Original subtitles

I'll sit down. I'm glad you could make it. Come and sit down, please.

Hi, honey.

You know, I didn't want to bother you, but I'm really worried about Pop.

Isn't he all right?

Well, physically, he's fine. I mean, he's never looked better. It's just

well, lately, he's been acting really strange.

I'll say.

Fred hasn't called me in weeks, and that's not like him. I mean, it's been

on for about a month now. He's been going out every night. All he does is

home in the daytime up in his room with the door locked, and the television

hasn't been on for weeks.

Have you asked him to explain himself?

At least a dozen times, Donna. And?

He changes the subject.

Excuse me a minute. I'll go.

Ladies. Hello.

Hi, Bubba. What's up, Bubba?

Oh, I just came by to pick up Fred. Is he ready?

Yeah, he'll be down in a minute. Say, tell me something, Bubba. Where are you

guys headed tonight, anyway?

Oh, nowhere special.

Come on, Bubba, that's 15 nights in a row that you and Pop have gone no place

special. Now, you down there, Bubba?

Yeah, it's me, Fred.

Bubba, better known as the best man.

Best man?

Yeah, I'm the best when it comes to being on time.

See, I'm always ready before Freddy.

We'll be late for the movie.

First thing for you, something else.

And so are you, Esther.

I just can't figure out what.

Hello, Fred.

Oh, hey, Donna. How you been? Just fine, Fred. How about you?

Oh, me?

I'm fine, fine and dandy. That's enough of that small talk.

Then shut your big mouth.

Listen, honey, I'd like to hang around here with you, but we got to rush

downtown to look at that Bubba's sick aunt.

I thought she said she was going to the movies. Yeah, we are. She had an

appendage attack watching King Kong, and the doctor said not to move her.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, let's go, Bubba.

Yeah, let's go.

I'm sure it's hard, Bubba. Get your arms thick.

You know what I mean? We can go down there.

Well, thick ain't my foot.

You see how crazy he's acting?

That's not like Fred.

I'm not the jealous type, but I...

I think Fred's got himself another woman.

Another woman?

Mm -hmm. Look at the evidence.

Getting all dressed up and sneaking off every night smelling like a perfume

factory.

Avoiding me like the plague. And now Bubba in this remark about being best

What else can it be?

I don't believe it. Well, Donna, I think Papa would be man enough to come out

and tell you if there was somebody else.

That heathen don't know nothing about the truth.

Wait a minute.

It's a note. It looks like pop... It's pop handwriting.

Teach me, only teach love as I ought. I will speak thy speech, love.

Think thy thought. That don't mean nothing.

It sure doesn't sound like a note to the milkman.

No, but how do you know he wasn't thinking of you? Yeah, I'm with you on,

Esther.

But who's with Fred?

Bring down the four.

Where is he?

He's upstairs locked in his room as usual.

Okay, come on.

Come on, Don.

Believe me, Lamar, this is not my idea.

Hey, Rollo, what are you doing here, brother?

Hey, man, I don't like it any more than you do.

But that pocketbook hurts, man.

Come on, let's go in the kitchen so Fred can't hear us. Come on. Come on in the

kitchen. We're going to get this stuff together tonight.

Now,

Rolo, go on and tell Lamont what you saw today. Tell him, go on. Where do you

want me to start?

Over here.

Where Pop buys a king -size jar of vitamin E or where he makes the beeline

City Hall.

City Hall?

Fred could have been there for lots of reasons.

Not just to take out a...

Marriage license? Marriage license?

Wait a minute, Rollo. I think you better start from the beginning, brother.

I was standing on the corner of 12th and Olive. And who did I see coming out of

one of them fancy men's boutiques but your old man?

Shh. I think I hear Fred now.

It's Fred.

Listen, I can't go on like this.

I need you right away.

I know it's just for a few weeks more, but I can't make it without you.

All right, I'll try.

But just hearing your voice makes me feel a lot better.

