All language subtitles for sanford_son_s05e21_the_engagement_man_always_rings_twice

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the
best dressed man of all?

Give me my answer and make me contented.
Make it quick, or this suit is rented.

Woody, come on in.

My home is your home. Thanks, Fred.

And what about me?

What'd you say?

I said, what about me?

Esther, your home is where the buffalo
roam.

I didn't ask to come over here, Fred
Sanford.

You invited me to dinner.

That's right. I did. I'm sorry, Esther.

Well, listen, Esther, why don't you
start helping us out in the kitchen?

All right. You can start by sticking
your face in the freezer and making us

ugly sickos.

the insults, man.

Now, you did invite us, and the dinner
was supposed to be so that we could all

get acquainted with Lamont's girlfriend.

Yeah, you're right, Woody.

No more insults.

I want Lamont's girl to think his family
is the best.

Yeah, it would be easy for her to get
the wrong impression about us, you know?

She's definitely going to get the right
impression about you.

See, I'm just a little nervous, you
know, meeting Lamont's girl and all. I

she's really special.

Willie, you'll never be as nervous as
Lamont, because tonight after dinner,

gonna take her home and pop the big
question.

Oh, really?

That's wonderful.

I'm so happy for Lamont. Yeah, me too.

You know, what joy.

What happiness.

What question.

Lamont's gonna ask Janet to marry him.

Oh, now, I'll drink to that.

You drink to him, Brontonia.

I'll show you my surprise for Lamont.

Surprise? Yeah.

You see, after Lamont proposes to Janet
and she says yes, she says, I'm going to

build an extra bedroom upstairs.

Look here.

Fred, are you sure Lamont and Janet want
to live in this house after they get

married? Sure they will.

We have to carry on the dynasty.

Dynasty?

Yeah, you know, like the son and his
family will carry on the empire, just

in China, you know, the Ming dynasty.

And what you're going to call you is the
Dingaling Dynasty.

Why, you breezy neck bone chewing.

Oh, hello, son.

Hi, Danny.

Hi,

everybody.

Uh, that's your Uncle Woody. I'd like
for you to meet Janet Lawson.

Nice to see you, Janet. Hi.

So you're Woody.

Lamont told me you have such a great
marriage.

Now, I'll drink to that.

Woodrow. Now, sweetheart.

You wouldn't want Janet to think that
all you have on your mind is liquor, now

would you, booze brain?

Listen, why don't we all go over to the
table and sit down and make ourselves

comfortable? That's a good idea, Pa.

Lamont, you sit right here next to Janet
over there. And Woody, you find Esther

somewhere. And I'll sit right here.

You made place cards. Oh, how nice, Mr.
Sanford. Clancy, huh?

Animator special.

Hey, Dr.

Gummo Smith. Credit? Dentist. Yeah.

Turn the card over. Oh, oh.

Hey, you know, Pop, this is really nice,
man. The flowers and the candles and

everything. You try it hard, and I want
you to know that Janet and I really

appreciate it. Thanks, hon. But I spent
the whole day getting everything ready,

getting the room and the table, so this
would be the perfect dinner. I want it

to be right.

It's beautiful, Mr.

Sanford, and I'm looking forward to a
delicious meal. What are we having?

Huh? What's for dinner?

Uh...

Janet, we're having braised tips of beef
and mushrooms, surprise, and menudo.

But, see, I was so busy getting the
house cleaned up, I forgot to cook.

Surprise.

That wasn't so bad, was it? No, it
certainly wasn't, considering this is

first time Janet's been over here for a
meal.

catered by Melvin's Menudo Manor.

I never thought I'd like sole
enchiladas.

Well, I have a church meeting at 9 o
'clock. I have to go.

Bye, Fred Lamont. Yes,

goodbye.

Yeah, thanks for everything.

Yes, thank you.

And come by the church sometime and meet
Reverend Spike.

Yeah, jump in the lake and go take a
hike.

Mr. Sanford, if you'll excuse me, I'll
be right back. Okay.

Well, son, tonight's a big night, ain't
it? I bet you're really excited.

I'm excited and I'm nervous, Pop. See,
we're going to go back to Janet's

apartment and I'm going to pop the big
question. If she accepts, I'm going to

buy the ring tomorrow.

Do you know what you're going to say?

Well, not exactly, but I know I'm not
going to get down on one knee because I

don't like that corny stuff.

Well, when you get back here tonight, I
got a big surprise for you. A surprise?

