Original subtitles

Yeah, here we go, Bob.

Thanks, Lamont. This thing's taken care of right here. I ain't gonna take care

of it.

Hey, Tom.

Oh, hey, Bob. What are you doing there?

Uh, I'm putting up a campaign poster.

Pop, I'd like for you to meet Bob Williams.

Hello, Mr.

Sanford. I'm shaking about his hand.

Hey, that's you, ain't it?

That's right, sir.

And you threw nailing on my table? Yes, I am. Do you mind, Mr. Sanford?

Oh, no, not at all.

Thank you, sir. Not at all.

You see?

That's why I'm in business.

Let me have this here.

Let's see. One table, $20.

And four nails at 10 cent apiece. We'll make that a nice round figure.

Hey, Pop.

Bob is running for Congress, and I'm helping him with his campaign.

Son, I don't care if you're running for president.

Now, y 'all just put four holes in my table.

Yeah, but it's my table too, Pop, and I told him he can have it.

You're donating our table to a political candidate?

That's right.

Well, didn't you learn anything from Watergate?

Didn't you learn nothing at all? Didn't you read that chapter about campaign

irregularities? Would you stop? If you want to stop campaign irregularities,

Here's what you got to do. Take back the table, give him a tablespoonful of

castor oil, and let him run for his office.

Listen, son, I'm telling you, you cannot give political candidates presence.

I'm not talking to you.

It's candidates and politicians like you that have soiled America.

You've ruined everything that our forefathers and foremothers worked for.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Now get off my property.

Here's $20 for your table.

Thank you very much.

And good luck in November.

Well, just wait right here, Bob, and I'll go get you $20. No, Lamont, please,

man. Then that would put the table in the category of a gift, and your father

would be right.

Well, that's not right, Bob, because the table's not leaving the yard, so it's

not a gift.

Right. We're going to keep it here and use it as a sub -campaign office. Yeah,

well, you just lay dead, and I'll get you $20, all right? Thanks, Lamont.

Hey, Pop, listen, man. I don't want to hear nothing at all. Yeah, but listen,

man, I feel that Bob Williams is a good man. He's one of us, man. He's for the

people. And it would be to your benefit just as much as it is to mine to get the

brother in Congress.

The brother needs support.

Buy him a living bra.

Don't you have any sense of civic pride?

Certainly I do. Well, then what's wrong with letting Bob Williams use our

junkyard as a campaign site?

What this neighborhood doesn't need is another campaign headquarters.

It needs a junkyard.

As long as I got breath in my body and strength in my arms and love in my heart

for my fellow man, I'm going to give them junk.

That's wonderful, Mr. Santos. I told you I didn't shake nobody's hand, didn't I?

You see, but now I understand your point, and I am pleased to have heard it

the eloquent, yes, eloquent manner in which you have expressed it.

I'm only sorry for my own thoughtlessness, sir.

Goodbye. Well, wait a minute.

Here.

What's that? That table wasn't worth no 20 bucks. Here, put that in your pocket

and take the table.

Thank you, sir.

You don't shake hands? No.

See you later, Lamont.

That was a great thing you just did, Pop. Sometimes you surprise me.

Well, I'm not too old to realize when I'm wrong.

Well, I never thought you'd give him that $20 back.

I didn't.

I gave him a buck.

knocking at the door yes i know well answer the door why should i if there's

somebody knocking at that door they probably want to see the people whose

this is i'm not such a people i don't have any say around here as to what

gets given to who or who campaigns where so this is obviously not my house i do

not live in this house would you like to die here

35 years doing nothing. Hello, Fred.

Don't tell me nothing about nothing going wrong over at Sanford Arms.

going wrong over at Sanford Arms.

It's not? No.

The roof's not leaking?

No. And the wallpaper's not peeling?

No. And the pipes haven't backed up? No.

George, I'm going to have to raise your rent.

Ah,

hell.

Stop laughing. I didn't mean that.

Well, Fred.

I couldn't help overhearing what you said in the yard today.

Oh, you mean when the Speaker of the House kicked out Bob Williams?

Right, and I'm glad you're campaigning for John Ross instead.

Who is John Ross? He's running against Williams.

Listen, Hutch, I'm not supporting anyone. I'm running the junkyard, not a

convention center.

Well, what's she got to do with it, Hutch?

My probation officer suggested that I get more involved in politics.

That's as it should be, because politicians are getting more involved

probation officer.

Well, uh, what's on your mind?

The same thing is on Bob Williams' mind to use this place for campaign

headquarters only for John Ross.

How much?

Let me put it this way.

Mr. Ross has no budget for campaign headquarters.

Well, since you put it that way, let me put it this way.

You can leave that way.

Speak to one of my co -workers who's better at this than me. Speak to your co

-worker? Well, how about the fifth of never?

Is that convenient?

I'll tell her to stop by. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Did you say tell her?

I said her.

Is it a pretty her?

She certainly is.

Well, that changes the whole complexion of the matter now. See?

You see?

