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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:04,880 Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States. 2 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:14,320 Wow. 3 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,220 Unbelievable. Unbelievable. 4 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,120 So incredible. 5 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,720 The first show. 6 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,360 The first show. 7 00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:27,850 Welcome to The President Show. 8 00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:30,670 I'm the president, and I'm also the show. 9 00:00:31,670 --> 00:00:33,630 And that's an incredible deal. 10 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:41,290 Now I can talk to the American people directly, just like FDR and its fireside 11 00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:42,290 chats. 12 00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:44,670 F -D -R. 13 00:00:44,910 --> 00:00:47,250 Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt. 14 00:00:48,010 --> 00:00:52,530 Who was brutally attacked by the Italian anarchist Marco Polio. 15 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:58,270 Marco stole his legs and made him half president. 16 00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:02,770 Let's face it. The guy was half man, half president. 17 00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:04,430 He was a robo -president. 18 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:06,730 Beep bop goes the robot. 19 00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:08,810 And we all know that. 20 00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:11,010 And we all know that. 21 00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:15,690 Every show, we're going to have a beautiful new theme to set the agenda. 22 00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:20,130 And tonight, for our first show, our first theme, America. 23 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:24,690 first. Mr. President, isn't that a white nationalist, Logan? Excuse me. Excuse 24 00:01:24,690 --> 00:01:29,270 me. I'm white. I live in this nation. I guess that makes me a white nationalist. 25 00:01:31,590 --> 00:01:34,070 Sir, have your first 100 days been a failure? 26 00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:35,270 Oh, you shut up. 27 00:01:37,770 --> 00:01:43,630 In my first 100 days, I signed 30 executive orders, fired 59 missiles into 28 00:01:43,630 --> 00:01:48,870 Syria, took 16 golf trips, got 500 hole -in -ones, and talked to a lady 29 00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:50,250 astronaut on the computer. 30 00:01:53,130 --> 00:01:54,590 She was on the moon. 31 00:01:55,730 --> 00:01:57,130 She was on the moon. 32 00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:03,590 All that is 785 things, which, if you round up, is a million. 33 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,910 And I did it all ahead of Skedgie and under Budgie. 34 00:02:10,289 --> 00:02:12,290 Those numbers don't make any sense. 35 00:02:12,490 --> 00:02:16,270 Who cares? I'm the president. Can you believe it? Let's roll. 36 00:02:55,660 --> 00:03:01,120 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very first episode of The President 37 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:06,240 I turned the Oval Office into a classic late night set. I've got a desk. 38 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:07,880 I've got a couch. 39 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,540 I've even got a sidekick. 40 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:16,040 He's America's answer to white rice with no salt. Vice President Mike Pence, 41 00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:17,220 everybody. 42 00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:22,020 Sit down. 43 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,660 Sit down. Thank you. 44 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:29,400 Oh, I have to say, Mr. President, it is an honor. No, it's not. I'm a pig. You 45 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,400 hate this. 46 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:37,780 My guest tonight is the one and only Keith Olbermann. He can't stand me. It's 47 00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:39,180 going to be so much fun. 48 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,940 What an exciting first hundred days. Right, Mike? 49 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,520 Oh, absolutely, sir. You have really put some cinnamon on the oatmeal. 50 00:03:47,090 --> 00:03:48,090 Thanks. 51 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:49,590 Thanks, Mike. You're welcome. 52 00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:57,570 Everyone's been in such a panic. It's like we've been living in that scene 53 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:01,210 the end of Goodfellas where Ray Liotta is driving around town with the 54 00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:02,390 helicopter chasing him. 55 00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:06,970 You remember that. And he's trying to stash the cocaine and his brother has to 56 00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:10,450 stir the socks and the babysitter has to make the phone call and the helicopter 57 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:14,390 keeps chasing him and he's just doing more coke and stirring more socks and 58 00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:16,070 Karen has to flush the coke. Fuck! 59 00:04:29,939 --> 00:04:31,420 My wife's name is Karen. 60 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:39,400 So, just to let you know, you're all going to keep feeling like that the 61 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,840 time I'm president. 62 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:43,680 That's a lot of cinnamon, sir. 63 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,840 What are you, sponsored by cinnamon? What are you doing? 64 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,620 I wish. 65 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:55,620 Mike, you're a nice guy. