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I'm coming, Teapot. I'm coming.
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Here I am.
3
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What's that?
4
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What'd you say?
5
00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:16,480
Oh, so you've been calling the kettle
black, huh?
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Yes, buddy.
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Sit down, Pop, because I have a surprise
for you.
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Don't tell me that John Esther had her
face paved.
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Nope. Give me a hint.
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Oh, TV.
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TV. They're going to rerun Godzilla Eats
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
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and Gets Diabetes.
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00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:48,550
Now, Pop, guess who I met today?
14
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In TV?
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00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,970
On one of your favorite shows.
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My favorite show.
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The Gong Show. You got it.
18
00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:56,940
I met Chuck Barris.
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Did you tell him you knew me? Of course
I did, Pop. I told him you were one of
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00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,660
his biggest fans. That's great, son.
21
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:03,960
Where'd you meet him? Well, I met him
over at NBC.
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00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,820
See, I was delivering that old
refrigerator over there to one of those
23
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,539
shows, and I met him in the parking lot.
24
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,759
Television's a tough business, ain't it,
son?
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One minute you're on top, next minute
you're parking cars.
26
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,600
Here you go, Pop.
27
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,260
A present from Chuck Barris to you.
28
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Four tickets for the next gong show.
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00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,600
Oh, son, I'd love that show. You're the
best son a father could have.
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00:02:25,070 --> 00:02:26,870
That's true. You're more than a son.
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You're my friend.
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I work hard at it, Pop.
33
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Now, let me see. Who should I ask?
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Well, besides me, you could ask on
Esther.
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00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:37,890
Esther? This is the gong show, not the
goon show.
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00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:46,950
Ain't nothing together.
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Look here.
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00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:50,830
Here, you go.
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You go over here, Donna.
40
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:54,330
Now, wait a minute.
41
00:02:54,410 --> 00:02:55,410
You got to get up.
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00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:58,450
Y
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'all
44
00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:08,190
move back over here.
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00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,430
No, you come out of here.
46
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Sit back there somewhere. See where it's
marked off over there?
47
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Go in there.
48
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,090
Bubba, you go on in there on the other
side.
49
00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:25,280
And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's
your host and the star of our show, the
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sensational Mr.
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Chuck Berry!
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All right, we have a good show, so let's
get started now. Our first performer is
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00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:39,840
from Stone Bend, Indiana, Swedish bell
ringer Sven...
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00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,270
That's the way the show goes, pal.
55
00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:09,290
That's it for old, uh, the bell ringer.
And now, our next contestant from
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00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:13,110
Englewood, New Jersey, ladies and
gentlemen, a fine singer, Mr.
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Barton Farley.
58
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,250
Thank you, thank you. Hello, Charles.
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00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,370
That's, uh, that's Chuck.
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I didn't want to take the liberty.
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You should take the trolley.
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00:05:32,349 --> 00:05:33,209
Okay, now.
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00:05:33,210 --> 00:05:36,570
Now, what are you going to sing for us,
Barton? Yes, I'm going to sing a great
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favorite of mine, a tune made popular in
the 30s and one that has lingered on
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through the years.
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Lingoness!
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00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:48,490
Okay, well, good luck, Barton Farley.
68
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:18,259
What's the matter with you, son?
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00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:22,720
That guy is singing If I Didn't Care.
That was like Marcia Diane singing When
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00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,880
the Saints Go Marching In.
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00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,340
It was an interesting interpretation.
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Well, I felt it lacked authenticity.
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If they needed someone to sing If I
Didn't Care, they could ask me.
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00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,980
If I didn't care.
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audition for it. Yeah, I think it would
be fun, Pop, and you could sing if I
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didn't care.
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I'd never sing if I didn't care again.
78
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,300
Not after it was ruined by Captain
Hunky.
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00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:08,940
Grant, there are a lot of songs you can
sing. I know, Donna, but I get nervous
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alone. I have to have someone to sing
with me.
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00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,500
Oh, my, my.
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00:07:29,390 --> 00:07:32,710
Rodney would tell some jokes, you know,
because remember how good he was when we
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00:07:32,710 --> 00:07:34,130
went and helped him in that nightclub
that time.
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00:07:34,950 --> 00:07:37,570
Rodney? I didn't even think you liked
Rodney. I don't.
85
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:40,730
Why? Why don't you like him, Fred? Is it
just because he's white?