Right. Au revoir.

Lamar, what are you screaming about?

Well, Pop, we couldn't help overhearing your telephone conversation.

Just now?

Mm -hmm. All right, Fred, out with it. Who is it?

The Zootite.

Please, Esther, let's give Fred a chance to explain.

Right on. This could make my whole day.

Robert, why don't you go catch a bus in your teeth?

Well, Fred, who were you talking with on the phone?

I can't remember.

Refresh your memory.

You was telling somebody I can't do without you. I need you.

Oh, now I remember.

It was the auto club. See, I was telling them that I couldn't start the truck.

No, you got to do better than that, Pop. I just drove the truck a half hour ago.

It's fine.

Now, but what happens when it comes out on the freeway?

This way, we'd be first in line for a tow truck.

Not for your face.

Fred, Fred, I really am trying to understand.

Donna, I'm telling you, it's not what you think it is. Oh, no?

Then explain this love poem in your handwriting.

Oh, that's easy to explain.

See, I was just testing out a new pen.

Ha! That's how you test a new pen? By writing gushy poetry?

It was a fountain pen. Oh.

Say, Papa, what about them jazzy threads you got?

And all this talk about Bubba being the best man.

I'll explain that.

Well? How about tomorrow?

Fred, if there's another woman, just tell me. I understand.

You know I'd never do anything to hurt you.

That's hard for me to believe. Me too.

Well, if you don't believe it, it's too bad.

Wait a second. Wait a minute. Where are you going now?

Well, looking at Esther's face reminds me I gotta go empty the garbage.

Maybe, maybe he is telling the truth.

Oh, wow, I hope that's not Jake with that load of scrap metal on the truck.

Pardon me, is it the Fred Sanford residence?

Uh, yes, it is. Oh, thank goodness. I rushed when I got his call.

Poor dear son, it's so upset. I just couldn't wait until tonight.

What?

Doesn't anybody want a McDonald's? Hello, Fred.

Goodbye, Fred.

Donna, wait a minute. Donna.

Did I say something wrong?

No. Well, since you're here, we may as well go on up here. Wait a minute. Wait

minute.

Where are you going?

Where do you think I'm going?

do this to Donna?

I don't know, Aunt Esther.

I'm telling you, the man is obviously senile.

Up there with that woman, messing around.

I don't know, Esther. You gotta go see now. That's the way to go.

Well, how long have they been upstairs anyway?

You sure know how to make a man feel good.

Well, friend, aren't you going to introduce us? Uh -huh. Oh, yeah, sure.

this is my son, Lamont. Hello.

And his friend, Rollo. Rollo. And this is Lamont's aunt, Esther Kong.

That's King's first wife.

Watch it, sucker.

Esther Anderson.

How do you do?

At last, but not least.

This is the door. Come on.

Hold it, Fred.

I think you owe us an explanation.

I agree with Esther.

Oh, no. We promised that we'd wait until it was the right time.

But I seem to have caught everybody by surprise. All except Esther. To catch up

by surprise, you need a net.

Come on.

Well, it was very nice meeting all of you. Yeah.

This time, Pop has gone too far.

Say, what are you going to do, follow?

That all depends, Rallo, on what?

Whether or not I can catch him.

Now, gentlemen, please. You've got a final exam next week. I'd hate to see

anyone not graduate.

I don't know about Fred, Miss Chandler, but I'm ready.

You better be ready. Oh, now, settle down.

Remember, you're supposed to be writing an essay on America's system of checks

and balances.

Checks and balances?

You talking about United States of America or Bank of America?

Do the best you can.

What kind of question is that? How am I supposed to know what goes on in

Washington? I'm just an ordinary citizen.

Hey, man, I'm trying to better myself.

Why don't you shut your face?

No, see, my leg went to sleep.

Then why are you kneeling on the desk?

That's not all that went to sleep.

Hey, Pop.

Lamont, what are you doing here?

