Original subtitles

Johnny Pop, hey son, listen to these ads.

Visit exciting Rome.

Gamble at Monte Carlo.

Can't you see me now in Monte Carlo, drinking with Princess Grace and Prince

Rudolph?

That's Rainier.

Yeah, Rudolph the Red -Nosed Rainier.

Don't these ads give you an urge to travel?

Yeah, those ads sound nice, Pop, but with all these bills, we can forget

going to any of those places.

Oh, here's one we can afford.

Three magnificent places in an hour.

Anaheim, Compton, and El Segundo.

Hey, Pop, here's a letter from the mayor's office.

Oh, it's probably about that committee position I applied for.

Give me that.

Dear Mr.

Sanford, you have been selected to fill the vacancy on the Mayor's Community

Relations Committee.

We will be contacting you as to the time and date of the meeting. Looking

forward to meeting you.

Sincerely, Tom Bradley, Mayor.

Hey, let me take a look at that, Pop.

Hey, Millie, I actually picked you to represent the businessman or what? Pop,

I'm proud of you. I'm real proud of you.

Thanks, son.

Just think, today, committee men's census.

Then, senator's census.

Then, president's census.

And then, in early retirement, at San Clemente.

That's a commitment, Fred.

What did you commit?

I'm committing you, Bubba, to the home where the senile roam.

Hey, Bubba, Pop's been picked to represent the businessman of Watts in

mayor's community relations committee. How about that, huh? Hey,

congratulations, Fred.

But why'd they pick you?

Because they needed someone from a minority.

Someone with strong roots in the community.

Someone who's a success.

In his own chosen field.

Besides, Charo is busy.

Hey, that's great, Fred.

Yeah, I'm a big man in government now, Bubba. Uh -huh. And I don't want you to

treat me any different. Don't do me any special favors. Don't try to help me.

Uh -huh.

Did you get that from me?

It's for you.

It's for me. Give it here. What are you answering all the phones for? Give me

the phone.

Hello. Oh, Mr. Wilkins.

Mr. Wilkins, one of the mayor's aides.

Yes, that was one of my aides, Mr. Wilkins.

Yeah, you were talking to Bubba Reviso.

Uh -huh.

Nine o 'clock?

Nine o 'clock tomorrow morning. Fine, that's swell.

Well, I'll see you then. Bye.

Hope that wasn't taped.

Bubba, do you want to be my press aide?

You really mean that, friend?

Of course I mean it.

Go press this.

No, you don't understand, Mr. Rodriguez. If the library is kept open later,

there will be an increase in...

Gene!

me, sir.

Perhaps I can be of help to you. The doorman's convention is downstairs.

Perhaps I can be of help to you.

The dog catches on his way up.

Well, I never.

Well, maybe if you try wearing...

The genius...

Excuse me.

Are you Mr.

Sanford?

Yes.

My name is Senor Rodriguez.

Well, I'm Fred G. Sanford. And the G stands for guacamole.

Dip.

Mr. Sanford, I believe that's your chair at the end.

I'm not sitting over there. I'm sitting here.

You cannot sit there.

We have a sitting plan.

Well, plan on... he's sitting here.

Ladies and gentlemen, the chairman of the committee, Mr. Morris Wilkins.

Hello, committee members.

Hello, Mrs. Barnes.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late. I was at an air pollution meeting. I'm telling you, the

smog around here is getting to be something fierce.

Oh.

Mr. Wilkins?

This is the new member of the committee, Mr. Fred Sanford.

How do you do, Mr. Sanford? I'm Morris Wilkins.

How do you do, Moe?

I'm here to save Los Angeles. You see, saving junk is my specialty.

Yes, I can tell by your outfit.

Well, I think the first problem we're going to tackle today is the one you're

sitting in.

That happens to be my chair.

See, you dummies, I told you this was the chairman's chair.

I told him... but they insisted that I sit there. Yes, I think the chair down

the other end of the table is yours. Yes, sit down.

Keep the public libraries open an extra hour.

Now, I... Mr. Sanford.

I'm in favor of that.

Oh, do you frequent libraries?

No, but I once had a freaky time in the back of a bookmobile.

I didn't know that.

Well, now that we've heard from everyone else, let me express my opinion on the

library issue.

that a book is a man's best friend.

Hold it. Hold it.

I beg to differ.

It's a dog.

It's a dog that's a man's best friend.

You don't believe me?

Ask what?

Mr. Sanford, you are out of order.

