going to
119
00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:36,490
become a veterinarian.
120
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:39,030
Yeah, call me when you got a horse.
121
00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:43,630
Oh, let me see. Now, you're, uh... Mrs.
122
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:44,990
Findley, doctor.
123
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,069
That's right.
124
00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:49,080
Now, Mrs. Findley. Finley, let me
explain this whole thing to you.
125
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:52,960
there's nothing to be alarmed about. You
see, Dr. Harmon called me and told me
126
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,760
that you had a reaction to a tetanus
shot.
127
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:59,360
In layman's terms, Mrs. Finley, you have
a rash.
128
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:03,700
A rash?
129
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,800
Now I know why you drive a Lincoln
Continental.
130
00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:13,170
Well, don't worry. Actually, I
anticipate no difficulty in bringing
131
00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:16,010
control. Oh, would you excuse me? No,
doctor, please, please.
132
00:08:16,510 --> 00:08:17,590
Yes, but, mister, please.
133
00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:19,610
All right, all right, Mrs. Fetty.
134
00:08:20,070 --> 00:08:22,330
Italy, huh? Oh, wonderful country.
135
00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:26,550
Hope you're going to Rome. I know a
wonderful restaurant there. American,
136
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:27,710
on the... I'll be right there.
137
00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:33,330
Right on the... Great state. Please
don't hang up. Now, here. You take these
138
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,570
everything is going to be just fine.
139
00:08:35,030 --> 00:08:37,309
Yes. Oh, good. Please put them on.
140
00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:39,070
Yes, doctor.
141
00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:41,780
Mrs. Lucci's boils are getting worse?
142
00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:45,260
Oh, well, of course I'm available for
that.
143
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,320
Yes,
144
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,740
I certainly appreciate your asking.
Doctor, I took the pills. Oh, I'm
145
00:08:55,740 --> 00:09:00,000
sorry, Doctor. I cannot make it tonight.
No, you see, tonight I'm going to the
146
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,860
Pharmaceutical Association banquet.
147
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:03,480
Oh, you too?
148
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,760
Well, good, good.
149
00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:08,520
Yes, I'll see you there. We can discuss
the boils over coffee.
150
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:10,780
Bye -bye now, then.
151
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:17,540
Now then, Mrs. Finley, you take one of
those pills every six hours and have a
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00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:18,820
wonderful trip to Italy.
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Ciao.
154
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:24,840
I can't imagine where she is off,
though. We're supposed to be at the
155
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,840
45 minutes.
156
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:29,340
Dr. Tasker's office said she left half
an hour ago. She should have been here
157
00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:30,340
now.
158
00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:31,700
Finally, that must be her.
159
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,720
Mark! Walter?
160
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,260
Carol?
161
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:40,840
Don't panic.
162
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,380
Everything is fine. Really, everything
is fine.
163
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,760
Mark! I know what you're going through,
pal. I got a sister -in -law.
164
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,360
What's wrong?
165
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,640
Oh, honey, nothing is wrong.
166
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,280
Mother!
167
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,010
The taxi. What happened to the car,
Maud?
168
00:10:04,410 --> 00:10:07,810
You didn't have another accident, did
you? Oh, no, darling. I'm just a little
169
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:09,670
bit dizzy. You know, it must have been
the pills.
170
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,790
Well, time to go to the airport.
171
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:14,210
What kind of pills?
172
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:19,010
I don't know. The doctor gave me some
pills, and I took them on the way out,
173
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:21,470
they worked. You see, I feel better.
174
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:26,130
What's wrong with her? Well, she
obviously has some kind of an
175
00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:27,930
problem. I'll go and call the doctor.
176
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,310
Maud, what happened?
177
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:36,550
I don't know. I was driving home, and I
started getting a little dizzy, so I
178
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:41,650
tried to pull over to the curb, but
instead I swerved, and I almost hit a
179
00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:43,350
old lady. Take my hand, Walter.
180
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,530
Luckily, she was a fast, poor old lady.
181
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,210
Lord, where's the car?
182
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,620
is fine, Carol.