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. But not everyone 66 00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:59,980 is as nice as you. That's true. I think it's important to let the audience know 67 00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:03,040 who's being nice and who's being not nice. 68 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,840 In our very first desk piece called Nice, Not Nice. 69 00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,140 Marine Le Pen. 70 00:05:19,380 --> 00:05:23,140 She's French, she's blonde, and she hates Muslims. 71 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,660 She's a triple threat. 72 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,500 Not nice. 73 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,700 Marine world. 74 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:37,680 The whales are sixes, the dolphins are fours, and the only tens are the 75 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:38,980 penguins. And they're all married. 76 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:49,150 Nice. My lovely daughter, Ivanka. 77 00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:53,390 Her skin is like Italian marble. 78 00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:58,450 And her hair is like really great hair. 79 00:05:58,930 --> 00:05:59,930 I don't know. 80 00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:01,530 Not nice. 81 00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:06,950 The German people who booed her when she defended me at a conference in Berlin. 82 00:06:07,550 --> 00:06:12,150 Disgusting. This is the worst thing the Germans have ever done. 83 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,590 Ever. Ever. 84 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,240 ever. 85 00:06:16,420 --> 00:06:17,420 Nice. 86 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,560 Nice. 87 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,300 Clam chowder. 88 00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:27,940 Thick, creamy, hot. I could drink it with a straw. 89 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:29,940 Not nice. 90 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:32,240 Corn chowder. 91 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:35,580 It's fake chowder. Fake chowder. 92 00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:39,140 You're taking jobs away from hardworking clams. 93 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,760 This American cornage ends now. 94 00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:48,740 I'm going to mix it up. I'm going to mix it up. Oh, okay. I'm going to mix it 95 00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,320 up. Are you ready? You ready? 96 00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:53,120 I'm ready. We're mixing it up. Ready for it. Not nice. 97 00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:56,640 Press Secretary Sean Spicer. 98 00:06:57,580 --> 00:07:01,040 He's a muttering slobber mouth with a taste for his own foot. 99 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,480 Why? 100 00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:04,360 Why don't I fire this guy? 101 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:09,480 Nice. Sean Spicer's TV ratings. I can't fire this guy. 102 00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:12,360 His ratings are tremendous. 103 00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:18,550 We love ratings, and Spicer brings them in. But we would never do anything just 104 00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,730 for ratings. We're too classy for that, right, Mike? 105 00:07:25,450 --> 00:07:32,310 Mike? I don't know, Mike. I'm Mike's evil cousin, Donald 106 00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:33,310 Pence. 107 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:38,450 Jesus, Mike. 108 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,550 Could you try a little harder, please? I'm sorry. 109 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:42,820 Sorry. What a cliffhanger. 110 00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,340 What's going to happen? 111 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,640 Don't go away. 112 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:46,900 We'll be right back. 113 00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:48,380 Who are you? 114 00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:50,280 I was 115 00:07:50,280 --> 00:08:02,160 in 116 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:06,560 New York the other day and people forced me to do this stupid little video. Take 117 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,459 a look. 118 00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:10,340 Trump Tower, the home of my wife. 119 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,420 and a source of complete and total luxury. 120 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,780 Caviar runs from the sink. 121 00:08:15,980 --> 00:08:18,700 We have steak and sofa cushions. 122 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:24,280 So won't you join me as we go up and visit my wife Melania in the lap of 123 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:30,920 Hi, guys. 124 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:35,020 Good to see you. How are you? My pleasure. Very good. You're doing a 125 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:36,299 Thank you very much. Wonderful. 126 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:37,820 Wonderful. Very good. 127 00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:40,610 We've reached the top. 128 00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:46,850 The most incredible, luxurious, and absolutely priceless 129 00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:51,570 suite in New York. Why don't we go inside and take a look? 130 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:57,670 Melania's no? 131 00:08:58,190 --> 00:08:59,190 Hello? 132 00:09:00,190 --> 00:09:01,470 What's the change of the lock? 133 00:09:02,270 --> 00:09:03,270 Melania! 