Original subtitles

Slimline Pilsner.

Mine must have brought this home from my diet.

Half the calories of regular beer.

Great. That means I can have two.

Come in.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Back Rent.

How are you, Mr. Sandford? I'm needy. Now, look, Sandford Arms is not a

house. I want my money.

Well, that's what I came to see you about. I'm afraid I don't have it. Well,

afraid you're in trouble.

Well, I tried to get it for you, Mr. Sandrup, but the circus I worked for

broke. Oh, yeah? Who was it?

Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bankrup?

Oh, the Orlando Circus. Well, I have your money for you. I'm going to Kansas

City tomorrow. You're not leaving this town until I get my back rent now. I

my $160.

Can I leave you something else instead?

Yeah, $170.

Well, look, I was thinking of my circus equipment.

Equipment? If you don't get my money, you better start thinking about your

dental equipment.

Don't you second me.

Go ahead.

Why don't you take a look at what I have? You might find it valuable

Okay, then. Let's take a look at it.

I'll talk to you later on, Esther.

You call this a collateral?

Yeah, sure.

And a collateral is a watch or a ring or a stereo or a car.

This ain't no car.

The trunk's at the wrong end.

You get a lot of enjoyment out of her. She does tricks.

Oh, yeah? Tricks? Yeah. Watch this.

That's clever.

Sit.

Sit.

Sit. All the way up.

All the way up. Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

That's all right, but see, I invented the sit.

I've been sitting since I was one year old.

Well, you can make money with Missy while I'm gone, man. Oh, yeah? What am I

going to do? Fill up, fill air, and rent out as a good year blimp?

Hey,

that's not such a bad idea.

What, me filling up, fill air?

No, you can use it for advertising, like they do that blimp. You know, you can

write things on it, like on a billboard.

Ah.

Missy the walking billboard.

You got something there.

Yeah, you can charge four or five bucks a day for that.

Yeah, $15 a day, six days a week.

That'll be, I'll make almost $5 ,000 a year.

I won't be gone that long, Mr. Sanders.

You never can tell, you know. Jobs are hard to find nowadays.

$5 ,000 a year.

Make me an advertising executive.

I can get out of the junk business into the jungle business.

I can see it now.

Sabu and son.

Then it's subtle. You use her for collateral until I bring you your rent

Don't rush, just as long as you get back by the tricentennial. Oh, a month, most

of it, Mr. Sanford. You'll treat her good, won't you? Oh, I'll treat her like

one of the family.

Okay, Mr. Sanford.

What's that?

Oh, she does that when she's happy, Mr. Sanford. I hope it doesn't disturb the

neighbors. Well, if it does, I'll just tell them it's the world's famous singer

running over the scales.

Famous singer?

Yeah, uh, Ella Fitzgerald.

He'll be looking beautiful.

Excuse me. Excuse me, Missy. I got to go answer the telephone. I mean, the

telephone.

I said, I know you're sitting alone in your room.

Come to the cabaret. I'm coming. Wait a minute.

Hello. Hello.

Wilson's Tobacco Shop.

Oh, yeah.

You want to walk in billboard for next Thursday?

Oh, certainly.

Have Missy put a cigar in her mouth and smoke it.

What?

I thought you'd think it was part of the junk. Well, the junk doesn't wear green

nail polish, Pop.

Whose elephant is it?

Well, it belongs to Dan.

He left it here as collateral.

Son, we're going to be rich. I'm going to be a rich man.

I got 11 clients lined up already.

Clients? Yeah, clients. Come on, I'll show you what I'm talking about.

I think there's an elephant in the yard. I don't know. Just follow me and I'll

show you what I'm talking about. Look here.

See, for $50... Move on, move on, Missy. That a girl.

Look here, son.

$15 a day.

That's not even going to cover your expenses. Do you know what it costs to

an elephant?

Of course I know what it costs to feed an elephant.

I've been feeding you all these years, ain't I, dumbo?