I'm sorry. When I followed you, I had no idea that you... Shh, not here, not

here, dummy.

Excuse me, Miss Chandler, but I have to leave now.

There's about to be a tragedy in my family.

Hi, Bob.

Well, now you know.

Pop, you mean all this time you've been going to night school with Bubba?

That's right, John. I've been taking one of those eight -week courses.

Then you and Doris never did.

Just teaching students.

And those trips to the museum and City Hall, that was just class assignments,

right? For a dummy, you catch on fast.

But I don't understand something, Pop. How come you kept this a secret from all

the people that love you?

Because I've been lying to all of you.

About what?

About having my high school diploma.

See, I had to quit school in my senior year.

to support my mother and father's habit.

What habit?

Eating.

So, in other words, this was all a matter of pride with you.

Face it, son, at my age, that's all I got left.

I mean, not counting my good looks.

You know you're some piece of work, Pop. You know that?

Take it easy.

Been in my eraser.

I'm really thrilled for you, Pop. I really am.

Good. Counting you, that makes one of us. Come on. Now, don't tell me you're

worried about passing the final exam.

Okay, I won't.

That way I can just bottle it up and get an awesome so I don't have to take the

exam at all.

Hey, come on, Pop. Don't give up. I'll tell you what. I'll help you study.

that? You will? Of course I will.

In that case, I'll let you off the hook.

For what?

For the new convertible that I wanted for my graduation.

Would you get back in the car?

Go ahead. Ask me anything.

Okay, I'll tell you what. Let's start with your favorite subject.

All right. My textbook's in the living room. Okay, I'll get it. Which one is

The one in the plain brown wrapper.

Come on, Pop. Would you try to be serious?

Now, how much do you remember from your high school math?

Just one thing.

36 plus 24 plus 36 equals the sum of the cheerleaders' parts.

Okay, suppose we start with American history.

Good idea. I know that stuff like I know the palm of my hand. All right.

Who's considered the chief architect of the American Constitution?

Just a minute.

Thomas Jefferson.

Pop, that's cheating!

Well, how else do you expect me to remember this stuff?

By association.

Okay? That sounds great. How much did it do? No, no, no, no, no. You don't

understand. See, Pop, association means remembering one fact by associating with

something else that suggests the same thing.

Do you follow that so far?

Okay, try me.

All right.

Among Ben Franklin's many inventions and discoveries is one of the world's

greatest sources of power.

What is it?

Giddies.

No, Pop, it's a little more jolting.

Brewing juice.

No, Pop, come on, man. Associate. You're not associating.

Let's see. Benjamin Franklin.

Electricity. That's right. How'd you get it? Well, that's easy. See, Benjamin

Franklin's picture is on a $100 bill, and every time somebody asked me to loan

him $100, I'd say, go fly a kite. Fly a kite. Fly a kite, Benjamin Franklin.

Electricity. Okay. Philadelphia.

I know.

Could you stop it?

Did you know he also invented the lightning rod?

The lightning rod?

Mm -hmm.

Well, he also, at the same time, he invented the stove and bifocals and

published Little Richard's Almanac.

That's poor Richard's almanac.

Yeah, him do.

You know, Pop, I'm really impressed, man. You shouldn't have any trouble at

just breezing through this exam.

I don't know, son. You know what's funny? When I get in that classroom,

everything goes blank. Yeah, that's because you were uptight because you was

trying to keep everything a secret, Pop.

Now that it's out in the open, you feel better, man. You're going to go right

through this thing.

There he is, the resident genius himself.

Hi,

Bubba. Hi.

Hey, you know, there's something I don't understand, Bubba. What's that?

Something you said the other night about being Pop's best man.

Well, you see, when Bubba and I decided to get our high school diploma, I

unfortunately came up with the idea of making it as interesting as possible.

Yeah, he bet me 50 bucks he'd get a better grade than me.

You think you're going to win, Bubba? That's right.