134 00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,670 It's going to be incredible when we get inside. 135 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,310 When we get inside, you're going to think it's a beautiful place. 136 00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:24,970 Yeah, we need to shoot something, so... Why don't we go outside? 137 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,910 I'll show you a little bit of the real New York. 138 00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,110 We'll get a bigger piece. 139 00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:29,930 Why don't we do Trump's New York? 140 00:09:32,090 --> 00:09:34,230 Look, there's a planter. 141 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:40,500 There's another planter. And these barricades, they're the best barricades. 142 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,800 best barricades, Bridget. 143 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,640 Okay, let's just meet people. 144 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,980 Let's go to Times Square. No, I'm not going to Times Square. I'll never set 145 00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:50,540 in Times Square. I'm not talking about Times Square. 146 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:57,140 We're here in miraculous Times Square, named for the failing New York Times. 147 00:09:57,850 --> 00:10:01,690 And then why don't you go to Bubba Gump for a shrimp or whatever that is. Bubba 148 00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:05,790 Gump shrimp started by a mentally retarded man who loves shrimp. 149 00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:09,810 And he hunted them and he gathered enough. 150 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,230 And now he sells them. 151 00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:16,370 Paul, Paul, it's an incline. I can't go down. 152 00:10:18,930 --> 00:10:19,930 Thank you, Paul. 153 00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:22,610 And be ready. There's another one. 154 00:10:23,350 --> 00:10:24,490 Let's go get halal. 155 00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:26,840 Excuse me. Hello. 156 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,180 What's this? What sauces are these? 157 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:39,700 That was 158 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:42,880 straight mayonnaise. 159 00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,240 That was straight mayonnaise. 160 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,120 Excuse me. Excuse me. You, lady. 161 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:56,860 I'm very hungry and... I can't get it in my house. I want to eat some food. 162 00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:05,440 Now, the best thing about Wendy's is it's square. 163 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:14,460 And when it's square, you get the meat, you get more burger. 164 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,960 You want to get down and dirty, get some Burger King. 165 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,480 That's when everyone, that's when mama's not home to watch you. 166 00:11:24,569 --> 00:11:25,569 Mama's not home. 167 00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,490 And you know you can get dirty with him. 168 00:11:31,510 --> 00:11:32,510 I'm going to throw up. 169 00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:36,290 I'm going to throw up. 170 00:11:38,270 --> 00:11:39,270 No, I'm not. 171 00:11:42,430 --> 00:11:43,890 All right, I'm ready to go. 172 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,379 I'm tired. 173 00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:01,480 I want to go back to the tower, Bridget. We're almost done, sir. 174 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,260 Anything else you want to show us? 175 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,120 I don't know. 176 00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,260 Attack! 177 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,540 Oh, boy, oh, boy. 178 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,040 Oh, boy, oh, boy. 179 00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:29,949 the truck. 180 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:35,530 Hong Kong goes the truck. Hong Kong goes the truck. Did you guys see? The truck 181 00:12:35,530 --> 00:12:36,530 goes Hong Kong. 182 00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:38,730 Did you see that? Did you see it? Unbelievable. 183 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:43,270 It's so crazy. And you see how it moved? Big trucks, big wheels. And the big 184 00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:44,270 wheels go around. 185 00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,990 And then when you pull on the horn, the horn goes crazy. 186 00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:51,650 And the truck's so unbelievable because it's a tremendous truck. I wish we had a 187 00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:54,190 bigger truck. Wouldn't it be great if a big truck came? 188 00:12:54,430 --> 00:12:57,010 Like a big truck. Big 18 -wheeler truck. 189 00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:58,250 And it rolled down. 190 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,600 And then a guy showed up and he was a macho guy. 191 00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:06,360 And he says to me, you drive the truck. And then I get to drive the truck and I 192 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,300 get to go all the way down and I drive it right into the river. 193 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:14,300 And then I drown in the river and I feel the water seeping over me. 194 00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:17,000 And then the air leaves my lungs. 195 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:22,920 And in the moment where my body starts to react and wants air, I let go. 196 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,820 And when I let go, the water fills my lungs. 197 00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:29,710 And I'm finally at peace. 