Quincy, City of Los Angeles.

Quincy, Sanford, King of Junk.

What can I do for you?

I'm from the city's zoning department.

What's the problem?

I'm afraid you're in contravention of the law.

Municipal Ordinance 13398.

No non -domestic animals shall be maintained within the municipality of

Angeles.

except as part of a circus or other public entertainment.

You won't be able to keep it here, Mr. Sanford. This animal is most definitely

non -domestic.

Oh, that's on the outside.

I beg your pardon?

Inside, he's all dog.

What? Dog.

Let me show you that it's a dog.

Move out of the way.

Watch this.

given you exactly three days to remove this elephant.

Dog. He is not a dog. This is a dog. Would you believe I am here?

Three days, Mr. Sanford.

Three days.

Sick him. Sick him.

and it serves you right, man. Why don't you get on the phone and call those

people up and give them their money back? Just hold on, hold on. Got to be a

loophole here somewhere. Let me see.

No non -domestic animals, municipality,

except as part of a circus.

A circus?

Hello, loophole.

I know what you're thinking. Pop, no.

Pop, yes.

They want a circus?

I'll give them a circus.

I'll give them sawdust.

I'll give them clowns.

I give them the roll of the grease paint and the smell of elephant.

Pop, would you stop it? Now, we're in the junk business. We're not in the

business. You know that, and I know that, but does Quincy know that?

Now, go give me some paint.

For what?

For the new sign I'm making.

Sanford and Tun.

The greatest show on earth.

In what?

Look, you don't know any... about circuses and I'm not going to let you

this junkyard into a circus.

God, Quincy's gonna fall for this. He said you had to have a legitimate

not a toy circus.

This'll be a legitimate circus. All I gotta do is give me a few more acts. I

a lion and elephant.

Hey, where's the elephant?

Bubba's giving him a bath.

Bubba's giving him a bath? Now, listen, son.

I'm counting on you.

Because I can't open up the circus without a tightrope walker. Me?

Yeah.

See, I strung the tightrope from the top of the building over here to the

lamppost. Hop. that rope is at least 30 feet off the ground.

So what? So what? Suppose I fall off of there and kill myself.

Son, we learn from our mistakes.

All right, I'm going to tell you one thing right now. Well, I don't care. You

can go ahead with the circus. You can do anything you want to do. Just leave me

out of it.

Okay, when I start raking in $5 ,000 a year, I'll leave you out of that, too.

So I had to slip them a couple of bucks extra.

And then they made me go in there.

Listen, did she enjoy it? Oh, she loved the wash, Fred.

Yeah. But I tell you, I wasn't too crazy about that hot spray wax.

Hey, how's the circuit shaping up, Fred? Oh, it's shaping up fine. Look, here's

the line up. Uh -huh. See? Now, I open up with the elephant.

Yeah. Then the lion. Uh -huh. And the clown.

Uh -huh. And you're going to be the clown. Yeah, good. Yes. And after the

then... We bring on the magnificent...

See,

Bubba, after the line, the freak show.

Watch it, sir.

Wait a minute, Esther, wait a minute. Bubba, I think you better go somewhere

try to mop up this water because...

There's 5 ,000 votes of ugly coming this way.

You can say whatever you want to, you old fish -eyed fool.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

Hey, brother, go get me some sticks and stones.

Oh, shut up.

Now, see, Fred Sample, my church heard about this circus of yours.

And they sent me here for a donation.

Well, tell them I don't want the donation and go on back over there with

The Reverend Spike says you should give a percentage of your profits.

Look, there ain't gonna be any profits, Esther.

Wait a minute, Bubba. Wait a minute. I just thought of something.

Don't listen. Yeah, but she said... Will you shut up, clown?

I need another act.

Oh, okay.

Now, listen, Esther.

I'll give your church 50 % of the profits.

circus. We do need the money for our new Sunday school.

What do I have to do? You remember that act you used to do at the church socials

and stuff?