183
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,360
Yes, doctor.
184
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,220
Yes, I'm calling about Mrs. Findlay.
185
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,100
Findlay.
186
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,700
What was it you prescribed for her?
187
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:12,760
Chlorophenerum and maliate?
188
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,840
Yes, well, I presume you cautioned her
as to the possible side effects.
189
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:20,500
What do you mean you must have?
190
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:24,580
Well, I'm a very busy doctor, too, but I
hardly think that's an excuse.
191
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,360
No, I'm afraid I don't know how it is.
192
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,020
Who's that all about?
193
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:33,000
Maud has taken an overdose of an
antihistamine that could cause
194
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,740
of equilibrium, and it may have given
her an inner ear problem.
195
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:38,460
She wasn't supposed to take all the
pills at once.
196
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,000
Well, the doctor didn't tell me that,
Arthur.
197
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,640
I think you better go upstairs and have
a nap.
198
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,880
Nap? Oh, no, I'm fine.
199
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:49,540
No, we're going to Europe, Arthur.
Absolutely not. In your condition,
200
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:50,720
could make you violently ill.
201
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,840
Arthur, I want to go on this trip. I've
been planning on this trip. I've never
202
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:56,900
had a second honeymoon.
203
00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,940
I've had four first honeymoons.
204
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,180
But this is my first second.
205
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:07,540
No, I feel wonderful. We're going to
Rome, kids.
206
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,300
Maybe they could fly the plane at an
angle.
207
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,100
I'm sorry, Marge, you can't go tonight.
Now, in a day or two, you'll feel
208
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,140
better, and then you can go.
209
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,280
But no, Arthur, we can't go in a day or
two. It's a special charter flight for
210
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,280
Maytag dealers.
211
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,480
I'm not only going to miss it, I'm going
to be out 800 bucks.
212
00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:27,400
Oh, honey, I'm...
213
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,680
So sorry.
214
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:29,860
Honey, we're both sorry.
215
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,240
But I'm also thirsty.
216
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:34,900
Excuse me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you.
217
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,280
You're all so wonderful.
218
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,440
I don't know how I came to deserve you.
219
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,540
I must really be something.
220
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,300
I feel like punching that doctor right
in the nose.
221
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:52,300
Talk about negligence. He was negligent,
wasn't he?
222
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,460
Well, it's certainly unusual not to warn
a paper about atheism.
223
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:10,130
is made up. Your friend Tasco is guilty
of malpractice.
224
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:14,330
Malpractice? Yes. Now, a punch in the
nose, Marty. All right, but
225
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:17,870
Tomorrow morning, Arthur, first thing,
we're going down to my lawyers and we're
226
00:13:17,870 --> 00:13:20,610
going to sue. But, Marty, you can't
prove it. It's the doctor's word against
227
00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:24,010
yours. It is not. It's the doctor's word
against yours, Arthur.
228
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:25,510
Mine?
229
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:26,830
You're my witness.
230
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,950
You expect me, a doctor, to testify in a
malpractice suit against another
231
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:33,830
doctor? You're going to sue just because
of a little dizziness?
232
00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:38,310
Yes. I'm going to sue just because of a
little dizziness. You bet I'm going to
233
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,430
sue because of a little dizziness.
234
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,970
Arthur, we are going to sue.
235
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,210
My rash is back.
236
00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:48,410
Oh, are we going to sue.
237
00:13:52,930 --> 00:13:57,710
Easy, mother, easy. Honey, I'm all
right, Carol. Are you sure? Sweetheart,
238
00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,570
go of me. I really am fine.
239
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,970
Thank heaven we don't dine by
candlelight.
240
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:13,670
Maude, I think you'd better lie down.
No, no. It's more important that we make
241
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,530
our plans, Arthur. Now, tomorrow
morning, first thing, you and I are
242
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:21,590
to my lawyer's office. Now, Maude, I am
not saying I'm going to testify, but I'm
243
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:24,550
not saying I'm not going to testify.
Well, then what are you saying, Arthur?
244
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,430
saying there are two sides to every
question.
