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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,120 Ladies and gentlemen, the Secretary General of NATO and the 45th and final 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,160 President of the United States. 3 00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:12,200 Excuse me, excuse me, get out of my way. 4 00:00:23,210 --> 00:00:29,290 It's so great to be here in Belgium on my six -day sold -out world tour. 5 00:00:29,870 --> 00:00:33,030 I'm officially the Aerosmith of Presidents. 6 00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:37,570 And just like Aerosmith, my best days are yet to come. 7 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,710 Okay, you can talk now. 8 00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:49,510 So true, folks. 9 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,120 So true. Mr. President, can the world trust your leadership with all these 10 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,640 investigations into your White House? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. That's a 11 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,360 question, okay? I'm on vacation. 12 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,960 Everywhere I've been, people have been so nice to me. 13 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,200 Saudi Arabia, Israel, and even the Middle East. 14 00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,120 A tremendous journey. 15 00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:14,870 And that's our theme for tonight's show, my journey. 16 00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:18,490 Why haven't you affirmed your commitment to NATO common defense? 17 00:01:18,770 --> 00:01:23,350 Because NATO countries need to start paying their bills. And believe me, as a 18 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:26,130 guy who doesn't pay his bills, I find that disgusting. 19 00:01:27,490 --> 00:01:29,210 This question is for the secretary. 20 00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:32,950 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Speak English. We're in America. 21 00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:34,190 Speak English. 22 00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:36,490 This is Belgium. 23 00:01:36,710 --> 00:01:38,530 There you go. Now that's more like it. 24 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,020 Can somebody ask me something now? 25 00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:46,880 Mr. President, when you were in Israel... I never said Israel. You said 26 00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:49,640 You just screwed that up. You said Israel. I didn't say Israel. 27 00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:55,340 And because of you, everyone knows that Israel has a mole in ISIS. So great job, 28 00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:56,460 moron. 29 00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:04,240 Look, as I said at the Holocaust Museum, we must never forget that I was there. 30 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:07,598 I'm the president. 31 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,500 I cannot believe it. Let's roll. 32 00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:41,150 Welcome to the President's Show. 33 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,350 Welcome to the President's Show. 34 00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:47,850 We're coming to you from the lovely Belgian White House. 35 00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:52,010 Who knew they had an Oval Office exactly like mine? 36 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:57,290 Later, we'll be talking to conservative commentator S .E. Cupp. And Mike Pence 37 00:02:57,290 --> 00:03:00,050 just flew in on the red -eye to be with us. Stand up, Mike. 38 00:03:00,350 --> 00:03:01,350 Really? 39 00:03:01,650 --> 00:03:06,790 No, no, no. I'm not standing up. Stand up, Mike. Sir, I am so tired. 40 00:03:07,030 --> 00:03:08,450 Stand up, Mike. You stand up. 41 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:12,480 My gosh, I've been on a plane for the last seven hours huffing a Dutchman's 42 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:13,480 fart. 43 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,820 Mike Pence, everyone. Sorry. 44 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:21,720 Mike, Europe just gets me. Everyone's treating me like a total hero. 45 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,540 Right. Well, I see you've kept this... Yeah, the round thing that the Saudis 46 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:31,420 gave me. Yeah, yeah. Talk about a successful trip. I ate a whole goat two 47 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,420 in a row. 48 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,860 Speak, oh muse. 49 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:36,620 What the hell are you doing, Mike? 50 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,500 An angry king overpowers lesser men. 51 00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:44,240 Even if that day his anger is suppressed, resentment lingers in his 52 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,820 one day he acts on it. 53 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,800 That's my orb, Mike. Hands off! 54 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,240 One hour in Europe and this guy thinks he's a poet. 55 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,060 I'm sorry, sir. I just am getting this strange feeling that you're on a quest 56 00:03:58,060 --> 00:04:02,620 undergoing a series of trials to learn a lesson and become a better man. 57 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:03,960 Yeah, that's cool. 58 00:04:05,230 --> 00:04:08,150 Let me tell you, the girls here, no bras. 59 00:04:08,510 --> 00:04:09,670 Nipple city. 60 00:04:11,170 --> 00:04:14,070 But they smell like cab drivers. I think I like it. 61 00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:17,430 You're a married man, sir. Good one, Mike. 62 00:04:19,310 --> 00:04:23,730 I've got so much unbelievable stuff on this trip. I want to do a desk piece 63 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,870 called Stuff I Got on My Trip. 64 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:36,280 Look at this necklace I got in Saudi Arabia from King Salmon. Oh, yeah. It's 65 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,280 beautiful, sir. 66 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,700 It's beautiful, but I do have to say, you don't really need to wear it because 67 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,620 you already look like a real Mr. 68 00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:43,860 T. 69 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,400 You get it? Because your last name starts with a T, and then there was the 70 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:51,060 gentleman, Mr. T, who had the... Yeah, I get it, Mike. Right. I get it. 71 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,020 But I pity the fool who makes a Mr. 72 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,680 T reference in 2017. 