Yeah. And I can hardly wait.

Now, you listen. Can I give you a little
bit of advice? No.

Good. Now, when you ask her, be tough.

Be firm.

Let her know who's the boss right away.
Say, look, baby, you and I are getting

engaged, and that's the way it is, and
I'm going to be that way all the time.

Is that what you told Mom?

No, that's what your mom told me.

Thank you. I had such a nice time.

Me too, Janet. Can I get you something?
No, thank you, Janet.

There's something that I want to say to
you, Janet. And I want to say it faster.

I might not ever say it. Okay.

Janet, would you... Hi, Lamar.

Hi, Mom. Hi. Hi, Roger.

Mom, I'm going outside to shoot some
baskets.

Be back in a while. Okay. So long,
Lamar. So long, Roger.

Let's sit down, Janet.

See, Janet, what I wanted to say to you
was that, see, I feel... It's too cold

outside for basketball.

I'm going to get a snack.

Good idea, Roger. Get a snack. Why don't
you make yourself a 24 -decker

sandwich?

Lamont, is something wrong? You're
acting very strangely.

Yeah, I know, Janet, and it's silly. If
you've got something to say to somebody,

you should come right out and say it,
and I'm going to say it.

I'm going to kill Roger.

This rocky road is great.

So, how's it going, Lamont?

It's going great, Roger. Say, Roger, do
you believe in paid television?

I love it.

Okay, here's a dollar. Go watch the
Lakers.

Okay, I'm going upstairs to watch it.
See you later. Okay, Roger.

I know the way your mother works. Now,
what's the matter?

Well, I said I wasn't going to do this,
but a chance like this only comes once

in a man's lifetime, and I love you a
lot, Janet.

Did she say yes? Did she say no? What
happened? Well, you know that old

Rocky is the road to marriage?

Sure. Well, I've got Rocky Road all over
my pants. She said yes. She said yes.

Ah, well, you look at him, Elizabeth.

So tall, so handsome, so intelligent.

Won't be long before we'll hear the
pitter -patter of tiny dummies around

house.

Hey, Pop, now just go easy on that baby
talk. I mean, we're not even married

yet, you know. I never stop nobody.

Listen, come over here. I want to show
you a surprise.

Hey, what are these blueprints for?

Our family castle.

See, these are the plans where I'm
building an extra room for you.

Uh, Pop.

See, and this here is a basketball court
for Roger. Uh, but Pop. And then over

here, I figure that you can share my
room and the new room will be for Roger

Janet. I know, Pop. And I thought you'd
say that.

And then, see, well, Roger can sleep
with me, and you can sleep with Janet.

That's no good, Pop.

Huh? Sure.

See, Pop, Janet and I discussed it, man,
and once we marry, we're going to get a

place of our own. A place of your own.

Oh, I understand.

I was hoping you would, Pop.

Just make sure you get a place near the
cemetery.

Because if you move out, it'll kill me.

My moving out of here is not going to
kill you. But what if... The big one

and I'm not around? Oh, I feel one
coming down.

It's the big one. It's like a big hand
touching my heart.

That's your hand.

Son, I'm sorry. I was trying to make you
feel guilty by having a phony heart

attack. Well, that's the first time
you've ever admitted that those heart

attacks were phony. Well...

For once in my life, this time, I want
to play it straight with my own son. No

trickery, no games, no lies, just plain
facts.

Good. Lamont? Yes?

Yesterday, I went to the doctor, and he
said I have this mysterious incurable

disease called son -move -out -is
-ectomy.

See, first your nose fall off, then your
toes fall off.

Come on, dig, man.

Look here, let me do all the rapping,
man. I know all about jewelry, and I can

get you a real good deal.

Okay, bro, you got it. Yeah, now watch
how I handle this dude here, man.

He like taking candy from a baby. All
right, then.

Hey, mister.

Yes?

May I help you?

Yeah, you work here? No, I just asked if
I could help you because I just made

corporal in the Salvation Army.

Hey, look here, I don't give it to you
straight.

We'd like to see the cheapest thing you
have in a ring.

Yeah, how about two tickets to the
bullfights?

Hey, man, you're trying to get smart.

Oh, no.

Then you and I would have nothing in
common.

Hey, Lamar, come on, man. Let's split.
We ain't got to stay here and take all

this hoo -riding and stuff.

You are so right.

You can just go down the street to the
fruit stand and put a kumquat on your

finger.