245
00:14:26,930 --> 00:14:30,130
And since there are two questions, will
I or won't I, that makes four sides
246
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,130
we've got to look at.
247
00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:32,930
Arthur, look.
248
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:39,100
A malpractice suit will teach Dr. Tasco
that he has a responsibility to his
249
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,880
patients. I don't care how busy he is. I
mean, after all, I'm not suing to be
250
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,760
vindictive or even for the money.
251
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,960
Well, Maud, we just lost our 800 bucks.
I'm getting vindictive and we're suing
252
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:51,960
for the money.
253
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,060
You're darn right we are. You can't get
your plane fare back on these charter
254
00:14:56,060 --> 00:15:00,200
flights. Walter, Maud, certainly both of
you must realize that a malpractice
255
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,300
suit can ruin a doctor.
256
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,340
Arthur, my mother could have been killed
in that car today. Yes, but she wasn't.
257
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:08,160
You mean I have to be dead in order to
sue a doctor?
258
00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:09,940
You'd have a much better case.
259
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:15,440
Well, if Arthur said we don't have a
case... We do have a case, Walter.
260
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,720
Arthur, do you realize what this trip
means to us? Do you know that we've been
261
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:24,360
planning on it for over a year? Why,
Mark, where are you going? To the desk.
262
00:15:27,790 --> 00:15:31,190
I know that, but I have to get there
this way.
263
00:15:34,210 --> 00:15:35,770
Arthur, do you know what this is?
264
00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:41,530
Do you know what this is? This, Arthur,
is an Italian language record I have
265
00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:42,870
been studying every day.
266
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:48,570
Io sia alla scaletta verde.
267
00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:50,790
Do you know what that means?
268
00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:55,530
That means that my uncle has a green
pencil box.
269
00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:03,010
It took me six weeks to learn that.
270
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:06,470
Now, Maude, please calm down.
271
00:16:06,790 --> 00:16:10,190
You know perfectly well that nothing is
more important to me than the well
272
00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:12,290
-being of this family and serving its
best interest.
273
00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:14,110
Then you mean you will testify?
274
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,010
No, it's not in your best interest.
275
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,610
Now I know why the snake is on the
medical symbol.
276
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,580
that Taskel was guilty, he would
testify.
277
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,480
Arthur wouldn't testify to the sun
rising if it involved another doctor.
278
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,180
lying through his teeth. Oh, come on,
Carol. Now, don't say that.
279
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:44,740
Why not? It's true, isn't it? Yes, but I
want to say it.
280
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,840
Walter is lying through his teeth. Get
out of my house, Arthur! All right, I'm
281
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,460
going. Wait a minute, Arthur. Wait a
minute.
282
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:56,680
Maud, if Arthur goes under these
conditions, then I go with him. Then go,
283
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,180
Walter. Okay, go on, Walter.
284
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,620
But, Walter, what?
285
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,400
Remember one thing.
286
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,230
Mangia caballo.
287
00:17:06,470 --> 00:17:07,470
What's that mean?
288
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:08,990
That's Italian for this.
289
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,270
Darn it. I hate to see you and Maude
fighting like that.
290
00:17:19,970 --> 00:17:21,010
Especially over me.
291
00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:23,710
Maude just doesn't understand you,
Arthur.
292
00:17:23,950 --> 00:17:26,329
She doesn't understand about malpractice
either.
293
00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:29,830
You know, somebody has an accident on
the street, see?
294
00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:31,610
And a doctor comes along.
295
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:33,280
And he wants to help, you know.
296
00:17:33,780 --> 00:17:36,180
And something goes wrong. It has nothing
to do with the doctor.
297
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,980
They can sue the pants off of him. Yeah?
298
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:40,180
Sure.
299
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:42,560
That's why you notice now if you're in
the theater, you know.
300
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,800
And somebody hollers, is there a doctor
in the house?
301
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,560
Nobody ever answers.
302
00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:53,100
Come on, Oswald. It's true.
303
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,400
I've been there, sitting right next to a
doctor. He didn't open his mouth.