73 00:04:58,669 --> 00:05:03,130 Here, you'll like this one. This is great. Check that out. Oh, the good 74 00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:06,290 Very good. My buddy Bibby bought me a Bible. 75 00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:12,210 You know, Mike, I love this Bible. A book about what happens when a bunch of 76 00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:15,810 desert nomads stop being polite and start getting real. 77 00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:20,050 I really wish you would stop calling it that, sir. 78 00:05:20,290 --> 00:05:23,630 It's actually God's message of love and compassion. 79 00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:28,170 Great, I'll give it to Mick Mulvaney so he has something to ignore when he's 80 00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:29,170 drafting my budget. 81 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:32,370 And speaking of God stuff, check this out. 82 00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:34,630 Wow, look at this. 83 00:05:34,890 --> 00:05:36,890 This is my gift from Pope Francis. 84 00:05:37,290 --> 00:05:40,310 Wow, that is a real... Yeah, right? 85 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:44,090 Yeah, I've never seen a nicer... I don't know what it is, Mike. 86 00:05:44,290 --> 00:05:46,590 I mean, is it an iPad stand? 87 00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:49,710 I don't know, a robot pizza? 88 00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:52,070 Liberace's biscuits? 89 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,600 The token to play a giant game of skee -ball? 90 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,300 A severed attic of a doll's house? Oh, yeah. 91 00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:01,180 That's what it is. What a gift. 92 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,740 Here, Mike. You take it. Oh, boy. Cool. 93 00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,460 Liberace's discus. Nice. 94 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,620 Now, check this out. 95 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:08,840 Here we go. 96 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,820 Oh, yeah. I got this tight little number from the Arabs. 97 00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:13,340 Oh. 98 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:17,780 Wow. Cool sword. Have you named it, sir? A hero always names his sword. 99 00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,820 Yeah. I'm calling it sex caliber. 100 00:06:21,060 --> 00:06:24,660 You get it, Mike? Yes. No, I do, sir. I should point out that you have already 101 00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,480 named several things in the White House sex calendar. 102 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,040 Well, hold on, sir. Don't put it away. 103 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:34,540 You're going to do the sword dance, aren't you? No one wants to see that, 104 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,260 Oh, I think they do. 105 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:41,180 I think we want to see the sword dance. 106 00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:45,380 Good. 107 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,010 You're a dexterous dancer, sir. 108 00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:54,630 Just fantastic. 109 00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:58,790 Mike, come on. Join me, Mike. 110 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,350 Join me, Mike. 111 00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:05,910 When we come back, I'll name the top five journalists I'd like to body slam. 112 00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:07,910 I'm looking at you, Feynman. 113 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:23,780 Abraham Lincoln was the father of the Republican Party. 114 00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:29,940 But then, like most dads, one day he said he was going out for cigarettes and 115 00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:34,600 never came back. And now you got me, the stepfather of the Republican Party. 116 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:40,580 Swaggering, dirty, shows up late, and I rail your mom right in front of you. 117 00:07:56,770 --> 00:07:58,390 Welcome back to the show. 118 00:07:58,710 --> 00:08:03,990 I'm having such a great time on my trip abroad, Mike. But I missed my TV time. 119 00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:06,630 Well, sir, I have a surprise for you. 120 00:08:06,850 --> 00:08:08,350 I don't have to be president anymore? 121 00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:13,090 No, no, that's not it. Is it James Comey's head on a platter? No, it's much 122 00:08:13,090 --> 00:08:15,830 better than that, sir. My TV, my TV. 123 00:08:16,690 --> 00:08:18,070 Oh, there it is. My TV. 124 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:23,880 Thanks, Mike. I love it. That means it's time for Screaming at the TV. 125 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,600 Let's see what the press is saying about my foreign adventures. 126 00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:38,480 Breaking news. The Washington Post reporting at this hour that President 127 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,159 asked two of the nation's top intelligence officials to help him push 128 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:47,120 against an FBI investigation into possible coordination between his 129 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,120 Russia. 130 00:08:48,430 --> 00:08:49,430 What? 131 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:56,230 Absolutely no coordination. My campaign was completely uncoordinated. 132 00:08:57,130 --> 00:09:02,270 One day, Steve Bannon brought 50 donuts to the office, and I also brought 50 133 00:09:02,270 --> 00:09:05,170 donuts. We had such a great laugh. 