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My castaway this week is a musician and a rock star.

Thanks, Sue. Happy to be here.

Tell me about the first record you want to play. You get eight.

Uh, alright. I'm on a desert island

and my tracks are...

I know just the ones.

And now...

...the moment you've all been waiting for...

Please put your hands together

for the hottest rising star of 2006.

The one, the only...

...George Bobbin!

You're a genius!

You're a fucking gay lord.

No! I'm sorry, I don't want

a bunch of naked people writhing all over the living room.

- It's a life drawing class, - not an orgy.

Only the model gets naked. You've met Toby, honey.

I'd just like you to keep Toby's nuts off our cushions,

if that's not too much to ask, OK?

- Oh, honey... - Julia.

- My name is "Mum".

I think we need to go home.

Keyboard sounded good tonight, back at home.

- Really rocking it. - It's for the Leavers' Talent Show.

They call it a talent show, but it's actually much more than that.

It's, it's, uh... It's a gig.

Takes guts to do something like that, real commitment.

Well, I hope this same can be said of your schoolwork.

Definitely.

- Big strides. - Yeah, well, there'd better be, George

because this is it. Final year, last chance saloon.

Now or never, OK?

- What? - Honey, don't stress, OK?

It's gonna be...

- Difficult. - Maths.

- History. - Chemistry.

- Francais. - Geography.

- Doesn't seem to... - ...come naturally.

- He's just... - ...not a natural athlete.

Clumsy.

Good evening.

Uh... Hm. Mr Zeppelin.

- Oh, like "Led Zeppelin"? - No.

Right... Where to... begin?

Well, from our point of view, George is very enthusiastic about music.

Well, there's certainly plenty of, uh, gusto there,

but I think where George and I cross swords,

as it were, is in the classroom.

Because in the classroom, there's no time for MTV

or experimentation. You see...

...music is math, but with noise.

That! You see it?

That is George's problem, and that is why

George is on course to fail his Music GCSE.

Christ.

He has played the same jarring sequence of plinks and plonks

in every single one of my classes this term.

And when I give him something else to play,

he gives me that look.

OK, well, it's only early in the year so,

surely you can't be saying it's too late?

Don't get me wrong, there is... some talent there...

...but I urge him to apply himself

in order to meet the challenges of the course.

This is school, George. It's not a garage band. Hmm?

Now, while your parents are here,

have you got anything to say for yourself?

Yes. When will you be considering applicants for

the Leavers' Talent Show? Is-is that, uh...

- Ooh, uh, sorry! - Excuse me. Um, yeah,

there's one more, I'm afraid. It-It won't take long.

What a big year!

Yep, huge.

Now that I've been made Head of Key Stage 3,

I feel it's my duty to take a more forward-looking view,

and to offer careers advice

to those like George, who are in their final year.

Mm, and, uh, what do you think some good options might be for George?

You know, career-wise, given that he's failing everything?

Sorry, my husband can be very dramatic.

Well, why don't we take a look at George's records,

perhaps, yeah? Um, OK, yeah...

Yeah, well, why don't we look at this as a blessing in disguise,

perhaps? You know, I've always felt that there's

a great deal of untapped potential in George,

and maybe we haven't pushed him hard enough to realise it?

You know, you can turn this around. There's time.

Where do you see yourself in... ten years?

Come on. What-what would you say you're passionate about?

- Music. - Fab, fab!

That's great. Um, what do you love about music?

Kiss me and stuff George!

Whew!

Well then, another one down.

Some real positives to take away from that, I think.

Are you serious? It was a disaster.

Well, I distinctly heard Miss Anderson refer to your son

as having "untapped potential",

but you choose to focus on the negatives.

Everything is going to be fine, OK?

Not everyone's cut out for school. You're unique.

Yes, well, "unique" does not pass exams, Julia.

You don't need exams to get into music.

You just need to be talented and connected.

- Connected? - Yeah, honey, it's just...

- It's all about who you know. - Oh, who does he know?!

He doesn't need to know them NOW!

God, you're really on one tonight, babe. Just relax.

This is what happens when we don't go to flamenco.

You get stiff in all the wrong places.

Radio, please?

The latest divorce rumours look to be true,

as Mike and Penelope Marvin stopped playing midway through

their song "Pillow Fight" to have, well... a fight.

- The formerly-iconic pair stormed offstage

and cancelled the rest of their US tour. - God.

I used to have such a thing for Mike Marvin.

How is this news?

George?

Boy?

Boy?

Oh, hey.

- Are you lost? - No. No. I'm... just, uh...

hanging out.

Right, uh, yeah, let's get the day started then.

Max! Max! Max!

Max! Max! Your band has been all over the world!

- Are you happy be at this school? - How are you feeling?

What does your mum think about this?

- REPORTER 3: Yeah, Max! - Just a little bit...

- Fuck off! Just fuck off! - What's your problem?!

- Oi! - Sorry!

What's his problem?

No wonder you got kicked out of your last school, mate!

Thank you, all. And thank you, Mr Zeppelin.

Right...

I have quite an exciting announcement to make this morning.

Uh, some of you may have noticed a new student in our midst.