Wait a minute. Excuse me for a minute.
Excuse me for a minute. Come here,

Ronald. Look, man, it's four o 'clock
already, and I want to give the ring to

Janet tonight. Now, there's no more
jewelry stores open at this hour. Let me

handle it.

Yeah, okay, man. Good luck.

All right.

Uh, sir.

Yes, sir.

Well, I like that.

You call me sir, and I call you sir.
That's mutual respect.

It shows a regard for the other person's
feeling.

Uh, I'd like to see an engagement ring
for under $200.

Under $200?

You've got to be kidding.

No. Well, I may have something.

Oh, this ring is $75.

It shines in the dark, decodes secret
messages, and it's already engraved. If

you want to give it to Marsha, your name
is Skippy.

I think I'd like to see this ring right
here.

Oh, excellent.

You know, I tend to judge a man by his
discriminating taste in jewelry.

Oh, thank you very much.

How long has your girlfriend been a
gypsy?

dude, man.

It's the rudest, crudest dude I ever
met.

You know, you're absolutely right, sir.

I'm sorry.

Please accept my deepest apology.

Would you mind turning the other way for
a moment, sir? For what?

Well, the store's having a little free
giveaway and I want to surprise you.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Good! The security camera just took your
picture for nothing.

Good!

How would you like me to take your teeth
for the same price?

Hi, Pop.

Hello. Well, you're speaking to me now,
huh?

Of course.

I'm speaking to you the way I speak to
any of my tenants.

Tenants? That's right.

You treat the place like a motel.

Move in, stay 35 years, move out.

Pop. Just remember, Mr. Sanford, no pets
and no cooking cabbage in the room.

Did you cut it out? Look, I got the
ring. You want to see it? What for?

I didn't ring before.

It's not an expensive ring, but I went
through a lot to get it.

Yeah. One thing you went through was my
heart.

Now, don't start that again. Pop, you
got to face it, man. Things change, man.

Nothing stays the same.

And I was changing your diapers since
you was eight years old, and now you're

running out on me.

Okay, just forget about it. I've got a
couple of deliveries to make and then

going to go over to Janet's and give her
the ring.

Already? So soon?

I'll see you later, Pop.

Oh, no.

He's really going to do it.

And I'll be all alone.

I'll have to sell the house and move
out.

I can see it now.

Old man living here in California with
nothing to do.

And sit on the back porch and...

Drink orange juice with Bing Crosby and
his family.

I can't let him do that to me. I just
can't.

Who is it?

Janet. Just a minute, Janet.

Come in, dear.

Listen, I don't care how much Lamont
owes you. Don't be bothering me about

Good day.

Hello, Mr. Sandford. Oh, hi, Janet.

Come and sit down, darling.

Can I get you something?

No, thank you. Lamont should be here any
time now. We're going to go out and

have dinner.

Oh, by the way, I couldn't help
overhearing that phone conversation. Is

okay? Oh, nothing to worry your pretty
little head about.

Fine, good.

It's just that Lamont owes a huge pile
of money.

At the liquor store.

And if you don't pay it, they're going
to kill him.

What?

But don't worry about it. Last money
owed him money, too. And somehow he paid

him.

By the way, that was the same month all
the children in the neighborhood got

mugged and had to go to school without
their milk money.

What are you talking about?

I thought you knew.

Knew what?

That Lamont was a heavy drinker. A what?

And a heavy gambler.

A drinker and a gambler.

Sometimes you best know how much you can
drink.

Mr. Sanford, I think you're... I guess I
shouldn't be surprised that he didn't

tell you.

Lamont's so ashamed about it, he don't
want anybody to know. That's why he

belongs to AA.

Anonymous, anonymous.

I don't really believe... But look,
don't worry, Janet. He'll make you a

husband. Just always hide your purse at
night.

And if you smoke, hide your lighter
fluid, because he'll drink that too.

See, I even have to lock up my own
liquor here at home.

Can I tell you something?

I know just what you're going to say,
honey. I know exactly what you're going

say. Look, if you change your mind about
Darren Lamont because you find out

about him drinking and gambling like
that... Drinking and gambling?

It's okay, Lamont.

I understand.

Excuse me a minute.

Hey, wait a minute. It's gone. The ring
is gone. Where's the ring?

Well, don't ask me.

You probably sold it and spent the money
at the Kentucky Derby on some Kentucky

bourbon. What are you talking about?

He probably doesn't remember, see?
Lamont has those blackout spells where

forgets everything.

