Original subtitles

Can I ask you a question?

Certainly. What did you just hit me with?

It was that old record player, son. I'm sorry.

That's the best it sounded in years.

Well, I admit it was in bad shape, Pop, but at least it played.

Well, not as good as our new stereo.

Wait a second.

We can't afford a new stereo.

Can you what? I said we can't afford a new stereo. That's why I'm stealing one.

That's what Honest Al said on TV.

His stereo specialist steals at $19 .95 a month.

For how many months?

48 months.

48 months?

Pop, that's four years.

You're paying more for the interest than you will for the stereo.

Honestly, I wouldn't rip nobody off.

I mean, you see, I really got to know him today because he came on TV 32 times

during the movie Madness.

It was a great picture, too, son.

Gork fights a giant cyclops.

See, the cyclops was losing.

He cried.

Tears fell in the Pacific Ocean and caused a tidal wave in El Segundo.

Would you stop that?

Well, anyway, I called Honest Al, and he's on his way over here. Honest Al?

Pop, with a name like Honest Al, he couldn't possibly be honest.

Why not?

Tricky Dicky was tricky.

I get that.

You don't have to bother. I get that myself.

Aye.

You Honest Al?

Honest Hank of Honest Al's.

Honest?

Honest? Well, where's Honest Al?

He's in court.

I think you're making a fine choice, Mr. Sanford. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. He's not making any choice. I am.

You want to buy a stereo?

I happen to be a great music lover.

Can you still hear well enough to appreciate fine music, old man?

Can you still see well enough, youngster, to duck somebody in?

Hey, talk to yourself.

I'm sorry, Mr. Sanford.

It's just that most of our customers are younger.

What kind of stereo were you interested in? The one Honest Al talked about on

TV, the Quasimodo.

Oh, you mean the Quadrasonic.

Yeah, that one, too.

Well, our Quadrasonic sells for $475 without tax.

Honest Al said it was $19 .95 a month.

He wants to buy it on time.

That's not possible.

Why not?

Four years is a long time.

And when a man reaches your age, Mr. Sanford, you'll never know when he'll be

calling.

If you don't sell me that stereo time, he might be calling you sooner than you

think.

Look, it's not up to me.

It's company policy.

We don't sell on time to anyone over 65.

Who said I was 65?

I'm 47.

How old is your son?

He just had his 316 party. He did?

Yeah, managed Menudo Manor on Manchester.

Yeah, see, we Sanfords have always looked somewhat old by age.

Excuse me.

Just like Esther has always looked...

Somewhat ugly for her age.

Watch it, sucker.

Hello, Lamont. Oh, hi, Aunt Esther.

We were having a bake sale at the church, and I know how much you like

potato pie.

Oh, hey, thank you, Aunt Esther. It was awfully nice of you to think of me.

Mrs. Anderson?

Aunt Esther!

You mean you two know each other? Oh, I bought a stereo from Hank a few weeks

ago for only $19 .95 a month.

Well, why'd you sell her one and sell me one? Well, Mrs. Anderson isn't old.

No, she's just ugly.

How dare you call me ugly?

I dare not call you anything else but ugly.

It's a sin to tell a lie.

Fred Sanford, you are...

evil man, and someday you're gonna pay.

I'm paying now just by looking at you.

Don't you see, Hank?

Ugly people are as much a bigger risk as old people.

Like, any time a policeman might mistake us for a Bigfoot and shoot it on sight.

Now, what about my stereo, Hank? As I said earlier, Mr. Sanford, you're too

but your son can sign for it. Oh, hey, no way, baby. I'm not gonna get ripped

off by them charges.

I'm surprised you bought one of them stereos on time, Honest Al. Well, it was

the only way I could afford one, Lamont. And it does work well.

Of course.

At Honest Al, we felt the best for the leaf.

Well, he felt me one, but he sold one to the beach.

Well, uh, I gotta run.

Let me know if you change your mind.

How'd you like me to change your face?

Good day.

Not selling me one just because I'm old.

I feel useless and worthless.

Well, I think I better be running along, too.

Goodbye, Lamont. Goodbye, Anastor. Goodbye, Gramps.

Back to your cave, back...

Old is bad.

Hey, come on, Pop. You're not old. You still got a lot of productive years in

front of you.

Yeah, well, if you're what comes out of my assembly line, I'm closing down

production.

It's not easy being an old man in a young world.

I know, Pop. Unfortunately, our society is youth -oriented.

Yeah, see, the only time you see old people in TV is in laxative and denture

commercials. The whole world must think that everyone over 65 years old ain't

got no teeth and they're constipated.

If you're really angry with this guy, Honest Al, there's something that you

do about it. I mean, there's a group of senior citizens that fight against

discrimination of the elderly.

They call themselves the Gray Foxes. I read about them in Jet.

Well, can they get me the stereo?

I don't know, but we could call them up and find out. They should be listed in

the yellow pages.

Yeah, well, look in the yellow pages on the old.

Let your fingers do the creeping.

Oh, here it is.