Oh, you mean when I was the bronze goddess?

Yeah, can you still do that act?

Yeah, I can do it, but I won't do it for you, you old heathen.

I'll be doing it for my church. High glory!

Hey,

Lamar, did you hear that? Esther is going to join my circus.

Now, if she can do it, so can you. Look, Pop, I've already told you I'm not

getting up on no tightrope. Now, just forget about that, okay? I was only

kidding about the tightrope, son. You know, I love you too much to have

happen to you.

He really means that, too. Of course I mean that. Now, come on outside, and I'm

going to show you how to climb down into a cannon.

Come on, Pop.

continuing with the greatest show in Watts, your ringmaster, Frank G.

Sanford. Thank

you.

Thank you.

Well, Mr. Quincy, how do you like that? Very talented elephant, Mr. Sanford.

I'll tell her you said so.

She'll never forget you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, continuing on with...

the greatest show of what?

We'd like to introduce our premier attraction in our center ring right

You only got one ring.

You're wrong, mister.

I got this ring out here and this one on my finger and I'll shove down your

throat if you say anything else or I'll try to put my shoulder on. Mr. Sanford,

please. I haven't got that much time.

Well, don't get in the way next time, yeah?

Ladies and gentlemen, here she is, the premier attraction of Sanford and Sons,

the...

The honest lift in one.

Thank you, Bronze.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to continue Saturday Sun's greatest

show of what?

By introducing the clowns. Where are you, clowns?

We're here, Frank.

Come on out.

I think we got this Mr. Fancy ready now.

Yeah? Yeah, see, we'll give him another act. See, we'll do that act where, uh,

come here.

I throw the water, and you throw the confetti into the ground. Yeah, yeah,

Okay.

Mr. Clown!

Yeah, Mr. Ringmaster!

Oh, look!

What? On the floor, there's a dollar bill!

What? What?

She's sorry. Please sit down. I mean, I beg your pardon.

We'd like to continue on, ladies and gentlemen, by introducing the most

magnificent, the most unusual, direct from two weeks at Muscle Beach.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, just a few vital statistics.

Don't worry about it.

It's phony.

Just lift it. You sure?

Lift it. All right.

Okay, we'll eliminate the preliminaries and get right on down to the main thing.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, San Francisco's greatest circus of watchers

give you strongholds doing something that's never been done by a human being

the world, ever.

Wait a minute. He will lift something no man has ever attempted.

Wait a minute. If I'm going to lift something, I want to know what it is.

I'll let you know what it is. Hey, Bubba, bring in the elephant.

That's it.

I can't listen. You want a strong man? You be the strong man. Here.

I'm not going to look at you.

Mr. Sandler, I really must be going.

I've enjoyed it tremendously, but I... You've enjoyed what?

Your circus, of course.

You mean to tell me that this actually qualifies as a legitimate circus?

Well, the bylaws didn't say it'd have to be a great circus, Lamont, as long as

your father is entertaining it.

Hey, who are you?

It's me, Dad.

I got a job, true to my thought. Here's your written money, $160.

How about that?

Pop, it's all over, man. He's back for his elephant. Hey, well, it's got to be

his elephant. He got a pig's lip? Look, your elephant's around back there, and

I'm glad you got a job, man. Thanks, Lamont.

Hey, don't feel sad, Pop. At least you got your $160 back.

What is $160 when I'm getting ready to make millions?

Who cares about your millions, sucker?

I hope this is the last time something like this happens. It is, son. And that

was a dumb idea about a walking billboard.

I should have took your advice.

We got to talk more so we get to know each other. Well, I'd be glad to do it.

could do that. Sure, we could take a walk sometime and talk some and then

little more and then talk a little more and we really know each other. That's

okay by me. Let's do that.

Okay.

It's kind of chilly, so you better put your jacket on.

Is there any place in particular you want to walk?

Yeah. What do you say we walk somewhere around El Segundo?

Okay by me. Come on, sir.

Sure.