All he has to do is mention a girl, and you go for that, man. That's what your

political ideals are all about. You don't care anything about government or

politics or community service or ecology.

Just bring on the girl. I'll vote for that.

Hey, Mr. Hutch, tell me more about this her.

Well, I think you've seen her, Fred. It's Della Reef.

Oh, come on, Della Reef.

Della Reef is my niece.

Your niece is your niece.

Attila the Hun is my son.

Well, I'll tell her to stop by tomorrow.

Okay, tomorrow.

That's all right. That's all right. You can call me Della, Della, Della.

And you can call me whenever you want to. I'll come.

Can I call you Fred?

Fred?

Did you hear that, Elizabeth?

Della called me Fred.

Honey, can you find something to do for a couple hours?

Della and I have some business to talk over.

Come right in. Have a little sit -out. Thank you.

Excuse me, my strange attire. You see, since my wife passed, I have to be both

mother and a father to my son. Oh, that's just wonderful.

Yeah, you think so?

Yeah. Well, I've been thinking seriously of remarrying so my son can have the

warmth of a mother around the house.

Well, that sounds wonderful and right.

Yeah? Certainly.

Well, would you like a small wedding or something big and fancy here?

You're wonderful, Fred, and I do love your sense of humor.

Listen here while I'm at you. Is George Hutton your uncle?

Yes, he is, and we're both campaigning for John Ross.

Why?

Well, he's a great man. I think he'll make a wonderful congressman, and I'd

to do all I can to help get him elected.

So you're going to use my place here for campaign headquarters?

Yes, is that possible?

Well, I've already said no to your uncle.

Well, I understood that, but I thought maybe if... Well, no, see, my no is a

and my yes is a yes.

Well, I can understand that.

Goodbye. Well, wait a minute. My yes could be a maybe if your maybe could be

yes.

I don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, if I say yes, would that mean you'd be coming around

often? Well, yes, I would be in and out.

Our main headquarters is at the Hollywood Diplomat Hotel where I'm

but I would be dividing my time between... Here and there.

I see.

Well, what is your answer, Fred?

See.

The answer is yes. You can bring your pennants and your stickers and your

cards and telephone, anything you want. Oh, that's great.

One condition.

What is that?

If you see a tall fellow with a big, thick mustache telling people he's my

don't you believe him.

Because he's lying, and I want you to call the police and have him locked up.

Well, who is he?

Attila the Hun.

Hey, son.

Look, I fixed your favorite dinner.

French fried potatoes, onion rings, steak, and string bean.

You did it, didn't you? Sure, and I'm string bean just right. I don't mean

I mean this.

What? You sold yourself out and voted for this John Ross all because of

her was.

Listen, son.

No, Pop, listen.

No stories. I'm your son. Now, just tell me honestly.

Now, did a woman come over here this afternoon?

Well, well. Honestly.

Yes. And did she work for John Ross?

Well. Honestly.

Yes. And did she convince you to let John Ross use this place as his campaign

headquarters?

Honestly.

Honestly. Yeah.

Well, I don't know why you did it, Pop, but at least you're honest.

I never lied to you. It was Della Reese.

Why don't you just stop making up stories?

No, son, I swear.

Della and I were standing over there by the door with an apron on.

Della Reese in an apron? Come on. No, I had on an apron.

Why don't you just stop it?

I swear, son, she looked up at me with them big, beautiful brown eyes, and all

could think of was yes.

I'll see you later, Pop.

But you didn't eat your dinner. I'll go over and eat at Rollo's. You didn't say

you was going to Rollo's. I can't stay here. I could have understood it, Pop,

it hadn't been something as important as a congressional election.

And I'll admit that John Ross isn't a bad candidate, but you're voting for him

for the wrong reason.

All because of some woman.

Not some woman. Della Reese.

I don't want to talk about it. You said yourself this John Ross wasn't a bad

fellow. Yeah, but you didn't take the time to find that out, now did you? You

just sold yourself out and your son because of some pretty face.

It wasn't just some pretty face. It was Della Reese's pretty face and the rest

of it.

Well, even if I am crazy enough to believe that Della Reese was here, it

still wrong, Pop.

Pick one candidate. I lose my son.

I pick the other one and Della might not come back no more.

I'm torn up. I don't know what to do.

I know my Della over here. She's so nice.

But my son, I think I'm going to stick with my son because I don't know if

can drive a truck.

Marvin, it's right there. Something about that chord. I just don't like

Try this down.

Feel like it's time.

Feel like it's time.

What did you do?

I moved up half a step.

Well, let's just do that all the way through the beginning. Okay.

Feel like it's time.

you a question. Of course.

Now, I don't have no good voice, and I don't have no terrible voice either, and

all my friends tell me, I want to ask you, do I remind you of Bill Eckstein?

Only when you mention his name.

What are you doing here, Fred? Well, I came down here to tell you that you and

my son are both on different sides of the political coin, and he's ahead of

two to one.

I don't understand, Fred.

You're supporting Ross, and he's supporting Williams and me.

I still don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, we need to go to work in the morning.

I'd be sitting on the couch or something like that.