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00:07:41,470 --> 00:07:46,570
No, he... Well, because he used to be a
gambler? Well, he still is, but that's
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00:07:46,570 --> 00:07:52,350
not it. Then why don't you like him,
Fred? Now, hasn't he been a good husband
88
00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:53,029
your sister?
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00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,850
Yeah, but she... But what?
90
00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:56,790
He kisses wet.
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00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,080
Well, you see, Donna Rodney's a very
affectionate man, and it drives Pop
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00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,660
Oh. But you could stand him long enough
to do the gong show with him, huh?
93
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:09,859
That's right.
94
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:14,380
And long enough to win that $500. Wait a
minute. Don't count your $500 so fast,
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00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:18,560
because I still haven't said I'd do it.
You'll help me get those five bills, or
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00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,360
you'll have to take these five pills.
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00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,080
We'll be there. Thank you.
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00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,720
You know, you're impossible.
99
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,600
Can you tell me what's bad?
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00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:33,909
for singing one song.
101
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:36,390
Can you tell me what's good about making
a fool out of yourself?
102
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:40,909
That's your trouble, Lamont. You look at
the poor side, the losing side, the
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00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:41,909
unpleasant side.
104
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,549
How did that happen to you?
105
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:45,090
How did you go wrong?
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00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:48,430
Bad upbringing, I suppose.
107
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:14,680
It's good to know you. No, it's not.
108
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:20,820
Donnie, your warmth and your charm are
exceeded only by your beauty.
109
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:27,180
And may I say your mouth and your tongue
have just exceeded my nausea limit.
110
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:32,180
Back up while I throw up. Is that a such
a humor?
111
00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:34,480
You see, buddy, I love you.
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00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:41,920
Get off of me. The audition's tomorrow
at two.
113
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:45,330
Is that wild?
114
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:48,830
There's a horse running today called
Tonight at Eight. Hey, give me the
115
00:09:49,090 --> 00:09:50,990
Hey, you're not calling no bookie in my
house.
116
00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:52,310
Get him upstairs and unpack.
117
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:53,650
All right, okay.
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00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:58,850
Hey, whose room am I going to share,
yours or Lamont's? His.
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00:10:00,670 --> 00:10:05,490
I don't know how to tell you this,
Rodney, but your room is where you flush
120
00:10:05,490 --> 00:10:06,490
room in.
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00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,560
We were wondering where all the good
musicians were coming from.
122
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:43,520
What you got in that bag there? Just a
few personal things.
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00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,300
What jokes are you gonna tell?
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00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:49,500
You know me, I don't tell jokes. I say
humorous remarks about current events
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00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,920
like Johnny Carson.
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00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:56,000
Don't worry about it. No matter how
rotten you may be, I'll come in and help
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00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,000
you.
128
00:10:58,420 --> 00:10:59,660
All right, all right.
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00:11:00,420 --> 00:11:01,540
Stanford and Sons.
130
00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:04,490
Say, that's not son. That's Stanford and
son.
131
00:11:04,710 --> 00:11:05,710
This is my brother -in -law.
132
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,030
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
133
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,149
So am I.
134
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:14,690
Are you the spokesman? Yeah, Mr. Barris.
I certainly am. See, we all decided I
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00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:18,050
was the one that would handle all the
talking and the negotiations and all the
136
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:19,330
arrangements. Now, what is it?
137
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,850
Nothing. You just do your act, okay?
138
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:33,950
favor, will you keep your eye on this
for me?
139
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,370
Are you ready?
140
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:36,490
Whenever you are.
141
00:11:36,670 --> 00:11:38,650
Well, we're ready whenever you say
you're ready.
142
00:11:39,330 --> 00:11:40,330
We're ready.
143
00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:41,349
They're ready.
144
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:42,350
Go ahead, Rodney.
145
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:50,250
Thank you very much. Thank you, and I
want to tell you that it's a pleasure to
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00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,990
be here today. As a matter of fact, it's
a pleasure to be anywhere today,
147
00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:56,810
especially when you read about the crime
outside.
148
00:11:57,490 --> 00:12:01,230
Speaking of crime, why, just today, the
sun came up at 5 .30.
149
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,080
and was mugged at 5 .33.
150
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,000
That's why it's so muggy out.
151
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,040
See,
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00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,040
I'm gonna kill him with stuff like that,
and then I'll say, hit it!
153
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:27,400
Grab your coat, get your hat, leave your
worries on the doorstep.
154
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,740
Life can be so fine.
