All language subtitles for sanford_son_s05e05_the_sanford_arms

Harold Examiner?

Let me speak to Harold.

Hello, Harold.

This is Fred G. Sanford, and I'm opening
up a rooming house next door to my

junkyard, and I want to put an ad in
there.

Yeah, here it is.

You ready?

Come and stay in the luxurious Sanford
Arms.

The ultimate in high -rise and low
-living.

Exotic plumbing.

No children, no pets, puppies, guppies,
or winos allowed.

Only the most refined and suave
clientele need apply.

Special rates for topless dancing.

Yes, I said topless dancing.

Call or apply in person, 9114 South
Central. One of Los Angeles' most

addresses. You got that?

Thanks, Harold.

Bye.

Hi, Pop.

Hi, son. You back from Tijuana already?

Already. I was gone for two days. Hey,
wait till you see the tables and the

chairs and all the good stuff I got for
the Sanford Arms. Hey, tell me all about

our new tenants.

Well, son, they're so nice and quiet,
you'd hardly know they were there.

That's great, Pop.

That's because they're not there.

I ain't been in the room all day.

No tenants?

None. Pop, we borrowed $1 ,800 from the
bank, man, and we done spent most of it

fixing Julio's place up.

Yeah, $300 worth of chili stain remover.

And $19 .98 for a pair of them pointed
-toe shoes.

What'd you need a pair of pointed -toe
shoes for? To kill all them cockroaches

in the corner.

Pop, we gotta make a loan payment
tomorrow, and we can't do that unless we

tenants living over there paying us
rent. Now, didn't you interview anybody?

Well, I interviewed an old couple, but
they sort of got offended.

Why? They said they want to live in a
building with security, and I told them

go suck on a blanket.

That's just great, Pop. That's great.

Hey, but look, son. Look at this.

See, I put this ad.

See, I wrote this ad up here and phoned
it into the newspaper.

Topless dancers.

Yeah, and this is just the beginning,
son.

From Sanford Arms, it's just a step away
from where we own our own huge hotel.

And that's me, Howard Huge.

We're not even going to be living here
if we don't make that loan payment

tomorrow. Listen, son, don't worry. The
banks are our friends.

They want us and like us. They want to
see America move forward and do good.

And another thing, you've heard that
commercial on TV where it says, we're

bullying America.

Would you be serious? If we don't fill
those rooms, man, we're going to be out

of a house.

Forget him, Ernesto. What can we do for
you? You can do a lot, Lamont.

In fact, you both can make a big
donation to charity.

Oh, you want us to donate you to
multiple uglies?

Watch it, sucker.

Lamont, our church is being repainted.
Oh, yeah, I know, I know.

And I thought you'd be happy to donate
one of the rooms in your boarding house

as a meeting place for my congregation.

You mean for free?

Of course, after all, charity begins at
home.

But not in the home, but the Buffalo
Room.

Get out, bison.

Why don't you go somewhere and celebrate
the bicentennial?

Don't pay him no attention, Ernesto.
Come on in the kitchen and put on a pot

coffee and I'll talk to you about it.
All right.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Take her in
the kitchen.

Maybe them flies will follow y 'all in
there.

Hello.

Hello. Are you Mr.

Are the rooms next door still available?

Yes, they are, and I am, too.

Come right in. Thank you.

You're kind of sweet.

Yes. Now, exactly how much is a room?

The room's $80 a month in advance, but
in your case, I'm willing to extend you

little credit. We'll just spread your
month's rent.

Over the next 15 years.

Thanks. But I always like to deal in
cash.

Now, $160 should cover two months in
advance.

Yeah, let me hold that.

It's all there. You don't have to count
it. I don't want to count it. I just

want to hold it next to my cheeks.

Well, now, Mr.

Sanford. Huh?

After I move in, I hope that you and I
can come to some little understanding.

Yeah, see, I understand, and you
understand, and when we understand, your

gets cheaper. You understand?

Hold on, Fred Sanford! What is this?

Excuse me, honey.