I'm sure that all of you will have heard of "The Marvins"

and if you haven't, you will certainly recognise

many of their songs, such as "Silent Eyes",

or "Love Shot", or, "Don't, But Don't, Don't"

and "Pillow Fight", to name but a few.

Anyway, um, due to a recent change in circumstance,

Penelope Marvin has moved into the area,

and she has enrolled Max here to finish his final year with us.

Yes, alright. Settle down, please.

Max, we welcome you with warm and supportive arms.

Enjoy your time here at Saint Sebastian's,

and remember: "Patet Omnibus Veritas",

"Truth lies open to all."

Thank you, Leanne, with the recorder.

Very underrated instrument.

Now, I know the theoretical part of the exam

may feel like a bit of a bore.

But once you get into it,

I think you'll find it's actually rather fun.

But yes, of course, the "cool' practical element

is just as important. So, with that in mind...

Shit.

George, you're up.

- George? - Hmm?

Sometime before Christmas please.

I just can't. I really, really, really can't!

George, did we not speak about this?

Well, I think it's getting better.

Right... Have you done your homework?

- There was homework? - Sit down, Mr Bobbin.

Ah, Max...

Please, come and save us.

You, uh... play the keys, don't you?

Uh... A bit.

Modest. With parents like yours, I'm sure you're a natural.

- Not really. - No, come on.

Don't be shy. Let's see what you got.

- You have to be joking! - George!

- Sorry. - Not to me. To Max.

Sorry.

- No problem. - I...

I'm not going to lie, that was a little bit overwhelming.

Uh... Genuinely moving, truly.

Uh, right... Uh, well, before the bell goes,

I wanted to briefly mention the, uh, Leavers' Talent Show.

Now, almost all of you will know

it's customary here at Saint Sebastian's

for the departing Year 11s to end the academic year

with a talent show of sorts.

So, I've got a sign-up sheet here,

which will be at the front of my desk for the rest of the day.

And I urge you all to come forward.

So, Mike, you were part of Luton's punk scene growing up.

You're not exactly stranger to a bit of rebellion, are you?

But now your son Max has been getting into trouble with the press.

Like father, like son?

I mean, I'm a working-class boy.

I didn't have qualifications.

And now, as I see my son growing, I see his bravery

- in the way he approaches his life. - It's a school night. No more radio.

Night.

Yeah, well, back in the day...

Have you done your maths homework?

I-I can't do my maths homework.

Are you any good at it?

- Hello? - Oh... Yes, I-Yeah, I'm-I'm good.

Oh, great. Uh, can you just take a look?

It's a triangle.

Yeah, I think we need to be a bit more specific than that.

Uh, yeah. Um, right...

Well, I'd say it's quite a large one.

Nice angles. Yep, it's, uh, it's a good one.

So I should put, "It's large and it's got nice angles"?

More or less.

Maybe write some numbers as well? Make it maths-y.

OK.

- Thank you. - No problem.

- So, what's your name? - I'll go then.

- Oh... OK. - George.

- George? I'm Max. - Yes... That's right.

Look, I'm pretty behind

and I don't know anyone here, so...

Oh, you'll be fine. You're sort of famous,

so people will talk to you.

Look, I need a tutor

and you're obviously a maths genius.

So, if you'd be up for it?

Tutoring? For triangles?

Sure.

- Tutoring? - Yeah. How much do you charge?

What? Um, uh, no, I don't, um, charge.

Now I feel bad, you doing it for nothing.

Is there anything I could help you with in return?

Sorry, that's-That's not, um...

That's not usually how I play it.

That-that was horrible.

Sorry, uh... I'm sorry, I didn't eat breakfast this morning,

because I kept hitting snooze on my alarm.

So... feeling a little bit shaky.

Um, but like, imagine that. But like, twice...

maybe even three times better.

- I've-I'll just play it again. - I like it.

It's good.

But not good enough, so...

I mean, I won't lie: You are a bit rough around the edges.

So rough.

You know, it's- it's its own thing.

Yeah, right.

It's-it's unique.

Yeah. And all the best things are, so...

Well, no-one else really likes it.

I start playing and they don't even listen.

Yeah, well, you can't please everyone.

They listen when YOU play.

The talent show at the end of the year,

I-I put my name down for it.

And I know, I just know, that if people actually listen,

you know, gi-give me a chance,

it's my one opportunity to do something big.

Something important.

Help me, and I'll tell you everything I know about triangles.

OK.

Uh, how about tonight? I could...

...come over. We can hang out, work on your piece.

To my... house?

Yeah.

What's today...?

Ah, Thursday. Yeah, yeah.

Great. Um...

Give me your number.

Thank you.

- This is a landline. - Yes...

Just ask for George.

What, you don't have a mobile?

I've never needed one.

OK.

I'll see you later.

OK, everyone. Have a good evening

and see you, bright and breezy.

Thank you.

Actually George, can you, um, stay behind a moment?

I'll save you a seat on the bus.

Bye.

Um, I won't keep you long.

Um, I just, uh...

See, I've been thinking about you, ever since Parents' Evening,

thinking about how much you actually remind me of myself.