155
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:38,120
Hold tight. Hold tight. Hold tight. Hold
tight. Hold tight.
156
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:41,980
Hold tight. Hold tight.
157
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,280
Hold tight.
158
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:45,940
That's good.
159
00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:05,150
You haven't heard my son play the drums
yet. It's all right. That's okay.
160
00:13:05,850 --> 00:13:06,850
That's all right. Did we make it?
161
00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:08,490
I'll tell you. We'll let you know.
162
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:11,590
We'll call you at home. Oh, you're
welcome. Thanks. All right. Come on.
163
00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:12,329
thank you.
164
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,330
Thanks a lot there.
165
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:15,650
Let's go, Lamar. Come on, Rodney.
166
00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:19,570
You guys go on. I got a couple of things
to take care of. I'll see you at home.
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00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:20,690
All right. I'll get the door.
168
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:24,570
You go take care of it.
169
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,300
Okay, Marjorie, here we go.
170
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:40,260
How do you do, young lady? I would like
to apply for an audition.
171
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,440
And the name is Gordon.
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00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,500
Raymond C.
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00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:48,290
Gordon. What do you do?
174
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:49,850
It all.
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00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,130
I do it all.
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00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:57,450
Hi. How'd it go?
177
00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:01,150
I don't know. They gonna call us and let
us know if we made it. Well, good.
178
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,610
Where's Rodney?
179
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,550
Oh, probably where he's needed.
180
00:15:04,890 --> 00:15:05,890
Nowhere.
181
00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:09,030
Got it. Got it. Got it.
182
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,730
Hello?
183
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:13,530
This is Fred G. Sampson. Yes, Mr.
Barris.
184
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:17,940
Fine, thank you. How are you?
185
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,620
Good. How did we do today? Do you like
us?
186
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,440
Good. How are you?
187
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,140
Good.
188
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,440
What can I do for you?
189
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,700
We can?
190
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,000
We did?
191
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,280
We will?
192
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,100
We sure will. Thank you. Thank you. How
are you?
193
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,220
and $16 .32.
194
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,360
Whee! Hello?
195
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,080
Hey, honey.
196
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:58,260
Guess who called?
197
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,840
Wait a second. Don't tell me.
198
00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:01,140
I'll get it.
199
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,860
Chuck Beres. No.
200
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,360
Not no.
201
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:06,900
Yes! Hey, that's terrific, Fred.
202
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,860
With all the excitement, I'm starving.
Aw.
203
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,080
Me too. I'm hungry. Come on. I'll fix
you something to eat. Okay. You want me?
204
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:14,760
No, thanks, Donna. I want the neck bone.
205
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:15,960
Okay. Yes.
206
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,820
Hello? Hello, I'd like to talk to Chuck
Barris, please.
207
00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,420
Hello, Mr. Barris, this is Raymond C.
Gordon.
208
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,700
I did?
209
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:34,680
Oh, that's wonderful.
210
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:40,980
Uh, Mr. Barris, by chance, am I on the
same show with Sanford and Son and
211
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:41,980
Rodney?
212
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:43,280
I am?
213
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:44,940
Oh.
214
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:48,300
Hey, come on. Help me move this rug and
couch.
215
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,540
For what? For what? For rehearsing,
dummy.
216
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,400
We don't want to get gonged, do we?
217
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,079
All right.
218
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,280
Hey, Rodney, get in there.
219
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,740
I promise you I'll have your 500 for you
at the end of the week. I promise.
220
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,079
Hey, Rodney, get in there and help us
with this couch and rug.
221
00:17:05,579 --> 00:17:07,380
Hey, that's just a job for two guys.
222
00:17:07,619 --> 00:17:08,960
You and Lamont can handle that.
223
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,800
Shame on me. No.
224
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,339
If that's a job for two, then Lamont and
I can do it.
225
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,319
Problem solved.
226
00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:23,319
I'll talk to you later.
227
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:24,579
Hey, Fred!
228
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,760
Fred, I'm coming to help you with the
couch and the rug.
229
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:29,560
Get that end of the couch there.
230
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:31,740
Okay. You ready, Lamont?
231
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,260
Here we go.
232
00:17:33,580 --> 00:17:35,300
One, two, three.
233
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,700
What happened?
234
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:40,879
Oh, my back!
235
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:41,880
My foot!
236
00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:42,940
Oh, my throat!
237
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,080
What happened?
238
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,360
I think he hurt his back, his foot, and
his throat.