134 00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:09,310 Then Steve read from the protocols of the elders of Zion. 135 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,620 And we ate 100 donuts. 136 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:17,660 There's got to be something good about me and all I've accomplished on this 137 00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:21,840 trip. And the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee now says Michael 138 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:26,820 Flynn lied to investigators who vetted him for his 2016 security clearance 139 00:09:26,820 --> 00:09:29,260 renewal. Oh, my God. 140 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,640 Can we please stop talking about all the different people Mike Flynn lied to? 141 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,880 It's going to be a lot easier to talk about the people he didn't lie to. 142 00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,140 Mike? That is true. 143 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,820 Let's see. Let's see who was there. Who didn't he lie to? What about... He 144 00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:47,220 didn't lie. Didn't lie. Didn't lie. Barbara. Remember Barbara? No, he lied 145 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,440 Barbara. He did lie to Barbara. He lied to Barbara. There was... Inanimate 146 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,600 objects. Go for inanimate objects. No, I think he just... We lied to... No, he 147 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,740 didn't. He lied to a bookshelf once. Yeah. 148 00:09:56,620 --> 00:09:58,500 See? Much easier. That was short. 149 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,240 Moving on. 150 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,040 Oh, look. They're talking about my new budget. 151 00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:10,390 This budget is a disaster. It's cruel. It's heartless. He actually zeroes out 152 00:10:10,390 --> 00:10:16,410 all of our programs as it relates to the Special Olympics for disabled children. 153 00:10:16,890 --> 00:10:19,130 He cuts meals on wheels. 154 00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:20,790 Not true. 155 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:25,090 We're merging the Special Olympics and meals on wheels. 156 00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:30,170 Old people will get to eat their dinner off the lap of a wheelchair kid racing 157 00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:32,290 around a track. So everybody wins. 158 00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:37,150 You're a compassionate man. I am. Isn't there someone out there defending me? 159 00:10:37,810 --> 00:10:42,070 I mean, he's the president of the United States. If he wants to say that, Barack 160 00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:45,470 Obama wants to say whatever. If George Bush says, I looked in his eyes. If he 161 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,330 took a dump on his desk, you would defend him. 162 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:51,170 No, no, no, no, no. 163 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,970 Nice try, Anderson Cooper. 164 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,670 Jeffrey Lord is a dump I took on my desk. 165 00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,250 You're the one who put that piece. 166 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,960 On the air. That's on you, CNN. 167 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,880 Let's see another one. 168 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:15,300 The Congressional Budget Office now says the new plan would ultimately add 23 169 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:19,060 million more people to the roles of the uninsured. 170 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,280 Correction. It's not 23 million people. 171 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,180 It's 23 million poor people. It's a very big difference. 172 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:30,940 Oh, please. If God wanted you to have health care, you would have been born an 173 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:31,940 Australian. 174 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,700 TV, go. More pictures now. 175 00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:39,580 Republican Representative Justin Amash and Carlos Corbelo became the first 176 00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:43,900 Republicans to say that allegations of Trump pressing James Comey to drop his 177 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:47,680 investigation of Michael Flynn, if true, are grounds for impeachment. 178 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:52,800 No way I'm getting impeached while I'm in Belgium. You can't break up with 179 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,220 somebody over the phone. 180 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,240 Enough. 181 00:11:56,560 --> 00:12:00,900 You're sick with pride, you brutal fool. No doubt you count yourself a great 182 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:05,620 powerful man because you sport with a puny crowd, ill -bred to boot. 183 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,040 No more orb for you, Mike. 184 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,140 You're cut off and you're getting weird. 185 00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:11,480 We'll be right back. 186 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:23,460 Are we almost done with this? 187 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:26,000 Oh, sir, would you like to go to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial? 188 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:32,300 Oh, yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Let's go, let's go. Ooh. 189 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:38,520 You know, I don't think we could go because I've got a terrible bone spur in 190 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,000 foot. Let's defer. 