When I was younger, I didn't find school easy.

And so, I suppose I just wanted you to know that

even though your academic situation is...

I believe in you.

You can come to me about anything.

OK?

OK, off you pop.

Hmm!

Um, this is, uh... home.

- You can just put your things... - OK.

Uh...

Oh, hey sport.

Is that your dad?

No, that's Toby.

- My room's... We just... - George!

Uh... Dad...

Jeffrey, this is, um, my friend.

- Hey. - Hi.

Hi, I know you. Why do I know you?

Yeah, you're, um...

You're... Oh, Jesus!

He's not Jesus.

I'm Max.

Uh, you're with... George?

Yeah, uh, George said it would be OK if I joined you for dinner,

but don't worry if there's not enough room.

Hey, Chef Jeff! Nice, man. Hey.

I, uh, came for my underwear.

- For fuck's sake. - I'll be right there.

OK.

Yes, of course you can stay for dinner.

And, um, then I can say hello properly.

It's good to have you here, Max.

Spag bol, lads? Um, don't tell me you're gluten-free?

So, my mum said she was always happy here

before... well, everything.

So, it seemed natural to her to come back.

I have a confession to make.

I used to have the biggest crush on your dad.

- Huge. - More spaghetti, Max?

No, thanks. Really?

Oh, God, yeah. We all did.

- He was like... - Adonis with a guitar.

He's probably a bit more leathery than how you remember.

Still have to hold me back!

Stop... Please.

Stop.

So, are all these drawings yours?

Oh, well, yeah, some of them are by me.

- Some of them are of me. - OK, thank you, Julia.

I'm sure it's nothing he hasn't seen before.

- You have a girlfriend, don't you? - No, actually.

Oh, God, you're so young.

Go out, have fun. Date everybody while you can.

Double date! Take George, he never goes anywhere.

If he likes.

- All done, honey? - Mmm-hmm.

Leave your plates. Go have a good time.

Thank you so much for dinner. It was lovely.

Pleasure.

Well, congratulations. That was mortifying.

Um... So...

Yeah, this is, um...

Thanks.

Sorry, um... Let me just, uh...

Please, take a... seat.

- You standing guard? - No. I'll, uh...

- So... - So, uh, you wanted to know...

A bit more about triangles?

Yes, I'm absolutely gagging to know more about triangles.

OK, great. Good... attitude.

Um, let's have a little look in here then, shall we?

It's quite complicated actually. Um...

- What are these? - They're just... tapes.

What, of celebrities? I mean, my dad's there.

It's from a radio programme I like.

- What are these ones? - Oh, they're nothing.

That's... I... That's a thing I used to do when I was younger,

but I've grown out of that now.

All of these are from last year.

Like I said...

Grown out of it... now.

- Well, can I hear one? - No! Sorry.

It's just they're...

They're personal. It's-They're like a journal-type thing. You won't-

I'm-I'm sorry.

Anyway, you want to get started on a bit of...?

We could, but...

...I don't give two shits about maths.

And... to be honest, I think you know less than I do.

But I wouldn't mind hearing your song again though.

- Show me again how it starts? - Uh...

OK...

Just so you know, it's not going to be as good as it usually is,

cos I just ate loads of spaghetti, so, I'm still sort of digesting.

- It's- - OK. Just... play the fucking song.

OK.

Right.

OK, wait, let me just loop that quickly.

Perfect, perfect. Keep going.

So have you written any lyrics or got a melody, or...

- Uh-uh. - No? OK. Mind if I have a play?

Yeah, yeah... Uh, OK.

So I'm thinking if we, like, start off low.

No. Maybe if we just try and find it,

and it starts on this key? Nah, nah, nah...

That sounds quite good. And then we do a little...

I think that's pretty good. We can work on it,

but I think that's pretty good.

From the top. One, two, three, four...

That is quite good! We'll-we'll find it.

- Will you do the talent show with me? - What?! No.

Oh, come on. I can play and you can sing.

- We can just do that here. - No-one can hear us here.

So?

Look, OK, if you want to do the talent show, that is fine.

And I've told you, I'll help you work on the piece, but...

On the big day, you're on your own.

No-one will listen if it's just me.

- Of course they'll listen. - No, they won't.

- George, if... - No, don't.

Sorry, I don't mean to be rude,

but you can't understand, because you're...

you.

- Sorry, I've gotta go. - Oh, OK.

I want to keep doing this, if you do?

- Definitely. - Great.

Well, thank you for teaching me so much about triangles.

No problem.

Hi...

I-I was, uh, just going to the loo,

which is... that way...

Um, I wasn't listening.

But if I had been listening, that sounded really, really good!

Julia, you need the toilet.

Uh, the name's still Mum, and I do.

- It was nice to meet you, Max. - You too.

- Thank you for having me. - Any time.

Seriously, any time.

Right, I-I've got to go.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- I'll-I'll walk you down. - It's fine.

I'm not the Queen.

Hey! Sorry.

It's fine.

Got something for you.

I cleared the SIM and charged it up, so it should work fine.

It's no worries.

You're not going to be able to put that thing down now.