239
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:58,220
Well, Donna, how is he? Well, he seems
fine, but he obviously isn't. I didn't
240
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:00,800
see a bruise on his foot, and yet he
says it's very painful.
241
00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:03,580
Now, the back condition is impossible to
see.
242
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:08,080
And while his throat isn't red, he must
have heard it because he can't speak.
243
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,160
Well, that's it for the gong show.
244
00:18:11,740 --> 00:18:12,740
$516.
245
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,720
Right down the toilet.
246
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,220
Yeah, that's too bad, Fred.
247
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,980
Because I think Sanford's son and Rodney
had a chance.
248
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,780
Had? Yeah, had.
249
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:25,000
Had? Had.
250
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,460
Bubba, do you know that song exactly
like you?
251
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,880
Oh, Fred.
252
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:32,940
Oh, nothing.
253
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,300
Giddy up, Bubba.
254
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:35,660
Giddy up.
255
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:55,050
Charlie Edwards and his teapot. And
now... Another group from Los Angeles.
256
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,930
Here they come, Sanford and Son and
Rodney.
257
00:19:23,639 --> 00:19:30,360
Someone exactly like you. Yeah. Why
should we spend money on a show I
258
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:31,359
do? That's right.
259
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,240
No one does those up here. Yeah.
260
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,240
Exactly. You make me feel so bad.
261
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:40,220
Don't. I want to have the world.
262
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,860
Yeah. You think you understand.
263
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:47,220
Uh -huh. It's foolishness. Save my baby.
Save my baby.
264
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:51,980
Now I know why mother taught me to be
true. Yeah.
265
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,620
what our celebrities think about Sanford
and Son and Rodney. And first, we'll
266
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:21,780
start out with celebrity one.
267
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,079
I'll give them a six.
268
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,320
Okay, we have a six.
269
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:25,520
Now, let's move right along.
270
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:28,980
That's a six. Now, we'll go to Milton.
Milton, what do you think? Chuck, I gave
271
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:29,739
them an eight.
272
00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:30,740
An eight.
273
00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,020
I gave them a four.
274
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,220
Three for the fat one. Yeah. Three for
the good -looking one.
275
00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:38,320
And two for the one with the weird legs.
276
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:39,580
Right. Okay.
277
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,840
All right, now, celebrity number three,
Al.
278
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,940
Well, I hated it all.
279
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:45,880
But...
280
00:21:46,190 --> 00:21:48,050
It did make me forget my root canal.
281
00:21:48,630 --> 00:21:53,150
Seven. Seven. That gives that act a 21
points. Now, that's it.
282
00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:58,310
Okay, now, you are now the leader. And
if you wait offstage, we'll find out if
283
00:21:58,310 --> 00:21:59,249
you'll be the winners.
284
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:03,770
Now, the only one that can beat you is
the next guest, and that is Raymond C.
285
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,330
Gordon.
286
00:22:05,830 --> 00:22:06,830
Snap.
287
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:11,640
He's definitely there.
288
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,740
Doctor? Well, just keep him in bed for
two weeks and that fact will be okay.
289
00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:18,860
Two weeks?
290
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,500
Well, at least he can't talk.
291
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,980
Well, this is the strangest case of sore
throat that I've ever seen. It's almost
292
00:23:24,980 --> 00:23:26,960
as if he had been strangled.
293
00:23:27,260 --> 00:23:29,020
Well, he's lucky he was alive.
294
00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:32,980
If the panel hadn't thought we were all
part of the same act, when I jumped on
295
00:23:32,980 --> 00:23:33,980
him, I would have killed him.
296
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,240
I'll show you our Dr. Davis.
297
00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:38,320
This way, please. This way, come on.
298
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:41,360
Thank you for coming, Doctor.
299
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:48,900
Well, $500 divided four ways.
300
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:51,680
Less three doctor bills doesn't come to
much.
301
00:23:51,980 --> 00:23:53,280
Why did he do it?
302
00:23:53,580 --> 00:23:57,200
Well, he wanted to win the whole $500 so
he could pay off his bookie, Donna. Oh,
303
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,139
my goodness.
304
00:23:58,140 --> 00:24:02,060
That poor man laid up in his room for
two weeks and not able to talk.
305
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,460
Don't worry. We'll be able to
communicate.
306
00:24:04,780 --> 00:24:05,780
How?
307
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:09,820
I told him anything he wants, just push
twice and call me.
23117
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