191 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,260 Let's just defer for now, okay? 192 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:47,520 You know what I meant to do was go there, but now we're deferring. So it's 193 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,500 I meant it, but we're deferring, so let's do a deferment. Sure. You want to 194 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,500 get ice cream? Yeah. 195 00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:55,970 With all the Sunday fixin'? It's about a half mile down that way. I don't care. 196 00:12:56,010 --> 00:12:57,090 Let's go. Come on. Let's go. 197 00:12:57,350 --> 00:12:59,690 Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. 198 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,090 Melania, she hasn't been punching me in weeks. 199 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:17,470 I'm here at beautiful... I don't know where. Beats the hell out of me. 200 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:22,620 But my guest tonight is a New York Daily News columnist and CNN contributor. 201 00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:28,560 Her new show, S .E. Cup Unfiltered, premieres July 17th on HLN. 202 00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,660 Please welcome S .E. Cup. 203 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,480 Now, 204 00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:42,040 you're a Republican, and Jeb Bush and Marco 205 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,560 Rubio both criticized me this week. 206 00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:48,370 Should more Republicans be standing up to me or should they shut up? 207 00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:54,930 You know, I'd love it if more Republicans and conservatives took a 208 00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:59,510 the things they believed in not less than, you know, 200 days ago. 209 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:06,370 It's been pretty disappointing to see how the party has unified, not around 210 00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:10,810 principles, but around having an R in the White House. Isn't that wonderful? 211 00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:12,030 No, my name's T. 212 00:14:12,210 --> 00:14:13,450 It's T, not R. 213 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:14,859 My mistake. 214 00:14:14,860 --> 00:14:19,040 Well, do you think it's because they care about maintaining control in a 215 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:23,180 system that's so partisan that it actually counteracts the ability for 216 00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:24,180 govern? 217 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:31,400 I think they're certainly interested in keeping control and keeping 218 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,079 a majority. 219 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,340 The problem is, what have they really been able to do with this majority? 220 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,100 Not a whole lot. 221 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,780 You'd think that having nearly every lever of power in Washington, you'd be 222 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,260 to get, I don't know, health care. 223 00:14:44,229 --> 00:14:48,450 You've only got seven years to work on it. Oh, we totally did it. We did it. 224 00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:52,310 Didn't you see? I went in the Rose Garden and I said my catchphrase, which 225 00:14:52,310 --> 00:14:54,330 normally only say on the television show. 226 00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:56,490 I'm the president. Can you believe it? 227 00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:03,390 You wrote an article called Our Endless Stream of Scandal. Did you watch all of 228 00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:05,770 Scandal on Netflix? Lost your mind? Yeah. 229 00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:10,190 So how do we parse all the messes that I'm involved in? Yeah. 230 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:15,180 Well, there's a lot, and there's a lot of legitimate controversies and scandals 231 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:20,780 that we as a press and we as a public and we as a legislature should be 232 00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,160 at very seriously, and we are. 233 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:28,200 But there's also some distracting non -scandals, like you swatting your wife's 234 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,040 hand away on a foreign trip. Not a story. 235 00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:33,240 I was waving at her, but really low. 236 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:40,820 I think when media outlets, serious, incredible media outlets, create an 237 00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:46,360 equivalency between that non -story and real issues that are troubling, it's no 238 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,220 wonder why people hate the media and feel like they can't trust us. Fake 239 00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:51,660 Right. Fake news. 240 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,040 Isn't it true that that problem... 241 00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:58,230 That generally people have at a level that's almost underneath their 242 00:15:58,230 --> 00:16:03,330 consciousness of the fact that mainstream media at this point is a 243 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:09,150 scandal breaking news collage has created a problem in which real stories 244 00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:13,310 covered up by exactly what you're saying, this type of scandal. And then I 245 00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:17,590 come in, label it fake news and rob us of a real dialogue about the 246 00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:19,170 responsibilities of the fourth estate. 247 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:26,540 Yeah, the fake news thing is a problem. 248 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,920 And as a member of the media, I find that to be really, really unfair. 249 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:36,100 However, if you're a news consumer, it's hard to tell the difference between not 250 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:42,260 news and fake news. And I'm concerned that when media outlets focus on the not 251 00:16:42,260 --> 00:16:47,540 news. then the news viewer will have a very difficult time telling the 252 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,640 difference. You're a very likable conservative. 253 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,180 And I'm a very unlikable conservative. 