Why

are

you taking all that stuff down?

Well, son, I thought about what you said, and it made a lot of sense.

Really?

Yeah, and I want you to know I'm proud of you for being interested in politics.

Well, I'm proud of you, too, Pop, especially since you probably lost the

friendship of whoever she was.

Oh, what does that make a difference about me? One thing don't have nothing

do with the other. That's the way I feel, too. Hey, let's have some dinner.

Okay, I'll fix you something. No, no, no, no, no. You sit down there and

I'll fix it. Really? Yeah. Well, you can fix what you want to tonight. You know

I'm not fussy. I know.

But I like my french fries and potatoes real crisp. I like my steak medium well

on the rad side and rad to medium on the well side.

Okay.

Look, Papa, you know, I got to tell you, I know why you lied about Della Reese,

and I just, I want to apologize for being so hard on you. Listen, it don't

no difference, son. Don't apologize when you do something that's right. Now,

don't back off now.

Stick to your gun.

That's the way I like to hear my old man talk. I get that. I get it.

Come on. Hi, Fred.

Say, Lamont, have you met my niece?

Della Reese.

And you must be Attila the Hun.

No, it's my son, Lamont. Hi, Fred.

Good to see you. I told you I'd do it.

Hey,

I can hardly believe it, man. You wasn't lying.

That was Della Reese.

It still is, honey.

Fred, Uncle George is taking me out to dinner. I thought maybe you'd like to

come along. How about it, Fred?

No, see, Lamont was just going to throw on a few steaks. Why don't you join us?

Terrific. Oh, Papa, we only have enough food for two.

Oh, well, I apologize, Della.

You know, my son had promised to cook, and it's just a shame to leave him here

to eat alone.

Hey, Pop, you don't have to do that. Yes, I did.

Hutch, enjoy my steak.

Come on, Della. We'll be late for dinner. Let's ease on down. Ease on

on down the road.

Hey,

son. Hey, Pop, you're back.

Yeah, you waited up for your father's return from his big date. Yeah, tell me

all about it. Well, son, well, first, we went to this fancy restaurant. Uh -huh.

And we split a BLT and a root beer float.

Fancy, huh? Yeah, fancy.

Then we walked up Hollywood Boulevard, arm in arm. Della Reese and me, arm in

arm. Her arms were folded like this, and mine was folded like this.

Arm in arm.

That sounds good. Then what'd you do? Then we went by that famous Chinese

theater, you know, where the stars got their name and feet printed and hand

printed in cement.

Right.

That's where I took it and see because that was that show business stuff. Well,

that makes sense to me Yeah, then I told her that I was thinking serious about

dropping in show business myself I'll get in in a minute cuz you know I dance

and I move and saying saying yeah right there I know what I did saying if I

didn't care Two

courses

and a reproof and she left who knows you didn't leave She told me that I had as

much talent as anyone that had a handprint and a name in cement.

She said, I shouldn't wait any longer to show people what I can do. She said

that? Yes, she said that. And she said, look, tomorrow for me to go get a bunch

of cement and stick my mouth in it.

I mean,

the woman is just, she's just lovely.

Oh, Della, Della, Della.

What

is

this? What does it look like?

Have you eyes?

and see not? Have you brains but think not?

Have you mouthed the talk not? What is this?

It's my campaign post. I'm running for congressman.

Pop, it's too late to file a petition to run for congress. You'll never get on

the ballot.

I don't want to get on the ballot.

I'm running as a write -in candidate.

Write -in? Write -on.

Pop, what do you know about politics?

Everything. I've been studying, son.

And I know a lot more than I thought I knew. Go ahead, ask me something.

All right, what would you do about the oil situation?

I'd let it slide.

Come on, Pop. That's right, that's right. Actually, I think we're putting

much stress on oil and not enough on vinegar.

Okay, well, what do you think about what do you think about wheat sales to

Russia? I think all sales to communist countries should take place in the

evening. Why?

Because I believe in red sails in the sunset.

Okay, now tell me, what are some of the issues that you feel strongly about?

Well, I'm in favor of gay power.

Is that right? That's right.

And if elected, I'm going to do everything in my power to get Marvin

sing in the White House.

Ridiculous, you know that?

No, I'm not, son. I'm serious.

Now, look, it's time there was someone in Washington who came from the people.

Someone with something to say about capital punishment.

What do you know about capital punishment? Plenty, plenty. I'm in favor

think they should punish everybody in the Capitol.

Well, as a congressman, would you keep Kissinger?

Keep Kissinger?

Kissinger, Pop, the Secretary of State. Oh, her.

Him. Oh, him, yes.

He's all right.

Pop, you know, I really don't think you're qualified to break into politics.

Yes, I am, son, and I'm running.

Well, good luck.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?

Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing?

What are you... You want to run, Pop?

You want to run? Run someplace else?

This is a junkyard, not a convention center. The people in this neighborhood

don't need politicians, Pop. They need junk. And I'm going to tell you, as long

as I've got strength in my body, I am going to give them junk.

Nice, son.