Speaking of phones, some girl asked me for my number earlier.

Uh, which girl?

Wait, are you going to be in one of these?

That's from ages ago.

I've changed pretty dramatically. So you won't find me.

That's you!

- What's wrong with your face? - Mid-sneeze.

You were saying about this girl?

Mate, you should go back to the curtains.

- You were totally rocking it. - Yeah, I'll do it... later.

The girl? Who was the girl?

Molly, she's in our form?

- Do you know her? - Sort of.

- She's hot, right? - Mmm.

Yeah, great... face.

I mean, she's probably in one of these.

- Did you give her your number? - Yeah, why not?

Yeah, yeah. No, yeah, that's...

Yeah, why not?

- Oh, my... - Why are you looking at that?

It's boring, and old.

- What are you two doing together? - Just... hanging out.

Oh... Cool.

Anyway, I just wanted to say you were amazing during football.

Like, that goal that you scored... Oh my God!

- Thanks. - So, are you busy this weekend?

I'm going into town tomorrow.

Yeah, uh, we'd love to.

Um...

- What? - Nothing.

Don't worry if you're too busy.

He's not.

That's perfect, then.

I'll text you later?

I don't think I should, uh...

Why? She just invited us.

No, they-they invited you on, like a...

Like a date.

Yeah, and then she can bring one of her mates, then...

double date.

- Right, yeah. - See you tomorrow.

Dress cool.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Why are you so sweaty? - What a fun outfit

It's the jacket, it's suede.

Mmm, it's worth it though. I mean, you look great.

They didn't have vanilla vodka.

George, this is Polly. Polly, George.

You two will SO get on.

Peas in a pod and all that shit.

You got some tunes in?

Music, it's, uh...

Ah man, love it.

You used to play the recorder, right?

- I remember that. - Polly, come on!

- Um, I- - Come here.

Hey!

All good?

I don't think I know how to, um, do this.

- What are you doing with Molly? - Nothing.

I tried that. It did not work.

Just go with the flow.

I don't know what that means!

I need specific advice, alright?

How are you doing it?

Dunno. Um... I mean, I'm just kind of walking,

and she seems like she's enjoying herself, so...

But come on, let's lose the jacket.

I feel like that's restricting you a bit. So, let's lose your jacket.

- I mean, you must be so hot. - Yeah, I'm...

See? That just looks so much better.

OK, now, let's sort this out.

Let's relax them shoulders, get them shoulders all relaxed.

- And go... Urrrrrgh! - Urgh, OK.

There you go, let it out. See, it's better already. We're gonna do some tap, OK?

We're gonna do our time steps. Our singles...

- We're going to do our doubles. - What, you want me to do it?

We're gonna do our triples, with a nice little break.

We're going to do some maxi-fours, too.

Do you know about maxi-fours? Keep going!

Woo!

Let's get drunk! If you just...

If you do help, I feel like I'll get it better.

No, that doesn't make sense.

You did great, great.

Uh, let's see if we can do it from the start. Um...

...coming up to a...

Oh, that's so kind, but I, uh, no thank you.

Come on. I know you're hating this as much as I am.

No, I'm really enjoying myself.

I, uh... I love town, and...

you're so...

- That was really good! - Yeah!

Gargh!

Sorry, I'm, uh, usually better on dates.

It's not your fault.

Typical me to get dragged along on a date with a gay guy.

Why do you think that?

I don't usually dress like this.

It doesn't matter.

Are you OK?

- So, what's next? - Uh...

I don't know. What time is it?

Hey, it's 3:30.

What?

- Jeffrey, you know... You remember? - Yeah.

He said be back by four. Homework.

- Fuck that! - Yeah, totally. It's like,

I'm an adult now, so... That's what my parents don't get.

If I want to be home at, say, you know, 4:30...

so be it.

- Show them, man! - Yeah.

Like, like... Like, what do you mean?

You know, put your foot down.

OK. Well, I mean...

Like I said, I could get home at 4:30.

I think you need to send a stronger message.

- Nice stencil! - Oh, cheers!

What? Fuck!

Rick, mask!

Right!

So you thought you were clever coming here?

Seen some fresh street art popping up around town?

Come over here, unannounced.

Thought: "Oh, yeah, we'll uncover his true identity."

Pathetic!

- We just wanted some piercings. - What?

Oh, right.

- I recognise you. Yeah? Do you know not? - No.

Well, Rick does the piercings anyway, so...

- I'm getting lunch. - What?

Getting lunch!

We'll work it out.

I think he lives here.

In there.

Do you want piercings or not?

Right, I think sort of... round there.

- I want it that side. - Yeah, it could be around there.

What do you think?

- Uh... Uh... Mmm-hmm. - Yeah.

Give it a go. If it doesn't work this time, just do it again.

Alright.

- Alright. - OK, quick.

- Quick, get the ring. Put the ring in. -

That's... OK, yeah. That's perfect.

Mm, alright?

OK. Your go.

- I... - Come on.

Right, what we doing?

I think you'd really suit an eyebrow?

- Yeah. I can see that. - Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.

Eyebrows, sick. Mmm-hmm.

Let's get in there. Just...