This is my son, Lamont, and this is our
plumber.

Yeah, you can see all the pipes backed
up into her face.

Why, first time for you.

Wait a minute.

Huh? Wait a minute.

I know this woman.

Oh, I know this woman. Lamar. Huh?

Our church been trying to run this woman
out of our neighborhood for months.

Well, that's too bad because I just
rented her a room.

Don't you know that this is a falling
woman?

Well, I'm trying to break her fall.

I think I better be going. It was nice
knowing you. Hold on, sister. Wait a

minute.

Don't you move another further.

I'm taking you the other night while
you're still trying to save your soul.

Now, you can save our soul, but save the
rest for me.

Look what you've done, man. Look what
time it is now, Pop, and we still

rented a room. Now, don't worry about
it. I'll take care of it. You don't seem

to realize, man, if we don't come up
with that money by tomorrow, we're going

be, we're going to lose everything.

Don't worry. The bank will let us slide.

Oh, yeah, sure. Banks do it all the
time.

Hello there.

I'm speaking for the Bank of America,
and I'm just here to tell you that we

things slide.

Just relax, will you? How am I supposed
to relax when they... I'll get it. Yeah,

get it.

Mr. Sanford? Yeah.

Hello, and how are you? My name is Percy
G. Hopweather. I'm the assistant loan

officer at Central Trust and Savings.
Just thought I'd drop by and say hello,

and how are you? All of us at CT &S are
just pleased as punch that you and your

father have joined our executive loan
club. Good. And remember, we're your

friends. If you have any problem at all,
don't hesitate to give us a buzz.

After all, we're here to see that you
start off on the right foot.

We can.

We sympathize. We are broke.

We foreclose.

Well, I'll just buzz off now. And
remember, fellas, try and think of our

with warmth and affection as sort of
like we're the fairy godmother in

Cinderella. Why?

Because if you don't pay up by 3 o
'clock tomorrow, we'll turn your house

debtor's prison.

A little financial funny.

Yeah, that was funny, Mr. Hotweather.

Listen, I'd like to make a small
deposit.

Oh, good. How much?

How about me putting...

There you go, son.

Look at that.

That'll do it, Pop.

I'm going to take it over to the Sanford
Arms, and I'm going to stay over there

in case any, you know, possible tenants
come over.

Right, and I'll stay here in case
anybody calls me on the phone for that

put in the paper. Yeah, but just
remember, Pop, we've got until the bank

today to get those rooms filled. Don't
worry, we get the rooms filled. Have

ever let you down?

Don't answer that.

I'll answer that.

Hello?

Yes, this is the landlord speaking.

Fred G. Sanford.

What?

Do you need references?

If you've been acquainted with $80, come
on over.

All right.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Here we're getting somewhere.

Let's get a pass skating.

Hey, hey, what's happening, Daddy -O?

Listen, mister, you must have had the
wrong address.

The freak out is at the park. I don't
know. Hold on.

Now, ain't you the guy that put this ad
in the paper about some groovy pads?

What? Yeah, rooms to rent. Huh? Oh,
yeah.

How would you like a nice garden
apartment?

Oh, yeah.

Well, go out there and sleep in the crab
racks.

Look, lay off. You're talking to a
drummer with one of the best rock groups

the country. Dig this.

You should have been here when I was
killing them cockroaches.

Look, man, lay off.

Groove's got a gig in his town. I need a
place to crash.

Try the freeway.

Dad, why don't you and I plant
ourselves, right? And then you can rap

me about the pad.

Dig it?

I don't understand anything.

You said now.

Butt out.

All right. Here is two months right in
advance.

Butt in.

Let me go over there and see my son.
He'll take care of you. All right. All

right. You're beautiful, man. Later.
Yeah, the later the better.

Hey, we're about to get in here.

Have a skateboard.

I'm going to keep running this place.

Hello.

What's Holiday Inn?

Yes.

For the best in the bed, come and sleep
with Fred.

You got water beds?

No, we don't have water beds, but you
can come over here. We got a nice sink.