The number is 555 -6245.

If that's the guy's stereo, then I should get one, too.

Hello, great foxes. I say great foxes.

This is Fred G. Sanford.

The G stands for growing old.

I like to speak to the head fox.

Not red fox, head fox.

are in charge.

Yeah, well, wake him up.

The great foxes should be here any minute, Bubba.

Oh? Well, maybe I better go then, Fred.

Why?

Well, I heard that if you stay around real old people, you start getting older

yourself.

Oh, that's crazy, Bubba.

Excuse me.

But I hope it doesn't work for real ugly people, because I've been around this a

long time.

Are you Fred Sanford?

Yeah. Who are y 'all, Tony Orlando and Twilight?

I'm Clarence Richardson, and these are Steve and Sister Millie and Rose.

You're a good -looking young man.

Back off, me wrinkle.

Go over there and meet my friend Bubba.

Please. Hi.

We're pleased that you want to join the Gray Foxes, Fred.

Yeah, I see a lot of gray, but where the foxes?

We need a strong young man to show the world that the elderly won't be pushed

around anymore.

Power to the foxes!

How about you, Bubba? You want to join?

Uh, no thanks.

Fred, they've been here only a few minutes, and my teeth are starting to

loose already.

It's good to find a man like you, Fred.

You can say that again.

He's cute.

A man who's willing to fight for his principles. A man with determination.

A man who wants a stereo.

A man who's getting older by the minute.

You'll be leaving action, Fred.

Not with you, paladin pussy.

I have to leave.

Even my blood is starting to get tired.

Why don't you sit down?

Like you said on the phone, Fred.

We're not going to let Honest Al deprive us of our rights.

Well, we ought to do something about it.

Power to the forces!

We believe in peaceful political action.

You are absolutely right. Let's bomb the place!

We can't do that.

That's clear thinking, Fred.

If we bomb the place, my stereo will be destroyed.

Well, Millie gets carried away sometimes.

How else is she going to move?

There's a lot of stories that won't give credit to old people. Well, then we

should pick it on his house tomorrow.

Right on!

And you should lead, Fred, to celebrate your first protest.

Fidel Sanchez, leader of the people.

You can lead me anywhere.

How about out the pasture?

Two, three, four. Two, three, four.

All right.

Attention and fall in.

The G stands for Generalissimo.

I like to keep my forces in line.

Yeah, well, you need to be strict to move an army.

That's to move most armies.

To move this army, I need Geritol.

It's almost time.

Make sure you take everything.

Take the picket, the sign, the oxygen tent. Take your sub -holes.

But most important thing not to forget, the closest toilet is across the street

from the gas station.

Now, one more time.

One, two, three, four.

History's in the making, son.

It's just the same as anybody else.

I'll have my cereal.

Pop, you mean to tell me these people are going to picket Honest Al's?

Honest Al is no worse pal.

Honest Al is no worse pal. Pop, you've gone too far.

No, I haven't. Honest Al is only a few blocks down the street.

Foxy, move out.

Grave all the way.

Grave all the way. Hey, be careful out there, Pop. Grave all the way. Just be

careful. I'll keep an eye on him.

You can do it your way, Joe.

Pop should have been home a long time ago, Bubba. I'm worried.

There's nothing to worry about, Lamont.

Get that for me, Bubba, because I'm too nervous.

Who is it? Hello?

Who is it?

Smitty? It's Smitty, Lamont.

He is?

Good.

He's with your father. He's all right. Okay, give me the phone.

Hello, Smitty?

Where are you?

Jail?

Well, I'm hungry, too, but I gotta make my rounds.

Well, can you get me a fat burger?

Not Harley.

Well, look in death row. Maybe it left something.

Sanford, you're just gonna have to wait.

You can't treat me like this. This is cruel and inhuman punishment.

Shut up!

Huh? I said shut up, and that means shut up. But I can live with it.

Guess you ain't got much choice.

Hey, Pop, what it is?

What are you here for?

I'm a political prisoner. See, I was leading a peaceful protest when I had a

-in with the police. Then they ran me in here.

Yeah? This your first time?

Yeah, I ain't never been to a big house before.

How about you?

Oh, man, this is my second home.

Well, what are you in for?

I lifted something heavy.

That why you walk funny?

No, I mean some expensive stuff, you know, that didn't exactly belong to me.

Oh, you in robbery.

Robbery, burglary, extortion.

Sort of a jack -of -all -trades.

Kidnapping? Arson?

Let me out of here!

Oh, let me out of here!

Please!

You all right, Pop?

I will be as soon as you get me out of here. Well, don't worry about a thing.

I'll raise your bail.

Okay, come on in, Captain.

What kind of guard are you?

I mean, putting a good citizen like me in the same jail where a human...

out here when you did. Because five minutes more and I'd have been in bad

trouble. Why?

I was just about to tear this guy apart.

Don't do that. Don't do that. I'm glad.

I'm glad I'm locked out here.

I'll tell you something. It was the worst experience of my life.

Horrible conditions.