- Let's have a look- - I think maybe ear, actually.

- Yeah? - Just for now, yeah.

- Maybe do eyebrow another... time. - Yeah, no problem, yeah.

Alright...

OK, I'm just going to get you in there.

That's no problem.

OK, that's alright.

That's normal. That's totally normal, that.

- I could've been a filmmaker - but I just said no.

- I'm an entrepreneur, I'm an activist. - Max!

- I knew I recognised you. - You're in the paper!

Are you responsible for your parent's divorce? Shit, they've found me!

- Hey, hey! Come on! - What are you doing?!

Max, what's with the piercing? Is it-Is this a cry for help?

Do you feel responsible for your parents' divorce? Hey, you...

How do you know him? Wha-Wha-What do you think?

- You know what I think? - What?

- Woah! - Go, go!

- He broke my camera! - Go, go! Go, go, go!

- Hey, so, Stinky Rick... - No, it's, uh, Richard Hemming.

- But my street name is Skinny Rick. - Richard Hemming... What's your name?

- Fuck the press! - Fuck the press!

Say they did that.

Those fucking leeches!

I mean, he was actually chasing us. I mean, how is it even legal?

How many people get their ears pierced?

How many people's parents get divorced? Why does it...

- ...have to be a cry for help? - I'm sorry.

It's OK.

It looks a bit red.

Yeah, it's a little bit itchy.

Should probably take it out before I go home, anyway.

You can't take it out.

What? Why not?

It's too soon, it'll close up again.

How long do I have to wait?

Like, six weeks.

- Oh, shit. - Oh my God.

I-I have to go home. I have to go home.

OK, no problem.

Be honest. Do you like it?

What was that, um...

like, dance move thing you did in the park?

It was a time step. I'll show you.

It starts with a shuffle.

Hop, step, shuffle.

Ah, forget it. I'm never going to be able to do that.

- I'll see you tomorrow. - Alright.

OK, pull!

No, no.

Oh, Julia, just be patient.

George?

- Inhale. - I'm inhaling, believe me.

Inhale, Jeffrey.

- Come on Jeff. - Yeah, come on, come on.

- Wait, wait... no. - Ooh!

Oh, well, hello!

Is that my jacket?

And my shirt?

Why are you wearing so many of your mother's clothes?

- God! - Why are you late?

Because I wanted to be... late.

What? Have you been drinking?

- Come on, come on, come on! - Alright, alright. Julia, Julia?

- They clearly don't fit. Now, leave it. - OK, sure.

Meanwhile, let's find out why our son is home an hour late,

clearly drunk and wearing all your clothes.

Oh, take the bloody headphones off. For fuck's sake.

What the hell is that?

Piercing.

Oh, it really suits him.

Oh yes, he absolutely suits having an infected earlobe.

- It's just fresh. Did it hurt? - Yeah, it's kind of...

Yeah. Don't touch it, don't touch it.

- I love it. - Me too.

Clearly, he didn't go alone.

Max got one too.

You guys are really hitting it off, aren't you?

- I'm so pleased. - Yeah, well I'm not.

- Oh my God. - From where I'm standing,

he's clearly a bloody awful influence.

- Yeah. - Sorry Jeff, there's no way.

- You have to wear your chinos. - You know what?

Forget it, we're not going.

- What? No, we missed the last three! - Yes, and we'll miss the next three.

I am sick of you undermining me!

I am not undermining you. Your trousers don't close.

- I'm just saying- - I am talking about George!

So he's got his ear pierced! It's his life!

- Which he's ruining! - Yeah, well what about our life, huh?

- What about our marriage? - Don't be so dramatic, Julia.

OK, alright. You know what, I'm going on my own.

You can just stay here with your fucking misery pants,

I don't care!

Come on.

Come on. Chop, chop.

Right, OK. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,

eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...

Good!

You're all here.

Andy.

Button.

It's been a while.

Turtle Beach.

Turtle Beach.

Everyone, uh, this is our host, Donna Button.

Um, uh, Donna, this is our Year 11s.

Some of you are probably thinking

this trip is going to be a bit of fun...

...organised by your school in the run-up to your GCSE exams.

This is a training complex,

designed to push you to your limits.

To help you achieve things that perhaps you didn't think you were capable of.

Stay alert!

Listen to instructions.

Welcome to Keldy Action Camp.

Not a place, but a state of mind.

Right, OK. Come on, let's go.

Turtle Beach.

Turtle Beach.

There was some mad tension there, don't you think?

- Mmm-hmm. - Hey, Max.

This place is so fucking lame, right?

Like, we're sixteen.

Do you smoke?

- You definitely should. - Why?

You'd totally suit it.

I'm so sneaking out tonight for one.

Come with? Alone.

I'm good, thanks.

OK. Well, I'll text you when I'm going for one.

- If you want to join me, then- - He doesn't smoke.

Was I talking to you, cum stain?

Hey, back off.

Why do you even hang out with him?

Is it like one of those charities where you adopt a donkey?

I would take him over you any day.

God, take a joke.

This... is not a canoe.

It's a kayak. And there's a big difference.

Canoes are for sightseers and poem readers.