Oh, my goodness.

Maybe I shouldn't open up this room now.

Excuse me.

Are you Fred G., Sanford?

Are you looking for a room? Yes, I am.
Yes, I'm here. Come in.

Hey, this is a fine -looking place you
have here, Mr. Sanford.

Yeah, it was on the cover of a magazine,
Home and Garbage.

Now, listen, Mr... Hutton. G .F. Hutton.

And when Hutton speaks, everybody
listens.

Well, listen, Hutton.

Come on in the kitchen. I'll fix you
some sweet rose coffee. That'll be real

nice. Wipe your feet there before you
bring that stuff in the kitchen.

Come on in and make yourself at home.
You can sit down over there. Thank you,

Mr. Sanford.

Yeah, some good hot coffee on the stove.

Here you go.

Say, um, how much are you asking for a
room? Uh, the rooms are free.

The sweet rolls and the coffee is $80.

Now, that's funny, you know? I love a
man with a sense of humor.

Hey, you know, I haven't seen you around
here.

Are you from around here?

Yes, I am. But for the last several
years, I've been incommunicado.

No, kid, that's funny.

My son was just in Tijuana.

You know, Hutton, I live by instinct,
and my instinct tells me that you're all

right. If you want the room, you can
have it. Oh, thanks, Fred.

But I got to play it straight with you.

I'm an ex -con, and I just got out of
jail.

Well, I'm going to play it straight with
you, Hutton.

I'm your ex -landlord, and get out of my
house.

Leave! Mr. Sampin, my career as a thief
is over.

Your career as a tenant is over.

Please, give me a chance. I'm reformed.
I'm orthodox.

I'm sorry. I'm going.

I'm going. Wait a minute.

Yes? My cup runneth away.

I'm sorry.

You think after 30 years in the big
house, people would have changed a

Wait a minute.

You've been in the big house for 30
years?

You must have did something awful.

Oh, not really. Just petty theft. My
original sentence was six months.

But you see...

I had this ugly sister -in -law.

Ugly sister -in -law?

She used to come up every visiting day
and bug me.

Real ugly.

Looked like a buffalo.

Come sit down here, honey.

Tell me all about it.

Well, here you are, Mr. and Mrs.
Lawrence.

It's a nice apartment. It's the perfect
thing for a newlywed couple like

yourself.

Excuse me, was there something I said?

Oh, no, Mr. Sanford.

Janet's just happy, and she always cries
when she's happy.

First little love mess.

Oh, hey, hey.

Excuse me. I'm sorry, Mr. Sanford.

Janet's... I know, she's happy.

Excuse me, Mr. Sanford.

May I use the bathroom?

Oh, sure. It's right through that door.

Say, look, listen, if she doesn't like
the bathroom, I can change it. Change

Why? Well, you see, when I was away, I
let my father work on one of the rooms,

and that's the room he wanted to work
on. Oh, okay.

Excuse me.

Roger, do you have a dime?

I can get it fixed.

Should we take it?

Oh, yes, Roger. I like it.

Okay. Mr.

Sanford, here's $80 in advance.

Oh, great. Listen, you're not making a
mistake. You're going to be very, very,

very, very... Hey,

Pop.

Hey, Pop.

Yes, son?

Hey, how you doing? Great, man. I just
rented another room. Oh, good.

Yeah, but listen, we're still $50 short,
man, so we're going to have to rent

that last room.

I'll get it. Yeah, get it.

Oh.

Uh, Mr.

Sanford Lamont, bonjour, bonjour, no, or
as they say to me in Watts,

uh...

You know, nobody says anything to me in
what?

Well, what's on your mind, Hoppy?
Because my father and I are real busy.

right. Then I will get straight to the
point, right down to the nifty -grifty.

Nitty -gritty. Oh, right. Nitty -gritty.
I understand you still have a room

available over in the Sanford Arms, and
I'd like to rent it.

Why would you want to live over there?

Oh, it's not for me. It's for my mother.

Your mother? Your mother.