198 00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:37,370 And only then do I find the complete and absolute solitude 199 00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:38,930 that I've wanted. 200 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,430 Anyway, I want to go home, Bridget. I'm tired of this. 201 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:48,890 Well, that's my New York from the East 50s to the West 50s. Everything you need 202 00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:52,590 to see. All the great sights of Times Square and everything in between. 203 00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:56,430 I don't have any idea where my wife Melania is. 204 00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:59,600 But... I'm sure she's doing something personally right. 205 00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:04,740 Okay, Bridget, that's enough. I've got a mound of crap in my pants and I need 206 00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:05,740 someone to hose it out. 207 00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,940 We'll be right back. 208 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,100 Who is this guy? Who are you? 209 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,320 Who are you? 210 00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:22,820 I'll give you the papers. 211 00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,880 I'll give you the papers. I don't care. 212 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:31,440 My guest tonight is a veteran broadcaster and host of the series, The 213 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:36,240 Resistance, on GQ .com. Please welcome Keith Olbermann. 214 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:41,700 No, 215 00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:46,140 Keith. 216 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,400 Your series is called The Resistance. 217 00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,020 Yes, sir. So tell me. 218 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,620 What are the plans for the Death Star? 219 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,220 Where is your home base on Alderaan? 220 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,060 And does that make me the emperor? 221 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:05,840 Well, 222 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,740 I'm not going to tell you where the Death Star is at the moment. 223 00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:14,480 Because you probably try to use it on North Korea. 224 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,160 It doesn't work. It works in the movies. 225 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:21,240 But in all truth. 226 00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:22,980 You're resisting. 227 00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:24,520 Are you resisting me? 228 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,740 Isn't it easier to give in? That's what I say to every woman I meet. 229 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:36,260 Yeah, well, I've heard a couple of those stories, too. But I've been able to 230 00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:40,040 resist you for the 30 years that we know each other, and I'm going to continue 231 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,040 to resist. 232 00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:45,320 Now, you and I have a lot in common. The press doesn't like either of us. 233 00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:49,140 But tell me honestly. 234 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:54,880 My campaign and all the coverage I got amounting to $3 billion, which is 235 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,420 incredible, in free coverage. 236 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,720 Don't you think that there is a love -hate relationship between the 237 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:05,460 media and the Donald Trump administration in a way that actually 238 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:08,480 presidency? Yes, I think 100%. You're absolutely right. 239 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:13,460 It's a symbiotic relationship, yes. Unbelievable. I don't go that way, by 240 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:14,520 way. But let me tell you this. 241 00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:21,610 Now, I have a question. 242 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,250 Yes? 243 00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:26,690 Do you miss sports? Because I pretend to like them. 244 00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:34,530 Every day I do these shows about you, I miss sports a little bit more, yes. 245 00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:37,730 A little bit more. Every once in a while I wake up in the middle of the night 246 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:41,250 going, please just put me somewhere where I can read the scores again, yes. 247 00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:44,870 But isn't that the danger, that we've turned politics into a sport? 248 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,910 That we call it horse race politics? 249 00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:51,170 And the problem is that we no longer have discourse about social policy or 250 00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:56,310 to elevate ourselves as a society with no great goal, but instead keep points 251 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,490 policy that won't actually affect the common person? 252 00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:04,410 You, sir. 253 00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:05,650 You, sir. 254 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:11,650 I'm just imitating you. Can you take what you just said and, like, tattoo it 255 00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:14,310 backwards on your forehead so you can read it to yourself every morning? 