And so is the toilet.

why don't we vote on it?

I shall begin by voting yes.

Mrs. Barnes?

No.

No.

Senor Rodriguez?

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Mrs.

Channing? Nay.

vote, Mr. Sanford. You mean that I have the deciding vote? That's right, Mr.

Sanford. Well, Fred Sanford, representing the proud community of

The home of the Sanford and Son Empire.

Vote.

Vote.

Yay!

Hey, Pop, how did it go?

Well, son, you're looking at the man who broke the tie vote to keep the

library...

Hey, that's great, Pop.

Yeah, you know what they say?

If you can't stand the heat, stay out the farmer.

You know, in honor of your new position, I got you a little present.

Oh, you didn't have to do that.

What is it?

Well, it's something that every man in government can use.

You got me Elizabeth Ray?

No, but... Would a briefcase do?

Oh, son.

Hey, what's the committee voting on next week?

Oh, we're voting on whether or not to let Sam Jordan build some housing

out there on 54th Street.

Oh, yeah? Well, that should be an easy vote. That guy's the shadiest builder in

the state.

Yeah, you said it. A friend of mine lives in one of these buildings, and his

apartment was so flooded, he had to hire Jack Gusteau to fix it.

That's what I heard, man. All of his buildings have rotten plumbing.

Why haven't they arrested him?

Every time they try to nab the guy, Pop, he finds some kind of loophole.

Well, don't worry, son.

After everybody votes no, you'll be out of business.

Well, I certainly hope so, because he's a crook.

Then we have another ugly issue to deal with.

What's that, Pop?

Mrs. Channing.

Yeah, Mrs. Channing, that bulldog that sits next to me at the committee

Ugly woman.

She's so ugly, son, if Moses had seen her, he would have parted her face, too.

And so, ladies and gentlemen of the committee, as the representative of the

people of Watts, let me say that the problem of living in Sam Jordan's

is not the rent going up.

dealer named Fred Sanford.

That's me.

You are a junk dealer, but you are so well -dressed.

And just look at this showroom just filled with wonderful items.

Do you have some more curios in the back?

No, I'm all out of curios. How about a bowl of special cake?

That is very amusing. By the way, my name is Sam Jordan.

What about you?

Yeah, what, for instance?

Well, I have a friend living in your building up on 19th Street. Oh, yes,

yes. We call that one the Michelangelo.

Is that why I took you eight years to paint his ceiling?

Now, Mr.

Sanford... Mr. Sanford, I am going to get right to the point. Now, I stand to

make a great deal of money if I can just get that building contract.

It's going to be luxury apartments, Mr. Sanford.

You mean you're going to have life votes?

I am prepared to pay you $500 just to vote yes.

All right. I tell antique, not vote.

Very well. Very well, Mr. Enron. I will pay you $700 for this antique

ashtray.

$700 for that? You must be kidding.

I'll make it an even thousand.

You sure know quality when you see it.

And I know a smart businessman when I meet one. Yes, sir. Now, here's my card,

Mr. Sanford, my personal IOU for $1 ,000.

Thank you, but do you give blue chips to him?

With me, a handshake is good enough.

Oh, I will be back to pick up the ashtray after the vote.

Check.

Cash.

You have got it.

And remember, Sam Jordan will never hurt you.

Oh, but his plumbing might drown you.

Nice to meet you, Joe.

Hey, Joe, this is Fred G. Sesson. G is for going to Dubai.

Yeah, send me at Brucie on Paris and hold two plane tickets.

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks. And a ferry jockey to you.

What's the matter with you, Pop? You got a cold?

No, son, I was just watching my favorite soap opera.

The Edge of Despair.

See, today, Paul and Harriet had to tell Erica and David that

Louise was going out with another guy behind Paul's back.

And Paul, he's only got six months to live.

But he don't care because his company is transferring him to Philadelphia.

interested in that soap opera business.

Aren't you preparing yourself for tomorrow's vote on Sam Jordan?

Yes, and I've been thinking that maybe he should be allowed to build those

projects. Pop, I thought your mind was made up that you were going to vote no.

I think you should give it some more thought.

I thought of it a thousand times.

Pop, how can you go into that committee meeting tomorrow and say yes in favor of

that fraud?

Well, there's a little trick I do with my mouth.

Yes.

know about you, man.

I just closed that kitchen supply deal, and I came over here to get some money

out of the secret drawer. I'll get it for you.

Would you move out of the way, please? I don't have time to fool around with

you.