Yeah, you see, she just moved out here
from the East, and I thought rather than

a lonely apartment...

She'd rather be in a place where there's
a lot of other people around.

Look, she's right out there in the squad
car. Why don't I just go and get her so

you can meet her? Be right back.

Why would he want his mother to live
over there?

Well, probably because it's on his beat
and he can stop home and have milk and

cookies.

Mr. Sanford, Lamont, this is my mom.

Lamont, Mr.

Sanford, buenos dias, buongiorno,
buongiorno.

Mrs. May Hopkins.

Howard, why aren't you making out a
report?

A report, Mom?

Obviously, this place has been
ransacked.

Mom is a store detective at Robertson's.
Yes, that is correct. I am responsible

for the entire lingerie department.

That's great.

Yes, and I'm... happy to say that after
30 years of service, no one has ever

ripped off one of my bras.

I can understand that.

Mom, Mr.

Sanford and Lamont, they are going to be
your new landlords.

Wonderful. Thank you, gentlemen. I want
you to know how I like... forward to

living with you in this great melting
pot.

Side by side, arm in arm, forward,
together.

Excelsior! Oh, Mom, that was beautiful.

Wasn't that beautiful, Mr. Sanford? The
way she... Look, I've got to get back on

the beat now.

If it's okay with you, Mr. Sanford, here
is $80 in advance for Mom.

I'm going to have to think it over.

Pop, the bank closes in 20 minutes. I
thought it over.

Mom, let's go, Mom. Oh, and never
forget, luck is bountiful.

No, no, that's beautiful, Mom. Right,
right, it's beautiful.

Well, uh... Later on. No, no, no, later

on.

It was the best meal you ever cooked.

That's because that's my extra special
celebration dinner.

Now, here's the croup de grasse.

Hey, man, champagne.

Yeah, and look at that date.

June.

That was a very good month. Yeah.

Okay,

first you. You know, Pop, I tell you,
man, it's going to be great having that

extra money rolling around the first
every month. Yeah.

And later on, we can jack up the rent.

I don't think we should do that, Pop.
Well, I don't mean really do it. Just

promise them an elevator.

Then we'll give them the shaft.

You know, I tell you, that was the best
idea we ever came up with. You know,

fixing up Julio's place.

Yeah, now we can just lay back and count
the money.

Yeah.

I'm getting kind of tired, Pop. I think
I'll turn in.

Yeah, well, go ahead, son.

Sleep until noon if you want to. Because
now things are different.

You're an independent man.

Yeah. You're...

And a landowner. And a hotel owner.

And you're a giant. You're a king.

Yeah.

Get the door, dummy.

Mr.

Sanford, I am here as the newly elected
president of the Tenants Housing

Committee. We are here to register the
following complaint.

The plumbing is stopped up. The heaters
do not work. The carpets are filthy.

We're all out of dime.

The windows need washing.

What's wrong with her?

She just knocked me. The oven doors will
not open. You cannot open the oven

doors. Okay, okay. Listen, we'll fix
everything.

Splendid. Oh, by the way, Fred, I met
this wonderful lady, and since I'm going

to be working at night, I'm going to let
her and her friend use my room in the

evenings. For what?

Choir practice.

Choir practice?

That's right.

Goodness, it's beautiful.

And it has my name in the label. Esther.

Holly Esther.

Oh, Miss Hopkins, thank you so much. I
just love it. Oh, it's nothing, nothing

at all, my dear. Happy to do it. Just a
little wedding present for you. And, oh,

Mrs. Anderson, I have a little something
for you, too. Oh, thank you,

sweetheart.

so nice. Oh, well, it's the least I can
do to repay you for the time you spent

teaching me the customs of the ghetto,
the language, the talk of the people on

the streets, you know, that kind of
thing. Come in.

Listen, I just want to remind you ladies
that tomorrow is rent day and I want my

money in my hand no later than 8 a .m.
You got that?

Listen, you get her out of here. I told
you what the rules were. No animals

allowed.

Please,

Mrs. Anderson, if I...

my death.

Watch it, sucker!