Mean. prisoners, sadistic guards.

I don't know how I survived it. Maybe because you were only there 20 minutes.

Well, it seemed like 20 years.

Well, you know, I want to ask you a question, Pop.

How come you were the only Gray Fox arrested?

Well, you see, son, we were picked in peacefully.

Then all of a sudden, we were surrounded by police.

Must have been over 100 of them.

See, honestly, I'll call them.

Well, naturally, they came after me first because that's good military

Always get the generalissimo.

I heard that. Yeah, and this policeman asked me to move, and we exchanged a few

words. Unfortunately, he didn't like none of mine.

So then my picket sign slipped, and I accidentally hit the officer.

You can't accidentally hit somebody on the top of the head.

Well, you can if you're standing on a truck.

because you stood up for what you thought was right.

Thanks a lot, son.

See, I believe in the American way.

I mean, fight for what you believe in and what's good. See, that's the way

Muhammad Ali is. He never fights for under $10 million.

I get it.

And I'm ready to fight right now.

Please, Mr. Sanford. I came over here to apologize.

We had to call the police for business reasons. What kind of business reasons?

If we had let those pickets stay, we wouldn't have any business.

And if you had let me buy on time, you wouldn't have had no pickets. Do you

any more picketing?

We will picket until we get what we want.

Look, Mr. Sanford, perhaps we can work it out.

Work what out? I smell something rotten.

You started this action because you wanted a stereo, Mr. Sanford.

I think that can be arranged.

You mean you're going to change your policy?

No, but if you call up your pickets... We'll give you a stereo free.

Hey, my father wouldn't sell out the Gray Foxes for a mere stereo.

Yeah, you're right, son.

However, if you throw in a free record collection.

Anything you want.

You got into Isaac Hayes and Leslie Udall? We certainly do.

What about ethics and morality?

Yeah, throw them in, too, with Earthman.

Mr. Sanford, you wash our back?

and we'll wash yours.

You gonna wash my back?

You call up your pickets, and you'll get your new stereo and record collection.

Hey, Pop, it's wrong, man.

No, it's not, son.

Now, if you just sign right here.

Uh, I thought the stereo was for free.

It is.

Signing is just a mere formality.

Well, I don't know where to begin.

Then don't. I mean, this looks like encyclopedia.

Sign there, and the stereo is yours.

Yeah, and your life is theirs.

You said it was for freedom, huh?

Look right here, Mr. Sanford. It reads as clear as day.

Pop, before you sign that, I mean, this is a very important decision.

You should think about it.

Okay.

There you go. Pop, you're selling out the Gray Foxes for a stereo. I can't

believe that. Don't forget the album. Oh, you can stop by and pick them up any

time you like. I would rather have it delivered.

All right.

Just put your name and address on this form for our shipping department.

I assume you'll be talking to the Grey Foxes?

Consider them already talked to.

Allow me to show you out.

Hey, Pop, how could you do it, man?

How could you do it after you told me how you believed in the American way?

are you going to tell the Gray Foxes?

I'll think of something.

Yeah, well, you better, because they believe in action against their enemies,

and I have a feeling you just became one.

Don't worry, Lamont.

Kunta can handle his troops.

our business.

I told you it was going to happen.

What did you do? We forced Honest Al to change his policy.

How? Well, when we got to our offices this morning, we found one of Honest

stereos. How'd it get there? As if you didn't know.

Wait a minute. I don't understand.

When your father called me last night to call off the picking, I couldn't

understand why. Then when we found that stereo, I knew.

That's the stereo that... Hey, Pop, you just went along with this whole thing so

you could give the stereo to the Gray Foxes.

Yeah, I figured as long as Al was giving it away, I mean, we might as well give

it to the people who deserve it.

I feel like the address on the delivery form.

Well, how did you get Al to change?

Well, when we found out how good it sounded, we went down to Honest Al's and

demanded that he let us buy it on time.

And when he saw how many of us wanted to buy, he changed the policy.

I'm proud of you, Pop. You ought to be, Lamar. We are.

I sure am.

Oh, Freddie, you're so wonderful, so easygoing.

Want to fool around?

Are you crazy?

No, I mean it. You're so sore.

You don't need me. You need a sis band.

Well, we don't have to get married.

We would just live together.

I think it's a great idea, Pop.

Oh, don't do that, son. No, no.

I can't live in sin.

Well, come on, ladies. We got work to do.

Don't do that.

I'm ashamed of myself for thinking the worst of you. That's all right, Lamont.

I couldn't tell you what was on my mind because I wanted it to be a surprise.

I'd never sell out the pocket.

Well, you know, I guess we both learned a lesson. If you're willing to fight for

something you believe in, you can make things happen.

You're right, son. We really showed them.

Except for one thing. We still don't have a stereo.

You threw away the old one and gave away the new one. If you want to listen to

music, I'm afraid you're going to have to go to Aunt Esther's house.

No, son. We have different tastes in music.

What do you mean? I respond to easy listening, and that's the only response

the mating call of the moose.