Pop! Last year, he disappeared, and we
found him in Denver with a hoochie

-coochie dancer from Durango.

Mr. Sanford, would you come over here
and sit down, please? We'd like to talk

you. Over there? Mm -hmm.

What'd you do that for?

Because I love you. Huh? And I love you
because you love your son so much.

Listen, I don't know.

We knew what you were trying to do, Pop.
I know Lamont is not a heavy drinker or

a gambler. Yeah, but I forgot to tell
you, he's a burglar and an arsonist.

And in the morning, he needs a gallon of
mouthwash before he can say hello.

Mr. Sanford, you love Lamont so much
that you're terribly afraid of his

out. Now, that's why you're making up
these stories, isn't it?

Well... When Lamont and I get married,
you're not going to lose his love.

That's right, Pop.

In fact, you're going to be getting a
family that loved you very much. Me,

Roger, and maybe even our child.

Already?

You sly dog.

No, Pop, that's not what she means.

Now, look, this isn't the end. It's the
beginning, man, of a whole new way of

life for all of us.

We love you very much, Pop, and with all
that love, you'll never be alone.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Excuse me.

Hey, you know, that was a beautiful
thing you did, honey. I just hope Pop

understand it. I think he understands.

I think he understands a lot more than
we give him credit for. Yeah. Hey, you

know, now that you're going to be a
member of this family, there's certain

family secrets that I think you should
know, and I'm going to show you one of

them now. Come here.

Now, this is our family vault, and...

I'm going to show you this one time, and
you've got to get it right or it won't

work. You ready?

Think you got that?

I think so.

Hey, it's done here.

Okay.

Now, I know this isn't an expensive
ring, Janet, but... Hey,

wait a minute. This isn't the ring I
bought. What are you trying to pull,

Well, I do. He took the... This ring is
beautiful.

It is? Oh, it's not only beautiful, it's
unique.

Unique? They haven't made a ring in this
particular style in at least 40 years.

Hey, Pop, that's Mom's ring, isn't it?

I guess it is.

You're the greatest, Pop. I love you.
Oh, thank you, Dad. No, I want this

on me.

Look,

it fits.

Come on, let's show it to Rogers so
he'll feel part of this beautiful

Yeah, and y 'all hurry back here, and
I'll take the two of y 'all to dinner.

You're going to take us to dinner?

Huh? Thank you, Pop. I love you.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, daughter.

Elizabeth, honey, are you busy?

I'd like to talk with you for a minute.

See, I know you didn't mind me giving
the ring to Lamont, did you?

Because we always wanted the best for
our son.

And Janet, well, she's the best, honey.

Of course, you'll never look as good on
her fingers as you did on yours.

And another thing about the ring, I know
it's going to make you real happy.

I paid it off this week.

That was a marvelous dinner.

Yeah, wow. When that truck pulled up in
front of Chasen's, well, I never thought

I'd ever eat there.

I love the tip your father gave the
parking attendant.

Yeah, he told him to pull the choke or
the truck wouldn't start.

Where is your father, anyway?

Well, I think he's upstairs sleeping.
He's had a big day.

You know, it's really nice with the two
of us here alone.

Yeah. I'm glad Pop finally realized that
we have to lead our own lives and make

our own decisions.

Hey, Mark, Danny.

I've been working on these upstairs.

Take a look.

Well, what is that, Pop?

It's my plans for the wedding.

See, we'll rent out the Legion Hall and
put the tables here, and the violin

player's there.

And here's the guest list over here.

And then, Janet, you get your gown at
Leon's Discount and wedding -wearing war

suckers. And, uh, let's see.

Pull out the choke, else it won't start.

And then... And then I get some more
place cards from Dr. Gumbo.

That's when we'll sit with the musician.

Yes.

Do you work here?

No, I'm the heavyweight champion coming
out for round two.

Listen, I got something I'd like to
return.

I can see that, but Mother Nature
doesn't work here anymore.

Uh, was that insult?

Was Attila the Hun naughty?

Look, my son bought this ring here
yesterday, and I'd like to return it so

give him the money back for a wedding
present. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. That's a no

-no. But on the other hand, if you don't
give me my money...

I'm going to take that tie and wrap it
around your neck and wrap the other end

around my truck and stamp just married
on your butt and drive you like a boss.

Would you like it in cash, check, or
money order? You changed your mind. Yes,

nobody ever explained it to me that way
before.