This is an extreme sport. Now, to give you an idea,

I've paddled this thing down white-water rapids.

- Try paddling against the current... - It's a bad idea to annoy her.

What are you so scared of?

...While a grizzly swims surprisingly fast behind you.

- And that's just the start... - It's a shame really. I mean,

if she was actually cool then she'd be the full package.

'...underwater. But I'm not going to let you guys anywhere near a kayak.

So if she was cool, she'd, like, be your type then?

What is the greatest danger in Keldy Action Camp?

- Anyone? - Boredom?

Nice one. Anyone else?

Hmm? You!

'You are the most dangerous object in this camp.

'Any smokers amongst us?

I don't think I have a type.

- Right, but you must, like- - 'You!

Chatty Cathy. You're going to help me demonstrate our first exercise.

Shallow end, now.

I'm not going to let you guys anywhere near a kayak

until you've mastered this one.

I need one more volunteer.

You two, this is a trust exercise first and foremost,

but also a little rough and tumble to get you comfortable with pushing those limits.

You alright, soldier?

- Uh... - I get it.

It's not for the faint-hearted. But trust me,

the rewards are limitless. I'll show you.

Whew! Whew! Whew!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh... Oh God.

Oh, I've got you. It's OK.

Have you, have you got your foot in?

Um... Yeah, if you could just help me get it?

OK.

I've-I've always got you.

I've always got you.

With the right attitude, and under my tutelage,

you will conquer some of the most dangerous stunts

in the kayaking world. On my whistle,

Molly will perform an underwater barrel roll with George,

hold him under for a beat, and then bring him back up again.

On my mark.

What have I been saying this entire time, hmm?

You flip this thing over close enough to the edge,

you can crack someone's skull open like a watermelon.

I've seen it.

I can't trust you in this pool. Hit the shower.

This... is a barrel roll.

What's going on, George?

Do you really want to finish school and have nothing to show for it?

I won't have nothing.

The Leavers' Talent Show.

The... Sorry, the Leavers' Talent Show?

What are you talking about?

I've signed up to it.

I'm going to prove to everyone that I'm not a loser;

That I'm actually... good at something.

Fine, fine.

But, um, after the show, everyone will leave, George. MISS

That's why they call it the Leaver's Talent Show.

School will be over,

and the only important thing remaining will be the work,

the grades, the exams that will permanently open or close doors

- for the rest of your life. - I-I don't care.

No, you might not care now, but you're sixteen years old.

Do you know what you're going to feel in ten years' time?

You don't know how I'm going to feel either.

I'm really not trying to upset you, George,

but... we've all been there.

We've all had to make a difficult decision.

I made one, and I can honestly say that...

...yeah, that I made the right choice.

Yeah, I'm the Head of Key Stage 3

in one of the top fifteen schools in West Yorkshire

and if I hadn't made that difficult decision,

I would be, uh...

...frolicking in the sea, doing nothing with my life.

No ladder to climb, no savings,

no security, just...

...wasting my life away with...

Just think about it, OK?

- Never have I ever tried - sucking myself off.

- Mate, can you ask one - we've actually done,

- so we can fucking drink? - Do you lot want to jump in?

Max, you do one.

OK. Uh...

Never have I ever...

...fantasised about Molly Olson.

See that, that is a good one. Oooooooh!

Mate, she is so fit!

Makes me so angry, you know!

Aaaaargh!

Your go.

Oh, uh, OK.

Uh, never have I ever...

Come on, man.

- We're getting sober here! - Sorry, uh...

Never have I ever...

kissed my own reflection, just to practice.

What? No!

I would never fucking kiss a boy,

even if it's me.

Yeah, that-that's gay.

Never have I ever...

- Want a drink? - Yeah.

Great.

Whoa!

Stop, stop, Max. Stop.

Ugh!

Worth it?

Yeah.

Hey!

Max, wait!

Max!

Fucking journalist!

- What, you saw them? - Who else?

No, no. No way, not out here.

Look, don't worry. It's really dark, anyway.

Let's just go.

I'm freezing.

Sorry, I-I was a bit drunk.

Don't worry, it's fine.

- Who do you think- - It doesn't matter.

Like you say, it was probably too dark to get a good picture, so...

- Oh my God, - have you shit yourself?

Text me later, yeah?

George?

Can you come into the living room for a minute, honey?

How was your trip?

Why are you both sat like that?

Uh, we-we just wanted a quick chat, mate.

Uh, do you want to?

No, you-you go.

OK, um...

Your mother thought that, um, no, we both thought

that, um, while- while you were away,

it would be a good opportunity to, um...

you know, do some proper talking.

And you've, you've probably noticed that things

have been a bit tense around here recently. And you know, that...

That's not healthy for any of us.

Now, there's no need to worry, OK?

Your father and I have just decided to give each other a bit of space.

Just a bit. It's kind of like we're going on holiday.

Just separately, right?

And then at some point we will come back from that holiday

and...

And then we'll see.

Is it the earring? Because I-I can take it out now.

It's- No, no, George. It's-it's not that.

Honey, it's not you.

Hey.

Just... Just want to show you something.