256 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,480 Because that's one of the most remarkable statements I've ever heard 257 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,720 president, and I've heard most of them. I just blanked out. What happened? 258 00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:23,319 Let's start again. 259 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:24,700 General Flynn. 260 00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:27,500 Yes. This guy. What a thorn in my side. 261 00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:31,800 What do I do? Why is it so important to release these documents? 262 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:35,780 Who has them? Do I have them? Does Obama have them? And what's the big deal, 263 00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:36,820 really? 264 00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:40,860 Well, see, he was working for the Russians. 265 00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:45,890 and working for you at the same time. So there's only two choices here. Either 266 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:50,350 he was doing things for the Russians to get you to behave in a certain way 267 00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:54,650 during the campaign and then as president, or he was... 268 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:59,720 Your emissary to the Russians to get them to help hack the last election in 269 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:04,100 election rolls and provide material for WikiLeaks to help you win So it's one of 270 00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:08,420 those two things or there's a small possibility that it just looks like that 271 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:14,600 you're innocent and you should clear yourself So you should release those 272 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,280 documents or have whoever in your administration has them release those 273 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,580 documents I don't know we put them out with the Easter egg hunt. Maybe a kid 274 00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:22,580 found 275 00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:29,100 And Roger Stone, Roger Stone, this weirdo, right? I mean, this guy's a 276 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:35,740 hair plug. Oh, my God. My question, Roger Stone, isn't it strange that he 277 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,760 such a Nixon guy and then look what happened? And then suddenly he shows up 278 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,260 again with me. Do we think history will repeat itself completely? 279 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,860 Well, yeah, we're all hoping so. Yeah, yeah. 280 00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:51,980 About Nixon? Yeah, pretty much. 281 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,520 Pretty much. 282 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,020 They love me. They love me, Pete. 283 00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,220 Only faster. 284 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:03,140 Well, you're doing a very good job. I feel completely resistant. 285 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,540 Keith Olbermann, everybody. 286 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,700 Thank you very much, Keith. 287 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,600 We're the last one, Keith. We're the last one, Keith. 288 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:22,900 Wow. 289 00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:25,200 Wow, what an incredible show. 290 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:30,100 I dominated Keith Olbermann. We fondly remembered Goodfellas. 291 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:34,620 And we met my new character, Donald Pence. 292 00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:35,900 Unbelievable. 293 00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:41,020 Tonight, we proved we are firstly America in a bigdiculous way. 294 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:47,440 America first is a powerful phrase with a tremendous legacy. 295 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:51,680 It was coined by Woodrow Wilson, our first volleyball president. 296 00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:58,130 Then used by the KKK and Sky Nazi Charles Lindbergh. 297 00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:04,710 And like me, they were all hiding something from you in plain sight. 298 00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:14,350 Me first. 299 00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,430 Isn't that what we're all about? 300 00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:21,050 My candidate didn't win the primary, so I'm not going to vote. 301 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:27,640 I want jobs to move back to America, but I also want 24 socks for a dollar. 302 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:33,340 I want lower taxes. I don't care if you poison the water and deport my 303 00:20:33,340 --> 00:20:34,340 neighbors. 304 00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:38,240 My impressions are incredible. 305 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:48,340 A me -first country gets a me -first president. 306 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,580 Me! 307 00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:53,350 I've ruined everything I've ever touched. 308 00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:59,430 Companies, cities, marriages, toilets. 309 00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:06,370 I will use this office to enrich myself and my weirdo family. 310 00:21:07,910 --> 00:21:10,290 Then, tweet us into a war with Hawaii. 311 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:18,410 I have the power to destroy any country on Earth, but I promise you, It'll be 312 00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,290 America first. 313 00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:23,350 See you next week. Bye -bye. 25483

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