304
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:07,580
That poor Tasco.
305
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,080
He wasn't all that negligent.
306
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:11,680
Wait a minute, Arthur.
307
00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:16,680
Tasco was negligent? What? Fred, can I
have another round?
308
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,080
He said he wasn't negligent.
309
00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:21,740
Forget it.
310
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,660
I'm not drinking with a man who has no
integrity.
311
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:25,939
Me neither.
312
00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:26,940
Let's drink to that.
313
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,900
Arthur, you lied to me. You said we had
no case.
314
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,240
You're protecting Tasco.
315
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,010
Come on, Walter, that's the way of the
world.
316
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:41,350
You know, lawyers stand up for lawyers,
senators protect senators, doctors
317
00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:42,350
protect doctors.
318
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,890
Even wild animals protect their own.
319
00:18:45,990 --> 00:18:47,850
Otherwise, it'd be a jungle out there.
320
00:18:54,130 --> 00:18:55,930
Walter, my wife could have killed
herself.
321
00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:59,290
Our vacation was ruined, and I'm out 800
bucks.
322
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:03,350
Listen, Walter, if I blow the whistle on
another doctor, he could blow the
323
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,299
whistle on me.
324
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:08,940
I stand to lose referrals. I stand to
lose grants, research. How would you
325
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,980
to lose a friend?
326
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:12,080
Eight hundred bucks, Arthur.
327
00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:13,840
All right, all right, all right.
328
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,140
I'll give you the eight hundred dollars
myself.
329
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,120
Thanks, Fred.
330
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:26,040
This damn thing doesn't write.
331
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,520
Where's my pen? I don't want your lousy
money. You can't buy my friendship.
332
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,230
If I wanted to buy your friendship, I'd
give you a nickel.
333
00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:40,550
I just about had it with you, Harmon.
334
00:19:41,190 --> 00:19:42,190
Gentlemen, please.
335
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,470
Hey, Fred, I think he's resorting to
violence.
336
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,470
Come on, go ahead. Hit me.
337
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,050
You really want to fight?
338
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:49,730
I'd murder you.
339
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:55,530
I'd cream you. You couldn't lay a finger
on me, but I think I better warn you, I
340
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:56,530
was a school bully.
341
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:01,750
Come on, guys. Now, you really don't
want to fight.
342
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,280
Don't tempt me, Arthur.
343
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:09,800
Don't tempt me. Go ahead. Swing. Fellas,
fellas. Stand back, Fred. I don't want
344
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,800
you to get hurt.
345
00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:12,380
Come on. Go ahead.
346
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:16,980
Come on. Hit me. Arthur. Go ahead.
You're asking for it.
347
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,220
Oh. Oh.
348
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:21,820
Now look what you did.
349
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:24,060
You put a dent in my copper bracelet.
350
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,840
I'm sorry, buddy.
351
00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:31,040
You broke the spell. I could get
arthritis this very minute.
352
00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:39,540
killed each other.
353
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:41,380
We nearly did.
354
00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:44,720
I've never seen you so angry.
355
00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:47,140
I've never been so angry. Hey, Waller.
356
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:54,660
Listen. If my testifying is so important
it could destroy our friendship, I will
357
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:55,660
testify.
358
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,580
You really mean that, Arthur?
359
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,940
You old son of a gun.
360
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:02,740
Listen,
361
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,120
I can't lie to you. I was never the
school bully.
362
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,560
the eraser monitor.
363
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,360
Walter, please. Come on, Mort. Arthur
said he testified. All right, all right.
364
00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:22,259
I'll apologize.
365
00:21:22,260 --> 00:21:23,260
I'll apologize.
366
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,200
Arthur.
367
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,500
I can't. I cannot do it.
368
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,300
Mort. All right, all right. I will. I
will.
369
00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,340
Arthur.
370
00:21:42,110 --> 00:21:48,550
Arthur, if earlier this evening I said
anything that might have offended
371
00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:50,630
you... I've noticed you make a habit of
that, Marty.