I think that's a bit tacky.

I wouldn't use it, but... my editor disagrees with me

and he's going to publish it in tomorrow's paper.

I haven't read the article yet,

but apparently it contains something about, um,

- a serious drug problem? - What?! That's a complete lie.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know. They just...

They won't listen to me.

Look, I'm not a monster.

An innocent young man's reputation is at stake,

and you have the chance to set the record straight

before they publish this rubbish. You're his best friend, aren't you?

- I mean, you're his boyfriend? - What do you want?

Your name, for starters.

- George. - So... this...

...photo of you and Max Marvin,

were you on illicit substances when this was taken?

No, definitely not. Definitely not!

So, this is a photo of you and Max Marvin,

and you are definitely not on drugs?

Yes, no, we're... No, we're not.

Surname?

Bobbin.

Thank you, Mr Bobbin.

You've shown your boyfriend a great kindness.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, I am wide open tonight.

If you need a model, I know a great guy.

Oh, yeah, Toby Long. Of course, yeah.

He's the one!

Mmm-hmm.

Have a great day, sweetheart! Mm-hmm...

Sorry, I wanted to talk to my son.

Knew it.

- George! - No, no, no...

- George! George! - Are you together?

- Are you only in it for the fame? - George, have you met the Marvins?

Excuse me!

Right, you can just stop right there,

otherwise I'm calling the police. You need to move right now.

Bent twat.

He said that- The reporter said

they were going to do a story about how you were on drugs,

and how you were going mad. And they said...

They said I could set the record straight, and I just-

I'm leaving.

What? Where are you...

- For how long? - I'm moving in with my dad.

I thought you liked it here?

My mum barely leaves her bed.

There's journalists everywhere.

At least in London I blend in.

I got it wrong, really wrong.

But just please, please...

stay?

- I need you here. - What do you need me for?

You're...

Well, for lots of things.

Yeah, like what?

Like...

- I can't play my- - What?

The school talent show? Is that it?!

No. No, no.

Well, yeah. No, that's...

What else, then?

Just tell me.

Why do you want me to stay?

You know...

I'm so sorry they did this to you.

Let it ring.

Whoever it is can leave a message, yeah?

It's me, um...

Just give me a call back.

Hey.

Yeah, yeah, he's here.

'George?

'Uh, are you alright?

'Well, I, uh... I just wanted, um...

'Why didn't you tell us?

'We're your parents. You should have said.'

MISS ANDERSON: Adams?

- Here, Miss. - Bartlett?

Here, Miss.

Bobbin? Enough!

George, see me afterwards. Daniels?

It's a cliche, but it's true.

Today's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper.

Let me know if you need anything.

Hey. Do you fancy a lift?

- I can walk. - Oh, go on. I got off work early.

Your exams going OK?

Look, I never said, um...

...about the newspaper.

- I didn't really handle it... - It's OK.

Oh, for fuck...

Jesus Christ.

So, uh...

I, uh, suppose...

...you're gay then, huh?

I'm, I'm not judging, by the way.

I'm-I'm not.

Um, how long have you known?

I don't know. I don't know if I...

Still... You're still figuring stuff out. You know, that's...

That's fair enough. Um...

Look...

I know I can be a bit of a rain cloud.

I mean, you probably think it's because I don't understand you.

God, I hated school.

Hated being your age...

Never knew the right thing to say, or the right thing to do.

Always seemed so easy for everyone else.

It was frustrating. And that...

That feeling has never really gone away for me.

So when I see you going your own way...

...it scares me so much, George, because I love you.

And I don't want to see you unhappy.

But you do seem unhappy.

It's just that you were right, I...

This year was my year to figure everything out.

I really thought... I really thought I had.

It's too late now.

Oh...

It's never too late, mate, OK?

Never.

Oi, alright!

Wanker!

Unbelievable.

- 'Bought a drum kit with...' - Hi.

- '...buy a record.' - Hi Mum.

- 'Got poached...' - If you have any washing, speak now,

or forever hold your peace.

- Um, Dad gave me a lift home. - That's nice.

'But that attitude just, just...'

What's that?

It's a leaflet thing.

Music college, huh? Good idea.

I haven't heard you playing much recently.

- Shouldn't you be practising for the show? - I'm dropping out.

Seems a waste after all that work.

It was a waste.

No-one cares, nobody listens.

I'm not good enough anyway.

You can't just roll into a ball when things don't go your way, George.

Things never go my way.

And they never will if you give up. You have to fight.

You don't fight.

Dad just drove off, and you're acting like...

You're just out here doing the laundry.

I'm carrying on with my life.

Your father and I have tried everything. Everything.

And we're still trying, because we love each other.

You try your best.

But ultimately, you just have to get on with it.

If you want Max,

stop moping around and go tell him.

And I'd better hear that keyboard at full fricking volume,

do you hear me?

I told you that my tapes were like a journal...

but they're also a fantasy.

I used to imagine millions of people tuning in...

hanging off my every word...

because they loved me.

Well, this tape's just for you.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Welcome all to the 2006

St. Sebastian Talent Show.

Now, before we kick off,

I would like to address the Year 11s directly.