In fact, you might say he's a little behind.

Yeah, especially when compared with yours.

Well, I just come by to wish you luck.

Well, forget it, Bubba, because in ten seconds, I'm going to have all the luck

need.

What's going to happen in ten seconds?

You're going to leave.

Oh, yeah?

Well, that's okay, Fred.

I feel the same way if I'm going to be out 50 bucks.

Anything I hate is a sore winner.

No, Pop, it looks like we've got a lot of hard work ahead of us. No use, son.

Bubba's right.

I'm so far behind, I'm lucky if I pass recess.

Come on, Pop, you got to study.

And remember the old saying, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

I'm tough, right, son? You better believe it.

I might as well get going.

Well,

Pop, this is

it.

Graduation night.

Yeah, I sure hope I'm one of the graduates.

Oh, well, of course you are.

Yeah, this is it, Fred.

You might as well give me the 50 bucks now.

Just wait a minute, Bubba. Now, Mrs. Chandler hasn't posted the final exam

Well, I guess she didn't want to embarrass you. Can we all take our seats

think we're ready.

Hi,

I'm Doris Chandler, and I'm just delighted to welcome all of you to our

class. which for most of the students is also graduation night.

The first order of business is the presentation of the award for most

Hey, want a little accent on the side?

What side do you want on the left or the right?

And the most studious member of our class is Mr.

Bubba Bexley.

It gives me great pleasure to present your award and your high school diploma.

Thank you.

And might I say that the experience has been very enriching.

Yeah, about 50 bucks.

Okay, pay up.

Now I'd like to call forward an alphabetical order. Those students who

earned their high school diploma.

Herman Barry?

Herman Barry?

The Duncan Ward.

Bessie Roberts.

She got one, too.

John Kilchick.

Hey, he got one.

And Sam Whipple.

Whipple. All right.

See,

I told you, didn't I? Come on, let's get on out of here. Trash, where are you

going? I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment.

What for?

to have my head examined for even signing up for this class. Please, could

just have your attention for a little while longer? Hey, Pop, come on, man,

down. You're making a spectacle out of yourself.

And now last, but certainly not least, it seems only appropriate that I call

forward the number one student and class valedictorian, Fred Sanford.

but we're killing all the flies.

Congratulations, babe.

Hey, way to go, Pop.

Well, you know, that's to be expected.

I suppose you'd like to say a few words.

Yes, I certainly would like to say a few words.

Besides thanking you for your encouragement and support, I'd like to

other very important people in my life, like my son Lamont, who stood by me

through thick and thin.

My sister -in -law, who couldn't be here tonight.

I'd like to thank her for that.

And then there's Donna, who's the apple of my eye and eternal inspiration.

And most of all, I want to thank one person without whom this day could not

been possible.

Me.

Because I never worked so hard in my life.

Thank you, Fred. That was very nicely said.

Hold it.

I still have one more person to thank. Who's that?

My best friend Bubba, without whom I couldn't finance my graduation party.

Here you go, Pop.

Hey, thanks, son.

Thank you.

Can you put an ice cube in this cooler for me? Pop, you don't cool my noodle.

Everybody knows that.

You're right.

It's pretty, isn't it? Yeah, it is.

I'm really proud of you, Pop.

Oh, please, son. That's all right. No, I mean it. I'm really proud of you. I

know. Please. I mean, just tell me more.

The fact is that there aren't too many 68 -year -old men who would go back to

school to get their high school diploma.

Well... It never bothered me until you were born, son.

Then, right then and there in the maternity ward, I decided to get it. And

lickety -split, 37 years later, you did it.

Well, better late than never.

Pop, how would you feel about a man my age saying I love you to his father?

Oh, well, I never liked that sort of thing.

See, I believe that feelings between older people should be kept inside and

spreaded out like mush or sugar or... I love you, Pop. I love you, son.

Or syrup. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I'll never say it.

Me neither.