254 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,760 Also not a conservative. 255 00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:55,980 Excuse me, I'm so conservative. 256 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,160 I don't think so. Well, you know, that's really great. Why am I not a 257 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,160 conservative? 258 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:04,940 I don't think you have any undergirding conservative principle. Oh, I've got 259 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,160 undergirding, trust me. 260 00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:07,780 Trust me. 261 00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:09,539 Cinched tight. 262 00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:10,540 Bad word choice. 263 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:15,690 You know, as you've said, you know, you're not married to a political party. 264 00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:20,109 This is how you got elected. I think you wore the Republican Party like a rented 265 00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:23,069 tuxedo to get elected. And it worked. 266 00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,630 Thank you. 267 00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:29,250 It did, and I wish you'd be a little less insecure. 268 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,590 You won. 269 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:35,510 Stop, you know, obsessing about how or who didn't vote for you. Enough people 270 00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:38,270 liked you to make you president. So just do the job. 271 00:17:38,570 --> 00:17:41,590 Whatever, man. Three million people voted illegally. 272 00:17:42,390 --> 00:17:46,530 And if Hillary hadn't won any of the votes, I would have gotten all of them. 273 00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:47,149 know that. 274 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:50,270 That's the way it works. Right. I have one last question. 275 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:54,450 What are three places where liberals and conservatives can see eye to eye with 276 00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:58,070 each other, if not agree, but at least work towards understanding? 277 00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,770 Today? Like these liberals and conservatives? 278 00:18:03,070 --> 00:18:04,790 Yeah. Oh, geez. 279 00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:07,030 It seems like... 280 00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:13,470 It seems difficult, honestly, because we are so tribal and we are so encamped in 281 00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:20,150 our political ideologies. And the idea that we can come together 282 00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:25,670 on causes seems almost nostalgic. And that's very disappointing. 283 00:18:26,090 --> 00:18:30,430 But I have faith that there are very good people on both sides of the aisle. 284 00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:34,250 know some of them in the House and in the Senate who... 285 00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:40,560 if they can emerge out of this morass at some point, we'll be able to work 286 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:46,580 together on some of those causes that used to unite both of our parties not 287 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:49,980 long ago. I have an idea of what's going to unite both parties. 288 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,300 My impeachment. 289 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,420 S .C. Cuff, everybody. 290 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:58,500 S .C. Cuff. S .C., stand up. Stand up. Stand up. 291 00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:16,670 And so his destiny ordains. He has reached his native land at last. For he 292 00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:20,670 caused infinite trouble. And thus is his journey. 293 00:19:21,130 --> 00:19:23,850 And what a journey it's been, folks. 294 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:30,590 I got some crappy souvenirs from world leaders. I resisted the siren call of S 295 00:19:30,590 --> 00:19:31,209 .E. Cup. 296 00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:36,470 And I finally got to spend some quality time with the love of my life. 297 00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:37,690 My TV! 298 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:45,380 I have become the master of two worlds, America and Earth. 299 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:52,820 Earlier this week, I went to Saudi Arabia, the country that gave us most of 300 00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:57,880 9 -11 hijackers, looked them square in the eye and said, let's dance. 301 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:04,660 Then I went to our NATO allies who spilled blood in Afghanistan for us. 302 00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:09,250 and I shook them down for protection money like a two -bit wise guy at a 303 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,250 place. 304 00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:15,930 They offered me their hand in friendship, and I gave them a big, fat 305 00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:16,930 finger. 306 00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:23,110 I've emerged from my trials a totally changed man, learning the lesson that he 307 00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:24,850 didn't need to change at all. 308 00:20:25,270 --> 00:20:32,170 So like any hero, I return victorious to the arms of my faithful country and my 309 00:20:32,170 --> 00:20:33,170 loving wife. 310 00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,530 Take my hand, my love. 311 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:38,270 Hand. Now. 312 00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:40,730 Melania. Chop, chop. 313 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,490 Chop, chop. Take my hand. 314 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,010 Take my hand. 315 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,630 Take my hand. 316 00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:49,890 Take my hand. Take my hand. 317 00:20:50,130 --> 00:20:52,210 Take my hand. 27779

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