School life has, in a way,

been your whole life up until now.

But after tomorrow, you will step into a new, much larger world,

where you will be responsible for the choices you make.

Be bold, and remember:

"Patet Omnibus Veritas."

"Truth lies open to all."

Let the show begin!

A student is an oak tree seedling,

Planted delicately in the soil,

protected from the pecking birds of bad influence.

So I made this for my GCSE with my new camera phone.

It's about nature and stuff like that.

WOMAN: Woo-hoo!

Wooooo!

So here's to all the memories,

School trips, discos and plays.

If you're sad to leave, then you're an idiot,

And I hope you spend your life in misery and regret.

- Oh... - Atta boy!

Misery and regret, for the rest of your days.

Thank you, Polly.

Onwards! Uh, now, next up,

we have George Bobbin.

Here we go.

What the fuck are you wearing?

Alright, OK. Start from the beginning, pick up the pace.

'There's a map I will follow

'If you say the word, I'll go

'Catch a flight out tomorrow

'It's my future to unfold

'No time, I won't think about it

'Shut my eyes 'and jump in the deepest blue

'Just say you're taking me along with you

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh-yeah

'It's a very bad fun idea

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'It's a very bad fun idea

'Ooh, yeah

'I don't care 'bout the baggage

'I still want you I could cry

'Like a knife causes damage

'I'm alive in your disguise

'I feel it when we're together

'Like a secret both of us never knew

'Just say you're taking me along with you

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah!'

He's actually alright.

'It's a very bad fun idea

- 'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah - Woo!

'It's a very bad fun idea

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'Come on, baby This could be a very bad fun idea

'Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'Come on, baby This could be a very bad fun idea

Come on!

Yes, Jeffrey! Everyone!

'You reside in the moment

'Then the world changed overnight

'You can't break what is broken

'But I want us to survive

'I'll be there, whatever happens

'Meet me somewhere I can be reckless too

'Just say you're taking me along with you

'Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'It's a very bad fun idea

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'It's a very bad fun idea

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'Come on, baby This could be a very bad fun idea

'Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah

'Come on, baby

'This could be a very bad fun idea...'

Thanks everyone! Woo!

You did it, you did it. Oh!

Wooooo!

Give it up for George Bobbin, everyone!

Woo!

Oh, hey, Button.

I love you, George!

Oh God!

Oh... Oh, I'm so proud!

That took... That took big balls.

- Thanks, Mum. - Big, big balls!

- Big balls! - Mum, stop.

- It was amazing. Well done to you. - Thanks, Dad.

Hey, I'd... I'd like you guys to meet someone.

This is my dad. Dad, this is George,

and George's mum Julia, and George's dad Jeffrey.

Oh, sorry. I feel ridiculous in these, but, umm...

I didn't want to cause a stir

and I wouldn't have missed that for the world.

Hi!

Um...

I'm a big fan!

- Oh, thank you so much. - Uh, yeah. Yeah, actually me too.

- OK. - I'm a big fan.

- Thanks, man.

And this is the famous George.

- He's cute! - Dad, stop!

I think we should celebrate.

Espresso martinis, what do you think?

Yeah, we've got to get up early, but as long as we don't have too many...

Uh, yeah. Uh, I... Do you know what?

Um, I think I might've put my back out a bit with the dancing.

Um, well, you-you- You go, just have fun.

Proud of you.

Whew!

Thank you...

Very tempted. Um...

...but I'm gonna... Yeah, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go be with your dad, yeah. I'm gonna go-gonna go home.

Are you gonna... Are you OK to make your way home?

- Yeah, course. - Yeah, OK.

Bye, bye, bye. Um, I'm good, OK.

- Well done, you. - Wait, Mum. You...

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Bye.

Your old mum's great.

Dad!

Um, hello, Mr Marvin. Um,

I'm Lucinda Shan, I'm the headmistress

here at Saint Sebastian's School.

And if I might say, I'm a huge fan.

Well, thank you.

I, I wondered if you'd like to explore me.

The... the school. The school grounds are beautiful.

Would you like a tour?

- Yeah. - Oh, great!

I'd love that.

I'll meet you out front in ten minutes?

Have fun, boys.

I got your tape.

Very eclectic mix.

So, are you, um...

You're going back to London, then?

But I mean, my mum's still gonna be here, so I'll be back.

- Oh, yeah. - Shit, it's Mike Marvin!

- Honestly, here's here. I'm not... - Oh my god, Mike Marvin!

Let's get his signature!

I-I should probably go and get him, before they do.

I'll text you, OK?

I think you should stay.

I want you to stay...

for the summer at least.

What do you want to do?

Dunno... Go into town?

Mmm.

We could get our eyebrows pierced.

Alright.

Come on, honey, we've gotta go. We're gonna be late. Beep, beep, beep!

OK, my love. Um,

so, there is money there on the side for Thai food or pizza.

- Anything you want, OK? OK? - Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- You look amazing. - Mmm, so do you!

- OK, you all good - Uh, yeah.

Yeah? OK, OK, OK.

That flamenco's not going to dance itself. Let's go!

- See you later. - Bye.