Hey, Pop, what's Sam Jordan's car doing in the drawer?

Well, I was thinking about building some, uh, some projects out here in the

backyard, and I wanted to get an estimate.

And I suppose this $1 ,000 written on the back is an estimate?

That's right.

That's wrong.

Jordan was over here today, wasn't he? And he offered you a $1 ,000 bribe,

didn't he?

Well, not exactly. He wants to buy some merchandise.

Come on, Pop. What do we have in this junk shop that's worth $1 ,000?

That ashtray.

I don't believe it, man. My own father, you sold your honesty and your integrity

and your dignity for $1 ,000, man.

You think I could have gotten more?

I'm so ashamed of you, I feel sick.

Well, then take five of these and call me in the morning.

That's it. I can't talk to you. You do what you want to do, but just remember

one thing.

Let your conscience be your guide.

Well, my conscience got a very bad sense of direction.

But I'll think about it.

Yeah, you do that.

Yeah, you do that.

Well, it's been a long meeting. If there are no further...

Points to be brought up and no further questions. I suggest we vote and get on

out of here.

Now, I feel it's not my place to try to influence your decision in any way, so I

shall remain completely unbiased and let you determine for yourselves.

So, do you or do you not favor granting a building permit to that slimy scum,

Sam Jordan?

I shall begin by voting an unequivocal no, no, no, no, no, no.

Sweetheart? Now, Mrs. Barnes?

No.

No.

Senor Rodriguez?

Senor Rodriguez?

No. No.

Good.

Mrs. Channing?

Nay.

Mr. Sanford?

Uh, listen, wait a second. Everybody voted no, so that means that the vote

already been decided. Sam Jordan can't bill.

That's right, Mr. Sanford. Well, then, It doesn't matter what my vote is.

Well, we need your vote for the record.

Well, I vote... I vote... Yes.

May I say you have the morals of a jackal?

Certainly. And may I say you have the face of a jackass?

Hey, Pop, I've been waiting... for you. How did you vote? Doesn't matter.

What do you mean it doesn't matter?

Well, by the time it came my turn to vote, the vote had been decided.

Everybody had voted against Sam Jordan.

And so you made it unanimous?

Close.

Close? Yeah, I made it practically unanimous. And exactly what does that

A clear -cut majority.

You voted yes.

I knew you were gonna do that, Pop. You let everybody in the community down.

Well, wait a minute, son. My vote didn't make no difference because... Everyone

else voted no, so he still can't build.

But you voted yes just so you could get that $1 ,000.

I don't believe that. Yes, I do. I believe it. Let me explain, son.

See? Let me see.

Oh, Mr. Sanford, it is very urgent that we just have to get... Is there anywhere

that we can go to be alone?

Oh, you might as well stay here and talk.

I know who you are, and I know what you're doing here.

Mr. Stanford, Sam Jordan never breaks a promise.

Things didn't work out, but here's the thousand dollars. You were the only

member of the committee to take the bribe. Don't say bribe. Don't say bribe.

Count it over here in the light.

Four, five, that's one.

Arrest that man, officer. Arrest him. Sam Jordan, you're under arrest for

bribery. Bribery. You're under arrest for bribery.

All right. You have proven it again, Mr. Sanford.

Never trust a politician.

You better read him his rights.

Come on, Jordan. Let's go.

Read him his rights now. You've got the right to remain silent.

Good work, Mr. Sanford. You have the gratitude of the committee. I don't know

how we can ever repay you.

Well, I'll accept the chief of the city and a lock on Miss Channel's mouth.

Hey, Pop, you're unbelievable, man.

Yeah. You say it's been a long time trying to get him behind bars, so we

got him.

And you helped to put him there.

He sure did. It was his idea.

Well, I was only trying to do my civic duty.

You know, Pop, I owe you an apology, man. But why didn't you let me in on

little plan?

Well, I thought you might leak the facts.

I really thought you were going to take that bribe.

Well, that bribe was a lot of money, but it wasn't important enough to come

between me and you. You see, it was a choice between right or wrong.

Money isn't everything.

Did I say that?

Yes, you did, and I'm really proud of you, Pop. And you proved something. You

proved that there's still some honest politicians left. I second that. Well, I

must be going, Mr. Sanford.

Could I have the bribe money? We need the $500 for evidence.

Yeah.

Here. Thank you.

Wait a minute.

The bribe was $1 ,000.

Who am I to call my son a liar?