372
00:21:52,370 --> 00:21:54,670
Let me suggest this for the future.
373
00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:57,870
You can catch more flies with honey than
you can with vinegar.
374
00:21:58,410 --> 00:21:59,410
That's right, Ward.
375
00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:02,330
A still tongue never strangled its
owner.
376
00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:08,850
Would you hold those words?
377
00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:14,290
I want to get my sewing basket and
embroider them on a whoopee cushion.
378
00:22:19,750 --> 00:22:26,070
The apology is off! I have never heard
such drivel in my life! Honey Thompson's
379
00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:27,070
travel prize?
380
00:22:27,190 --> 00:22:28,650
What about it?
381
00:22:30,270 --> 00:22:33,310
It's probably Confucius with a new
shipment of fortune cookies.
382
00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:37,110
Good evening, I'm Dr. Tasco.
383
00:22:37,330 --> 00:22:39,550
Dr. Harmon, doctor. Oh, yes, doc.
384
00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:44,540
Well, Mrs. Finley, how are you feeling?
I have nothing to say to you. I will see
385
00:22:44,540 --> 00:22:45,540
you in court.
386
00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:49,400
Maude, let's find out what the gentleman
wants. Well, thank you, Doctor.
387
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,680
You're quite welcome, Doctor.
388
00:22:50,820 --> 00:22:54,260
Mrs. Finley, I don't have much time. I'm
between parties.
389
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,240
And I just wanted to come over and thank
you.
390
00:22:58,780 --> 00:22:59,659
Thank me?
391
00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:04,120
Yes, for being a remarkable woman. You
know, you taught me a very valuable
392
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,680
lesson. Being busy is no excuse.
393
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,520
Well, I...
394
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,260
I know I had every right to be upset. I
mean, particularly in view of what
395
00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:15,020
happened at... Between parties?
396
00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:17,540
Yes, I thought I owed you that.
397
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,860
Well, that's terribly sweet of you,
Doctor.
398
00:23:22,380 --> 00:23:24,940
I mean, I know how little free time you
have.
399
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:29,400
Well, Mrs. Finley, I realized that I was
wrong, and I deeply regret it.
400
00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:31,540
It takes a big man to admit he's small.
401
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,060
Thank you, Doctor.
402
00:23:37,460 --> 00:23:38,460
Walter, imagine.
403
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,540
He is making a special after -hours
house call just to apologize.
404
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,020
What about my 800 bucks?
405
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:48,120
Walter, don't be crass when a man is
humbling himself.
406
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,260
Particularly a doctor.
407
00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:53,780
Doctor, I accept your apology.
408
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,740
And I trust that you have learned
something from the experience. I love
409
00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:58,740
tux.
410
00:24:00,460 --> 00:24:01,900
I'm so glad you understand.
411
00:24:02,260 --> 00:24:05,760
Well, I really must be going. And once
again, thank you all. I'll walk you to
412
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,820
the door. Thank you, doctor. Goodbye,
doctor. Goodbye, 800 bucks.
413
00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:12,600
Walter, how can you talk to a man like
that, a doctor?
414
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,300
I appreciate your coming, doctor. No
problem, doctor.
415
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,800
I hated to take you away from your
party.
416
00:24:18,460 --> 00:24:19,460
I'm glad you came.
417
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,900
The Finleys are nice, you know, but
they're civilians.
418
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,680
They don't understand the business of
malpractice.
419
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,440
Look, I'm glad you called.
420
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,080
It's important.
421
00:24:30,540 --> 00:24:33,620
See, they wouldn't have gotten to first
base with a malpractice suit.
422
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:39,400
But you, doctor, well, testifying, you
could have been in a lot of trouble.
423
00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:42,580
You could have been in a lot of trouble,
too.
424
00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:47,500
Well, I guess that's what fellow doctors
are for.
425
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:12,720
Walter, it's so romantic. It's just like
being in Rome. Except, honey, you
426
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,180
forgot one thing to make it really
authentic.
427
00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:17,060
That's for sure.
428
00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:49,710
Maud was recorded on tape before a live
audience.
32726
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